lestratjuggler

[lestratjuggler]

When things get tough and/or I start catastrophizing and I feel like giving up (mostly related to career/studies/future studies because that's my biggest monster to slay rn 🐲⚔️):

Remember how younger you passionately worked her ass off to get you to where you are now. How would she feel if you didn't make the most of her effort?

Remember how hard your family — your parents and grandparents and great-grandparents, etc. —worked so that you could even think of your dreams as real possibilities to aspire to. They had a dream, and it was difficult for them to achieve it too, but they didn't give up.

Remember how past generations of women and their allies fought to give women a place in public life if they so chose it. You might not always believe in yourself, but people who didn't even know you believed in you enough to fight the inequality. Despite the setbacks you may face, they believed you belong and that you have potential. You should believe the same of yourself too.

[lestratjuggler]

i think a big part of expanding your intellectual curiosity and trying to learn new things about the world is to abandon the shame of not knowing things. don't blame "the US school system" (which US school system????), don't blame your teachers, don't blame society, but embrace the fact that you are going to be learning new things constantly, throughout your life. practice saying "i really need to read about that" or "does anyone know of any good sources to learn about xyz?" or "hold on i gotta go check wikipedia/a world map/the dictionary/the news." every single day, there will be something you don't know already. that something doesn't have to be embarrassing. instead it can be an opportunity to learn something new

[lestratjuggler]

agree! we are responsible for our perceptions… though admittedly, it's often difficult to place things in perspective when we are in the midst of a situation

"an infant born in a burning house thinks the whole world is on fire"

its alllll about perspective

[lestratjuggler]

I can’t believe that I am starting my last year at university. Wasn’t I a fresher just a minute ago?

[lestratjuggler]

Looks at your ask box: “ ask me the meaning of life. ”

So, *proceeds to ask you the meaning of life* what is the meaning of life?

in a single word: procreation

and if expanded i couldn't write all about it even if i started now and didnt stop until i died

but in brief, humans are .... like any other animal, just evolution doing its thing given all the years on earth, all that we have different to them is that we lucked out (kinda) on the evolution bingo game with our brains ending up getting evolved past a certain point, enough so that we can now think about everything better than other animals, but by no means perfectly. So the first lesson is humility and that time reigns supreme , to understand that we are nothing against the passage of time, as proven by the deaths of every living creature that has ever come to exist on this planet atleast until we all learn to band together stronger and face genuine problems by first educating ourselves and then utilising our greatest strength, the strength in numbers. (take that nihilism)

everything from our emotions to our perception to our strengths to our problems (like the issues faced in the working of society) is a result of us evolving a brain which is capable of thinking understanding and resolving ideas way faster than natural evolution.(I could expand upon this fact itself endlessly but I don't know if a Tumblr post is supposed to be tens of thousands of words long so we keeping that idea for later,hopefully i publish a book on this before i die with all my thoughts but tangent aside)

So the second lesson is to think.

Thinking things thoroughly and making sure to not accept an outlandish idea until you actually get to a simple conclusion.

from these two we can derive another which is to always cross reference and to never take ideas for granted and infact another endless such lessons which hopefully i write about someday.

with these two lessons we approach the timeless question of what the meaning of life is. Applying the first rule we learn to disregard believes that we mean something extraordinarily high, no, no single person is more special than another and after further thinking as per the second lesson i reached multiple conclusion of my own which after cross referencing and applying pseudointellectualism a thought process of remembering what humans are at a base level and why society works as it does now, the simple conclusion was reached that at the end of the day we live to survive and ensure that there come after as more humans who can survive as a way to prove that our genetic lottery win was really as big as it seems.

