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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Progress Report #10 — Script Finalization and Supplemental Clip Shooting!

This week, I did some pre-production work for my short documentation video (which I can now work on since the “analysis” phase of my project is completed). I started off by reviewing my analysis doc and using the information I included in it to finalize my script for the doc video. Below is a screenshot of the first couple pages of the final script:

The first two pages of the finalized script for my short documentation video.

Overall, I love the way the script flows and how it linearizes and organizes the experiment, which was a very abstract and chaotic kind of project. I think it does a good job making sense out of the madness of the project and does so in a fun, whimsical, and entertaining way, which is awesome! I’m very excited to get down to editing and showing the video to everyone at the thesis showcase and the rest of the world!

In my finalized script, I wrote in a simple supplemental clip in which I speak in front of the camera with a bit higher production value than the rest of the clips of the experiment (using a high-quality camera, a cool background, nice lighting, etc.) and address my viewers, thanking them for watching and supporting and reaching out throughout the course of the experiment. In addition to finalizing the script, I also shot this clip!

Some pictures of the supplemental footage I took for my short documentation video as I played it back on my camera’s viewfinder.

It was a very off-the-cuff discussion on camera, so I didn’t have a script for the performance/shoot, but basically, I just spoke to my viewers in front of the camera and told them how they positively impacted the project for me. I thought it would be a fun anecdote to end the short documentation video with and would lighten up the serious subject matter I speak about throughout the rest of the video, which is why I decided to sit down and do this!

Overall, a really productive week in preparation for the editing/creation of my short documentation video! In the next couple weeks, I’ll be sitting down with my editor friend and getting crackin’ on editing the video together!

Until next time :)

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Progress Report #9: Filming Ends & Footage is Analyzed!

This week, I made a bunch of progress on my senior project!

First, filming officially ended on Saturday, November 9! The 40-day experiment is officially done, and I have amassed over two hours of footage to prove it!

A screenshot of the playlist dedicated to my experiment, fully populated with the 40 days of footage!

After filming completed, I immediately finished up compiling and exporting my full-length compilation film. I then went ahead and uploaded it onto my playlist.

A screenshot of my full-length film posted onto my YouTube playlist.

I then dived into the analysis portion of my project. First I watched the full-length feature in its entirety from start to finish. As I watched the film, I jotted down notes on anything I qualitatively observed (common concepts discussed, observations, realizations, transformations, etc.). After watching the film and jotting down my notes, I then filled out the General Observations/Content Messages section of my analysis document. Below is what I noted down onto the doc:

Frequently Discussed Concepts/Phrases/Topics:

School/Homework/Grades/Professors

Anxiety/Worry/Depression/Overwhelmed Feeling/Stress

Living a life that is unfulfilling to me/not aligned with my dreams/personal happiness

“I am not looking forward to this day” (Feelings of Dread, Not Wanting To Live)

Feelings of Self-Doubt

Attempts to stay positive, but negativity trumping in the end

“I need help”/”I am sick”

“I am tired”

Money

Transformation(s) Over Time:

The entire experiment, overall, remained relatively stagnant (I didn’t get more positive or negative over time). For the most part, I remained the same (exhibiting extreme anxiety, mixed with depression) over the course of the 40 days. However, there were some realizations that arose over the course of the 40 days:

1) I realized that where I am in my life currently is not where I want to be. Throughout the course of the 40 days, I constantly explained that I felt like I was living a life that was unfulfilling/not making me happy or making me grow. I explained that school made me feel this way primarily (partaking in homework and activities for school is what I found the most unfulfilling, while going to work was fun and fulfilling).

2) I realized that I am mentally ill (a true realization that I am sick and need help). Throughout the entire experiment, I constantly harp on the negative aspects of my life and cannot focus on the positive. Almost every clip, I stated that I was anxious or worried or overwhelmed or feeling down, and even when I did feel positive, I still mentioned that there were thoughts in the back of my mind that were negative. I also exhibited extreme amounts of self-doubt and a lack of self-confidence which fed into the anxiety and depression I experienced throughout the course of the 40 days.

1:00:00 - I realize that this is a bad part of my life and I am not doing well mentally/internally

25:20 - I realize that my anxiety is fueling my depression (the extreme anxiety I experience causes me to desire to not live through the day, which makes me sad because I am constantly “wishing my life away”)

48:30 - I realize how severe my anxiety is (“I am constantly living in fear, which is what makes living through this semester so hard”)

1:57 - “I am sick”

2:00 - “Something within me needs to change”

3) I realized that I am obsessive over school, and how my obsession with getting good grades and pleasing my professors is the root of most (if not all) of my unhappiness

53:35 - I become aware of my obsession, and I realize it is unhealthy

4) I realized that it is not that I am whiny or lazy, just that the school environment does not foster my happiness/creativity/emotional well-being

1:00:39 - I realize that I am fine at work (in fact, I enjoy working and wish I could do more of that). It is school that is the problem.

