lexifythespy

[lexifythespy]

“Someone who is worthy of your love will never put you in a situation where you feel you must sacrifice your dignity, your integrity, or your self worth to be with them.”

— Unknown

[lexifythespy]

I’m so tired of being so sad constantly. I feel so lonely in this world.

[lexifythespy]

I prefer to stay lowkey, leave people clueless, and let them assume what they want.

[lexifythespy]

(by Guillermo)

[lexifythespy]

love language

[lexifythespy]

[lexifythespy]

“No matter how useless you think you are, you will always be someones reason to smile.”

— Unknown

[lexifythespy]

Always remember you are not responsible for managing other people’s feelings. If they’ve hurt you, tell them directly instead of worrying about how they’re going to receive it. If they abandoned you make it clear on how it affected you. It’s okay to express yourself. They need to know how it’s affecting your friendship or connection to them.

[lexifythespy]

Just because they’re nice to you, doesn’t mean they value you. When you value something, you deeply understand it’s worth. It’s precious and means the world to you. If someone values something, they take good care of it. They’ll check up on it, make sure it’s needs are met and keep it safe.

[lexifythespy]

“Sometimes you have to wander around until you find where you really belong. And sometimes it’s right where you started.”

— Rachel Gibson, True Confessions

[lexifythespy]

Adam Martinakis, Light and Matter

[lexifythespy]

“Feeling alone has nothing to do with how many people there are around you.”

— Unknown

[lexifythespy]

November will be filled with happiness.

November will be filled with blessings.

November will be filled with positivity.

November will be filled with progress.

November will be filled with kindness.

November will be filled with opportunity.

November will be filled with love.

[lexifythespy]

What’s fucking traumatizing is I grew up thinking that I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love except for the ones who didn’t want others to know we were talking/dating/fucking/involved in anyway. My first “love” was someone who’s mom didn’t like that I was 2 years younger (he was a freshman in HS, I was in 7th grade) (yes that seems to weird now) so he said that he wanted us to continue and “it’ll be our secret”. 4 years pass by and I’m still a secret and wasn’t supposed to tell anyone we were “together” ever and we’re never truly official or public. 2-3 more years pass by (we did have other small flings between each other here and there), but we always went back to each other, because he always believed we were going to get married, but wouldn’t tell his best friends that were ever talking (wtf this is so weird to write out). That BS eventually ended and I ended up getting into another relationship without a title where I was “ a secret” to everyone besides his family. I made a social media post about him once and he became hostile towards me; never would he dare to repost or post me anywhere because “we didn’t have a title”. He ended up not wanting to share me on social media because he didn’t want other girls to see that he wasn’t single, and he would get mad at me and harass me i I would comment on his pictures. So gross lmao.

Other stupid examples were more along the lines that we worked professionally together so “no one should know”, but when everyone began to assume things were happening and didn’t give a fuck, so why keep trying to hide it if it’s not causing issues? Everyone knows. It’s just so confusing to me, like am I really that horrible of a person to be dating/involved with? Am I that appalling of a human? Cause I feel like it lol.

So now I’m in relationship with the love of my life so everything is completely different and way more serious, but he doesn’t believe in posting us on social media because he says it’s no one else’s business to know what goes on our life. It almost upsets me because we live together and I still don’t have something like that. But I know it shouldn’t bother me because he is my absolute soulmate. I just want to get over that old trauma tbh. Does that make me sound fucking stupid that I want to feel what it’s like to be publicly appreciated for once and not feeling like I’m still a “secret” because of my previous trauma? It sounds so ridiculous but I truly think one fucking public appreciation post as someone’s partner would change my outlook on all that previous trauma over the years. SOS.

[lexifythespy]

I feel like you don’t love me like you used too. We don’t lay down with each other and pour our feelings out to one another anymore. I miss when you used to shower me in loving messages daily when we were long distance, but now that we live together, I will send those kinds of messages to you and I barely get a response from you. I love you with all my heart but I’m fucking hurting. Call me needy, call me insecure - because I am. I need reassurance often so my mind doesn’t fucking destroy me.

[lexifythespy]

“Just because you took longer than others doesn’t mean you failed. Remember that.”

— Unknown

[lexifythespy]

I’m so damn happy that you’re still here.