lelaevon

[lelaevon]

Blog 10: Submissions

I’ve only submitted one short story before. It was to Clayton State’s annual Stanley Cyrus Award. I submitted simply because it was the first short story I’d ever finished (It was for my Intro to Creative Writing class.) I expected rejection and that’s exactly what I got. I went back and read it recently and I understand why it wasn’t selected.

For this piece, however, I have a bit more confidence. I already have a couple of fiction scholarships saved that I’ll submit to. I read @llasher4​’s blog and saw a couple of really helpful things. First, I didn’t know there was a required formatting for submissions. Ashley provided a link to an example which I downloaded as a pdf. Second, I saved the Duotrope website she suggested and plan to create my own profile once I start working again. $5/month is definitely worth it if it makes narrowing submission options easier. I opened a Submittable account and I plan to submit to the CYGNET and the Stanley Cyrus Award next year. In his article “Simplifying Your Submissions,” John Sibley Williams says: “Submit. Submit. Submit.” It really is a simple way to objectively improve your chances of getting submitted.

The most important task left is re-revision. I know Dr. Byrd will provide feedback that’ll help me determine what I need to change, take out, or keep the same. I want to be satisfied with my story before I send it anywhere. However, I am a perfectionist and will edit a piece for ten years if I don’t set a deadline for myself. So, I’m giving myself until the end of this month to “perfect” it and then I’ll begin submitting. I fully expect rejection. Partially because it’s been drilled into me that rejection is a part of creative writing. But also because this is my first bona fide piece of fiction. What are the chances it gets published? I’m hopeful, of course. But realistically, I don’t expect it. But I’ll write more stories and keep submitting and, eventually, I’ll get published.  

[lelaevon]

Blog 9: Re(vision)

The revision process. I, first, would like to thank @linzabriar​ and @llasher4​ for their constructive feedback. Before the workshop, I didn’t feel confident in my story, and I didn’t know what else to do. I had a breakthrough based on the feedback I received which made me realize just how important feedback is.  Even though I’m telling the story, the reader’s ability to understand is my highest priority. Anything that takes them out of the story, whether it be a misspelled word or a confusing name, must be reconciled for my story to be worth reading. Kardos says, “Writer’s don’t get to explain their stories. Stories must speak for themselves,” (171).

Fiction writing is simultaneously exciting and excruciating. I’ve always been a decent nonfiction writer. I can write a five-page grade-A research paper in two hour’s tops. But fiction? Fiction is a different beast not easily slain.

Balancing telling and showing was my biggest issue. It’s not that I wouldn’t show it’s that I would show and tell. No matter how many times I reread my story, I didn’t recognize the redundancy. I recently read a book in which the author did this and I found it so annoying. I was really broken up when I realized I’d been doing the same in my work.

Once I got over the fact that my first “first draft” needed lots of work, I was able to change some ideas, move around what I already had, and write new scenes. I wrote it quickly and I actually felt good about the story--a major change from my first draft. I didn’t care about the first version like I know I should have. I even wrote my characters as unlikeable people who were equally unrelatable. How could I convince a reader to care when I didn’t? After my post-workshop breakthrough, I fell in love with my story and wanted to care for my characters the way they deserved. Their characterization was different--who they were and how they related to each other. I even changed their names kind of like Becky Hagenston did with “Midnight, Licorice, Shadow.” 

I rewrote in an hour or two. And my “good feeling” led me to foolishly believe the hard work was done. I went to bed thinking, All I have to do is make a few edits to grammar and formatting and I’ll be good to go.

I woke up and read it the next day and quickly realized that was false. That’s the excruciating part. One day you think your story is great, then the next you realize the gaping holes in logic, dialogue, plot, or whatever else. Changing the slightest thing results in a near complete story change.

Throughout the process, my feelings were all over the place. At one point I even thought I should change my aspirations if I’m this bad at writing. But perseverance was the word I learned to cling to. I love writing, and like anything else a person wants to master, it takes time. This was my first real attempt at writing fiction. I’ve always had ideas, but I’ve never actually written a “workshopped” short story. If I can get through it once, I can definitely do it again. Overall, I’ve learned to push through even when I feel lost. A revelation that can improve my fiction writing and carry me through all of life’s adventures.

