leahburreaux

[leahburreaux]

Stuck on you part 2 | Joe Burrow

Summary: after getting back together with Joe, it’s evident that he’s struggling mentally with how the season is going. Just like he usually does, he shuts you out until it all comes rushing to the surface and it’s your job to reassure him and calm him down.

Pairing: Joe burrow x fem first person reader

Words: 26,950

Notes: ya’ll…I know 26k words is a lot and I’m sorry if that seems waaay too long. Please split it in half and read it in two parts if you want. Also, I’m sorry for the long wait, college has been so busy. I hope you enjoy!! <3

Warning: this fic contains smut, couples fighting, mentions of blood and death threats, and angst

Status: new fic

Taglist: @wickedfun9 @toterry

Once I got home for the first time since getting back together with Joe, I was just going to wait for Joe to get home from his game so I could greet him by the door like I usually do, but as I was unpacking my things, I couldn't help but notice all of the misplaced items around the house. With Joe's busy life, he doesn't deserve to worry about coming home to a messy house and so I was the one who cleaned up and made sure everything was in the right spot. So, as soon as I got unpacked, I went around the house and helped Joe clean up a little bit and put things back where they belonged. It looked like Joe made an attempt at being tidy since he hates a messy living space, but since he never used to have to worry about cleaning up, a lot of things were in the wrong spots

After cleaning up, I decided to instead go upstairs and take a small bath while waiting for him. Being back in this house made me realize just how much I missed it, and one of the things I love most of all is the bathtub. It was just the right size to fit two people comfortably in any given circumstance, which Joe and I found out the first day he purchased it, meaning that there was so much room for me to relax since I figured I would be done before Joe got home and he wouldn't have a chance to join me.

It only took me a few minutes to fill up the tub with water and at the right temperature too; the temperature that Joe always complains about because it is apparently too hot for his liking. Once full, I stripped and then stepped into the big tub. As soon as my cool skin touched the hot water, goosebumps began to decorate my skin and I started to shiver slightly. I couldn't help but smile and let out a small moan when I sunk fully into the water so my head was just above it, wanting all of my body fully submerged. "This is the life." I sighed out while resting my head on the tub and closing my eyes.

I was only trying to make take a short bath and be downstairs by the time Joe arrived home from the stadium, but time seemed to go by extremely quickly while being the most comfortable I have been in weeks. The smell of the familiar candle that I lit filled the entire room and made me feel at ease. There were so many things that I missed about being together with Joe. For instance, how he always buys the same candle from bath and body works because he knows it's my favorite. After we broke up I threw out every single warm sugar vanilla scent I had in my apartment: candles, wallflowers, hand sanitizers, soaps, everything, All because I knew that I would be instantly reminded of Joe and how he always noticed the little things, like my favorite scents, even when I didn't come out and directly say it. But now, being able to smell it again just reminded me that we were back together and that things would hopefully be different this time. Better.

I only realized just how much time had passed when I heard the front door open up downstairs. I didn't hear Joe's car pull in or him shutting the car door which could give me a few seconds to at least get out. All I heard was the front door swinging open and Joe calling out to me: "Baby? You home?" I instantly perked up a little bit more as soon as I heard the confused tone in his voice, knowing he was wondering why I wasn't waiting in the living room or kitchen for him like I usually do so I can run over to him and wrap him in my arms. "I'm in the bath!" I yelled down to him, hoping I was loud enough for him to hear me through the shut bathroom door since I wasn't as loud as him.

Not a minute later, I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs and then the bathroom door gently swung open. I looked over to the right a little bit and towards the door and instantly smiled when we made eye contact. Oh how I missed seeing his face after he came home from the facility. I couldn't help but blush as I watched Joe scan his eyes over my entire body, pausing for a few seconds to look at my breasts and then where my legs were crossed slightly. While he took it all in, his eyebrows slowly shot up to his hairline and I noticed the slight change in his breathing, which was slightly heavier. Finally, he drug his eyes back up to look at me while taking a deep breath and trying to compose himself some more.

"There you are. I thought you weren't home for a second." He chuckled quietly and began to walk over to me with long strides. Things have been extremely good ever since we talked things out the day after I got absolutely wasted, but the only bad thing is that we haven't had sex since we got together again which has made for some tension between us. For these last few days both of our schedules have been so incredibly busy with work and football that sex hasn't even been something we've been able to do, though we both think about it a lot. Although Joe only needs less than five minutes, it feels like we haven't even had five minutes to spare.

The way Joe's eyes quickly scanned over my body and then were drug back up to my eyes once again while he kneeled down by the side of the bathtub made me giggle a little bit. "What?" Joe chuckled, knowing I caught him staring at me. "Oh nothing." I said while lifting my hand out of the water and sitting up a little bit. Once my hand was out of the water, I reached up and ran my fingers through his short hair, water trickling down my elbows and into the water in the process, making for a calming sound. I then trailed my hand down to his cheek where I rested it while gently stroking his cheek with my thumb. Immediately, Joe let out a sigh and melted into my touch before turning his head slightly and placing a kiss on my hand.

"Well what are you waiting for? Get in." I couldn't help but giggle when Joe stood up as fast as he could and began to throw off his clothes, letting me know that the whole time he was just thinking about hopping in with me. I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked it over his head, revealing his muscular chest that keeps getting bigger, and the tiny happy trail that starts under his belly button and disappears under the waistband of his boxers which peaked out from his shorts. I could feel my cheeks getting hotter as he quickly pulled down his shorts and stepped out of them, leaving him in nothing but his boxers which hugged him perfectly. My eyes trailed over his abs and then I trailed them down to see the tent in his pants, making a small breath get caught in my throat.

I swallowed the small lump in my throat and looked down into the water and started to pick at the skin around my nails while chewing on the inside of my cheek, trying not to make it obvious that I was excited about having sex with him since it's been a few weeks. I could hear Joe chuckle from above me while he slid off his boxers and then slowly stepped into the bathtub, making sure not to slip or step on me in the process. My eyes landed on his huge thighs which were right in front of my face and then I forced myself to look down into the water, a smile making its way onto my face in no time.

Once on the opposite side of the tub, Joe slid all the way into the water with a huge sigh, the warm water soothing his muscles. Our legs immediately intertwined while we gazed into each other's eyes, both of us unable to stop smiling. "Have I mentioned how much I love you? Because I love you. Like a lot." Joe said while resting his arms on either side of the tub, making me bite my cheek even more so I wouldn't start smiling bigger. I may be obsessed with Joe, but I didn't want him to know that. It kept him on his toes. "I think once or twice." I said and then sighed when he dropped one of his hands down into the water and started to massage my foot.

"I missed this." I said while sinking into the tub some more. I looked up at the ceiling above me before glancing over to Joe who kept his eyes on me the entire time. "I missed you." Joe said and then dropped his other hand down and started to massage my feet with both of them. "This reminds me of New York." I said with a smile, taking us back to when we went to New York for a weekend during the offseason. Our hotel room had a bathroom right next to a long window which overlooked the city. After a long day of walking around we came back to the hotel room and did exactly what we are doing right now. "It does," Joe said and then sat up a little bit after something popped into his head, "Did you know that New York was actually originally named New Amsterdam?"

I shook my head while giggling a little bit and nudged his leg with my foot. Joe never shied away from rambling on and on about random facts that he knows, which is one of the things I love about him. I may not be interested in history, science, video games, or SpongeBob, but I could sit down with Joe and let him talk my ear off for hours. The fact that he felt comfortable enough to actually talk about the things that made Joe, well, Joe, was adorable but also romantic in a way. Like he felt comfortable enough to show his true self around me without a care in the world. "You are the weirdest person in the entire world." I told him. Joe knew I said this with nothing but love in my heart so he just chuckled a little bit. "And yet you fell in love with me. What does that say about you?" Joe joked with me while flicking my leg underwater, making me laugh. "Touché."

After the laughter between us settled down, we continued to gaze into each other's eyes, the tension building between us with every passing second. I could see the way Joe's chest rose and fell quickly and the way he furrowed his brows while looking deeply into my eyes, trying to read me while I couldn't help but fidget. After a few seconds passed of us just looking into each other's eyes, Joe gently picked up my leg from out of the water, making a shiver run down my spine immediately. Water droplets trickled off of my food and into the water in the tub while he leaned forwards and started to place kisses on the top of my foot. I couldn't help but let out a small sigh, missing the feeling of how his lips felt on my skin.

It felt addictive in a way. Like I never wanted his lips or his hands off of my body. Ever. I watched as Joe's lips trailed further up, placing soft kisses up my leg without breaking eye contact with me until he couldn't kiss any further without sitting up. After a few seconds, he let his hands fall down to my thighs where he began to squeeze and massage them. My cheeks heated up even more and my breathing picked up once I felt my core begin to throb, his hands too close but also too far at the same time. I could feel my stomach grumble a little bit, letting me know I should eat dinner considering that it's getting later, but I didn't have a care in the world. "Joseph." I breathed out, needing him too much to care about anything else in this moment.

With a small smirk, Joe sat up slightly while reaching forwards and grabbing ahold of my waist and then he pulled me onto his lap, the water splashing around us. With my legs on either side of his body, I let out a small breath while he leaned forwards and dug his face into my neck as he began to suck and bite playfully at my neck, leaving magenta marks in their wake. My core began to throb even more while sitting on Joe's lap in the water while his hands held me onto him. The fact that I haven't had sex in almost a month while also being in this hot bathtub with Joe was driving me insane.

I could tell that based on the way he gently kissed and bit at my neck that Joe wanted to take his time with me and not rush anything tonight. It was just me and him and we had all the time in the world. There was no denying the fact that usually, Joe and I had a hyperactive sex life, which meant that we rarely had moments like these, but when we did, they were so incredibly special. It mostly happened after not seeing each other for a while or when we were too tired to engage in any crazy physical activity.

After a few seconds of placing kisses on my neck, Joe slowly moved his hand down where he ghosted his fingers over my clit, making me suck in a breath, the anticipation inside of me growing to the point where I couldn't take it any longer. Just as I was about to grab his hand and bring it closer to my aching core, a thought popped into my head. Did Joe have sex with anyone while we were separated? I didn't know why the thought came into my head or why it even mattered to me, but I wanted to know the answer. If I didn't see Joe in that bar I would have surely hooked up with the bartender, so what was stopping Joe from hooking up with someone while I wasn't in his life for those few weeks.

Joe, realizing I was thinking about something completely different than what we were doing in the bathtub, Took his hand away from my clit and lifted it out of the water. I was zoning straight at his chest while debating on if I even wanted to know the answer when I felt him gently grab my chin with his index finger and thumb. I snapped out of my thoughts as soon as I felt his hand on my face and looked up into his eyes as he angled my head up to look at him. "What's going on baby? We don't have to do this if you don't want to." Joe said, possibly thinking that I wasn't comfortable with having sex with him considering I was still a bit shook up about the breakup and the fact that even though I knew Joe was telling the truth, a few days ago I thought he had cheated on me.

I shook my head quickly as soon as I processed what he just said and quickly said, "no, no, no, no. I want to have sex with you. I promise you I do. I've never wanted it more in fact." Joe just let out a small chuckle while dropping both of his hands down and resting them on my waist where he began to dig his fingers into my skin gently, the anticipation obviously growing inside of him too. "Okay, then what is it?" He asked me and leaned forwards and placed a kiss on my chin before he began to trail his lips along my jaw, placing small kisses along it before looking back up to me. "Have you, y'know...uh- well," I said, not knowing how I should ask this. I began to pick at the skin around my nails while looking down at my hands. I didn't want him to think there was anything wrong with sleeping with someone else, because there wasn't. We were split up and if he decided to hook up with someone then that was his business and not mine, but I still felt the need to know.