1:18 - I realize that I generally feel better on the weekends because I do not need to be in the school environment (I can work and spend time with my loved ones, which are both activities that foster my spirit and well-being)

5) I realized that this whole project was, in a way, a cry for help

1:20 - I express my frustrations with the fact that my professors aren’t asking me if I’m okay, even though they are watching the videos. I feel like I am screaming for help but they are not hearing my cries

1:32 - I actually admit that the project was a cry for help and that I was surprised that people (i.e., professors) were getting offended by the project, as it wasn’t about them)

Other Patterns/Observations:

1) Sometimes I didn’t overtly explain what was making me feel a certain way/I would go out on a tangent (the “check-ins” took on the form of a stream of consciousness/”emotional spewing” style of speaking/explaining, like a journal entry but on film broadcast to the rest of the world)

2) Throughout the entire experiment, school directly caused me to experience lower moods. Almost all of the times I explained I felt worried, anxious, low, overwhelmed, or stressed, it was because of school.

3) This project is a glimpse into a highly depressed person’s life. It is a window into what chronic anxiety and depression look like in an individual.

4) This project is a commentary on the university system and how it is a flawed system (“the grade” matters more than the welfare of the student, the professors do not reach out when a student is exhibiting dangerous behavior, it is a normal experience for a student to lose their sanity for the sake of a good grade).

5) Throughout the experiment, I constantly tried to stay positive, but ultimately always failed and fell back into my depressive state. The experiment depicts a constant struggle between someone who is trying to get better on their own but who is failing.

1:09 - “I’m trying to stay fucking positive”

1:40 - I realize that in the foreground of my mind, I am positive, but in the background, the negative thoughts linger

After filling out that section of my analysis doc, I then moved onto the next section: Audience Outreach/Engagement Analytics. For this, I used the YouTube Analytics tool, as well as some minor calculations I did on my own (simple addition of total likes, comments, views, etc.)

A screenshot of the YouTube Analytics tool.

Below are my findings regarding audience engagement/outreach throughout the course of the experiment:

Watch Time (Past 28 Days): 561 minutes

Views (Past 28 Days): 487

Subscriber Change (Past 28 Days): +7

Top Videos (Watch Time Within Past 28 Days):

10.27.19 (73 mins watched)

10.18.19 (38 mins watched)

10.1.19 (23 mins watched)

Top Videos (Views):

10.27.19 (125 views)

10.1.19 (68 views)

10.7.19 (46 views)

Total Amount of Video Likes: 37

Total Amount of Video Dislikes: 0

Total Amount of Video Comments: 9

Total Amount of Video Views: 647

Impressions: >3.0 k people

Next up, I transcribed my full-length feature using the YouTube Auto-Captioning tool and fed it into the text analysis tool on Utility.org to analyze common words/phrases that were said throughout the 40 days. Below were my findings:

Frequently Said Word(s):

I/I’m (~1000 occurrences)

Feel/feeling (~160 occurrences)

Class (46 occurrences)

Homework (44 occurrences)

Sick (40 occurrences)

Work (39 occurrences)

Frequently Stated Emotion(s):

Anxious (17 occurrences)

Worried (15 occurrences)

Bad (27 occurrences)

Positive (23 occurrences) [NOTE: this is more than likely because I commonly said, “I want to keep positive”, not necessarily “I am feeling positive”]

Frequently Said Phrase(s):

“I don’t know”

“I feel like”

“I don’t want”/”Don’t want to”

“I’m trying my best”/”trying my best”

“Not really looking forward”

“I got a lot done today”

“I have so much homework to do”

“It’s going to be good”/”Going to be a good day”

Keep in mind, I had to parse through a lot of words that were frequently said that were not significant enough to include in this analysis (”fluff” words like really, like, so, etc.). I included only the words and phrases that I felt were specific/informative enough to shed light on this experiment and what it uncovered (so, in a way, this data is kind of biased).

Finally, I transcribed the full-length compilation again using VideoGrep and created some supercuts of common words/phrases. I will note that the transcription tool on VideoGrep seemed kind of off, so I am sure the supercuts I created only depict some of the occurrences of the words/phrases (not all). However, I wanted to create some supercuts just for fun and possibly to use bits and pieces of for my documentation video. It was more of a supplemental exploration than a substantial piece of analysis! Below are the supercuts I made and posted onto my YouTube channel playlist:

“Anxious” Supercut:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRj7C1R6ywo

“Homework” Supercut:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tS-bLptG6NE

“School” Supercut:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkLCsb9ssYM

“Stressed” Supercut:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gN0rCdjSOkg

“Stressful” Supercut:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASBW9yopCYE

“Worried” Supercut:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOBGJwNGqcE

“Worry” Supercut:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypIGuD3SKJc

Overall, I made a ton of progress this week in terms of analyzing all the footage that was taken throughout the course of the 40 days and making sense of it all! Now, I will be moving forward with finalizing the script for my documentation video and getting that made!

Here is the link to my analysis doc if you’d like to take a looksie:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_RqEf_Qp3M0Yq2ATBbePwaE5RPgm-M1l2Ht0_wDNPYU/edit?usp=sharing

Until next week :)

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Progress Report #8: Filming Coming to a Close, Staying Proactive for Next Steps

We are officially in the last few days of filming! I honestly can’t believe it’s almost been 40 days already. Saturday, November 9th will be the 40th (and last) filming day, so this week I spent a bit of time getting everything together to make next week (the “analysis phase”) more smooth and less stressful!