[lelaevon]

Blog 8: Plot, Conflict, Climax

Complete the exercises in chapter six encouraged me to make a lot of changes to my story. For example, the exercise on page 102 made me realize that, though I had most of my story written, it lacked believable external conflict. Hazel’s goal was too abstract and her means of attaining the goal seemed meaningless. And in these last few days before our draft is due, I’m still trying to figure out how to allow her external conflict that gives narrative existence to her internal struggle, smoothly. I have, however focused on her internal conflict extensively. It’s the balance of external and internal that I’m struggling to find.

The second question on page 103’s checklist really made me reconsider how I choose each setting. I realized, again, that I hadn’t put enough significance into Hazel’s external conflict. Her “global” location of San Francisco is significant, but each scene’s setting is more so because I thought, “Yeah that’s a place people go to do stuff,” which is not enough! One thing I’m continuously reminded of is that every detail matters in fiction writing. Every word and location and conflict are meant to bring together an immaculately interconnected story that intrigues readers and is (hopefully) entertaining. It’s more than okay—it’s necessary that everything in the story have meaning even if it doesn’t move the story forward. FORM = MEANING.

As of now, my story’s form follows the classic story telling model. And I think I’ll keep it that way. I need to make sure I know how to do this common form before I start experimenting with other things. Quentin Tarantino—who Kardos refers to in chapter six—once said that once you master the elements of classic storytelling, you can change them up all you want. I’m not a huge fan of his movies but the ones I have seen show this to be true. Even the example Kardos gives—Memento—does this extremely well.

The last bit of advice that Kardos gives that I caused me to adjust my story actually comes from Chapter 8. He suggests, “You might already have written it,” in regard to the end of my story. I immediately realized my ending was basically an extended ending. The scene prior to it is sufficient, I can just add some of the dialogue and action from my “extended ending.” One thing I know for sure is that I need to keep writing to get better. I don’t think this is my best story—or best idea—but writing this story has been a great way to work out my writing muscles and find some unknown strengths and weakness.

[lelaevon]

Blog 7: Research

I already know Hazel’s location, occupation, and life story. But the originality of my story seemed poor. In chapter 7, Kardos uses Tim O’Brien’s short story “On the Rainy River” as an example of originality. He states, “Of all the jobs he could have given his young protagonist, he chose “pig declotter” . . . because the gun and gore foreshadow the character’s future as a soldier in Vietnam,” (131).

I considered changing Hazel’s occupation for the story but decided to research the job before doing away with it. I watched a couple of videos that show “A Day in the Life of a Dental Hygienist” to understand the job and figure out how I could use it creatively. According to the videos I watched, a hygienist’s ultimate job is to educate their patients about the importance of taking care of their teeth—to make them understand that not practicing seemingly small things like flossing can lead to greater health issues like heart disease. The irony of Hazel’s existence is that she lives her life ignoring small things that have led to greater mental health issues. She ignores the repressed memories of her life before being adopted making her hyper-sensitive to any mention of them (the memories). She doesn’t realize how deeply she is destroying her mental health by never dealing with her past.

The next thing I researched was adoptee guilt and survivor’s guilt. Hazel suffers from both, but mostly survivor’s guilt. Very often when individual’s survive accidents, plane crashes, or other traumatic events, they feel guilty for living. Thoughts often include, “Why did I live and others didn’t?” or “It should’ve been me,” and even, “It would have been better if I died too.” I used these two websites for this information: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201801/what-everybody-should-know-about-survivors-guilt and https://www.nohandsbutours.com/2016/12/16/survivors-guilt/ 

I had a lot of this correct in my initial conception of Hazel. For example, I assumed that she’d be a people pleaser after being adopted at such a late age. And I assumed that she would want to move back to San Francisco as an adult to feel like she was “back at home.” The ironic thing is that even though she’s moved back to San Francisco, she still hasn’t adequately dealt with the loss of her parents or found a place she can comfortably call home.

I still have so much work to do. I feel a little frustrated because I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing; like I’m imitating being a writer and failing terribly. But the only thing I can do is keep working and push through the frustration.