With a small understanding nod, Joe leaned forwards and placed a small kiss on my neck before pulling away slightly and resting his lips on my neck instead of kissing it. "I didn't," Joe said and then placed another kiss on my neck, making me let out a small sigh while angling my head upwards slightly, "have sex with anyone." He finished what he was saying. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let out a sigh of relief. I didn't know why I was so relieved to hear the answer, but I was. Maybe it was the fact that it meant he wasn't thinking about anyone but me in the weeks we were split up or the fact that I wanted him all to myself. I truly didn't know. All I knew was that the answer felt like a weight being lifted off of my shoulders.

"Okay." I hummed quietly while he placed some more small kisses on my neck before pulling away and looking deeply into my eyes. "There's no way I could ever think about another girl in that way. I'm all yours." Joe said with a small nod, wanting me to fully realize that there was no possibility that he would have hooked up with anyone in our time apart. I nodded quickly before letting out an anticipatory sigh as soon as I moved on his lap and felt his dick rub against my thigh. As soon as my thigh slightly rubbed against his dick, Joe sucked in a small breath before squeezing my thighs and then he dropped his hand down closer to my core.

When his hand lowered down between my legs, he began to rub extremely small and gentle circles on my clit while maintaining eye contact with me, knowing it always worked me up. I let out small moans while he continued to rub my aching bundle of nerves before I began to tug at his hair slightly, the anticipation inside of me growing. "Please Joe." I sighed and squeezed his shoulder. Joe began to smirk at how eager I was and said with a slight rasp to his voice, "where do you want my fingers?" I sucked in a small breath when he started to put some more pressure on my clit, making me drop my hand down and hold onto his so he didn't move his thumb. "Inside of me." I moaned quietly.

Listening right away, Joe reached down slightly while still pressing against my clit, and slid a finger into me. I let out another moan as he started to move his finger in and out of me slowly while rubbing circles into my clit again, making me wetter by the second. After a few seconds, Joe added a second finger and started to move his fingers a little bit faster inside of me, making my back arch slightly and my head angle up while I failed to keep quiet. While he worked with his fingers, Joe kept his attention on me the entire time, looking at the way I reacted to every single movement he made. "Faster." I moaned out. With a small chuckle, Joe began to thrust his fingers faster, making moans slip out from my parted lips.

While he pumped his two fingers inside of me, his thumb never left my clit for a second, always rubbing small circles into it and drawing me closer and closer to the edge with each and every passing second. Each stroke of his fingers sent a wave of pleasure crashing through me as my fingers tugged at his hair and dug into his skin. The time apart made me crave him. His touch, his voice, his lips. Everything, and I never wanted this moment to end. It was more gentle than usual and it only made me want him even more. My breathing quickly became more rigid as soon as I felt that familiar knot form in my stomach. Knowing it always had me falling over the edge, Joe began to curl his fingers inside of me, pressing the tips of his fingers into the soft skin of my walls, making me clench around him. "J-joey." I moaned out one last time before my orgasm crashed over me.

My whole body began to shudder lightly while he pumped his fingers in and out of me slowly while I rode out my high. "F-fuck." I breathed out while leaning forwards and hiding my face in the crook of Joe's neck while my orgasm washed over me. I let out a few whimpers and my legs shook slightly. After a few seconds, I was able to bring my head back up to look into his eyes while he started to rub my back, knowing it took me a few minutes to recuperate, especially since I haven't had an orgasm in a few weeks which used to be almost an every day occurrence when we were together. "I'm going to assume you haven't had sex with anyone in our time apart." Joe said and chuckled, knowing I usually didn't have orgasms like this when he fingered me. "What gave it away?" I laughed a little bit while my breathing slowed.

When I was ready, I lifted myself up a little bit and brought my hips over Joe's cock. Unable to hide his excitement, a smirk was displayed on Joe's face the entire time while he grabbed ahold of his dick with a small groan and aligned himself up with my entrance. "Whenever you're ready baby." Joe said while looking into my eyes. With a small nod, I began to bring my hips down until I felt the tip of his dick slide through my slick folds and then I went down some more until I couldn't take any more of him without acclimating more. With my lips parted, I let out soft moans while I started to move my hips slowly on Joe's dick which filled me up and stretched me out perfectly. Although we spent five years together previously, I somehow forgot just how big he was and needed a few seconds to adjust to his size.

Every once in a while, I loved when we took things slow. When Joe let me go at my own pace and stay in the moment longer instead of him taking control like he usually does. These moments were so intimate. Just me and him and all the time in the world.

After a few seconds of staying in the same position in order to adjust to his size, relishing in the feeling of being connected to each other again, I began to rock my hips back and forth some more while sliding down lower and lower on him. "F-fuck." I moaned while running my fingers through the short hair on the back of his head. "That's it baby." Joe groaned slightly while he continued to rub small circles into my clit and watch my face. He loved to see the way my face scrunched up every time I sunk lower on his dick and the way I couldn't hold back my moans. His eyes shifted from my face, my breasts, and then down to where we connected before looking back up to my face and repeating it over and over again, soaking in this moment.

"I missed you so much." Joe said while shifting slightly under me so that his feet were flat on the bottom of the big tub and grabbed ahold of my waist a little bit to hold me in place. "I missed," I tried to say but just as I said this Joe began to lift up his hips to meet my movements, his dick sliding further into me and hitting an area that was being neglected this entire time. I let out a moan in the middle of my sentence before scrunching up my eyebrows and letting out a small, "I missed you too-fuck."

With him now meeting my movements, I began to move my hips faster on him, creating a perfect rhythm. The water under us began to splash around slightly every time our hips met underneath of the water. I continued to let out open mouthed moans every time he lifted up his hips quickly to meet my movements, his dick hitting my g-spot repeatedly. He then began to increase the pressure on my clit, making me shudder on him slightly while I continued to ride him. "D-don't stop." I moaned out while sinking on his dick. "That's my girl." Joe praised, knowing I was getting closer and closer.

Within a few seconds I felt the familiar knot in my stomach and I looked into joes eyes with that all knowing look. "Cum for me. That's it." Joe groaned softly while thrusting into me. Before I was able to release the knot in my stomach, Joe raised his eyebrows up at me in a questioning way, and I knew he was wondering if he needed to release as well. Part of me wanted to keep going. I craved Joe. Not only him, but the way he made me feel. The way he made me feel when I let him have all of me, giving him total control over my body. But tonight wasn't the night. Not only was it a long day and I was tired, but I knew that Joe could go for hours if he wanted to and I could barely even handle going slow like this right now.

I shook my head slowly, feeling content in the fact that Joe always listened and respected every choice I made and that he wouldn't be upset. With a small understanding nod back up at me, he put just enough pressure on my clit to have me falling over the edge. I clenched around Joes dick and the knot was released in my stomach. I jerked forwards slightly and into Joe as my orgasm crashed over me, my body beginning to shudder and shake slightly. "Atta' girl." Joe said. Immediately after, joe let out a small groan and I felt his dick twitch inside of me before I felt his liquid overflowing out of me. While I crumbled onto him more and my body went limp, Joe wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. My eyelids suddenly got heavier after he started to rub my back and comb his fingers through my hair. "Shit- Joe. I almost forgot how big you were." I laughed into the crook of his neck before I lifted myself off of his dick with a small whimper.

Joe just chuckled while he reached up and cupped the sides of my face and pulled my head out of his neck gently. "They don't call me big dick Joe for nothin'." He laughed with a small wink. I giggled and pushed his shoulder lightly before leaning forwards, but before pressing my lips to his, I said, "you are so annoying," and then Joe leaned forwards and closed the space between us. Joe took a deep breath into the kiss, trying to savor my scent which only made me moan quietly into the kiss. "You love it, you can't even lie." Joe said into the kiss, making me smile. While we kissed slowly, my stomach once again started to growl, interrupting our kiss since joe pulled away a little bit and started to laugh.

“Did you eat yet?" Joe spoke softly. My stomach started to growl some more while in the water, making both Joe and me laugh. "I'll take that as a no," He chuckled, "are you gonna be okay up here if I go downstairs and see what I can make?" While laughing, I began to sit up a little bit so we could both get out of the tub and figure out what to eat for dinner. "I'll just get out with you." I said with a small shrug. "Don't get out if you don't want to. Take all the time you need." He said and placed another kiss on my lips. "If I spend any more time in here I will fall asleep, mark my words." I laughed. "Okay baby. Actually, How does Chinese sound instead of me making dinner?" He asked me, knowing I love Chinese food.

"Mmm that sounds amazing." I said while Joe stood up, a bunch of water trickling off of his skin and landing in the water under him and also on top of my head. Wiping away some of the water that began to trickle onto my face, my eyes quickly became glued to Joe's naked body as he stepped fully out of the bathtub. My eyes widened as he gingerly walked over to grab the towels that we both forgot. I couldn't help but smile while watching him take those long strides over to the opposite side of the bathroom to where the closet that held all of the towels was. "Damn." I said to myself, scanning his entire backside and letting my eyes stay on his ass and stretch marks on his back longer than the rest. "Did you say something?" Joe asked me nonchalantly before he opened up the closet door and reached inside to grab towels for us. "Oh, no...nothing." I said while biting my lip.

With his back still facing me, I stood up out of the water, a bunch of water trickling off of me in the process and landing in the water below me. As soon as Joe heard the water droplets hitting the water already in the tub, he perked up, knowing that as soon as he turned around he'd get to see every single inch of my body. Without wasting any time, Joe grabbed the towels and then slowly turned around to face me. When we finally made eye contact, I couldn't help but feel nervous while I was on display. It felt weird, him looking at me again after I thought he'd never look at me this way again. It felt unfamiliar and foreign yet exhilarating and refreshing, like he was looking at my unclothed body the first ever time.

Joe's gaze softened once his eyes landed on mine and then he slowly trailed his eyes down my exposed body, taking in every single detail of it like this was the last time he'd ever get to see it. His eyes trailed down my neck, over my breasts, along my stomach which for some reason I couldn't stop squeezing in as if I had something to prove, and then his eyes trailed further down until he had nowhere else to look except back up to my eyes where we finally made eye contact again. "You are the most beautiful thing in this entire world." He breathed out, taking small steps, not wanting to rush this moment and also not wanting to slip and fall. "Stop it." I smiled, my face flushing red from the compliment. I looked down at my feet as the last of the water was sucked down the drain, leaving me standing in the cold bathroom, my skin covered in goosebumps.

"I mean it. Inside and out you are the most beautiful thing in this entire universe." Joe said. Once he reached me, he slid the towel around my back and waited for me to grab ahold of the sides before letting go of it. After I grabbed it and wrapped it around myself, I looked back up at Joe, unable to stop smiling. "Why are you so good to me?" I asked him, looking into those bright blue eyes that were full of life. Joe threw his towel around his neck and then furrowed his brows before he reached up and cupped the sides of my face gently, rubbing his thumbs over my flushed cheeks. "Because I am so in love with you and I feel so incredibly bad about," Joe said but I cut him off before he could finish what he was saying. With his hands still on my face, I reached forwards and pushed him back gently.