First, I compiled all the footage previously taken (and continue to compile footage as I film them) into the full-length feature version of this project. This was a task I previously set aside for after filming, but it is actually almost done and will be fully completed at the end of the day on November 9th. This will make my life a lot easier next week, as it eliminates a step from the “analysis phase”!

Secondly, I created a template document for the “analysis” that will be done next week. Below is a screenshot of the document as it stands right now:

As you can see, I divided the document into three major sections: word analytics, general observations/content messages, and audience outreach analytics. For each section, I have specific entries (i.e., “Frequently Said Word(s)” and “Subscriber Change (Past 28 Days)”). These entries will be the specific things I will be analyzing come next week. By constructing this outline, I have a clear list of what to look for during the “analysis phase” and an easy way to write down my findings. As I watch the full-length feature, I will also add any other entries to the list that I may not have thought of as of right now. This is just a preliminary outline of the things I am initially thinking for the “analysis”.

That is pretty much it for this week! Now that I’ve basically eliminated the full-length feature compilation step and created this outline, all I will have to worry about next week is watching the full-length version completely through and filling out the outline with my observations/analysis. Then, I’m off to write the script for my documentation video and edit it together and that will be it!

More to come next week! :)

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Midterm Blog Post

First Project Prototype/Progress

As of today, I have filmed and uploaded a total of 27 videos onto the YouTube channel playlist dedicated for my 40-day vlog experiment! That means that I have only 13 more days (including today) of filming and uploading. Over the course of these past 27 days, I have not missed a single day of filming, uploading, or any “check-in”. I am very proud of myself on sticking to my regimen and continuing this ritual for these 27 days, no matter how crazy my life was during those days or how much I may not have wanted to broadcast my life on certain days! Below are some photos of the fully populated YouTube channel playlist, as well as some screenshots of some individual videos that belong to the experiment/playlist.

A screenshot of the fully populated YouTube channel playlist dedicated to this experiment.

A screenshot of my most recent video (10.27.19)

A screenshot of a video filmed roughly halfway into the experiment (10.14.19)

A screenshot of a video filmed toward the beginning of the experiment (10.3.19)

In addition to being over halfway done with the vlog experiment, I also have done some preliminary analysis on general patterns, themes, and transformations the project has experienced through the course of the experiment thus far. All of this analysis can be seen throughout my process blog posts. I will also list out the general analysis I’ve observed/noted below:

1) A general obsession with school work and “the grade”

2) A direct correlation between school and a lower mood

3) A general theme of severe anxiety/worry exhibited by me throughout the course of the experiment (usually involving school work, but also from other external sources)

4) A general theme of depression exhibited by me throughout the course of the experiment (usually due to the high anxiety I face from schoolwork, but also from other external sources)

5) I am generally more positive on the weekends and more negative on weekdays (this is related to the direct correlation between school and a lower mood)

6) Audience outreach (my subscriber count is increasing, I am receiving comments, direct messages, text messages, etc. as a result of the videos, engagement seems to be increasing over time, etc.)

As well as completing some preliminary, along-the-way analysis, I have also researched some analysis tools that I plan on using after the 40-day challenge is completed (and during the analysis phase of this project). These tools have been discussed on my process blog as well, but I will list them out on here as well:

1) YouTube Auto-Captioning (to transcribe my videos to later put through a word analysis tool)

2) Online-Utility.org (to analyze common words/emotions stated by me over the course of the experiment)

3) YouTube Analytics (to analyze audience engagement/outreach)

Overall, I am very on-track with my project (I am actually kind of ahead of the game, considering I’ve done some analysis along the way, which means I will have less analysis to complete come the completion of the 40-day experiment). I am very proud of my progress and how dedicated I have been to the entire project. I’m also looking forward to how the project transforms even further as I continue to work on it!

Midterm Demo Feedback

I received a bunch of amazing and insightful feedback from everyone on Midterm Demo Day. One of the first pieces of feedback I got was about how I would like to “brand” my project moving forward (and especially for the documentation video). The person I spoke to asked me what I would like to get out of this project/what I would like to use it for and urged me to try to reverse-engineer the project to then fit that “brand” or image. With that in mind, I thought about it, and I was thinking that I could possibly brand the project as a project with many brands. Since the project has taken on many forms throughout its lifetime (going from an experiment into authenticity on our online platforms to becoming a commentary on the flaws of the university system to a self-reflective video diary on my struggles with anxiety/depression), I am thinking that the best way to brand this project is to embrace its many forms and transformations. Although in the past, I viewed the documentation video as more of a result share-out (in which I would discuss the “results” of the experiment, like the most commonly said word, most watched video, etc.), I am thinking now instead of using it as a glimpse into the project’s many transformations (perhaps the transformations of the project are the results of the experiment). With this idea in mind, I am getting a better feel for what the documentation video is going to look like (something that I was quite worried about recently, considering there’s so many ways to “brand”/position this project).

