lesfreresmagnifiquer

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS ISNT IT?

They always say no news is good news - so after 2 months in hiding - this is me stating the inevitable! THINGS COULD NOT BE BETTER!

So good are things in fact that our secret gigs have become secret from the band!!

Anyway - It's  now less than one month until the big day and things are starting to feel very real! I think they call it " squeaky bum time" in the trade... 

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE...combined with the odd LFM meeting... 

Over the next month you will see exclusive coverage of LFM's wedding preparation. Its going to be a test, its going to be gritty, but overall its going to be immense!

Our thanks must go to Pizza express for the delicious 3 course meal on Thursday! A special shout out to the waiter who got so hungry on the job that he tucked in to Ben's garlic butter!

#class

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Ben: A host of Sam Henry George Parton’s friends recently went on his stag-do in Biarritz. Brilliantly arranged by Adam, aka Ron Jeremy from the waist up, we had an awesome few days and this was largely thanks to Ron, who not only organised all the activities (including football Zorbing, a clip of which is shown below) but also willingly ferried us around southern France. Sam, pictured, more than held his own and it was also epic to see Simp(e)y. As it turns out Sam makes a very fetching girl, dressed as he was in Nicola’s clothes. The countdown to their nuptials is very much on now, which means LFM have to get their shit together. Its two months to the day and we have plenty to do. 

PS: The video below shows Richard Griston, the smallest man any of us know, absolutely destroying me in Zorbing football. The less said about that clip the better. 

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Ben: A few weeks ago Les Freres Magnifiquer, Beatrice and Bernard took on a pub quiz in Notting Hill. The latter duo were over on business (a sentence I will never be able to utter) so we collectively descended on The Hillgate. Pub quizzes are a British oddity that puzzles me and I’m not in the least bit convinced that anyone has ever knowingly attended one. They are arranged by proprietors as a means to engage with locals and yet you only ever attend one by accident. A pub quiz is an inconvenience to a quiet drink that is swiftly embraced as “a bit of fun”. We certainly had no intention of going to a pub quiz, but like the 30 or so people in the Hillgate that evening, we had one thrust upon us. Regardless, it was great to catch up with Mr and Mrs W and we ended up finishing a very respectable third equal (fourth but for the adjudicator’s shoddy counting). We won a bag of Haribo which I think Will took home. 

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Ben: Our manager Bernard is busy behind the scenes [see emails below]. Audrey will probably tell her grandchildren that she shunned the chance to see Les Feres Magnifiquer play live. Her grandchildren will probably disown her...

---------- Forwarded message ----------

De : Charlie Watson Envoyé : vendredi 24 avril 2015 14:47 À : infoFG Objet : Question

Bonjour Fêtes de Genève !

Je me demande si vous pouvez me aider?

Je suis le gestionnaire d'un groupe de musique basée à Londres qui jouent du ukulélé. Ils seront à Genève au cours de la Fêtes de Genève (30 Juillet - 2 Aout) et je me demande si son possible pour eux de jouer?

Se il vous plaît être assurés qu'ils sont une bande très excitant qui ne vous décevra pas la foule suisse!

Je serais très reconnaissant si vous pouviez me aider.

Merci beaucoup et je ai hâte de vous entendre.

Charlie Bernhard Watson

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: infoFG [mailto:info@fetes-de-geneve.ch] 

Sent: 24 April 2015 15:10 To: Charlie Watson Subject: RE: Question

Bonjour,

Nous vous remercions de l’intérêt que vous portez aux Fêtes de Genève. Cependant, nous sommes au regret de vous informer que notre programmation 2015 est d’ores et déjà complète.

En restant à votre disposition pour tout complément d’information, je vous adresse mes meilleures salutations.

Audrey Hansen  Assistante coordinatrice  Département Manifestations

Direct

+41 22 909 70 93

Email

hansen@geneve-tourisme.ch

Fondation Genève  Tourisme & Congrès

Rue du Mont-Blanc 18 •  Case postale 1602 • 1211 Genève 1 • Suisse  T +41 22 909 70 70 • F +41  22 909 70 75 • www.geneve-tourisme.ch  

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Ben: Following dinner at the future Mr and Mrs Griston’s house, Les Freres Magnifiquer ended up in Fez. We need saving from ourselves…

Postscript: We had a dance off by all accounts. Two 31-year-old men having a dance off in Fez, on a Thursday night. We weren't even being ironic, just having a good time. 

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Ben: Again, it’s been left up to me to write our blog. Will is too important and busy speaking to Olympic bowling champions to care about Les Freres Magnifiquer’s languishing correspondence. Bet Bowie never fucked about with bowling events or playing golf four times a week. During this hiatus plenty has happened but I often forget my pin number and postcode, so forgive me if I overlook some key events.