With a confused look on his face, Joe took a step back while dropping his hands, not understanding why I stopped him and then pushed him back. Once there was enough room between us, I stepped out of the shower and then, while trying to still hold onto the large towel wrapped around myself, reached forwards and grabbed ahold of his hands. I then placed his hands back on my face and shook my head slightly. "Stop feeling bad about what happened, please. I know you keep trying to apologize and you feel like a horrible person, but I've moved on." I said, stepping closer to him. "But I," Joe said, his eyes quickly becoming glossed over. "Joseph Lee Burrow, It is okay. I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay. We're together again and that is all that matters." I said.

I hated how angry he was at himself for what happened, especially because we're back together now and that we are trying to move on from it. "Are you sure? Because I'd hate me if I were you. I truly would understand if you didn't love me the same." Joe said, gazing down into my eyes. I couldn't help but laugh a little bit while shaking my head. While trying not to drop the towel once again, I grabbed onto both sides of the towel with one hand and then reached up and wrapped an arm around Joe's neck, running my fingers through his damp hair. "I could never hate you Joe, especially not after you admitted to why you did what you did. I wish you would realize that I love you just as much as I did before we broke up." I said.

Joe furrowed his brows as he struggled to hold it together, his lip quivering slightly as he finally took a deep breath and realized that I wasn't going anywhere and that I didn't hate him.  "I just don't want to lose you." He said. I let my hand fall down and grabbed the other side of the towel so I could step forwards and wrap him in my arms with the towel still around me.

"You aren't going to lose me. Ever." I said while burying my head in his chest while he wrapped me in his arms and held me tightly to his unclothed body. Being this close to him - able to hear his heart beat and feel his warm skin against my face - I felt at peace. "I love you so incredibly much Joseph Lee burrow." I told him, tears of my own rolling down my cheeks. "I love you more than you'll ever know." He said, holding the back of my head and gently running his fingers through my damp hair which I needed to brush before it got all dangled. Pulling away slightly, I looked up into his eyes before placing my lips on his. The kiss was gentle. Understanding. For the first time since we first got together again there was absolutely no tension between us. It was just him and I together, knowing that although there would be plenty of fights, nothing would tear us apart ever again. 

Later that night

I finally sat up later that night after trying to go to bed for a few hours, but sleep never came because my brain just wouldn't shut off. So many thoughts were running through my head and I absolutely could not shut them off. They weren't bad thoughts necessarily. They were mostly good ones. I kept thinking about the night we had together after Joe's practice and how we finally were moved on from the events that happened after the bar. I was also thinking about how nervous I was for the game coming up against the Browns this weekend and if I even wanted to go. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to be back in that environment and wanted nothing more than to be sitting with his parents and cheering him on, but there were still those things that I was nervous about and for sure wouldn't have missed if Joe and I never got back together.

After Joe and I broke up, there were so many people in my comment section on Instagram calling me a gold digger and a cheater all because they saw a leaked picture of me moving my stuff out of Joe's house the day after we broke up. It was like all of the people who used to call me 'wag queen,' suddenly hated me. It wasn't the fact that I wanted to necessarily be liked, it was just the fact that I didn't want to run into those people at the game this weekend and have them cause a scene. Joe didn't need that and frankly after what I went through, neither did I. Also, there is one thing that I wouldn't have missed if Joe and I never got back together, and that thing is something that I have been keeping from Joe ever since we got back together and I'm hoping to keep it from him until they stop and also that nothing would come of it at the game, just like always.

After sitting on the bed while my thoughts were running around in my head, I finally decided to get up and head downstairs. I very carefully and quietly slid my legs off of the bed and then placed my feet on the ground. As quietly as I could, I stood up out of the bed, trying not to make any noise, and then looked back to see if I woke up Joe. The last thing I wanted was to wake up Joe and make him tired for practice. When I looked back at Joe and saw that he was still fast asleep with his hands curled up by his face, I couldn't help but smile while leaning over and covering him back up since I always accidentally took all of the blankets while I tossed and turned.

Once he was covered up, I began to tip toe out of the room and then head downstairs so I could listen to some music, make myself a snack, and hopefully turn my brain off so I could finally go to sleep. Most of the time I hate when I can't sleep, but every once in a while I enjoy it because I get to come downstairs where there is nothing but quietness and stillness and I get to do my own thing while knowing Joe's asleep upstairs. It's peaceful.

When I walked into the kitchen, I immediately headed for the freezer where I opened it up and grabbed some ice cream out of it. I slid it onto the counter and then grabbed a spoon before turning on my country music playlist because it was the one that had the greatest chance of calming my racing head. Once on, I made sure it was quiet enough that Joe couldn't hear it but loud enough that I could hear it while walking around the kitchen with my pint of ice cream. "A little more of that maybe I wouldn't be driving like hell, flying like crazy down the highway, calling everyone we know. Stopping any place she might be, going any place she might go." I sang quietly while walking around the kitchen island with the ice cream in my hand, trying to eat it, sing, and dance all at the same time, showing that I was definitely uncoordinated and not good at multitasking.

"if I'd a' loved her this much all along," I sang and threw my head back slightly, eating the rest of the ice cream still on my spoon and then holding it to my mouth like a microphone, "maybe, maybe, yeah, maybe, she wouldn't be gone." Once done with my favorite part of the song, I started to walk around some more while humming quietly instead of singing and then went into the pantry to grab some potato chips to have something sweet and salty. Once I grabbed my favorite potato chips out of the walk in pantry, I closed it and then turned around, but as soon as I did I could see the outline of a person walking towards me in the dark.

I screamed loudly and threw my spoon straight for the person walking towards me before he stepped closer into the kitchen and I saw that it was only Joe, but the spoon was already out of my hands and was flying towards him. I covered my mouth just as he jumped back after hearing me scream and then he let out a small yell himself after getting hit right in the stomach by my spoon, not expecting it. "Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck." I said quickly after getting scared half to death and then throwing my spoon right at the 'intruder.'

As quickly as I could, I turned on another light switch in the kitchen so it wasn't as dark and when I could see better, I looked at Joe who was hunched over and grabbing his stomach. "Joe oh my gosh I'm so sorry. I thought you were an intruder or something." I spoke quickly and started to walk quickly towards him, thinking I actually hurt him. As I stepped closer though, Joe looked up at me and I could see that he was silently laughing while holding his stomach. I let out a sigh of relief and put both of my hands on top of my head before he said, "Did you just fucking throw a spoon at me?" Joe finally laughed while bending down and grabbing the spoon I threw at him. "No, I threw it at the 'intruder.' You fucking scared me Joseph." I wined and pushed his arm before snatching the spoon from him while laughing and heading for the food I dropped.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I was just coming down to see what you were doing." He laughed before grabbing the bag of chips from my hands and setting it on the counter. Taking the chip clip off of the bag, he slid his hand into the bag and then shoved a few into his mouth at once. "No I'm sorry, I can't believe I just threw a spoon at you. Are you okay?" I asked him while popping a few chips in my mouth as well. "Of course I'm okay, you're weak, remember?" He joked with me, although we both knew it really was the truth. "Oh shut up Joseph." I laughed and nudged his arm as we stood next to each other by the island.

"What were you doing down here anyways? Couldn't sleep?" Joe asked me, knowing that I usually come downstairs and eat some food while listening to music when I can't sleep. It's like my little ritual. I always think I'm sneaky about it but I usually leave crumbs all over the counter when the food and music helps and I start to almost fall asleep while eating, which joe always notices. I kept it a secret for a while when we first got together but then Joe asked me about it because for a while he thought it was me sleepwalking.

"Yeah, did I wake you up?" I asked him before eating some more ice cream. "No, I couldn't really sleep either. I just wanted to keep watching you while you slept but then I opened my eyes and you weren't there." Joe said. I furrowed my brows and frowned a little bit. "Ew, creeper. You watch me sleep?" I asked him jokingly. "It's nice having you back in the bed and I just couldn't stop opening my eyes to look at you. After I broke up with you I slept on the couch because the bed still smelled like you and it reminded me too much of how badly I fucked up." Joe said, making my mouth drop open at his confession. "Joseph Lee burrow you're obsessed with me." I joked, although I wanted to cry at his confession and how much it made my heart hurt for him. "You may joke about that but I truly am obsessed with you. Everything about you baby." He said and wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to his side.

I giggled while putting my hand on his back and trailing my hand up and down it before I slid my hand under his shirt and did the same thing, although this time I could feel the small stretch marks he had on his back. While we stood together with the music playing in the background, the song 'All Your'n,' by Tyler Childers started to play, making the both of us look at each other right away. It's a known thing that Joe doesn't like country music. He will listen to almost every genre of song, give or take a few specific artists, but when it comes to country music, he typically stays away from it. Like Joe, I too love all genres of music but the thing that makes me different from his music wise, is that I absolutely love country music. I love the way it calms me down and goes well with almost every single mood. Sad? Country music. Mad? Country music. Happy? Country music. There's always a song to fit your specific mood. Joe of course doesn't see that though.

But this song is different. This song is one of the first songs we danced to and it was the song that was playing when we shared our first kiss. After our third date, Joe drove me back to my dorm and when we got there, it started pouring. Not the kind that you could outrun, the kind that as soon as you stepped out into it you immediately became soaking wet. We were just going to wait it out and then try to run inside when the rain died down, but then 'All Your'n,' started to play so I turned it on and drug Joe outside of the car with me. Joe was a little skeptical at first but as soon as we started slow dancing together to the song, all of that went away. It was just him and I dancing in the pouring rain to a country song, which was also the first time we ever kissed each other. So, when Joe says he doesn't like country music, I know he always thinks about the one country song he likes but keeps it a secret. That way the special moment can always stay between us.

Without needing to say anything, we both immediately grabbed ahold of each other's hands and started walking to a more open area of the kitchen so my clumsy self wouldn't run into anything. Once we found a spot, Joe wrapped both of his arms around my waist, holding me tightly and closely to his body, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked up into those bright blue eyes while we swayed to the song together. "So I'll love you till my lungs give out, I ain't lyin'." Joe sang softly, kissing the top of my head. "I'm all Your'n and you're all mine." I sang after him with a small giggle as he grabbed ahold of my hand and made me do a small spin in front of him, although I practically tripped during it.

"Joseph you know I'm not coordinated." I giggled when I stopped right in front of him and wrapped my arms around his neck once again. Joe cupped the sides of my face while placing a kiss on my lips and said, "trust me, I know. You're definitely a basic white girl with those dance moves." Once our lips separated I pulled at the hairs on the back of his head a little bit, my mouth dropping open at what he just said. "But that's why I love you so much. You're my basic white bitch forever." Joe said with a small wink as he wrapped his arms around my waist again. "Basic white bitch my ass. Did you see me at the bar the other day shaking my ass and dancing with Kaitlynn?" I asked him with a small laugh as he started to imagine me at the bar again, "yeah of course you saw me because that's the only thing you could look at." I added in.

With a small smirk, Joe dropped his hands down and then wheezed my ass, making me gasp a little bit and move my body towards him from not expecting it. "You've got a great ass, what can I say?" Joe told me and started to chuckle at my reaction. I raised an eyebrow slightly and said, "Yeah? Well everyone I know always talks about how big your ass is, not mine." I dropped my hands down to his ass and squeezed it, but as soon as I did my eyes widened and I couldn't help but laugh. "Hey, hey, not my ass." Joe said and grabbed ahold of my hands which were resting on his butt and brought them around to his front. When Joe made eye contact with me and saw how shocked I was, he started to get a little nervous, his cheeks flushing red. "What?" He asked me. "Holy shit Joe. You really do have a big ass. I don't know why I've never really noticed it in the five years we've been together." I said, still somewhat shocked.

