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This is going on my bingo card of "things that sound absurd but can totally happen"

For years, real estate predators have said they aren't making any new land. Today, I'm proud to tell you that this is, at long last, slightly incorrect. The seaborne microplastic crisis of abandoned fishing nets, old condoms, and 1996 Saturn SL1s has in recent months congealed into a single glorious island in the middle of the ocean, and we're doing condo pre-sales for it for just $350,000.

Now, I hear what you're asking on the message boards and at the town halls. Is this "land" consisting mostly of shopping bags and Garfield telephones actually sturdy enough to build several tonnes of condo building on top of? We simply don't know, but the important thing is that it doesn't keep you from speculating on the property. Buy one today, and then sell it in a month for twice what you paid, even before we broke ground on it. In fact, the price went up to $500k just while we were talking, so you better jump on it.

Don't worry, though. Just because we got the land for free, and are violating several hundred international regulations on human rights to build these buildings, doesn't mean that you're getting a bad deal. Sure, it's made of a flimsy reclaimed-timber frame made of old trees we found floating by, but if the walls ever catch on fire, the ocean is right there to put it out. Full of water. Couldn't be safer. Price is now $750k, to reflect the changing market dynamics of housing.

Investors, I mean homeowners, we regret to inform you that our esteemed construction partner, Scamco, has run away with the seed capital we paid them. We've got no way to get that money back, I'm totally gutted about it and we'll have to ask everyone for another $200,000 to resume construction.

After an audit conducted by our internal partners, it turns out that they had no expertise in this kind of construction in the first place, and couldn't build a 60-storey luxury condominium using my uncle's old bass fishing boat as a cargo barge. Why my uncle? Oh, my brother runs Scamco. Rest assured that we have no conflict of interest here, we don't let him sit in on board meetings that are held in the bedroom next to his. Come to think of it, in case any of you have family of your own that want to buy another of the condos in our building before we begin construction, it's only $1.5 million for the next week.

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Lisa beach outfit

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Nom

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Grillby needs to get him a stepstool

a skeleton walks into a bar and says

"ouch."

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Tree spirit

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"Hey, come here for a second."

"yeah um.. what is it? Is there something on my face?"

"not exactly, look at me for a sec"

"H-Hey, you know that I'm not good with eye contact"

"I know, but something is wrong, I can tell. If you won't say it, your eyes will. So please, look at me"

The sincerity of my request gets to her, she sets her gaze to mine. I see it immediately, the faded light, the glaze, the pain. The hurt in her soul peers at me like a window through the Hoover Dam. Even in the mere moments I'm looking the dam is starting to crack, it wants to, needs to. There must be relief from the pain bottled for so long.

I reach my hand up, slowly, intently. She knows what I'm going to do.

Crack

I place my hand, gently, more gently than thought possible, on her cheek. Her head, on its own, leans in every so slightly.

Crack

I wipe a welling tear with my thumb.

Crack

My voice is soft, yet deep, powerful, yet gentle still.

"You have been through so, so much, haven't you?"

Crumble

She falls into me with gargantuan, heaving sobs, catharsis, as the pain finally takes leave.

"It hurts-" she chokes out between cries "-so much, I didn't know what to do with the pain."

"You're going to be okay, I've got you, just let it all out"

I don't know how long we stayed there, as I comforted her. What I do know is that when the tears dried, and she fell asleep with her head on my lap

She was smiling.

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Captain 3 is the funniest Splatoon character actually

Be some kid on the street

You're 14

Get pressured into joining the army by an old man??

Start going by Agent 3. Which is not a name

Never speak a word (you're canonically too shy)

You just start blasting??

Save the world and liberate an entire race of people somehow???

The entire rest of the series can only happen because you did this

Almost kill the protagonist of Octo Expansion (she is in love with you now)

Turn 16

Become a DJ as a hobby??

Your DJ name is DJ Sango. Sango is just "number 3" in Japanese. Still not a real name

Start taking yourself really seriously

Start wearing a cape

Get knocked unconscious multiple times

Get mind controlled???

It's fine you got better

Turn 21. The old man quits and puts you in charge of the army???

You inherit his hobo outfit. Why are you actually wearing it

Start going by Captain (still not a name)

Still never speak (a girl speaks for you) (she's a famous singer and older than you, why are you making her do this)

Do one (1) cool thing and just sit on your ass the whole rest of the game

Say booyah once

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"Gender identity" this, "sexual identity" that. What's your trig identity? What happens if I add you to sin^2(x)? Are you equal to cos(x)/sin(x)?

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Ngl my first years of tumblr exposure came from Pinterest so seeing the Tumblr/Pinterest solidarity is the icing on the cake for me.

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This website is too mobile focused these days. Reblog and tell me what your desktop/laptop background is.

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The carabiner that has all my keys on it has now gotten so packed with stuff, that rather than actually search for the thing I'm looking for, I just swing my keys around like a butterfly knife until the one I'm looking for magically appears in my hand.

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Ah yes, the Toyota Hilux. Truly the most indestructible truck in existence. I'd love to own one someday.

cant stop thinking about this video

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not really any memorable context he just said that

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The truest part of the sibling experience is the whole "they act like they hate you but secretly would turn the world upside down for you". One thing I would like to add to that is moments like what happened recently.

If some of my earlier posts haven't given it away, I'm in college, which means my mom -being a mother of course- is worried about if her son will be able to make new friends in a new place. Generally I feel for her predicament because I would classify myself as only mildly outgoing and very awkward in standard small talk, so it lends to me not thinking I would get many close friends. I had the luxury last semester of my friend from high school being my roommate so there wasn't a huge need for me to really branch out.

I didn't get that luxury this semester.

So naturally my Mom is worrying up a storm, and she calls my sister, which is a thing they do very often, to talk about it. My sister, who likely wouldn't have ever said this to me, told my mom:

"You don't have to worry about him, he could talk to a brick wall and it'd open up."

Y'all I needed a moment after that. Sometimes it's hard to tell yourself that you can talk to people, that there are people out there who want to hear you and be with you. Don't give up hope on that, there's someone out there that'll listen to you. If you have a friend like that, tell them. Pull them aside in a quiet moment and say

"Hey, you're genuinely fun to be around. I actively enjoy your company"

It goes a long way

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So I'm writing a paper on Constructivist architecture for a class, and I was reading a book on it (Constructivist Architecture in the USSR by Anatole Kopp). The author was talking about how the goal of Constructivism was to create a "social condenser" that would semi-naturally encourage people towards the brand-spanking-new Socialist way of life. Anyway the primary ways of going about this was collectivising as many things as possible, such as laundry, cooking, cleaning, leisure. Basically make it as hard as possible to do stuff in the privacy of your room.

So I was thinking of examples, and my mind drifted towards the dorm building.

Communal kitchen, leisure activities are mostly kept public, your room doesn't have much but hey here's a spacious public lobby, want to do your laundry? Communal.

... I think I'm on to something.

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Reblog to open a rail line from your blog to the person you reblogged this from

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I need the next great sci-fi movie to open specifically to this song and this song only.