Another piece of feedback that particularly stuck out to me was Luke DuBois’ feedback on trying to get others to partake in this challenge once it is over (via the documentation video). I absolutely LOVED this idea, and I’m honestly mad it wasn’t my own idea! When it comes time to write the script for the documentation video, I will be sure to play around with this idea and include something/some sort of hook to get others to feel inspired to partake in this 40-day challenge.

Another person I spoke with during the demo was my project mentor, Bill Tunnicliffe. Bill is a filmmaker by trade, so his feedback was a bit more about the entertainment factor of the project than the experimental, analytical aspect of it. He also seemed very concerned about the fact that the key research question is about authenticity, but my videos are not achieving full authenticity (for instance, even though I am not editing much, I am still editing the clips by compiling them together and watching them back. Also, I am reading the comments and text messages and direct messages that are being sent to me throughout the course of the experiment, which Bill thinks is problematic because it is subconsciously altering what I say in the videos and is therefore turning the project into a “ship that is being steered rather than a voyage after its done”). I completely understand Bill’s concerns, as I am aware that the videos are not fully authentic (for all the reasons Bill mentioned, there is still a level, be it a low one, of self-curation going on within this project). However, I think that I can address this in the documentation video by saying that the project was born out of the desire to employ techniques that would make for a more authentic vlog series than that of the average YouTube vlogger, but that the project has transformed into something different over time (again, a commentary on school, a documentation of someone who lives with anxiety/depression, etc.). I think that would clear the air on what this project is and what it has become over time (because I am aware that if I brand it solely as an “authentic vlog series”, one could fire all the things Bill fired at me at the demo).

As far as the documentation video goes, however, Bill thought I have a lot to work with and can make a really whacky, fun, and humorous video that encapsulates the transformation of the project over time. This was relieving to hear, because again, the documentation video is the one aspect of this project that’s been bugging me/worrying me the most.

Overall, I think the feedback I received during the midterm demo was all very insightful on how I should move forward with my documentation video (and what I should discuss in it). Everyone I spoke to also expressed how revealing and interesting the project is, which I appreciated. Everyone seemed to really enjoy the concept and they all commended me for my progress and dedication to stay on track with the challenge.

All this being said, I feel rejuvenated about my project and have a much clearer vision on the next steps. Now, it’s time to finish filming and move into the analysis/documentation video phase!

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Progress Report #7: Continuing Filming & Researching Analysis Tools

This week, I continued filming and I am now officially more than halfway done with the 40-day challenge! So exciting! Since the end is near, and I haven’t particularly observed any new themes or patterns this week, I decided to research some tools that I could potentially use to analyze the footage later on this semester. Below are some awesome tools that I’ve found and plan on using:

1) YouTube Auto-Captioning

One tool in particular that I came across and absolutely loved was the YouTube auto-captioning tool. As a YouTube Studio user, a creator can just click a button on their Video Manager portal and YouTube will instantaneously and automatically generate captioning for a video posted onto their channel. When I tested it out on one of my most recent videos, I was shocked by both how fast/easy the process was but also how accurate the auto-captioning was as well. It wasn’t 100% accurate, but it was definitely around 95% accurate (if I had to guess a rough number of accuracy). There were maybe one or two words that were missed by the software. I looked into the Google Docs text to speech generator for my project as well, but that software was scarily inaccurate. It was a mess. The YouTube auto-captioning tool was much more accurate and easy to use. Plus, it is such a convenient tool for this project, considering all the footage and videos are already posted onto the platform, so like I said, all it will take is me clicking a button and a video will be transcribed. I also find it apt to use a tool within the YouTube platform, since this project is very much rooted in the platform and its capabilities.

2) Online-Utility.org

Another tool that I found that seemed great was online-utility.org. On this website, there is a text analysis tool where you can paste a transcription (or any text for that matter) into a text box and a piece of software will analyze the most frequent words/phrases within the text. This is going to be a great tool for me to use to analyze the most commonly said word(s) and most commonly felt emotion throughout the course of the experiment. I actually did a test run using the auto transcription from my most recent video and the most commonly said word was “I”, while the most commonly said (and therefore felt) emotion was “positive”. I’m definitely going to use this tool moving forward once I transcribe the feature-film footage compilation.

3) YouTube Analytics

The YouTube analytics tool is not something I discovered this week (I’ve known about it for a while now), but I think it is notable to include in this blog post considering I do plan on using it come analysis-time to measure how audiences viewed/interacted with the videos and what qualitative data can be extracted from these interactions. Already, the YouTube analytics tool can tell me how my subscriber count has changed since I first started the 40-day challenge, as well as how many minutes of content was watched by my audience over the course of the experiment (and how this number compares to the minutes watched before the experiment). Audience engagement on my channel has increased by over 999% over the course of the experiment, which is wild and surreal to think about. I am most definitely going to use this tool to further measure audience engagement and outreach on my videos, as it is a simple, clear, and user-friendly tool.

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Progress Report #6: Interesting and Unexpected Content Messages

We are now 18 days into the experiment (almost halfway in!), and I think it’s safe to say that this project is starting to take a different turn...

Although the project was conceived as a commentary on authenticity, online personas, and YouTube vlogging culture, the content of the videos is beginning to comment on a much different concept: the role the American university system plays on mental illness.