Joe just shook his head in embarrassment before throwing my arms around his neck since he was holding onto my hands still and then slid his around my waist. "It's not a bad thing, Joe." I giggled before he buried his head into my neck. I held the back of his head and then rested my own head against his chest. In this position, I could hear his heart beating in his chest and I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. For a few seconds we just swayed together with his head resting on the top of my head and mine buried in his chest. The smell of his cologne flooded my nose and I just wanted to stay in this moment forever. There was practically no room in between us. There was no talking. Just the sound of our song in the background and the sounds of our small breaths and our feet shuffling on the ground.

After a few seconds, though, I started to get restless and felt like dancing. "Okay it's time to dance, let me go." I giggled and took my head off of his chest, wanting to sing and dance some more. "Whatever you say baby." Joe chuckled and reluctantly dropped his hands from around my waist.

I started walking backwards before I grabbed ahold of my spoon I used as a microphone before and held it up to my head while starting to dance to the music. "Fried morels and fine motels," I sang, making sure to exaggerate the 'fine' while gesturing to Joe, "and all that in the middle." I finished the line. "Every bite and curtain drawn, I wanna taste with you. The goddess in my days in pen, the muse I ain't refusin'," Joe said, exaggerating the 'goddess' part in the line he sang while now gesturing over to me, "the part of me that ain't around I'm always talking to." He finished.

Both of us started to dance around the entire kitchen, me spinning and freestyling it, and Joe pulling out his moves from college, like get the gat and the airplane. I couldn't help but laugh as he started to randomly pull out these awkward moves which didn't go with this slow country song whatsoever. "You are a basic white boy. Don't get it twisted Joe." I laughed. "We can be basic bitches together." Joe just shrugged with a laugh while still doing his get the gat dance that he always does. "Amen to that babe." I giggled when he reached me and grabbed my hips, making us walk around the kitchen with me going backwards while he held onto my hips.

Without me expecting it in the slightest, Joe bent down some more so he was closer to my breasts and started to shake his head like crazy while burying his head into my breasts. I began to laugh hysterically while grabbing ahold of his head and dragging it away from my chest. "No you did not just do that Joseph." Once I pulled his head away from my chest, we both started to laugh like crazy while I still held onto his head gently. "Who even are you?" I laughed. "Your boyfriend who missed your boobies." Joe said with a small wink.

I was about to comment on what he said but then I instead sang my favorite line of the song. "There ain't no tryin' bout it, I'm all Your'n," I said and then Joe joined me in singing the last line of the song, "I'm all Your'n and you're all mine." Once the song was over, Joe immediately grabbed his phone out of his pocket and went to Spotify. "Okay now for some real music you can shake your ass to." Joe said while heading over to my phone so he could turn my music off. "Excuse me, country is real music." I said with a small scoff. "Maybe our country song, but that's it." Joe chuckled at my reaction. Once he turned on his phone, the song, 'Neck on a Yacht,' by Gunna started playing, and I couldn't help but smile. Once Joe turned around and saw me smiling, he pointed right at me. "See, see, you can't even lie, I play some pretty good songs." He said. While walking backwards, I pointed right back at him and then gestured for him to walk towards me. "Oh yeah, come dance with me big dick Joe." I said. "Mm," Joe hummed, "anything for you baby"

The ravens game

"I'm nervous, Joe. What if people hate me now? I mean did you see all of the comments on my Instagram of me being a gold digger before I shut my comments off?" I asked Joe as I frantically walked around my hotel room in Baltimore, trying to piece together my game day outfit so I could leave for the bengals game against the ravens. Every single day before Joe goes out and starts to warm up, he always calls me while in the locker room. It started back in college when we first got together when Joe called me because he needed me to bring him something he forgot. Then, the next week he called me again, but this time he said it was good luck since they won the game. Although the second time he called me they almost lost the game, Joe still continued to call me.

The only time we didn't call each other was the two game days we spent separated, but other than that we've called each other every week. I'd be lying if I said a part of me wasn't waiting for him to call me up randomly during those two weeks before he played. Just to talk...maybe say sorry. Or just say anything. Even a, 'oh by the way, I forgot to mention that I cheated on you,' or a, 'I am so not missing our pregame calls, see you never.' I look forward to our little calls so much that leading up to his phone call today, which happens at the same time every Sunday when they have games at 1 and 4 and night games on Monday and Thursday, I couldn't put my phone down. I held onto it so extremely tightly while staring straight at the screen, fearing he would forget to call or that it wouldn't be the same although this was our second week calling each other again, but that wasn't the case.

"People just say that because they're jealous of you. You already missed last weeks game against the eagles and then the browns game before that, so you have to come to today's game, I need you there. Plus, who's going to hate you? I'm the one that broke up with you, not the other way around." Joe said. I could tell he was currently getting changed into his warm up clothes since his phone was slightly muffled from putting on his shirt. In the background, I could hear some music being played and other guys around him talking. A small smile crept onto my face, happy and relieved that these calls were finally back. "I don't know, maybe.... Uh- fans, I know that at least some of them hate me." I said, thinking about some of the things people have sent me these past few weeks before finally throwing the last part of my outfit on the bed and then throwing myself on it as well. I put the phone on speaker before laying on my stomach and burying my face into the bed with a groan, not mentally prepared for this. I was so extremely excited, don't get me wrong, but I was also terrified.

Joe just chuckled on the other end of the phone after hearing me groan and said, "for one, those aren't real fans if they're going to hate my girlfriend, and for two, all you have to worry about are the people that matter. For instance, my mom, who has called me every single day to tell me how happy she is that we are back together. Or, we have Ja'marr, who at every practice tells me how he is just so relieved that we are together again so we can all have fun together again." I couldn't help but notice the small annoyance in his voice while talking about how much his mom has been calling him. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Robin, but calling us every single day to check in and remind us how excited she is about us being back together is just getting a tad bit annoying.

"Well that checks out about Ja'marr, he called me yesterday to tell how relieved he is that he doesn't have to hang out with us separately and make things weird between you guys." I laughed, thinking about all of the things we talked about and how he told me Joe was 'horribly miserable,' during those two weeks. "What a backstabber. He was really going to hang out with my ex girlfriend behind my back?" Joe joked. All of a sudden, I could hear someone getting closer to Joe's phone before Ja'marr yelled, "of course I was going to hang out with her, I only like you because of her, Joey." There was a small ruckus on the other end of the phone and I knew they were both pulling out UFC moves on each other. "Welcome back! We missed you!" Ja'marr yelled back into the camera. "I missed you all too!" I said loudly while laughing. There was a small strangled noise coming from Joe before be said, "fuck you man," while laughing and then came closer to the phone. "Did he just choke you out?" I laughed with a small gasp at the noise he just let out, grabbing ahold of my phone and taking it off of speaker. "Dude just punched my fucking dick." Joe laughed. "You guy's are something else." I laughed with him.

After a few seconds, the laughter finally stopped and we just sat there in silence for a little bit, just sitting with each other. I knew we were both just soaking in this moment after both of us were unsure of whether it would happen ever again. "I missed these calls." Joe said quietly on the other end of the phone, making me instantly smile and blush while I grabbed the phone and flipped onto my back. I took it off of speaker and pressed it to my ear, able to hear Joe's breathing more. "I missed these calls too, Joe." I said, biting my bottom lip slightly. "I'm glad you're coming to the game today. I really need you there." He said. This season was starting off rough, to say the very least. It felt like at times Joe was the only player on that field that knew what he was doing. How, no matter how many points he put up, the defense just couldn't step up enough to pull out a win. Not even an ugly win.

"You know, I was thinking about skipping it...I don't even like football that much." I joked around with Joe who began to chuckle but then got a little serious. "Honestly, though. Even just knowing you're up in the suite or the stands makes me feel so much better. And when I do lose, just seeing for face makes me feel better, even if I shut you out for a little bit." Joe said. I brought my hand up to my mouth and began to rub my top lip slightly while unable to hold back a smile. "Well I'll be up there today rooting you on 9. Now, go finished getting ready for warmups, I'll see you after the game." I said and sat up on the bed while running my fingers over the custom bengals Jean jacket I was going to wear today. "Ok baby, I love you so much." Joe said. "I love you Joey."

After the game

While up in the suite that Joe rented for us today since Robin brought some friends, I watched the clock slowly wind down to 00:00, meaning the Bengals ran out of time to make a comeback or pull off some special play. My eyes then shifted over to the scoreboard which read 35-34. Another loss. Another night filled with awkward silence when we get home, just like every night after a loss when Joe doesn't want to talk about the game...or anything for that matter. Luckily we weren't going to be eating dinner together tonight given the time, which meant I would be spared from an awkward dinner.

I wasn't ready for this again. The part where he shut me out and wouldn't talk to me about what was going through his head for days on end. It was exhausting. I knew it was inevitable, but a small part of me hoped that since one of those times when Joe shut me out, he did something that he deeply regretted, that he would never do that again. But, looking from the scoreboard down to Joe on the field, I had a feeling that tonight's loss would be no different. We'd get home, he wouldn't talk much other than the occasional, 'yeah,' 'mhm,' he might watch some film while getting ready for bed, and then he'd be out. I mean his face gave it away. He was 4-6 on the season despite him having his best career start and putting up over almost 20 points per game, but it just wasn't enough. His team just couldn't perform with him.

I watched Joe as his shoulders hung low as he went out to greet his opponents on the field. His face was almost emotionless while he trudged his way past reporters and players to meet Lamar Jackson in the middle of the field. They gave each other a small hug while making a tiny bit of small talk, and then Joe made his way into the tunnel where he would get undressed, shower, and go to his presser. "How ya feelin hun?" Robin said from next to me. I looked over to my right to see her gazing over at me with a look of sympathy. Now, mentally back in the suite, I could hear all of the sighs and disappointed small talk people were making amongst each other, saying various things like, 'this team is wasting Joe's potential,' and 'he needs out.'

Even one of Robins old work friends she invited said, "we all know he'll never amount to anything here with this lousy team." I turned around to look at him with a small scoff and made direct eye contact with him when he shockingly looked over at me, not realizing he spoke so loudly to the point where I could hear him. "Joe made it to the Super Bowl with this 'lousy team,' and the afc championship the next year. If you could keep your comments to yourself or at least keep your damn voice down, that would be greatly appreciated." I said and abruptly stood up from my seat. I slipped back on my shoes and, without giving Robin and Jimmy another look, stormed out of the suite and into the hallway.

Once I got into the hallway, I could hear upset the bengals fans starting to pile out of the stadium after wasting their money on tickets and possibly a flight to watch the bengals - or rather the defense - lose once again. Although I was proud of myself for sticking up for Joe- although he wasn't wrong - I couldn't help but feel horrible for saying that to robins old work friend. Not only did I embarrass myself, but I also embarrassed Robin and Jimmy and I knew that everything I did reflected on Joe and could possibly make him look bad. I've never really been vocal about anything like that before. I always kept my cool and pushed down my thoughts which I wanted to let out so badly but forced myself to keep in.

Just as I was about to turn around and go apologize to Robin and the friend she brought, whose name I completely forgot, the suite door swung open and Robin walked out. First she looked to the left and then her head swung over to the right, obviously looking for me. I held my head low and started walking over to her while running my fingers through my hair frantically. "I am so, so sorry, Robin. I can't believe I said that. I don't even know why I said that." I said quickly and frantically. Robin held out her hands to me while shaking her head slowly, a calm and understanding look on her face. "Hey, hey, it's okay. It's fine." She said.