(The following gifs visually represent my writing process 😂)

[lelaevon]

Blog 6: POV and Choosing Perspective

My story is written in third person limited omniscient from the perspective of the main character, Hazel. Tandolfo the Great is written in close, third person limited omniscient. We are given the interiority of Tandolfo (Rodney Wilburn) only. The interiority and personalities of all other characters are inferred through dialogue and physical appearance. For example, compare the following excerpts from the story:

 Tandolfo/Rodney

“He wants to let them know he’s not like this all the time; wants to say it’s circumstances, grief, personal pain hidden inside seeming brightness and cleverness. . . ‘I would at least like to collect my rabbit,’ he says, and is appalled at the absurd sound of it—its huge difference from what he intended to say,” (Kardos 214) 

Here, we know exactly what Tandolfo is thinking—his yearning to explain why he called the birthday boy a little prick instead of going on to a new trick. Compare this with the actions of the older man who brings Chi-Chi the rabbit back to Rodney:

“an older man clearly wearing a hairpiece, brings Chi-Chi to him. ‘Bless you,’ Rodney says, staring into the man’s sleepy, deploring eyes. ‘I don’t think we’ll pay you,’ the man says . . . Rodney speaks to the man. ‘The rabbit appears to be out of fire.’ The man nods. ‘Go home and sleep it off, kid.’ ‘Right. Thank you,’ (215).

All we have are physical descriptions and dialogue to make inferences. We can infer that the man strongly disapproves Tandolfo’s behavior by his deploring eyes. And, we can infer that the old man is sympathetic to Tandolfo from his last comment suggesting Tandolfo “sleep it off.” 

Bausch writes close enough to Tandolfo that we see how pathetic he feels. However, the narration is unreliable as it is subject to Tandolfo’s judgement. We can assume that the nameless co-worker Tandolfo is in love with doesn’t feel the same because of what is revealed about their relationship. (1) She’s already engaged to someone else and (2) she inadvertently told Tandolfo he is not a marriageable man--at least not to her. 

However, we can’t accept that all of his perceptions are accurate. For example, Tandolfo believes his co-workers like him in “the way they like distant clownish figures. . . He can see it in their eyes. . . He’s a phenomenon, a subject of conversation,” (208). He’s so uninterestingly interesting that people must enjoy conversing about him as they would a “comedian whose name they can’t remember,” (208). The narrator doesn’t say Tandolfo overheard any of his coworkers talk about him, so we can assume Rodney’s belief is presumptuous as he has only “seen it in their eyes.” This belief likely stems from anxiety; a feeling one is under constant scrutiny and judgement. The reader shouldn’t assume Tandolfo’s co-workers actually feel this way about him; rather, this is how Tandolfo believes he is--or even desires--to be perceived.

Hazel has a similar anxiety-related self-important complex. Her desire to be liked motivates her to “play” unlikeable characters to bring attention to herself and reinforce a fraudulent confidence that people would “actually like her if they knew the real her.” She judges people the way she believes she is judged: harshly. Third person is best for my story because Hazel would leave out key information of any given situation to have the listener view her favorably, no matter how small or insignificant the event. Third person gives the reader access to Hazel’s thoughts and prejudices whilst ensuring every action--good and bad--is accounted for. As Kardos quotes, “Stories thrive on bad behavior, bad manners, confrontations, and unpalatable characters who by wish or by compulsion make their desires visible by creating scenes,” (124). In other words, stories thrive on chaos.

[lelaevon]

Blog 5: Setting and Description

Writing this first page was both frustrating and fun. Already I know, my first page has more setting than interiority. I am taking a screenwriting class this semester and I’m struggling to switch techniques when writing for either class. Screenwriting requires only action/detail of setting; the inner monologue of a character is forbidden unless included in dialogue as a voice over. The interiority of fiction, as Kardos says, distinguishes fiction from TV and movies.

I read chapter 5 and re-read chapter 4 to identify how to appropriately balance interiority and setting. On page 91, Kardos says, 

“If you decide to write a scene with little interiority, that’s your choice to make. But you should be making that choice rather than simply forgetting that interiority is an option.” 

I have not forgotten the option, per se, but I have not been intentional about my use of it. I realize, also, that I don’t have command over any of the third person POVs; I’ve written a little of them all, which, again, is okay if I were doing it intentionally. As I continue writing, I’ll cognitively use third person limited omniscient, which is most suitable for the story. I plan to shorten the narrative distance--as demonstrated on page 65--so the reader feels they’re inside Hazel’s mind, while retaining some objectivity.

It took me a while to find the right pacing of the story. At first, I was taking too long, using too much exposition. Then I started rushing to try and fit the whole story into the first page. 

I included some sensory details on the first page, but I can do better. I have one line, though, that I really like. Hazel is sitting in a bar and describes the drinks lining the wall as a town. The various bottle sizes look like buildings and the warm lighting behind the bottles resemble street lights.