A HUGE pattern that is emerging throughout the content is an obsession with school, homework, and “the grade”— an obsession that is causing me severe anxiety, worry, and depression. Almost all that I talk about in the vlogs is my schoolwork, how I’m worried about getting it all done, and how I’m worried about my grades. Even on weekends, when I am not in class, I still worry about school and homework.

The only vlogs where I exhibited full happiness and joy were the vlogs filmed while I was on a small trip to Woodstock, far away from school and any school-related responsibilities. This leads me to believe that my emotional instability, severe angst, and raging depression is mostly (if not wholly) caused by school and the potential of getting a bad grade.

The project is still naturally exploring the idea of achieving authenticity on an online platform. However, the content is starting to explore how “the grade” negatively impacts the psyche of the student and causes insurmountable stress and obsessive behavior. Moreover, it visually represents the grueling pressures the American university system places on the student, and how these pressures are unhealthy and toxic.

I wonder if this general theme/message will continue over the course of the 40 days, or if it will diminish over time. My guess is that it will continue, but I am not too sure. All I know is that I am beginning to see that most, if not all, of my negative emotions are experienced as a result of school, and that is an eye-opening revelation, because it says a lot about the American university system and how it may not be as successful of a system as we think...

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Progress Report #5: Themes and Patterns Begin to Emerge

This week, I continued on with the filming process (the filming process will continue for about another four weeks, so bare with me—my progress reports will be pretty repetitive over the next month or so).

One challenge I’ve been facing is trying to film at the same angle for each clip. I’ve been using a small tripod to try to do this, but I don’t have the tripod on me at all times (especially for the afternoon check-ins, as I’m usually out and about in the middle of the day), so I usually have at least one clip a day that is filmed handheld (and therefore, at a different angle than the rest of the clips). I don’t think that this is necessarily a huge problem, but my project mentor suggested that I try to film at the same angle for every check-in, so that way when I edit my footage into a short documentation video, the cuts won’t be so jarring and all over the place. Maybe in the week to come I’ll carry the tripod with me at all times to ensure that I film at the same angle for each clip.

Aside from that little hiccup, overall the experiment has been going great. I’ve already begun to notice some themes and patterns emerging. Here are my observations thus far:

1) Theme of Anxiety/Worry/Depression: I’ve come to notice that at least for one clip every day, I speak about my worries and what is causing me anxiety and/or sadness. Actually, most of the clips I’ve recorded thus far speak on this. I really did not realize how anxious and worrisome I am, so seeing this theme emerge throughout the recording/filming process was a bit on the shocking side to me. I wonder if this theme will continue throughout the experiment, or if my perspective will change over time. As of right now, however, it seems as though I am in a constant state of angst and sadness.

2) Weekend vs. Weekday Patterns: I’ve also noticed that my mood is generally very low (and I’m more prone to cry/feel overwhelmed) on the weekdays, while my spirits are somewhat higher on the weekends (though, I will say, even though I feel slightly better on the weekends, I still have noticed that I exhibit a fair share of worry and angst during my weekend check-ins). Generally, I am very overwhelmed and anxious while I am going through the muck of school and classes during the week, and I am a bit more calm on the weekends.

So far, this is all that I have noticed, but I have a good four weeks more of filming and observation, followed by a period of analysis, so I think I am definitely on track and on the road for some great breakthroughs and work moving forward.

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Progress Report #4: Last Refinements and Filming Begins!

This week, I wrapped up my project’s planning process with a couple small refinements and began the filming stage (so exciting)! Below is what went down:

First, I refined the protocol of the experiment a bit. Instead of filming six times a day, I decided to cut that down to three times (once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and once at night). I decided to do this because I realized that my emotions more than likely wouldn’t fluctuate that much within each “section” (i.e., morning, afternoon, night) of the day.

I also refined the filming process by limiting each clip to only 1 minute long. So, each day, I’ll film three minutes of footage, and by the end of the 40-day challenge, I’ll have about 120 minutes (2 hours worth of footage). I put this parameter on the filming process to make the playback/analysis stage of the project a lot easier on myself and less time-consuming.

I started filming on October 1st! Here are a few stills from footage I’ve gathered thus far:

Overall, I’m really happy with how the filming process is going. I believe that each video is an accurate depiction of how I felt throughout the day thus far, and that I’m capturing/exhibiting a wide array of emotion in each video. I’m also already noticing patterns, namely that throughout a day, I usually either start low and end high or start high and end low (so far I haven’t noticed any flat trends, only upward or downward).

I’m also taken back by the reception I’m getting on these videos. I’ve been promoting the series on my Instagram, and I have gotten so many messages from people who barely even speak to me about how they’ve been enjoying watching each day’s video and seeing what I experience emotionally daily. I’ve actually been getting likes and comments on the videos too. This was absolutely unexpected for me, but I’m really glad it happened, because I can discuss this in the documentation video and in the analysis phase of the project.

From here, it’s more filming for another five weeks or so, but I’ll be sure to post my findings for each week onto this blog. I’m excited to see what else emerges as I film!