p.s

thanks for the ask, and sorry that i cant expand on all these topics at this time, i wish every reader inner peace from all the complicated thoughts in our head and i invite you to learn to understand our inner demons and infact understand why those demons exist in the first place, now that the meaning of life is out of the way i can try to answer more human questions like the role emotions play in our life, how not thinking for oneself allows people to (for their own benefit) use you more than you think and infact questions like why people step on other people in the first place? (spoilers: the answer lies on evolutions biggest feature in all of us which is ofcourse how we wish to survive above all else and now that as a society primal survival is not like it was for cavemen, our brains adapted weirdly) or why we feel happy with simple things like getting a like on your elaborate Tumblr post (wink wink) (please do that) and how that is also a problem caused by our brains evolving faster than evolution could catch up

[lestratjuggler]

[lestratjuggler]

when you are tired of faking a whole alternate persona for the world as a cheerful stupid person but can't change it because it would look too abrupt to people despite the fact that this is how you have always been

[lestratjuggler]

With Winnie-the-Pooh and The Battle of Hastings sharing an anniversary today, did you know that E. H. Shepard once drew this amazing scene for an exclusive book bag?

[lestratjuggler]

15 oct, tue

While i managed to make some progress with my lit review and music analysis assignment yesterday, i wished i could have the focus to just complete one entire assignment in a single seating instead of switching tasks for variety. That said, I know that if i dont switch my tasks up, i will probably end up taking a 2h nap on the couch. Im currently on my way to class and im hoping to catch my prof to clear up some questions regarding the music arrangement assignment because my lazy ass cant bring myself to craft a simple email.

[lestratjuggler]

hi there! for everyone who was interested in joining my virtual book club, ive created a discord server here!

[lestratjuggler]

[lestratjuggler]

Hi Mr. ENTJ, congrats on the new job offer. It's good to hear INTJ and Kobe & Co. are doing well, too.

I'm an ENTJ currently in my fourth year of my Computer Science PhD specializing in Machine Learning/Data Mining, and I know that you know how quickly this field moves. There's loads of advice about how "doctoral programs a marathon, not a sprint" and students need to pace themselves and have work-life balance in order to not burn out. Following these principles, I've made it this far unscathed (in terms of mental health deterioration) and managed to stay in my program.

With luck, an understanding advisor, and low amounts of admin work (emails, meetings-that-could-be-emails, etc.), and good self management, I have been able to work 40 hour workweeks for the most part and stay on track. That being said, I am currently in a period of time where I am increasing to 50 hour workweeks in order to meet a conference deadline at the end of June 2023 (time of writing is mid-late April 2023). As long as I show up to work every day and do my best, I expect this paper will be finished by the time my internship starts. This is fine by me; deadlines need to be met, and I want to continue with my current 5-year PhD trajectory (as opposed to taking longer).

Speaking candidly, I have ADHD and am also Autistic, and maintaining this 40hr/week is critical in preventing the "I wake up in the morning wondering if I've accomplished anything meaningful with my life" feeling that gets in the way of me doing very much at all with my day. I also notice that when I am in the *deep throes* of burnout, my ability to pull back and look at the bigger picture takes a nap and I make myopic, hasty decisions. It's a recipe for bad research.

I've relaxed my "good work-life balance" constraint to simply "do not enter the *deep throes* of burnout". My question is for what lies after this period of time: I will be entering a summer research internship. I am concerned I will not perform well at my internship and will not be able to study as hard for full time interviews as a result of my choices now. Any tips for optimizing this recovery time and post-burnout damage control? Is this an ill-posed question, and there is no way to have my cake and eat it too?

Thanks for your time and consideration, Mr. ENTJ.

You can have your cake and eat it too, you'll just need to endure for the next few months.

Some thoughts on your situation in no particular order:

Get therapy and medication for the ADHD and autism if you haven't already. Mental health issues should never be left untreated especially when you're attempting ambitious and difficult goals. It would be like trying to win a race with a broken leg.

Set strict guardrails to get adequate sleep and nutrition. Don't compromise on either of these two because it'll severely impact performance. During the most intense periods of my life, meal planning worked really well so I could grab and go healthy meals without long prep time. Poor health choices lead to low energy, brain fog, and bad moods. Healthy food/snacks, hydration, vitamins, exercise (even a quick 15 minutes of cardio when my scheduled was packed) made me 10x more effective.