Once I reached her, I looked past her and at the door, trying to see if the man was going to walk out so I could apologize to him. When Robin noticed, she gently grabbed ahold of my wrists to pulled my attention towards her instead, and when I looked at her, she took a deep breath. "What he said was wrong, okay? I talked to him and he apologized. You have nothing to be sorry for." She said. "No, no, I was in the wrong, don't side with me just because I'm dating joe. I'm all uptight and stressed and I shouldn't have said that to your friend." I said. Robin raised her eyebrow at me and then scoffed a tiny bit. "You're my future daughter in law, which means I'm always going to pick your side no matter how in the wrong you are, but what he said upset me as well, not just you." She said.

After she said this, I let out a big sigh of relief, not even realizing I was holding my breath, and then nodded a little bit. "What's got you so uptight and stressed? Is it just the horrible string of losses?" Robin asked me, knowing it was stemming something else. "It's just that," I looked into her eyes and, although I wanted to tell her the full truth about what was really going on, I decided to tell her half of the truth instead, "not only are these losses weighing down on Joe and making it difficult to console him, but with what happened the last time he had a tough loss...I don't know, I'm just scared I guess. With the eagles game and now this... how can I not be?" I said, letting my words trail off as I thought about what happened last time Joe had a bad loss and lost his mind. Robin nodded slowly before wrapping me in her arms.

"I am so sorry honey. I know that it's not going to really make you feel any better because it's not directly coming from him, but he loves you with his entire being." Robin said. Even hearing her say that Joe loves me felt like a weight being lifted off of my chest. I already knew he loved me, but hearing it come from her again felt different. Relieving. "Yeah?" I asked her into the hug. Robin pulled away slightly and looked into my eyes. "When you're off at work, he calls me and tells me how he never wants to lose you again- that didn't come from me though," Robin laughed at the end, "Darling, Joe may have made the biggest mistake of his life, but he knows how lucky he is that you even gave him a second chance. Per Joe's words, this time around, the only way this relationship ends is if you break it off yourself," She said to me, "now, is that all you're worried about sweetheart?" I quickly looked up into her eyes and swallowed down the lump in my throat. She could always see right through me no matter what. "They started again." I said.

After talking with Robin for a few minutes and her telling me to try my best to not be worried about going down to the tunnel and seeing Joe, I finally made my way down to the tunnel where I could see Joe before he went into the locker room, although I had a feeling that I would be too late to see Joe given that I spent extra time talking with Robin. The whole way down there, I couldn't help but worry about what it would be like this time. Would it be any different? Would Joe try and do things differently this time and force himself to open up to me instead of pushing me away like he usually does for the first few days? There were so many questions and what ifs that were making me anxiously pick at the skin around my nails to the point where they started to bleed, which is an old habit of mine I could never quite get rid of.

After a few minutes, I made my way into the tunnel where a few players were still with their family members who met with the players here instead of the family section so they could get home sooner. Immediately, I started to look for Joe. Please be here, I thought to myself over and over again, hoping that Joe stayed back a little extra longer despite not knowing himself if I was going to show up. I should have known, though. Neither of us have ever missed seeing each other in the tunnel.

All of a sudden, I looked to the left and saw Joe standing with his back facing me, looking around for me nervously. As I walked over to him, I couldn't help but notice how his shoulders hung low in disappointment. I knew he was angry and so incredibly upset with himself over this loss that  looked so promising in the beginning. My heart ached for him and all I wanted was to be able to take away his pain. He may love this sport, but it sure does bring him down more than it lifts him up these days, especially with how much the defense and Zac Taylor are struggling. No matter how great Joe plays or how much he shines, the blame is somehow always put on him.

When I reached Joe, I reached forwards and placed my hand on his waist and gave it a gentle pat, knowing he wouldn't be able to feel my hand on him through his gear if I didn't. As soon as he felt someone touch his waist, he perked up slightly, not expecting someone to touch him, and turned his head to look at who it was. When he looked behind him, he looked straight ahead and over top of me before looking down a little bit at me. I couldn't help but give Joe a weak smile as soon as I noticed how relieved he looked to see me. His eyebrows dropped and the lines on his forehead disappeared, the tension in his face and shoulders dissipated, and he let out a small breath. It was a mixture of relief and sadness, like he was relieved that he didn't have to hide his emotions in front of me. He could be real and raw, although I knew he wouldn't be able to fully open up to me right now.

"Hey Joey." I said as he turned fully around with the smallest smile before wrapping me in his arms. Although kind of hard to fully wrap my arms around him with his full gear on, I tried my best to hold him tightly to me. "Hey baby." He said quietly, the loss obviously weighing down on him. "I'm sorry this game didn't go as planned. You deserved to have your team step up today." I said while holding the back of his head gently and running my fingers through his sweat covered hair. As soon as I said this, Joe pulled back slightly and looked into my eyes. I could tell he wanted to talk. I could tell he wanted to come to me, but just like always, he shut me out. There was a split second where I swear I saw his lips part, as if he wanted to open up and talk to me about it, but he instead decided not to.

"Do you want me to meet you in the family section or go to the airport?" I asked him, having a feeling that the answer would probably be just to go home. Joe's brows furrowed slightly and he looked down at the ground before grabbing my hands off of his body and holding them tightly in front of him. Joe opened his mouth to talk but shut it once again and looked down at me with those bright blue eyes. "I know I need to talk to you- Open up to you. Trust me....I know how last time went. But I just-uh...I think I just need a second to like, process it by myself. I think. If that's okay." Joe said, trying to work his way through his own thought process and his feelings about what happened today. I could tell how much he was hurting, mentally and physically. Those despondent eyes and new bruises forming on his body gave it all away.

I could tell this was hard for him. It was never like him to come to me right after something went wrong. Whether it was a small injury or a season ending injury, a loss that didn't matter or a loss that did matter, or him making a dumb play that caused the game to go in the opposite direction, he was always slow to come to me. It was just...him. Joe liked to stay in his own thoughts for a while despite it not being good for him. I've told him it's not good for him. His mom has told him it's not good for him. Even his therapist which he occasionally goes to sometimes says the same thing we do, and yet he still hasn't taken our advice yet. It's just too hard for him.

Before we broke up, though, he was getting better at it. He was finally starting to talk to the people who were only there to listen and to help him, and he wasn't waiting a week to open up to us. Then the losses started piling up. One after another. With that came stress that only continued to build and build. The criticism and harsh words were getting to him despite him trying his best to ignore it. The doubt was setting in. Soon, all of that progress that he made over the off season and first few games went right down the fucking toilet and he blew up on me.

After a few seconds of me trying to process what he said and trying not to cry out of relief that Joe was finally working through his thoughts and trying to do the thing that would benefit not only him, but everyone around him, Joe looked back at the ground, thinking he said the wrong thing. "I am so proud of you, Joseph. No matter what. Take all the time you need but please, please, don't forget that I am always here to listen and help you." I told him. As soon as Joe realized that I wasn't upset at the fact that he was asking me to wait a little bit before he opened up to me, although I only wanted him to open up to me to benefit himself, he quickly looked back up and into my eyes. "I know you're here for me. This is just hard for me. I usually just keep it all pent up inside of me till I- well, y'know." Joe said and chuckled nervously after he let his words trail off, thinking about when all of his pent up emotions caused the breakup.

I began to reach up with one of my hands, making Joe release it. With the hand that Joe let go of, I reached up and cupped Joe's cheek, not caring if anyone saw us. "I know Joe. I get it. I know how your brain works." I said with a smile and began to rub my thumb across his cheek, gaining a small smile from Joe. "Well, then to answer your question from a few minutes ago...can you just head to the Airport? I know we usually go to the family section together but I'm not really in the mood to stay here any longer than I have to. Plus we're already going to get home late as it is." Joe said. With a small nod and a sigh, I dropped my hand and then placed a small kiss on his lips. "That honestly sounds better anyways, I want to get out of this Jean jacket," I said and put a hand on Joe's waist, although all I could feel was his gear, "I'll see you at home. Do you want me to get an ice bath started for you if I beat you home?" I asked him, knowing he's going to be in a lot of pain tomorrow with how many times he was hit and thrown to the ground today. "That sounds amazing, baby. I love you so much." He said and leaned down and placed another kiss on my lips. "I love you Joey."

The day after the Chargers game Once I got home from work, I quickly changed into a sports bra and a pair of athletic shorts, ridding myself of my work clothes. I immediately started on dinner so it would be finished by the time Joe got home from the facility since he went to put in work with Dan and ice his incredibly sore and bruised body, and in no time, I could hear the garage door opening up, signaling that Joe was home. It didn't matter if it was bye week or not, Joe was going to go to the facility every day and work his ass off for his team. In order to try and stay as optimistic as I possibly could in the weeks I've been back together with Joe, especially after the ravens and chargers loss, I've stayed far away from Joe's post game press conference. I knew he would be in a bad mood just like after every loss, and rightfully so, but I really didn't want to see him upset again. I also stayed away from social media and instead kept my phone away from me as much as I could. I knew after yesterdays loss people would be posting non stop about yesterdays horrible game and would probably be saying all kinds of rude, disrespectful, and probably disgusting things about Joe, and frankly, I did not have it in me to see them.

I turned off the stove which I only had on to keep the food warm and then headed towards the door that led into the garage. I got about halfway down the hallway when I heard the key being put into the door and then it swung open. When the door opened all the way up, my eyes landed on Joes large frame as he stepped inside with his practice bag in his right hand. Since Joe got home late yesterday after the game and I had to leave work extra early this morning since I had a meeting, we haven't really seen each other since the loss. "Hey baby." Joe said before taking one last step inside and shutting the door behind him. "Hey Joey." I said and closed the distance between us. So he could hold me closer to him, Joe dropped his bag he was holding and wrapped both of his arms around my waist while I snaked mine around his neck and held him tightly, though I released him slightly when I could feel him wince a little bit in pain. "I missed you." He told me.

When I pulled away a little bit to look up at him, I could tell he was trying his best to act like everything was fine, but I could see right through him, especially because of his facial expression and body language. As soon as we made eye contact, he looked away and started zoning off, obviously being pulled back into his own thoughts. His shoulders were low and tense, his hands were fidgety, his eyes darted around occasionally, he was biting the inside of his cheek, and his eyebrows were upturned which made the lines on his forehead appear.

Not only was his body language giving it away, but also the way he talked. It was clear that he was trying to hide the way he was feeling by trying to act chipper and making sure his voice didn't sound too deep or emotional to get me to believe it, but I knew it was an act. I knew it was an act but I also knew that I couldn't say anything. I needed to let him come to me and not push it, because when he's ready, I knew he would come to me. I just had to be patient and trust in him. "Okay, well I'm hungry and I'm sure you are too so go and put your bag upstairs while I plate the food." I said and kissed his cheek before letting my arms fall from around his neck.

Joe furrowed his eyebrows before he removed his hands from around my waist. I watched in confusion as he let out a big sigh while pulling away from me more and bringing his hand up which he ran through his hair. "Fuck." Joe swore before pinching the bridge of his nose. "What? Did you forget something at the facility?" I asked him, wondering why he was all upset all of a sudden. "We are supposed to have a dinner with my parents tonight. I talked to them about it yesterday after the game and completely forgot to tell you. Fuck." Joe said and began to rub his face in frustration at the fact that nothing was going his way. Ever. I quickly looked down at the clothes I was wearing and then looked back up to him. "Okay. Okay that's fine. I'll just go up and change real quick and then we'll go. What time do we need to be there?" I asked Joe and turned around.