In March, our manager Bernard and I went to Caribou at Brixton Academy. It was amazing and we certainly learnt the value of spending a little bit of the band’s budget on production costs. I just hope Bernard took this on board as LFM are due to fly out for the Geneva Jazz Festival at the end of July. Its our first festival so its important to make a good impression, but as the picture below illustrates I’m not in the least bit convinced Bernard was assessing the musical dexterity of Daniel Victor "Dan" Snaith and his wonderful light display...

On another occasion Dodddddddddddddd boldly invited Les Feres Magnifiquer to his beautiful house in Kennington for a game of Perudo and some delicious fajitas (for some reason I always think fajitas is spelt with a ‘ph’ as in ‘phajitas’). We had a fantastic night and I still can’t believe that Peruvian liar dice is not more mainstream, even though Noush’s understandably hasty escape would suggest its not much of a spectator’s sport. Thanks Dod and Nousssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Can’t wait for round 2 at Will’s house. 

Les Freres Magnifiquer hung out with the future Mr and Mrs Parton at Ping but given the fallout from that evening I think it’s best to leave that one hanging*****.

Perhaps the most significant event since this was last updated is that Les Freres Magnifiquer actually had a really productive practice session. I say significant because we are due to play at Sam and Nix’s wedding. People seem to think this is some kind of elaborate hoax; a ripping yarn conjured up by two increasingly lonely and damaged young men (someone told me the other day that I was not so young. Coincidentally another entirely different person said that I looked like a homeless, dirty, drug addict. Will gets called shit all the time but this isn’t a therapy session). I can assure you that this is very much the real deal and not a long, self-indulgent joke. So a few weeks back, once again in Will’s overly-furnished office (they have a bar billiards table but don’t bother playing Will as he is a professional), we strummed away on a Saturday afternoon like a couple of freaks. We think we have decided on three songs and we left Soho, via Sticks and Sushi and a weird rum bar below street level, buoyed by the belief that we might actually be able to pull this off. Prior to our jamming session I’ve been having recurring nightmares about Will and I alienating the whole congregation; children crying, the elderly stunned, people throwing stuff at us and Dolly and Nicola disowning LFM forever. That still might happen but we are gradually getting there and are starting to believe the impossible dream. Or something. 

   In other news LFM wanted to send our warmest congratulations to two couples who have recently got engaged. 

Firstly LFM want to congratulate Izzy and Dave who got engaged on the 14th March, 2015. The big guy proposed on the slopes in Switzerland and Izzy said yes. Massive congrats team! I have known the former for my entire life. Her mum (pictured below many moons ago) is my mother’s best friend; they probably shared sexual partners at university. Izzy and I have never done that but Les Freres Magnifiquer loves her and Dave nonetheless. x

The second congratulatory message goes to a man Will and I know just about as well as anyone. Rarely mentioned on this blog (this might be his first time) but one of Les Freres Magnifiquer’s dearest friends nonetheless. Richard Charles Griston - who once deterred a Tobagonian, or Toboggan, or Tobagonian... a man from Tobago...armed with a cutlass (broad sabre or slashing sword) from robbing his family – asked Hannah to marry him. She said yes which is surprising given that she is immaculately dressed and one of the most fashionably on point individuals I know. Rich on the other hand once bought a v-neck cardigan with a white t-shirt sewn in to it (see below). Either way this is equally amazing news and we can’t wait to play at both of their respective weddings. x

Two men, eight strings. What a life. 

*****Just kidding. We had a night out in leafy Hammersmith with Rich, Han, Dolly and Nicola that got seriously out of hand. Dolly ended up locking Nix out of their flat because he was so drunk. He never could handle his liquor. He passed out on the kitchen floor and Nix couldn’t get back in because he had the keys. She kept on ringing the intercom (fancy) but little Robert Peston aka Louis Theroux was out for the count. Poor Nix had to call an uber and get a taxi back to her parents’ house in Cranleigh at 5am. This all happened on International Women’s Day. Sam locked his fiancée out of her own flat on International Women’s Day. Chivalry has been butchered and I’m led to believe he is still working on being forgiven by Nicola’s parents. Hope they make him deservedly sweat for it.   

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Tweet of the Week: In the first and possibly last installment of Tweet of the Week, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the inimitable Slackie. Don't forget to follow us @lesfreresmagnif for more irreverent waffle.

