lehlared - Tumblr blog

[lehlared]

After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:

“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”

Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.

“Ow!”

“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”

“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”

The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.

“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”

She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.

“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”

The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.

“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.

“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”

“Technically,” Says Gretel, “It’s a murder.”

[lehlared]

You, the queen of a fairy tale kingdom, got cursed to give birth to a princess who’s going to live her life isolated in a tower the first 20 years of her life. Narrate how you avoid your daughter’s fate.

[lehlared]

You have been sentenced to death in a magical court. The court allows all prisoners to pick how they die and they will carry it out immediately. You have it all figured out until the prisoner before you picks old age and is instantly transformed into a dying old man. Your turn approaches.

[lehlared]

fanfiction was such a good idea. like put those guys in situations

[lehlared]

Free to write his own story.

Happy Birthday, Dean! ♥♥

[lehlared]

goodnight :)

[lehlared]

Come with me now to see my world, where there’s beauty beyond your dreams. Can you feel the things I feel? Right now, with you. Take my hand. There’s a world I need to know.

TARZAN (1999)

[lehlared]

Dean: Say “Cheese!”

Cas: What dose cheese have to do with taking a picture ?

Dean: Dam it Cas! just shut up and smile!

[lehlared]

[lehlared]

🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/BoPgY5JBZLF/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1977nw1ferws7

[lehlared]

The dream team ⚡️

[lehlared]

My cats love to sit in the windowsill and just observe the world. My favorite thing about it is when someone walks by and gets really excited about seeing a cat in the window. #persephone #theia https://www.instagram.com/p/BoA44s-FWYHBQUwf_sNRwPCdRa7w5XfBIMB8Hk0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=19tyyxuwzl8mf

[lehlared]

Happy Birthday Persephone! I can’t believe it’s been one whole year since I adopted you! #persephone

[lehlared]

It’s #hugyourcatday! As if I don’t hug my cat every day.

[lehlared]

[lehlared]

🏳️‍🌈✨happy pride ✨🏳️‍🌈

[lehlared]

Happy Pride Month! 🏳️‍🌈 some pride doggos