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Response to Jeffrey Silverstein’s “How To Balance Full-Time Work With Creative Projects”

This week, I read Jeffrey Silverstein’s guide on how to balance full-time work with creative projects, published on The Creative Independent’s website. I absolutely loved this guide. It was honestly what I needed to hear right now, as I’m currently undergoing a bit of a creative and spiritual crisis regarding the end of my college career. Lately, I’ve been feeling like staying in school is hindering me in many ways, especially in my ability to work on my creative projects (I’ve been feeling this way since the start of last semester, so it’s been a grueling year of fighting against my desire to work on my projects to focus on school). I’ve been feeling like emotionally, physically, and spiritually, school has really been taking a toll on me, and it leaves me no energy to work on what I want to work on (and things that will make me money).

This article was insightful because it taught me that in this day and age, only a select few get to work on their creative projects without distraction or without also keeping a day job. A lot of times, I beat myself up because I feel like I need to be a full-time artist already. However, Silverstein really opened my eyes to the idea that there really isn’t such a thing as a full-time artist (unless you are insanely blessed financially). Hearing this, I feel more at ease at where I am right now in my life and my current circumstances.

I also loved how Silverstein discussed the need to “recharge” and take a step back when things get too fast. I feel like one of the biggest faults of the education system is that many times, professors and educators expect students to work all the time and take no breathers. I especially feel this during this semester. I’ve been feeling very guilty this semester when I do take time off from schoolwork because there is just so much work to do on any given day. However, this article made me realize that taking a step back can actually be very beneficial for all parties: myself, my work, my professors (who will view and assess my work), etc. I just need to be a little less hard on myself and everything will fall into place.

Overall, I loved this reading and all the things Silverstein had to say in it. I’ll be sure to read more articles and guides on The Creative Independent in the future.

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Progress Report #3: More Refining

This week, I did some more refining in terms of my project idea. I believe this is the final stage of refinement/brainstorming for the project, so moving forward, I can move on to the project’s creation stage.

My project has solidified greatly over the course of this week. Below is an outline of my near-final (if not final-final) project idea:

Title: In My Feelings: A Vlog Experiment

Brief Description: A 40-day challenge in which I will be documenting my emotions daily on film in an attempt to better understand my individual emotional patterns and how human beings as a whole get swayed by the powerful waves of emotion on minute-by-minute, day-by-day, and month-by-month bases.

Format/Protocol: Each day, I will film myself six times (twice in the morning, twice in the afternoon, and twice at night) and will document on camera what I am feeling and why I am feeling that way (i.e., “Good morning everyone. I’m not gonna lie, I feel super stressed this morning because I have so much to do today for school and…”). Then, after a day’s worth of footage is filmed, I will compile all the footage for that day into a larger compilation-style video of all that day’s clips. That video will then be posted onto a YouTube channel playlist dedicated solely for the experiment. By the end of the 40 days, I will have an archive of forty vlogs published on the playlist.

Project Mission: To create a video archive of the vast array of emotion I experience hourly, daily, and weekly. It is primarily an experiment for self-reflection, to observe patterns in my emotions (which emotions are more frequently felt, which emotions are felt at which parts of the day/week/month, etc.), and to objectively view myself and my emotional stability as an individual. The experiment will also act as a way to better understand how humans feel and the power of emotion in the human experience.

Why 40 Days?: The project will encompass forty days as a play on Baron Baptiste’s 40 Days to Personal Revolution, a spiritual and self-help book that challenges its readers to partake in forty days of yoga, meditation, nutrition, and journaling.

In addition to all this idea refining, I also did extensive research on my topic/idea and wrote a research report that laid out all the research I found. This helped me further get into the spirit of the project and get inspired to start already!

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Visit to the Museum of the Moving Image

To get some more inspiration for my project, I decided to visit the Museum of the Moving Image in Astoria, Queens. The museum is a small collection of galleries and installations that surround the history and art of cinema, and although I will be embarking on a video diary project that will be more of a cellphone cinema project than a traditional film project, I thought that visiting the museum and learning more about the roots/beginnings of cinema/the moving image would ignite me as I begin working on my thesis.

One of my favorite installations that I saw at the museum was the Behind the Screen installation. The installation encompassed almost every aspect of a film’s production, from filming to editing to special fx to even wardrobe design. It also included some displays that showcased the marketing aspect of filmmaking (how movies make money long after they’ve been made and shown through things like toys, franchised products, etc.) Although my senior thesis will be a more pared-down piece that won’t necessarily have all these stages of development, this installation excited me beyond measure. I felt the spark in my chest that originally pushed me into the film industry as I perused through the displays that showcased props and models and prosthetics for classics like The Godfather, Citizen Kane, The Wiz, etc. Every bit of this installation fueled me in my desire to be a filmmaker and assured me that this is indeed the field that I love so dearly.

An old editing deck used to cut and edit film.

The mask from The Mask!

Marlon Brando’s bust and dental prosthetic for The Godfather.

The Behind The Scenes installation also had an extensive collection of film cameras throughout the years which I loved. Although I’ll be using a digital phone camera for my project, it was amazing to see the history of the camera laid out before my very eyes and see how far the film camera has come over the past century.