With Joe quickly following me, I began to speed walk to the stairs and then I took the steps two at a time until I made it all the way up. "20 minutes and the restaurant is 15 minutes away." Joe said. I turned to go into the room and immediately headed for the closet. "Shit," I swore under my breath, having no idea what to even wear, "what do I wear? Where are we going?" I asked frantically while taking the hair tie out of my hair and letting all of my hair fall onto my shoulders. "Uhhh... leggings and a sweatshirt? We're going to Primavista." Joe said. Just as I was about to grab what outfit Joe told me to wear, I peaked my head around the closet and looked at Joe as my mouth dropped open. "Leggings and a sweatshirt? Joseph, I need to wear a fancier outfit to Primavista. Shit. I mean my makeup isn't even touched up. I'm going to look horrible and out of place." I said before going back into the closet to find an outfit. "You could never look horrible, baby. Not even if you tried." Joe said, though his voice was still slightly monotone.

Once I picked out my outfit I was going to wear, I quickly headed out of the closet and headed for the bed, but as I walked out, I found Joe sitting on the edge of the bed staring straight at his phone. He was biting at the inside of his cheeks like crazy while looking nervously down at his phone, and I knew he was looking at the things people were saying about him, although he knew not to do that after a loss. "Joey turn off your phone. Who gives a shit about what those pathetic people have to say." I said while throwing my clothes onto the bed so I could change. Extremely hesitantly, Joe drug his eyes off his phone and looked over at me before turning off his phone and shoving it into his pocket.

Once I got changed we immediately headed to the restaraunt so we wouldn't be as late as we already were going to be. When we got there, Robin and Jimmy were already there with a special table which was more secluded and private so we didn't have to worry about people coming up to Joe asking for pictures or autografts. The dinner was good for the most part. It was nice to spend time with Joe and his parents since it was hard to spend quality time with our families during the season. But, just like I expected, the dinner was filled with some tension and awkward conversation on Joe's side. We all could tell that Joe was trying so incredibly hard to fake his happy go lucky attitude for the sake of not starting any fights or making us feel bad for him and he was failing miserable at it. When he tried to make conversation about something else or add in something, we ended up talking about something for a few minutes and then he got swept away in his own thoughts a few moments later and just continued to zone some more while we continued to talk.

But, during the dinner, I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him and the way he carried himself as he sat next to me. I didn't know if it was the fact that this is the least I've had sex in five years since Joe's been so focused on football and I am becoming deprived, or the way he looks. Maybe both? All I knew was that it was impossible for me not to stare and admire him. Yeah, he may have been faking his 'okay,' mood, but under the facade and fake smiles was an angry and upset Joe. I could tell by the way his left hand was clenched into a fist while he shoveled food into his mouth and chewed on it aggressively. It was the little things that I picked up that held my attention, especially the way his veins looked while be clenched his fist in anger.

When I thought I would never be able to look away from him and focus on the conversation Robin and Jimmy were having across from us about something that happened to her at the grocery store, my phone screen lit up from next to me, instantly bringing me back to reality. Looking over at my phone, I figured it was Kaitlynn wondering how everything was going so I picked up my phone real quick while bringing my fork up to my mouth and taking another bite of chicken. I smiled a little bit when I saw that the notification was from Instagram, and figured that Kaitlynn must have tagged me in something or sent me something, but once I opened it up, my smile dropped completely and the hairs on my arms stood up. Do you remember the reason I was dreading going to the game today? Well this was it.

My palms instantly became sweaty and I swallowed the piece chicken in my mouth while I slowly became nervous. Why did this have to happen again? I thought I was over these kinds of messages. Correction, I was over these kind of messages but then Joe and I broke up and then got back together again in less than a month and apparently people didn't like that too much. I could hear metal clinking softly against Joe's plate which tore me out of my thoughts and to Joe who sat next to me who was looking at me worriedly, able to tell something was wrong and that I was on edge. When I made eye contact with him, Joe leaned towards me a little bit as I set my phone down on the table so the screen was facing down. "What's wrong?" Joe asked me.

As soon as he asked me this, robin and jimmy both looked up at me and looked between me and Joe, knowing they had missed something amidst their conversation. "What? Nothing." I said with an uneasy laugh, trying to redirect the conversation to something else. My plan was just to sweep this under the rug and not bring attention to it so Joe didn't have something else to worry about on top of all of the things going on with him right now. The last thing I wanted was to take Joe's attention away from the real problems he was dealing with and cause him to lose focus on the field. The bengals were already struggling, they didn't need Joe struggling as well. "Did you get another message?" Robin asked me worriedly.

All I wanted was for Joe to just brush this off and forget about it, but as soon as Robin asked me this, my heart sank in my chest. Shit. I really didn't want to make him worry about me while he should be worried about football right now. But It felt like there was no right answer and this time around I hadn't told anyone until last week so I didn't have anyone guiding me in my decision. When they first started, I figured that I had two choices. I could tell Joe and cause him to lose his focus, or I could keep it from him and let him stay focused. I chose to hide it from him. Now I know that it was so incredibly stupid because it was only a matter of time before I gave it away or he saw one of the texts. I didn't think it would come out because of Robin though, but I could tell she regretted opening her mouth as soon as she said it, realizing Joe didn't know about it yet.

"Another message? What's that supposed to mean?" Joe asked me, worried and confused while shifting in the booth to face me more. It's been about a year since I've received them last so I wasn't surprised that Joe had no idea what I was talking about. I looked up to Joe hesitantly, not wanting him to get even more worried when I told him. "The threats started again. I thought they were over but I guess not." I said with a small shrug. Joe immediately looked between me and his parents as his brows furrowed before he reached up and ran his hand through his growing hair. "Fuck. Are you okay? What are they saying?" Joe asked me. "Of course I'm okay. It's the same as last time." I told him as I reached out and wrapped my hand around his arm gently. I gave his arm a small squeeze, trying to get him to calm down and not get all worked up over nothing.

But, Joe did the opposite. Not only was he upset at the fact that I was receiving the threats again, but he continuously looked from me to his parents, not understanding why we weren't reacting the same way he was. "Why the fuck are you all acting so calm? Am I missing something here?" Joe asked. With a small sigh, I looked down in my lap before looking up to Robin who nodded in my direction, wanting me to tell joe. "It's fine, we can just talk about this later." I reassured him before picking my fork back up and taking another bite of my food. From above me, I could hear Joe let out a small scoff before he shook his head. "Did you guys already know about this?" Joe asked, suddenly taken aback at the fact that his parents knew about the threats before he did.

I watched as Joe's eyes darted between his parents who were suddenly speechless, and me. I hated that I drug his parents into this as well, especially because I could tell how much they were struggling with coming up with things to say. "I had to tell someone, Joe. You already had a lot on your plate and I didn't want to worry you." I told him. Joe let out a small scoff but tried his best to contain how upset he was and not let it get to him. "You can always tell me about anything, especially this. You know that. We never keep that kind of stuff from each other and to go to my parents instead of me..." Joe trailed off. I opened my mouth to say something but shut it immediately after realizing that I had no idea what to say in this moment. "It's an impossible spot to be in." His mom said from across the table which only made Joe more upset.

"No, no. I don't need your opinion right now, okay? This is between us- or at least it should've been." Joe said and looked down at me. "I only told Robin last week. It's not that big of a deal, I promise." I told him. Joe let out a small scoff and began to run his hands over the small stubble that was growing on his face. "A week ago?" He asked. Those blue eyes were filled with nothing but anger while he talked to me and I knew it was a mix of me getting the threats again, keeping it from him, and everything going on with football. "Not that big of a deal? I'm your boyfriend a-and instead you go to my parents to tell them about the threats you've been receiving. Instead of lying to me you could've just told me the truth about why you didn't want to go to the ravens game. I would've understood why you were on the fence about going." Joe said.

"You've been so worried about football which is why I decided to keep it from you. I wasn't just going to drop another bomb on you after we got together again." I said. From across from us, I could tell Robin and Jimmy were both a little uncomfortable while being forced to sit through one of our bickering fights. "After we got together again? This has been going on for weeks?" Joe raised his voice, making me look around to see if anyone heard, but nobody was close enough to hear. I put my head in my hands before looking up to him. "Joe cut her some slack, please." His mom said, but joes head snapped over to her before he slammed his fist on the table and then pointed at her. "Stay out of it mom!" Joe raised his voice at her. "Joseph Lee Burrow, lower your damn voice when you speak to your mother." Jimmy said sternly while glaring at his son.

I looked between his parents and Joe, having no idea what to do. My decision to keep it from Joe and then only tell his parents single-handedly started this whole fight and turned this nice dinner, which was supposed to ultimately help Joe, into a shit show. Not only was Joe upset about nothing going his way on the field, but he was also mad at me and his parents. "You know what, I have to go," Joe said before pushing back his chair and standing up angrily and taking a few steps before turning towards the table again, "this was great, but it's time to go." He said sarcastically and then adverted his attention to me. While I stood up, I turned to look at Robin who looked like she might cry. I knew she felt like this was all her fault, but I was the one who forgot to mention that I was hiding it from her son. 'I'm sorry, it's my fault,' I mouthed out to her before I looked at Joe who pulled out his wallet and then dug into it.

After Joe reached into his wallet, he grabbed out some money and then threw five 100 dollar bills on the table. "Hopefully that's enough to cover dessert." Joe said angrily before he took a step back to let me walk in front of him. No matter how upset he was at me, Joe always wanted to walk behind me so he could keep his eyes on me. Whenever we went to restaurants, he always made sure that he sat so he was facing the entrance and could keep an eye on who was coming into the restaurant. It was somewhat relieving to know that even though Joe is extremely upset with me right now, that he still cares about me and can put his anger aside, even just while walking out of here.

After a few seconds of just standing in front of him in shock that he was just leaving so abruptly, Joe said sternly, "let's go." I looked up at Joe and noticed the way he looked down at me angrily, his eyes narrowed down at me with tense shoulders, obviously not wanting to have to repeat himself again. With a small scoff, I rolled my eyes at him and walked past him while making sure to hit his shoulder, wanting him to know that I was also upset with him. I understood that he wanted me to tell him about the threats and that he was angry that I didn't tell him, but to cause a scene and make a big deal about it like he is right now is just crossing a line. I messed up and he's acting like it's the end of the world like always.

After I walked past him, I headed through the restaurant with Joe walking right behind me and basically stepping on my heels, only making me walk faster to get to the exit. So many thoughts were running through my head and distracting me, causing me to block out a waitress who walked in front of me carrying a large tray full of food. Before I ran right into her and caused her to drop all of the food, I felt one of Joe's hands reached out to me and grab ahold of the waist of my jeans, pulling me back so I wouldn't run into her. I let out a small noise, not expecting someone to pull me back so quickly and suddenly, and I turned around to see Joe towering over me.

For a few seconds I just stood, looking up into Joe's eyes, finding it hard to stay mad at him while he looked so attractive... irresistible. I hated how much I found him attractive when he was pissed off, but it was the truth. His gaze was cold and serious. His brows were furrowed while he clenched his jaw repeatedly. His chest rose and fell quicker than usual without any attempt to slow his racing heart down, almost as if he enjoyed being angry, and I mean how could he not given the circumstances? He's been trying to put on a fake face and now he finally get's to relish in his anger because he has another excuse to be angry without having to blame it on football. I get it.

