lestories

[lestories]

My favourite straight couple (they're both bisexual)

[lestories]

"If I cannot be wanted, I will be needed and if I cannot be needed, let me be used until there's nothing left of me." - Dallon probably

Me: realizes I actually havent developed a character that much

Me: finds a piece of trauma to give them and calls it a day

[lestories]

Rewrites

Been reworking some plot points and moments that I felt didn't make sense or just didn't have the impact I wanted it to

Now it's just a matter of actually writing the story lmao

I'm thinking of writing out different scenes that stick out in my head and not worrying about the order

[lestories]

01/02/24 - Stage Fright

I stare at myself through the grungy mirror littered with stickers. My eyes are wide, sweat drips down my face. I should have never agreed to this, why did I agree to this? Dallon, that's why. I'm starting to think he can get me to do just about anything. Even if it scares the shit out of me, like standing in front of a crowd of strangers that are all way cooler than me, that would probably listen to any other band play. That's not fair, Dallon and Beck are pretty good. I look over to their reflections, sitting on the thoroughly broken in couch. They'd almost look as anxious as I am if they weren't so obviously excited. This is our first real performance not in Dallon's basement. Of course they're nervous but I feel like I'm about to implode. They're talking about where we should go after the show to celebrate, wondering if there will be any after parties. God I can't even think about going to another crowd of strangers after this.

"Attachment Day, five minute warning."

The stage tech leaves before I really hear what she said. Dallon must have noticed the empty yet hectic look in my eyes.

"You're okay dude, we got this. It'll be just like rehearsal."

"Yeah, except now there's a couple hundred people watching." Beck offers, not as comfort. Not as anything really.

"Not helping Beck."

"Sorry."

Dallon draws his face back to mine. I've only known his for a few months but I'm surprised by how little him being so close to my face bothers me. He's a bit intense when he gets serious so maybe I've just gotten accustom to that.

"Toni, look at me," He holds onto my shoulders, "Breathe."

We take a deep breath together, mine coming off far more shaky than his.

"You can do this. That voice in your head doesn't know what it's talking about. Becks and I will be up there with you. And we're gonna do great and get invited back and become regulars then get really really famous and have loads of fans and- this has stopped being helpful." He stops for a moment, thinking. "We're gonna go out there, play, and whatever happens, happens. We do amazing we celebrate! We do terrible, we celebrate the fact we got to play. It's a win-win."

Just as what Dallon said starts to set in the stage tech returns to tell us it's go time. Before any objections can escape my mouth Beck and Dallon are up and following, dragging me along with them.

When we get to the side stage, the band on before us are just finishing up. The crowd loves them. Perfect. This is fine. Totally fine. I definitely don't feel a sense of impending doom and disaster and I am totally not worried I will mess up and ruin the whole night for everyone involved. Ow! I grab at my arm. Beck pinched me.

"It's show time pretty boy!" She smirks as she pushes my guitar into my hand and runs on stage.

Dallon is already setting up behind the drum set. I let out a sigh and before any thoughts pry their way into my head I walk out to my place on stage.

Standing under the lights, the tiny suns shooting down on me. The crowd is a blur emitting a constant hum of noise I can't decipher. Nothing is happening, why is nothing happening. Oh shit I'm supposed to introduce us.

"Uhm we- " Feedback cuts me off. Lovely. If my voice wasn't shaky before it definitely is now. "Sorry.. we are Attachment Day."

There's some scattered claps across the crowd. I faintly hear Dallon count us in with his sticks. The tapping drones on and dissipates. I blink and when I look up the crowd is made up parents and bored middle schoolers. I'm holding the guitar my mom got me for my ninth birthday. My knees feels weak and shaky. I can't find my mom in the crowd. How long have I just been standing here?

"Play something already!" The crowd responds with laughter.

My eyes widen and my chest tightens, if I had to guess this is what the start of a heart attack feels like. Why did I ever think I could do this? I'm such an idiot for thinking I'd be good at this. All I can do is cry. A teacher runs up to escort me off stage.

I turn to leave and Beck holds out her bass in front of me, I hadn't noticed her standing next to me. "Can't leave yet, we were just getting to the best part." She signals Dallon to count us in again. She keeps eye contact with me as we both start playing our parts. She gives me a small reassuring nod. Unable to face the crowd I stay in this moment with her and let out the first line of our song. As I sing my thoughts drift away and all I'm left with is how I feel. Having these two people that hardly know me but I know would back me up in everything, be there whenever I need them. Like Dallon said, we're gonna celebrate us, however this show goes won't change that. Won't change us.