Reach out to the summer internship team and learn more about expectations so you can start planning ahead to manage your time and prepare to hit the ground running. Most summer internships aren't time-consuming and energy draining to the point they'd grind you down to dust. This is because interns require a lot of time to onboard which cuts into the 3-month summer term and they have limited access to information, skills, and experience needed to do more complex work. I wouldn't jump the gun and stress about underperforming without knowing the full scope of your role and responsibilities.

Ensure that you have at least one person from your summer internship who can speak highly of you. In the unlikely event you don't perform well in your internship, you'll still walk away with a solid professional reference to use for future full-time job offers. Pro tip: Companies won't interview every single person at the internship even if you fuck up. As long as they can verify you worked there and you have at least 1 person (more is better) who can speak to your abilities, you'll be fine.

Prioritize full-time job interviews > summer internships if the summer internship has a low chance of conversion to a full-time role. If the opposite is true, reverse that order. If you need to prioritize one of these two, prioritize the one that secures your desired outcome.

Focus on outcomes over input. Focus on the things you achieve, the milestones you reach, and the obstacles you overcome-- not the amount of hours you put in. A few weeks ago I fixed a $5 million problem by clearing up a misunderstanding with a 90-minute conversation. This 90-minute conversation was way more impactful than the 40-50 hours of work I put in the previous week. There's that John Wooden quote: "Don't mistake activity for achievement." Benchmark your progress towards achieving a 'meaningful life' with impact, not input.

[lestratjuggler]

13 oct, sun

Another day of tutoring but classes will be a lot lighter than yesterday's in terms of class size and teaching hours. I will be home a lot earlier which means we have time for household chores and its time to clean the toilet, again. I'm hoping to utilise the free time between tutoring sessions to start and come up with a somewhat decent outline of an assignment that's due in 3 weeks. as for today's practice session, i'm planning to work on speed for my piano peice and phrasing for my violin peices.

[lestratjuggler]

20241012

Though I am halfway through the notebook that is my dedicated commonplace book, I'm not exactly sure how to fix it anymore. Removing of structure makes it too messy and makes it impossible as a reference piece, adding even more structure makes it too unwieldy to add entries into. Perhaps the inherent problem is looking for this optimization, instead of just trying to make it work for me. Life is busy, thesis work is busy. I want to document more, to share more but I am unlikely to take photos and feel increasingly uncomfortable with being online, not so much because of the people as it is the corporations and the way the internet is changing (though admittedly, the players do play a role). I want to be seen, but I don't really want to be known.

[lestratjuggler]

12 Oct, sat, 8pm

Somehow, i managed to complete my music arrangement assignment between tutoring sessions. Came home, had dinner completed my practice session, and am currently doing some meal prepping for tomorrow's lunch before i head down to the gym. it is quite miraculous the amount of things i've managed to squeeze into today's schedule and its giving me a slight adrenaline rush

12 oct, sat

2 assignments down but i'm feeling an incoming burnout. I swear i haven't been procrastinating but the workload seems to be piling as deadlines draw nearer and it's starting to feel overwhelming. I want to spend days holed up at home to clear these assignments but i have many other responsibilities that needs tending to. And today is one of those days. I will be out the most part of the day tutoring math and when i get home, there are habits that i need to work on such as gyming and practicing my instruments. I'm very very tempted to skip out on these habits but i know these are the things that require consistency.

[lestratjuggler]

12 oct, sat

2 assignments down but i'm feeling an incoming burnout. I swear i haven't been procrastinating but the workload seems to be piling as deadlines draw nearer and it's starting to feel overwhelming. I want to spend days holed up at home to clear these assignments but i have many other responsibilities that needs tending to. And today is one of those days. I will be out the most part of the day tutoring math and when i get home, there are habits that i need to work on such as gyming and practicing my instruments. I'm very very tempted to skip out on these habits but i know these are the things that require consistency.

[lestratjuggler]

“We would have passionate desires for very few things if we fully understood what we were desiring.”

— François de La Rochefoucauld, Moral Reflections