letterstou

[letterstou]

Today, I became the greatest liar I promised not to become.

I lied about how i'm with someone. I lied that the decision that I cam eup with is what I wanted. I lied that everything was okay. But deep inside I know it's the other way around.

I know how much this will hurt me every day when I wake up. But I feel like i'm trying to win a fight i'm never gonna win? I never heard any plans, concrete plans as to how you want things to end for us. Malakas feeling ko gusto mo pa mag stay sakanya kahit mahal mo ako. And I don't want that. You don't have the guts to tell her you love someone else already. Maybe because something is holding you back. The 14 years? Hindi ko alam. You always tell me you can't let go. But how would you grow? Nafeel ko na you want to stay in that stagnant relationship, and I can't live with that. I want to constantly grow. Mahal na mahal kita, Edward. I don't know how to survive the next few days, months, years without you.

[letterstou]

Baby,

I feel some energy change. It's sad. I don't know what's wrong pero I hate it. Wala lang. I'm tired but I still try to talk because I like talking to you. Pero ewan ko. Ikaw bigla nalang...meh. haha. Ewan ko kung kausap mo siya or what. Ewan ko. Ewan natin. Malay nating lahat. I hate that I have ti say things here that I can't tell you. :(

[letterstou]

Hi baby,

I had a long day at work. Sobrang sakit din ng ulo ko.

I miss you extra today. Ang lungkot kanina sa opisina. May epal na nag papacute. Hahaha. Pero wag ka mag alala, faithful naman ako.

I love you baby ko! ❤️

[letterstou]

Good morning sa baby kong pogi. ❤️

Medyo masakit pa rin ulo ko. Miss na miss na miss na kita.

Ang hirap ng may overthinking at anxiety. :(

[letterstou]

Baby, I don't know what to feel...

[letterstou]

Good morning baby ko. ❤️ miss na kita.

Ang aga ko nakatulog kagabi. Gulat din ako. Buo naman tulog ko pero why do I feel empty? How come I still feel like shit? I feel ded. Haha. I miss being alive. Ayaw ko maging cold kaso parang kusa nalang sya. Mahal pa naman kita.

[letterstou]

Good morning baby ko. ❤️ miss na kita.

Ang aga ko nakatulog kagabi. Gulat din ako. Buo naman tulog ko pero why do I feel empty? How come I still feel like shit? I feel ded. Haha. I miss being alive. Ayaw ko maging cold kaso parang kusa nalang sya. Mahal pa naman kita.

[letterstou]

Baby, ang lungkot. Wala lang. Nakakalungkot lang. Pero mahal na mahal kita super. 🥹

[letterstou]

Baby, ang sakit. 🥲

[letterstou]

That's why I hate it when people hurt me or push me away. ++ seeing your photos with her isn't helping at all.

Am I like a ticking bomb..?

It's so hard to bounce back to being normal, baby. I don't know if you'd have the patience to try harder and understand me.

[letterstou]

SAKIIIIIT. HAHAHAHAHAHA

[letterstou]

How do I tell you you're starting to lose me?

As each day passes by, i feel lesser and lesser hope for us. Nagsisimula na kong masanay na wala ka and it's bad.

How do I tell you that without making you feel like i'm warning you? How do I tell you that i'm slowly slipping away from your hand as each day passes by that we're not together anymore?

I still love you so much, baby but you're starting to lose me. I feel like we're already drifting apart and i'm scared na baka soon, you might just be some stranger to me. I'm scared.

I don't think you'd be scared of losing me though because you already let me go.

[letterstou]

Well, baby. Where did I get the guts to actually ask you to talk?

I couldn't even bring it up. Because I don't know what I want. An explanation? Clarity? Answers? Will it help me? Am i gonna be able to forgive you?

Am I ready for whatever answers you have?

P.S. FREAKING BAD IDEA BABY. FREAKING BAD. KILL ME RN

[letterstou]

Baby, ang dami kong nalaman.

Funny how the truth comes to me without me even trying to know about it. Ang sakit lalo ah. Hindi ko alam whether to confront you or just keep it to myself.

I don't know how many lies you've told me. Maybe I was really a mere distraction or toy you played with. Gagi. Ang sakit ah. Hahahahahaha.

[letterstou]

Miss na miss na kita. I kept rereading our conversations. Ang sakit sakit naman neto. 🥲

Muntik na masend ☹️ i would often stay sa chat natin. 😔

[letterstou]

This song came up while I was listening to the song you sent me. Made me tear up. It's the exact thoughts in my head.

I love you, Edward.