Right now, the line says, “the town of half-filled alcohol bottles lining the wall,” but I’m considering adding the descriptions I used above to make the comparison more obvious. Kardos opens The Art and Craft of Fiction with a story in which a little girl describes people as broken toothpicks but her mother corrects her saying, “No, honey, they look like ants.” This scene Kardos described reminds me to describe what I see—how it actually looks—rather than relying on tired clichés.

There are a lot of drafts in my future! I wrote five or six for the first page and I wasn’t satisfied with the final one. I’m recognizing the hard work that goes into good writing. The words in the short stories we’ve read were likely not first drafts. Each author took time to perfect their stories. I’m grateful this class is structured around one short story; I’m able to appreciate the process of writing fiction as I experience the pressing involved in writing a quality piece.

[lelaevon]

Blog 4: Research

The research I conducted for my short story led me to better understand my central character and develop the premise of the story. Madison is no longer the protagonist but the supporting character of new, lead woman, Hazel Feign.

Hazel is a 27-year-old dental hygienist living in San Francisco who dabbles in acting. Every weekend, she dresses up as different “people” and visits restaurants/bars to test the believability of her characters. Her unique application of method acting becomes problematic when someone from her past recognizes her while she’s in character.

Hazel’s ultimate yearning is to be accepted for who she is, but she’s terribly insecure. Her attraction to method acting allows her to hide; if someone doesn’t like her, it’s not her they dislike but the character.

Using Google maps, I determined everywhere Hazel has lived since birth. Here’s her story:

On December 3, 1991, Hazel was born in Los Angeles, California to Nathaniel and Vandy O’Conner. The year of her eighth birthday, the family moved to San Francisco, 6½ hours away from LA. Five years after the move, Vandy and Nathaniel die in a car accident on their way home from a dinner party. Hazel moved around foster homes in San Francisco until she was adopted by Jennifer and Liam Feign at age 16. The Feigns live in Pleasure Point, California--an hour and a half from San Fran--with their two boys Mason (11)* and Henry (19)*. Pleasure Point has a population of 5,115 and is located on the Pacific coast, its landmark lighthouse the selling point for tourists. After high school, Hazel attended college at The University of California, Santa Cruz—20 minutes from Pleasure Point—to stay close to Jennifer, Liam, and her brothers. After college, however, she moved to Richmond District, San Francisco--thirty minutes from her childhood home in Bernal Heights--to face the repressed pain of losing her parents.

This research was fun--I feel like I’m a Californian now. 

Hazel’s adoption isn’t a significant part of the story but understanding the process seems important. I read heartwarming teenage adoption stories, that deepened my understanding of Hazel’s probable experience. At 27, she’s still learning to accept Jennifer and Liam as her parents. She’s grateful for their love but is (irrationally) afraid they’ll tire of her, hence her insecurity. Hazel’s detailed background gives me legitimate rationale for her behavior. 

The actual story is significantly less dramatic than her backstory. That’s how real life is; people with substantial trauma face trivial issues. I consulted The Appropriation of Cultures multiple times to understand how to string together seemingly simple occurrences to tell an interesting story. Daniel’s lost his family, yet the plot centers around him buying a truck. I hope to emulate the genius of Everett’s story as my story comes together.

*Age at time of adoption

[lelaevon]

Blog 3

Character creation has been the most exciting part of this writing process. Building a person from nothing is invigorating. I enjoy writing male characters but try to make them glaringly human to avoid comments like, “A man wouldn’t do that!” I also ask my male friends questions and think about how men in my life would react to certain things. I also think about my ex-boyfriends, which make my male characters really interesting.

The character profile form made it surprisingly easy to create complex characters with realistic flaws. Each part of my characters represent traits in people I know; an amalgamation of the good and bad behaviors of my family, friends, and myself. I created three characters and as I wrote the first one, Madison Hitchcock, I knew he was my favorite (and the most interesting). It was like Madison was revealing himself to me instead of me creating him. He’s so much unlike me that I’m terribly intrigued by him. Determining his name, strengths, weaknesses, etc. was like following a path that led perfectly to his yearning(s). He feels real.

Observation is my main goal; for my readers to feel like they are watching Madison, like they know him. 

Percival Everett’s description of Daniel in The Appropriation of Cultures is limited, however Daniel’s “flesh-and-blood” manifest in what he says and does and what the narrator tells us. Example:

 “The irony of his playing the song straight and from the heart was made more ironic by the fact that as he played it, it came straight and from his heart, as he was claiming Southern soil, or at least recognizing his blood in it,” (Kardos 225).