Film cameras throughout the years on display at the Behind the Screen installation.

Finally, I saw the museum’s Jim Henson exhibit, which, I have to say, was probably the highlight of the entire visit (kind of unexpected as I didn’t even know that there was an exhibit on his films there and because prior to today, I would’ve never thought that the works of Jim Henson would be an inspiration for my senior thesis). I absolutely loved the Henson exhibit. It was full of Henson’s personal notes for each of his famous films (my favorites were The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth), as well as some of his most iconic puppets, including Kermit and Miss Piggy. There was also a screening of some behind the scenes footage from his movies, which I loved as well because it thoroughly discussed how Henson was able to give life to his puppets and create the vast worlds of Dark Crystal and Labyrinth. It was absolutely awesome and really shed a ton of insight into the world of puppetry, which I didn’t have much knowledge on prior to my visit.

Some of Jim Henson’s notes for The Muppet Show on display.

Statler and Waldorf!

Character models used for the development of The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance.

Character bust for The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance.

Overall, although there wasn’t much on display about vlogging or video diaries, the museum was full on information and displays on the moving image as a whole, which really inspired me and connected me back to undeniable love for filmmaking. It inspired me to keep going in my filmmaking endeavors, to open my mind to new genres and work that I haven’t really dived too deep into yet (like the works of Henson), and to keep making videos, no matter what they are.

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Progress Report #2

This week, I spent most of my time on this project brainstorming and shaping my ideas for it, so as to have a clear plan moving forward in the next couple weeks when the momentum of the semester picks up.

First, I really wanted to hone in on the idea and format of the piece. I knew that I wanted to create a video/”vlog” series that would follow me throughout my day-to-day life and accurately document the way I live (all the struggles, obstacles, exciting times, mundane times, fun, stress, etc.— everything), as an experiment to go against the grain of traditional vlogging, in which content creators curate the best parts of themselves/their lives to present to their virtual audiences. The original plan was to shoot and edit vlogs every 2-2.5 weeks for a total of 4-5 vlogs by the end of the semester.

However, I found myself falling into a trap I know all too well as I leaned toward this original concept— the trap of perfectionism. I have, for as long as I can remember, an undeniable urge to make all my work perfect, and I have realized lately that this thirst for perfection is actually hindering my creativity and artistic expression because I am too afraid to be messy and too afraid to fail. As a result, my projects are immaculate, but, I’m starting to realize, not as bold or experimental as I would like them to be. I found myself last week saying, “Okay, I should set aside two full days to edit for each vlog because it needs to look as polished and presentable as possible. What if they don’t look polished? Which clips should I omit and which should I keep to create the most polished, perfect vlogs?” As you can tell, each of those thoughts fundamentally betray the original intent for the project (accurately documenting my life, not curating myself, etc.) because of my need to be perfect. I was spiraling into something I have done countless times in my career and something I crave to break out of. So I knew I needed a change in my concept.

I don’t want to make something “perfect” for my senior thesis. I truly want to experiment, to feel free, and to dive into the unknown. I want to be uncomfortable. I want to abolish my fear of failure.

To satisfy these cravings, I went back to the drawing board and refined my idea, and I have to say, I’m very happy and excited about this new concept moving forward.

The concept will be a “100 days 100 things to do”-style experiment where I will, for a period of time (I’m thinking 2 months for a total of 60 days), vlog every day by filming at least 6 “check-in”s or clips a day (2 in the morning, 2 in the afternoon/midday, and 2 at night), piece the clips together in one video (barely editing; literally just putting each clip back to back in a larger video that comprises of all the clips from the day), and posting this video onto a YouTube channel dedicated for this experiment. The idea is to do this every day for 60 days, so a total of 60 “vlogs” or “day documentations” are completed by the end of the experiment. The collection of videos at the end of the experiment will, therefore, be an archive of daily “video diaries” of the two months of life that they document.

My intent for this experiment, again, is to accurately depict each day as I live them, but also to archive all that footage in a larger project/collection to see what themes/ideas/philosophies/things emerge from this exercise as I continue on with it (I am hopeful that the momentum of the project will bring forth something unexpected and interesting over the course of the exercise).

This project is something that I think will challenge me more than my original idea of a vlog series comprising of 4-5 polished vlogs, because it will allow me to be as raw and genuine as possible. I’ve realized that editing my footage into polished vlogs is an act of curation in itself, and I want to try to silence the curator (and the perfectionist) within me and bring forth the experimenter/tinkerer/fearless artist. I’m looking forward to the unknown aspect of the piece, as I really don’t know what the outcome will be from it, which is something I’ve never done before (I always have been an outcome-based person). I believe that this project will help me transcend as a person and will teach me how to let go of habits and ideologies that I’ve clung to in the past, and I believe that it will be an insanely rewarding piece for me as an artist and creative.

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Progress Report #1

It’s only the first week of senior thesis, but I’ve actually already made some progress on some initial stages of my idea that I’d like to share.

First off, I am almost certain that I want to make a vlog series for my thesis, and I’ve had this inclination for a few weeks now, so I’ve actually made some preparations over the course of the past month or so to get the ball rolling on this idea.