After standing there for too long, Joe finally took initiative by placing his hand on the small of my back and putting pressure, once again making me walk through the restaurant, only this time he was walking next to me and guiding me. When we finally reached the door which felt like took eternity, Joe pushed the door open and held it open for me while I walked out. As soon as I got outside, I immediately headed right for his car which was parked right next to the entrance. "Wow, not even a thank you?" Joe asked sarcastically while he stood there, holding the door open for a few extra seconds before walking away and letting it shut. "I didn't even get a fucking thank you when I stopped you from running into that waitress and embarrassing yourself." Joe said while he walked to his car with me. "I didn't know doing the bare fucking minimum deserved a thank you, but if you really want one to make you feel better, thank you." I said, over-exaggerating the thank you as I reached the car.

With a scoff, Joe unlocked the car so I opened up the passenger side door and slid inside of it. I immediately shut the door and then buckled up while Joe got into the drivers seat. As soon as he got in and started it, he wasted no time at all. He buckled up quickly and then put the car in reverse and whipped the car out of the parking spot we were in. I gritted my teeth and grabbed ahold of my purse so it wouldn't go flying while watching Joe as he swerved onto the road and sped up quickly, the engine revving. While he drove, Joe grabbed ahold of the steering wheel with one hand, his knuckles turning white, and the other was placed on the arm rest with his hand formed into a fist.

My eyes darted from him to the speedometer, watching the numbers slowly start to increase until he got onto the freeway and was going close to 90 mph even though the posted speed limit was 70 mph. "Joseph slow down." I told him. I knew all of the anger from these past few games that was eating away at him was finally all brought to the surface, making him even more upset than he would be if the only thing he had to worry about were the threats. Joe looked from the road to me quickly, realizing that I sounded nervous. As soon as he looked over at me and saw the way I was picking at the skin around my nails, he immediately took his foot off the gas and started decelerating until he was back down into the 70's.

When Joe pulled into our driveway and turned the car off, I opened up the door quickly and headed straight for the door. I could hear Joe slam his door shut but I didn't bother looking back at him, I knew he was following right after me. I knew he would want to talk about what happened tonight and why I did it, but I really wasn't in the mood. When it all came down to it, Joe kept his feelings hidden from me as well so I should be able to do the same exact thing without him getting mad at me. After I unlocked the door, I stepped inside and then started walking towards the stairs that led to our bedroom, just wanting to call it a night and regroup in the morning when things had a chance to die down.

"Where do you think you're going? You can't get out of this one by walking away." Joe said sternly after shutting the door. With a sigh, I stopped walking and stayed still for a few seconds, contemplating if I should continue on or turn around. But, I chose to turn around, and when I did, I saw Joe standing by the door with his hands on his hips. "Just drop it Joe, it's not that big of a deal." I said with a small shrug. "Not that big of a deal? You confiding in my parents instead of me after not telling me for weeks about the threats sounds like a big fucking deal to me. But hey, what do I know." Joe said angrily while throwing his hands up in the air while talking. "Exactly, what do you know, Joe? I mean you aren't even seeing my side to this all!" I said, raising my voice slightly.

Joe took a step towards me while looking me up and down. "I don't want to hear your, 'I kept it from you for a reason,' bullshit. There isn't any reason for you to keep that from me!" Joe yelled at me, causing me to jump a little bit, not expecting him to be so loud. "It's not bullshit, Joe! It's the truth! You already had so much on your fucking plate and I didn't want to worry you with my shit!" I yelled right back at him. "Your shit? Your shit!? Your shit becomes my shit when it involves you getting death threats! I never have too much on my plate to worry about you!" Joe told me, causing him to breathe even heavier as the anger continued to build. "But you do, Joe! You do! Most of the time your the only damn player on that field besides a few other guys who looks like they weren't drafted from a fucking little league team! If I involve you with my shit, your head won't be in the game. Why don't you realize that?"

"Will you quit it with the 'my shit,' crap already? It's my shit too!" Joe yelled while pointing right at his chest angrily and then running a hand through his hair. "I don't give a fuck about football if it means my girlfriend is receiving death threats!" Joe added in. "Exactly! You won't give a fuck about football if you know about the threats, which is why I kept it from you!" I said right back at him, trying to prove a point since he basically just told me what I've been saying all along. Joe began to shake his head like crazy before putting both of his hands on the top of his head and screaming, "fuck!" while putting his whole body into it. When he looked back up at me after a few minutes, he started to laugh to himself in disbelief before his fake smile fell and he got serious again.

"That's not what I mean! It means that if you were truthful with me from the start, I would have gotten security to follow you places." Joe said. With a scoff, I walked away from him and headed into the kitchen, suddenly feeling the urge to take the edge off with some much needed alcohol. Anything to drown out the crap Joe was currently spewing at me. "Exactly! It would've taken your mind off of football! Trying to get me security is only going to make you worry about me more because then it becomes real." I said while walking to the kitchen. Joe followed me into the kitchen and when he walked in after me, he stood on the opposite side of the kitchen that was closest to the stairs that led to our room. "I would get you your own security so I wouldn't have to think or worry about you getting hurt! So I can go on that field and not have a single thought about you because I know you're up in that suite or in the stands and safe!" He yelled.

After opening up the liquor cabinet, I grabbed out a bottle of Tito's and slid it onto the counter and then opened up another cabinet and grabbed out a glass. "This is why I didn't want to involve you," I said while unscrewing the lid and pouring myself a small glass of Tito's, "You take everything out of proportion and it drives me crazy!" After I poured enough into the glass, I twisted the cap back on and slid the bottle further on the counter so I wouldn't accidentally knock it off. I brought the glass up to my lips to take a sip and just as I did, Joe's eyes widened at what I said and he leaned on the counter. "You should not be taking these threats lightly, especially death threats! I don't care if you think that it's all just stupid talk, threats are still threats! So either I get you your own security or you aren't going to the games!" He yelled at me.

"You are reaching so far here Joe. It's just jealous fans who want to scare me! Nothing more, nothing less! You aren't getting me security and I'm not missing games." I said the last part with a small laugh after drinking all of the Tito's in the glass that stung as it went down. "Deep down you're worried about them too, which is why you kept it from me! You're the one that's worried that if you finally tell someone the threats will become real!" Well, he got me there. I looked up at him quickly, not wanting to show him or give away any signs that showed that he was right, because deep down he was. In all reality, I knew the threats wouldn't amount to anything, they never did. What I was worried about was people finding out because just like Joe said, they become real. Other people find out and it's like they actually mean something and aren't just text messages people sent.

The only thing I thought to do was deflect, just like Joe does. "Do you ever think that maybe I am finally keeping something from you because of how much you shut me out? How when something goes wrong and it's so obvious that you need an outlet, you just decide to keep it from me?" I said loudly at him, "how is this any fucking different?" As soon as the words slipped from my mouth, I instantly regretted it. Joe's eyes dropped from mine down to the counter in front of him and he reached back and began to rub the back of his neck. I knew I shouldn't have said what I said, but I couldn't help but notice how much better I felt after getting that off my chest. I knew we weren't in the same boat with the reason why we kept things from each other sometimes, but nonetheless, it still felt good; making joe realize how much it sucked to have things hidden from him, that is.

After sitting in his thoughts for a few seconds and letting the anger build, Joe looked up at me with rage filled eyes as his nostrils flared. The tips of his ears were a slight red color from the anger as well. "This is so much fucking different and you know it!" I could tell he was mearly yelling to get out all of his pent up anger, but I didn't want to hear it anymore. I was so sick and tired of having this back and forward screaming match with him. "The circumstances may be," I started to say but Joe cut me off, slamming his fist down on the counter, "this is the part where you let me talk, okay? We are in two very different situations here and we both know that! The main difference is the fact that you were hiding a serious thing from me! So I don't care about your damn excuses and how you're mad at how I keep my feelings to myself for a while, the only thing I care about and the only thing that matters is the fact that you thought it was okay to keep that from me!" Joe yelled.

For a few seconds all I did was stand there while looking into his blue eyes, the both of us breathing heavier than usual due to us yelling at each other back and forth for what felt like hours. Deep down I knew he was right. I knew that I shouldn't have hid the threats from him, but I was just so angry at him for breaking my heart and just like Joe, this was my way to get my anger out, by yelling. By yelling and creating problems that were unrelated to the real cause of it all, because I wasn't directly mad at Joe, I just had all of this pent up anger inside of me. I knew it would come out at some point but I truly didn't think it would come out tonight. And although I hated that I was taking it out on him, it felt damn good.

"Fuck this, Joe. I'm done yelling back and forth and getting nowhere." I said and walked towards him since it was the quickest way to the stairs. As I walked closer to him, though, he still stood right in front of where I needed to walk out of to reach the stairs, his hands on his hips the entire time as his eyes followed me the whole way to him. Once I reached him, I was mere inches away from him as he towered over me while looking down to meet my eyes, not moving an inch although he could clearly tell I wanted him to move. "Oh okay, so even though you started this, you get to just leave whenever you want because you're not feeling it anymore? Got it." Joe said sternly, his voice deep yet never sounding more desirable.

"You started this the second you decided to freak out and leave your parents even though they drove almost three hours to have dinner with us." I said, looking up angrily at him. "No way you're seriously blaming this on me. I mean come on, you're the one that likes to hide things from your boyfriend! You tell me I need to communicate more then you go and do this!" Joe raised his voice at me once again. With a small scoff, I pinched the bridge of my nose before looking back up at him, having to angle my head up a lot because of how close we were. "I am not doing this with you again. Just move, I'm tired Joseph." I said, feeling myself start to get mad again although I just wanted to go upstairs and wash off the day and try to calm down from everything that happened tonight.

“We still have plenty of things to scream about. Why don't you pour yourself another fucking glass of Tito's and we can continue this?" Joe said sarcastically. "Just move!" I said loudly and placed both of my hands on his chest, trying to push him backwards, yet he still stood there, not even moving an inch. I sucked in a small breath at how he didn't move and then looked back up into his eyes, suddenly realizing how mad he was at me for putting my hands on him. When we made eye contact, Joe gave me a small look while his nostrils flared slightly and he said angrily, "you wanna try that again?" A breath got caught in my throat as my face flushed red immediately, unable to stop my thoughts from racing. Holy shit.

My breathing got heavier as soon as my mind was filled with dirty thoughts and I knew that if I didn't leave right now, I would not want to leave at all, and who knows if Joe even felt the same way given how mad he was at me. "I just," I said and forced myself to look away from him and down to my feet, knowing I couldn't continue if I didn't, "I just want to go upstairs." My core started to throb slowly and it only grew more persistent every second I stood here and was able to see Joe while he cologne flooded my nose. After a few seconds, I crossed my legs slightly to create some pressure, needing to find some sort of relief, which definitely didn't go unnoticed by Joe even though I hoped it would. After spending five years together he got really good at picking up on when I was turned on.

Within a few seconds of me telling him I wanted to go upstairs, Joe finally gave in and stepped to the side so I could walk past him. As quickly as I could, I walked past him, my shoulder brushing his arm in the process, and then headed for the stairs. I was still so shaken up from the fight we just had and I hated how we handled this situation. Rarely did our disagreements or arguments turn into screaming matches, especially not over something as serious as me getting threats. But although I was thinking about how much I wanted to apologize to Joe and tell him I was in the wrong and that this was my fault, I knew I couldn't go back now. Joe was still so incredibly mad at me and on top of that, I of course had to get turned on by him getting mad at me for 'pushing him,' if that's even what you want to call it. What the hell was wrong with me?