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Ben: The 26th February 2015 began like any other depressing working day for Les Freres Magnifiquer. I took on the death-trap that is my commute [the A316 on a barely functioning bicycle, half asleep, having negotiated the M4, via a non-descript bridge I photograph every day]. Will had the day off. And yet it was a Thursday neither of us would forget in a hurry. Why, I hear the one monthly user (Mum, Dad, Jenny, David…?) of lesfreresmagnifiquer.tumblr.com ask? We were very casually informed by Bernard that he and his lovely wife Beatrice are expecting their first child. The regular reader (Will, Slackie, me…?) of this riveting blog will certainly be familiar with our much-beloved manager and manageress, so they will need no introduction. They are an integral cog in the LFM machine; what Simon Cowell and Sinitta are to their fledgling acts on the X-Factor, Bernard and Beatrice are to LFM. They are the brains behind the boyish good looks and staggering musical dexterity of Les Freres, so this was sensational news.

I’m not prone to emotional outbursts. My mother once told me I was dead inside because I wasn’t saddened by the passing (again) of our ‘pet’ goldfish, Lazarus. But I was genuinely elated and moved by their news. I thought about sharing their ultrasound just to make our weird space on the internet even more bizarre, but then remembered that would be a serious breach of their privacy and entirely inappropriate. So instead, I just want it on record; in case the cruel mistress that is the A316 takes another prisoner or I decide to do Instagram a favour by jumping off Twickenham Bridge, this is the best news. Massive congratulations Beatrice and Bernard! We canny wait to celebrate with you both. X

PS – Here is the aforementioned bridge photograph on 26th February.

PPS – On a side note, I took delivery of a mini-trumpet this week.

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Ben: Further to Will’s entry below, here is pictorial evidence of LFM and the Wedding Party tearing up Ping last Friday. Ping is a curious blend of militantly structured sessions of table-tennis, on very tightly prescribed tables, all arranged by ridiculously attractive women in white hot-pants. You can only eat pizza and the waiters all have moustaches. As you can see we all just blended in with the youthful, attractive and monied crowd…  

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

The Moment of Truth

The 20th Of February at 9pm in a new basement bar in Earls court -  LFM stood side by side.... With hundreds of people in the room, and the spotlight firmly on them it was time for all to be stunned..... Minute by minute, from one to the other, LFM were starting to deliver the goods....Cries of encore... cheering. laughing, looks of amazement from all corners of the room.... !! I don't think we even thought our performance would be so convincing.....

Now I know you are all thinking OH MY GOD... but  please please... hold your horses! This wasn't exactly the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury......in fact... there weren't even any ukes to be seen.... 

ok ok - ill come clean- It was the band playing..... table tennis.

Now to dress it up a bit more ( Not in mourning suit trousers Dolly) LFM took to PING to play "The wedding Party" at their own game... Not eating AJ... 

TBC........   

In other News, Malcom Rifkind has just quit as an MP, Eddie Redmayne has just won an Oscar,  Ben continues to spend a worrying amount of time taking photographs of Twickenham Bridge, and we continue to strum....

Sorry to cut this short - I've got to get back to "it"... "It" being reading a "Band" email about wine and sex parties in the Canary Islands #Bodegas Monje...Its a Happy New Year (Chinese) from the band, Thanks for your continuous support and we look forward to seeing you at our next gig... If you every bloody hire us! 

2 men, 8 strings- what a life!

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Will: I'm not sure what's more worrying- Reading the culture section of the Telegraph for the very first time at the ripe old age of 31 or being told that we might all be speaking German if it wasn't for George Formby and The Ukulele... Yes that's right people- Mr Formby rallied over 3 million British troops between 1939 and 1945 through the simple plucking of the Uke which according to various commentators- won us the war!.. We owe you one Georgie Boy! #BARMYARMY

In other LFM news- Ben's Ukulele was last week mistaken for Drums by a very  "intelligent" family on South West Trains.... The band continue to strum...  and Ben's second Uke still remains firmly in the wrapper...

A big shout out to The Geordie General; "Slackie"- pictured above doing the "air ukulele".   Such a loyal fan, Slackie turned down a  skiing trip to France to come to London to offer LFM advice.. We could not have eaten the 15th crispy duck pancake without you pal...  HOWAY

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Ben: On Saturday Les Freres Magnifiquer had a lengthy and long-overdue band practice in Will’s very smart offices. I still don’t know what Will does (it may have been someone else’s office) because I tend to write off people who talk about their jobs, but his offices are lovely. Aside from the dodgy coffee machine which spat out muddy water, it’s perfectly setup for him and me to jam, and thus we did for about three and a half hours in the boardroom. Les Freres Magnifiquer, huddled in a beautifully furnished office sitting aloft some of the finest bars in Soho, played and played and played. Accompanied by a pack of Marks and Spencer In Store Bakery Milk Chocolate Chip Cookies and some Marks and Spencer (I always thought Spencer was Spencers) Hand Cooked Lightly Sea Salted Crisps, we played until our thumbs were chaffed. It was brilliant and we had something of a breakthrough on our third song choice (yet to decide on the first and second). We sent a recording to our manager Bernard and he seemed genuinely impressed by our improvement which is hugely encouraging. After our practice, Will and I went for a couple of beers (Asahi) in Ronnie Scott’s Bar. I was carrying my ukulele in it's jazzy case and I’m pretty sure the elderly crowd thought we were the evening’s entertainment. It was aces. We left after two beers and went our separate ways.