About a month ago, I did a massive brainstorm session on how I wanted to make the vlogs and what I wanted to include in them to make them stand out from all the other content creators on YouTube. I decided that I wanted the vlog to be mostly informal (using my iPhone X to shoot), but that also had formal elements (visual effects, original music, etc.).

I also decided what kind of overall vibe I wanted to give the piece/series (style and overall aesthetic). As a lover of 60s and 70s Americana, I decided to have elements from both eras incorporated into the style of the piece (credit typography, visual effects, music, etc.)

Knowing that I can’t possibly compose my own original music, I’ve met up with a family friend who is also a composer/musician and told him my general vision for the music (late 60s psychedelia, 70s disco, and 70s hard rock as key influences), as well as what pieces I would need for the series. I informed him that I would need a 15-second intro track, a 15-second outro track, 2 background tracks, and about 5 5-second transitional tracks to get from one clip to another if all else fails in the edit room.

Over the course of the last few weeks, Tony has been wonderfull with synthesizing all this information regarding the music and communicating on the status of everything. As of right now, he is actually already in the midst of composing the intro track and a Pink Floyd-era instrumental to use as a background track. As each week passes, more progress will be made on the music and I will most definitely post about it here!

I’ve already reached out to another friend about visual effects last week, and he was super stoked to work on the project and crank out an intro card, outro card, and some transition cards as well. We are still planning out a day to film the necessary clips for those graphics cards, so stay tuned on that, but as of right now, there is already a conversation in effect between Rob and I regarding these elements, as well as a general plan on what each element will look like.

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lenaysworld · 5 years ago

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Arena Link & Response

Link to Arena channel: https://www.are.na/lenay-demetrious/projects-research-of-inspiration

As I continue to think about my senior thesis idea, I really seem to be drawn to my first idea, which is to launch a YouTube vlog series that follows me and documents my life throughout the semester. Because I’m strongly leaning toward this idea, I decided to populate my Arena channel with projects and pieces of research that primarily explore vlogging and the YouTube platform.

Some creators that have been so inspiring for me over the years (and have actually implanted the thought in my head to create a vlog series myself) are:

1) CatCreature, an art student at RISD who documents her life through weekly vlogs

2) Brooke Mooney, a childhood friend of mine who just recently launched a YouTube channel that follows her life as one of five children in a large Long Island family

3) ViolinMD, a third-year medical resident who vlogs her (insane) 24-26 hour call shifts

4) NinaUnrated Vlogs, a stripper who vlogs about work, being a content creator, and her brutal legal battle to attain custody of her son

5) Eve Cornwell, a young lawyer from the UK who has vlogged everything from her absolutely painful exam weeks to internships to now her new full-time job (!!)

and

6) Shane Dawson, a veteran YouTuber who vlogs his friends and him visiting new states, haunted hotels, haunted ships, etc.

What I love about all these channels and vlog series is that they are all so wildly different; the beauty of YouTube is that it truly showcases the originality and individuality of a person through tangible videos produced by the creator. I also love how most of these content creators have stressful and not-so-glamorous lives, because prior to watching their videos, I honestly thought the only YouTube creators that could get views are those that lived glamorously, traveling the world and eating gourmet food and being flown out by Louis Vuitton to attend NYFW. However, all these content creators prove otherwise, and because of that, because they can make things like a 26-hour call shift and studying for law school exams entertaining, I have the courage to document my life, which can be mundane and “normal” at times.

I also populated my channel with some pieces of research that have opened my eyes a bit to the business part of YouTube (and what dangers to look out for). Something that I’ve learned is that YouTube has just been hit with a hefty fine for violating the U.S. Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA), which is now affecting hundreds of content creators, as Forbes has reported that “for videos targeted to kids, YouTube will be halting all personalized ads and removing features like comments and notifications in the coming months”. This will be a huge hit for creators in this sub-community of the platform in terms of post engagement, and therefore, profit. I am not necessarily planning on creating kid-targeted content for my senior thesis, but this is something to keep in the back of my head moving forward, as it reflects the seemingly warped ethics of YouTube, which may or may not affect me in the future.

Another issue that I’ve come across in these research pieces is the question of how YouTube and vlogging affects a creator’s mental health. According to Tech Times, YouTube is rolling out a new policy to “abbreviate” or only partially display a creator’s subscriber count as a way to combat creator stress and to promote better well-being across their army of creators. Though YouTube’s ethics can be questioned in the case of their COPPA violation, they can be commended for this newly implemented policy, which shows their concern for their creators’ mental health.

I’ve also included a TED Talk about how vlogging can turn loneliness into a good thing, which I found interesting and insightful as I embark on my vlogging journey, as well as a fun piece that explains why some celebrities are turning to YouTube/vlogging recently. Finally, I’ve included a piece about sponsorships between brands and content creators that I found fascinating and enlightening, because I may be in a position a little further down the line where brands may come to me to promote their product through my videos.

This brief amount of research has already opened my eyes to the “bigger picture” and business of YouTube, and more specifically, the vlogging community that belongs to the platform. I’m excited to research and learn more about both the dangers and benefits of the platform, which will then enlighten and inform me on how I should move forward with my vlog series/channel.

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