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“As a child I paid very little attention to authors’ names; they were irrelevant; I did not believe in authors. To be perfectly candid, this is still true. I do not believe in authors. A book exists, it’s there. The author isn’t there — some grown-up you never met — may even be dead. The book is what is real. You read it, you and it form a relationship, perhaps a trivial one, perhaps a deep and lasting one. As you read it word by word and page by page, you participate in its creation, just as a cellist playing a Bach suite participates, note by note, in the creation, the coming-to-be, the existence, of the music. And, as you read and reread, the book of course participates in the creation of you, your thoughts and feelings, the size and temper of your soul. Where, in all this, does the author come in? Like the God of the eighteenth-century deists, only at the beginning. Long ago, before you and the book met each other. The author’s work is done, complete; the ongoing work, the present act of creation, is a collaboration by the words that stand on the page and the eyes that read them.”

- Ursula K. Le Guin, from “Books Remembered,” Children’s Book Council Calendar xxxvi:2 (November 1977)

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I could go on about all the ways that people misinterpret Jane Austen but one of the biggest is that Mary Bennet isn’t secretly smart or some misunderstood nerd hero, she is just as stupid as Lydia is, just in a self-important preachy way rather than a more extroverted party-girl way. Her character is focused on her being the most pious, morally-upright person in the room, who judges everyone around her for not living up to her standards that she fits mostly by not doing anything. Granted, a lot of adaptations also get this wrong, or just don’t spend enough time on her (she’s probably the least relevant Bennet sister to the larger plot, so she’s easy to sideline in that way in a more condensed version). But I also find it interesting that a lot of people who get this wrong it’s for….telling reasons. Because Mary is (in some ways) a cautionary tale about people who think they’re smart just because they read, even if they are incurious, closed-minded people who don’t understand what they're reading. I feel very strongly that a modern-day Mary Bennet would be the sort of person who fetishizes being a “reader” but all they read is YA, when they aren’t leaving middling Goodreads reviews on history books for having “too much detail.” And/or someone who harshly judges strangers with actual lives for not fitting strictly into the esoteric discourse norms of the extremely online. And it’s those people you see the most often getting Mary wrong or trying to twist her into something she’s not (and usually into someone whom Austen’s Mary would piously turn up her nose at, natch).

Interestingly, there is a character in Austen who is basically, or at least a lot more like, the character people want Mary to be — Fanny Price from Mansfield Park — and yet I feel like the same people are really unfairly hard on her?

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Six of Crows fore edge ✨

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The Stratford Festival has released their Richard II (aka Disco Richard) trailer:

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Obsessed with the fact that this really happened😳

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@academia-lucifer

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Georgia Aquarium 7/5/23

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This song speaks to my anxiety, my religious trauma, my people pleasing nature. There are obstacles beyond my control but there’s no reason that I have to be an obstacle to myself.

“No more letting someone else defining you to a T

You know that you are strong. You’ve known it all along.”

It is true most liberating sentiment imaginable to realize that I am worthy and capable by virtue of being myself. My challenge to myself is to remember that I am strong and resilient by nature. I will be soft to myself and I will be kind to others. I will be vulnerable with others and I will respect myself.

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A terrible poem in memorium of my bicycle

My bike was stolen.

It was the bike that I built with my dad, that was so old that the gears didn’t shift anymore.

It was a mountain bike that I used more like a road bike.

I used it to prepare for an amazing biking trip, an experience that reminded me of my own strength

I biked to work and school

My bike gave me options and mobility, a quick turnaround

I’ll replace it.

But for now, I’ll walk

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i went to a tiny counterserve diner once and accidentally poured sugar instead of salt all over my hashbrowns and was eating them sadly anyways. the waitress took them away and started making me another one and I tried to protest, but she just snorted and said "we're not catholic here". now every time i'm doing something painful out of obligation i think about how that is not repenting, this body is not a catholic establishment, there is no nobility in suffering.

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i’ve heard a lot of people say “don’t reach out to your friends first and see how many people will remain in your life. those are your true friends” and i get it. it sucks and it’s tiring constantly being the one to message first, to initiate hang outs but don’t take this so literally. some friendships require initiation. i have lost touch with so many people who genuinely cared about me and wanted me in their life because i stopped reaching out. it’s a hard pill to swallow but honestly some people just suck at it and it doesn’t mean they don’t love and value you. i’ve reconnected with some people over the past few months and it’s crazy how genuinely happy they are to see me and how engaged they are in the conversation. i just think sometimes we’re too harsh on each other & too quick to emphasize other peoples flaws and remove them from our lives but then we’ll all be alone and what’s the point of life then!!!!

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Sunday morning reset

6/25

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Bike tour through the Wichita Wildlife Refuge 6/23-6/24

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Happy Summer Solstice! 6/21/23

I did not take aesthetic photos today 😔 but it was a very good day. I stayed decently focused working from home, wrote a piece that I’ve been meaning to get to, made a new friend on tumblr and the forest app :) (open to make more as well), and ran a delightful dnd session. Tomorrow will be some dedicated grind time for my unit plan, because the conference I will share it at is right around the corner

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