Pictures:

Top - A Chinaman in China Town. 

Bottom - Ronnie Scott’s: perhaps in the not too distant future Les Freres Magnifiquer will be invited back to actually play there. Perhaps not, but in the interim we will go there and pretend we are jazz musicians anyway.  

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Ben: Les Freres Magnifiquer were out representing on Saturday night, initially at Ed’s surprise shindig and then latterly at Rosie's birthday. Midway through the second party, I was accosted by an attractive blonde called Clare, who abruptly told me that I had been ousted from my own band. She intimated, strongly, that she was taking my place and she was going to be playing alongside Will in Les Freres Magnifiquer. Perturbed by her poor understanding of the French language and worried about my musical career, I sought out Will, who brazenly told me that I would have to audition to get back into the band. Am I Brian Jones to his Mick Jagger? No, I’m not. Will was drunk and using the band’s name in vain. The barmaid at The Metropolitan Pub in Westbourne Park confirmed this when we tried to buy a drink to patch up our differences, only to be told she wouldn’t serve him until he had had a glass of water. Will drank his water and I broke the news to Clare that she was a harlot and she couldn’t join our band. I was hurt by Will’s attempts to trade me in for a better looking and inevitably better sounding replacement. So hurt in fact, that I have since emailed this guy to see if might like to start up a new band. I haven’t as of yet had a response back from Jake Shimabukuro…

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Radio 1 today petitioned for more Ukulele's to play in the live lounge... This was a first. Meghan Trainor covering 5 Seconds Of Summer Don't Stop on the Uke!..... I have since spoken to them about LFM bringing something to the table... and I am still waiting for a call back.... #ifonlytheyknew

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Ben: Zizzi (or Zizzi's or Zizzis?) were very accommodating to Les Freres Magnifiquer on Wednesday evening (pictured above), post our lesson at Ritz Music Shop in Richmond. We had some olives, garlic bread and Will ordered his usual Calzone Carne Piccante. I opted for a Rustica Piccante, and we went Italian (when in Rome) on the wine with a bottle of Montepulciano Abruzzo (it wasn’t the best and we probably should have gone for the Nero D’Avola, which I'm told is indigenous to Sicily). They do good food, it’s a notch above Pizza Express, whatever that means, but the name is harder to remember. We came armed to the teeth with vouchers because restaurants like the aforementioned have cultivated this type of behaviour. When was the last time you used a voucher that wasn't in an inexpensive mockney Italian eatery?

Anyway, we had a lovely lesson with Tara and ran through a couple of songs that we think might be suitable for Dolly and Nix's wedding, both of which will remain nameless. We are a long, long way from being wedding-ready at the moment. We both had to sing together yesterday which is probably a first. We were utterly terrible and even though there were only three people in the room and I was one of them, I was terrified and sweaty. Tara kindly lied to us and suggested to the contrary, but we sounded like death. Its lucky the room was relatively sound-proofed and that we were below street level. Les Freres Magnifiquer are a work in progress. We need to get our shi*t together. I'm scared.   

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

Ben: Boom Time - an excellent email from my bandmate this morning which covers all the main issues of the day: A meal at Zizzi's, our ukulele lesson in Richmond, and the woman with the world's largest fake breasts. Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of Les Freres Magnifiquer...two men, eight strings, what a LIFE!!

[lesfreresmagnifiquer]

5 months 5 days.... 20 hours

Cometh the hour cometh the Band.... Songs chosen.... Spare Ukuleles purchased.. vocal coaching confirmed.... 5 months 5 days 20 hours... Ladies and Gentlemen this is it.

 2015- The year of the Sheep- Its time to get serious!

This Wednesday LFM will embark on the next chapter in their journey to stardom. Sadly for the bank balance we are not signing a deal with Simon Cowell... that will come... Instead we are heading to our Ukulele coach in Richmond. Yes that's right- with less than 6 months to learn to play and sing 3 songs to an audience of 150 people its about time we step up through the gears!

Zizzi's also better step up. A Ukulele lesson for LFM is nothing without a Pizza ( Calzone) and a glass of red with our Italian friends. Its been a while and yes we are excited!  

In other news LFM are trying to tap in to the Japanese market. The cover up story is that we are learning to roll sushi... The reality is that we are taking  over the world.

For more info on wedding bookings and global gigs please contact us as soon as possible.

#2015isgettingseriouslybusy