This is a turning point for Daniel. It is this feeling, which we observe, that motivates Daniel throughout the rest of the story. Kardos articulates this phenomenon well on page 50:

“As you go about creating your characters, let them surprise you from time to time. Let them befuddle you, madden you with their inconsistencies, and take your breath away—the way real people do.”

So that’s just what I’ll do.

[lelaevon]

Blog 2: Starting My Story

Starting the story is the most difficult part of the writing process for me. As I mentioned in my first post, I have hundreds of ideas inked in journals, but have yet to build on them. My writing process is solid; it’s nearly identical to the writing process animation we watched in month one. Finding an idea is what troubles me. I worry about perfecting my story before I’ve begun writing; thoughts of “That won’t work” and “That’s just plain stupid” keep me from just writing.

I endlessly debate what point of view to use. First person is the most comfortable but not always most suitable. Kardos gives The Great Gatsby as an example. Nick Carraway must tell Gatsby’s story because (1) Gatsby dies and (2) Gatsby’s delusions about his relationship with Daisy would hinder him from telling his story truthfully.

Starting in medias res seems so simple but I have yet to do it properly. I am the write-the-routine-up-to-the-point-of-change person. As I read Phil’s routine on page 35, I thought, “Oh no, I do this.” Being direct is a part of keeping the reader’s interest. They’ve already set aside time to read your work, so why make them wait for information?

The Head & Shoulders commercial Kardos quotes (which can be found here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s9G4T0RPWo) makes an obvious-but-true statement 

“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”

If you don’t hook your readers within the first few sentences, the rest of your story--no matter how good or well planned--will be ignored, thrown in the trash, or both. I think “This is What It Means to Say Phoenix, Arizona” follows the checklist best out of the five stories we looked at. The characters are identified, the conflict is clear, the tone is obvious, and the setting is established. Most importantly, he gives the reader a reason to keep reading. With all the information the reader receives in the first two paragraphs, it would be dissatisfying not to find out what happens to Victor. 

Now I’ve got figure out how to do the same in my own story.

[lelaevon]

Short Story Inspiration/publishing opportunity

Hey Guys,

So, I’m part of a Fiction Writing group on Facebook. Twice a year the group publishes an anthology of short stories written by members of the group.

There is currently an open call for their next anthology for short stories of 3000 words or less. The theme needs to be “election.” The submission due date is July 1.

The group is also a great way to have exposure to other writers and get feedback on what you’re working on or advice on writing tips. 

Here is the link

ALSO, if you join, I’m in the fiction writing contest that voted on by the members of the group. I won the last season, so fingers crossed I win again! So, if you join, vote for my stories please!!

[lelaevon]

BLOG 1: Introduction

L-E-L-A. Pronounced Lee-luh. Often mispronounced Leah or Layla--even Lisa, once. Lela. That’s me. Writing has been a passion of mine since elementary school. I started keeping diaries in fifth grade and have since graduated to keeping ‘journals’. It was only recently that I realized my passion for fiction, sitting in a Starbucks (so original, right?). I’ve written a few short stories and a couple of screenplays, but I’ve only crafted one or two. One of my many journals is full of poorly written first drafts that I never make time to revisit. As bad as those first drafts are, though, I’m glad they’re outside of my head. Whenever I sit down to write, a kaleidoscope of feelings spiral through me.

Euphoria. That’s the first feeling. As George Lucas once said, I see stories in a fog and am able to make my way through as I begin to write. I often feel like I’m discovering new stories instead of creating them. Next comes overthinking. My first draft process is 85% me telling myself, “Just keep writing. You can rewrite later.” Overthinking sometimes leads to deeper realizations about my psyche. Last summer, I was writing a short story--a romantic comedy--and stopped writing when I realized the characters roaming through my mind were both white. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with central characters being white. But I thought it was peculiar that I didn’t--in my own short story--picture a girl or guy who looks like me. That experience gave me two revelations: (1) Representation is important in fiction and (2) I want to write characters that are (nearly) universally relatable, though, I know there will be some discrepancies across cultures and languages.

As I delve into my major classes, I find more time for writing and dreaming and being creative. Classes like Advanced Fiction force me to write when I would normally put it off. With each class, though, my passion is deepened. As Gloria Steinem said, “Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don't feel I should be doing something else.” I am excited to begin outlining my ideas for my short story but am fearful of not being able to bring my story full circle. I’m also excited to read everyone else’s short stories! This semester will likely be pressing but productive. Here’s to storytelling!