Before I headed up the stairs, I turned around for a second and saw Joe with his hands raised above of his head, grabbing ahold of the door frame above him. "Fuck." He swore to himself. I quickly headed back up the stairs before Joe could catch me watching him, and immediately walked into our bedroom and shut the door behind me. I didn't bother locking it and just headed for the bed, knowing Joe wouldn't be joining me up here for a little while considering that he was downstairs fuming. When I reached the bed, I sat down on it with a small 'huff.' My mind was racing with the events that just happened in the span of about an hour and a half: going to dinner, Robin unknowingly slipping up, joe getting mad and making us leave after throwing 500 dollars on the table, then getting home and screaming at each other.

Although I felt terrible for how tonight played out and for how Joe found out about the threats, I just couldn't stop the throb from continuing to grow in between my legs. Every time I tried to think of something else in order to dissipate the throb, Joe was all I could think about. Those veiny hands while he gripped onto the steering wheel. The way he yelled at me, although I knew I probably shouldn't find that hot. The way he didn't move an inch when I tried to push him out of the way. And then when he looked down at me and said those words to me: 'You wanna try that again?' Those words just kept repeating over and over again in my head, making the throb even more unbearable and it was becoming impossible to ignore. Even crossing my legs proved to be useless. It was torture.

I stood up, deciding to instead get ready for bed instead of torturing myself by doing nothing. I took one step towards the bathroom connected to our room when I stopped abruptly, suddenly remembering the thing I kept hidden under the bed in an attempt to hide it from Joe. After the first few days of being separated from Joe and realizing that Joe and I basically had sex every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, Kaitlynn bought me a vibrator. In her words, not mine, 'every girl deserved to have her own pink vibrator, single or not.' The only problem was that before Joe, I was a virgin who had absolutely no idea how to even use a vibrator, so although I was tempted by it a few times, I never used it.

But now, standing here, being arguably the most horny I've ever been in my entire life, I looked towards the bed once again and sucked in my lips slightly. "Oh fuck it." I said while taking a step towards the bed and then kneeling down in front of it. Part of me felt embarrassed to be doing this while Joe was downstairs and unaware of what I was doing up here. I felt like I was doing something wrong and that made me ultimately feel somewhat guilty. Why? I honestly have no idea. But for that reason, I tried to be as quiet as possible while reaching under the bed and grabbing out the small box I put under there when I moved back in. I knew Joe wouldn't know it was there since he never cleans under the bed, and I mean never, so I figured it was a good hiding spot.

Once I had it in my hands, I stood back up and then placed it on top of the bed. I gulped a little bit as soon as I removed the lid and saw the hot pink vibrator inside. My heart beat began to speed up in my chest while I picked up the vibrator, shaking my head in disbelief. Somehow I never thought I would ever have to resort to using this vibrator. When I got back together with Joe I figured I would one day have to throw it away considering we rarely went a day without having sex unless Joe had a game or we just wanted to have a relaxing day and spend time together. But, here we are.

With a small and excited smile, I headed into the bathroom and shut the door behind me, figuring that joe wouldn't be able to hear me in here with the water on. I turned on the water in the shower and while I waited for it to get hot enough for me to step in, I began to strip off my clothes, leaving them laid out on the floor, not bothering to pick them up. Once the water was hot enough and was making the glass fog up, I stepped into the shower and then shut the door behind me. As soon as the hot water hit my cool skin, I began to shiver while slowly walking to the opposite side of the shower before leaning my back against the shower wall.

With a small deep breath, I turned the vibrator on and stared at it for a few seconds before bringing it down and pressing it to my clit. My eyes widened as I sucked in a breath, not expecting it to feel so good. Since I really had no Idea what I was doing, I tried my best to do exactly what Joe would do in this moment, so after holding it to my aching clit for a few seconds, I began to slide it through my slick folds. I bit down gently on my lip before sliding inside of me. I let out a moan as I eased it inside of my walls that clenched around the vibrator. I quickly reached up and placed my hand over my mouth to try and muffle the loud moans which spilled out of my parted lips. I was never able to control how loud I was.

I let out small gasps and moans while I began to thrust the vibrator inside of me, trying to mimic what Joe would do if he were here with me. I angled my head up while thrusting the vibrator inside of me as far as it could go, picking up the pace every time I sunk it deeper inside of my walls. When I moved my legs farther apart, the tip of the vibrator hit a spot I was neglecting all along, causing me to let out a loud, "o-oh fuck," which was muffled by my hand which was clasped around my mouth. I sealed my eyes shut and let out small whimpers while I tried to bring myself closer and closer to the edge.

I waited a few minutes to feel the knot build in my stomach. I waited for the moment when the pleasure I was feeling consumed me and made me feel euphoric. When ecstasy ran through my veins and made me feel things I've never felt before. But, even after trying to copy what Joe did to me that made my body fill with pleasure, that feeling never came. I began to furrow my brows before I started to imagine what would happen if Joe was here with me right now. I imagined how he would push me up against the wall while thrusting so deep and hard inside of me that my eyes rolled into the back of my head. How he would turn me around so my stomach was up against the shower wall while he brought his hand that wasn't holding my waist up to gently wrap around my throat.

"J-joe." I moaned out while imagining that he was the one doing this to me right now. In no time, I could feel a knot start to form in my stomach so I dropped my hand that was on my mouth down to my aching bundle of nerves and began to rub slow and gentle circles into it, trying to bring me closer to the edge. I breathed heavily while I continued to fuck myself with my vibrator and rub my clit, and yet my orgasm was nowhere to be seen. Every time I felt like I was close to falling over the edge, I felt like I took 2 steps backwards. The knot was there in my stomach but it felt stuck. "You have to concentrate." I immediately froze and my eyes shot open as soon as I heard Joe's voice in front of me. My face began to heat up and I felt like curling into a ball after Joe caught me obviously struggling to pleasure myself.

I slid the vibrator out of my dripping walls with a small and defeated moan as guilt washed over me. Joe just stood there with his hands on his hips, staring straight into my eyes as I struggled to maintain eye contact with him. I don't know how I didn't realize that he was standing in front of me. I completely missed the bathroom door opening up as well as the shower door. My walls continued to clench around nothing, the throb  even more persistent than it was before I started. "Don't stop on my watch. Just focus this time. It won't come as easy." Joe said while clenching his jaw. My eyes then shifted down to the tent that was growing in his pants from catching me with my vibrator in his shower.

I hesitated for a few seconds, contemplating whether or not I should continue or just start washing my hair so Joe would leave me alone. But, I couldn't ignore how much I wanted this, so I once again dropped the vibrator down to my core and slid it inside of me. Knowing it always helped when Joe did it, I dropped my other hand down to my clit and started to rub slow circles into it. While biting my lip and resting my head against the wall behind me, I thrusted the vibrator inside of me, letting out moans of pure pleasure in the process. In no time, the knot in my stomach came back and just as it did, Joe began to take off his shirt. "Focus." Joe said. With a small whimper, I sealed my eyes shut and tried to focus more.

I bit hard at my lip while trying to move my legs into a different position, the tip of the pink vibrator now hitting my g spot. "You like it faster, c'mon." Joe said to me. Doing exactly what he said with a frustrated groan, I thrusted the vibrator inside of me quicker this time, the sound of my moans along with the vibrator filling the bathroom. As soon as I could feel the knot become more persistent, I put a little more pressure on my clit and in no time, my orgasm washed over me. "Oh Joe." I moaned out as my legs began to shake. My knees began to feel like they were about to give out while I stood upright, not used to having to stand under my own weight during an orgasm. I slid the vibrator out of myself and was about to take a step forwards when my legs started to give out.

Joe quickly stepped into the shower, now completely naked from stripping, and wrapped his arms around me. With Joe holding me up now, I let out a few whimpers while burying my head into his chest, letting my orgasm wash over me. "I got you." Joe said and started to walk towards the back of the shower until my back was pressed up against it. I leaned back from Joe's chest and looked into his blue eyes which looked down at me with that cold gaze, obviously still angry from everything that happened tonight. "I'm sor," I tried to say but Joe smashed his lips against mine, making me lean back from how fast he leaned forwards. After I realized what had happened, I wrapped my arms around Joes neck and kissed him back just as hard as he kissed me. We both breathed heavily into the kiss, Joes hands exploring my body while he pushed me against the shower wall.

"Turn around." Joe said into the kiss, his voice deeper than usual. I sucked in a breath but immediately turned around, Joe's hands sliding across my wet body while I now faced the wall instead of him. Joe put both of his hands on my hips and walked me forwards slightly so my stomach was pressed up against the shower. Now in this position, I began to back my hips up on him until I felt his dick press against my backside. With a low groan, Joe grabbed my hips and forced them forwards, making me let out a small moan from not expecting it. Joe leaned closer to my ear and placed a kiss on my neck before he said, "Don't fucking move." I let out a shaky breath as my core clenched around nothing and my aching bundle of nerves began to pulsate.

Immediately after, I felt the tip of Joe's dick slide through between my slick folds before he pressed it to my clit. A small whimper fell from my lips before Joe pushed himself inside of me. I let out a gasp as he filled me up completely, not giving me any time to acclimate to his size, and started to thrust into me. One of his hands was placed on my hip that dug into my skin and the other he brought around to my front and wrapped it gently around my neck, making sure I could breathe while still making sure I knew that he was in control. In no time, Joe started to pull almost all the way out before slamming his hips against mine, causing me to let our screams of pleasure while pressing my head against the shower wall. The bathroom was filled with the sounds of skin hitting skin as Joe thrusted fast and deep inside of me, hitting my cervix each time which caused a wave of nausea to ripple through me.

Pleasure mixed with pain consumed me and made me weak at the knees as he held my hips still and bottomed out inside of me. With the mixture of Joe fucking me, his hand which was wrapped around my throat, and his other hand which held me still so he could thrust deeply inside of me, I was practically seeing stars while screaming out his name each time his hips forcefully met mine. With each snap of his hips, Joe let out deep groans while trying to maintain his speed, not wanting to ease up in the slightest. Joe needed this and I was going to give it to him. Joe's movements were relentless. Never easing up. Never changing rhythm. Just fucking me until tears streamed down my cheeks.

With each thrust that hit the spots deep inside of me, my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I could feel myself growing wetter as my walls clenched around him, making it slightly harder for him to thrust into me. With each snap of his hips against mine, Joe's breathing grew harsher and unrhythmic while I continued to let out cries of pleasure. In no time, I could feel my climax rising and the knot formed inside of my stomach once again. Just as I was about to let go, Joe's grip tightened on my waist and he rested his chin on my shoulder so he could thrust into me faster and harder. "Hold it in." Joe groaned into my ear. "F-fuck. I can't." I moaned out loudly. "Yes you can. Hold it in." Joe said sternly, never easing up.

I tried to hold back as best as I could. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit down on my bottom lip so hard that I could taste blood in my mouth. Each time his hips slammed against mine and the tip of his dick hit my cervix, I could feel myself wanting to fall over the edge. To let my orgasm crash over me and feel pure ecstasy. But, I did as joe asked and tried to hold it in. I clenched my hands into fists and let out cried while I tried not to reach my climax yet. Joe then wrapped his arm around the front of my waist and began to pull my hips back to meet his thrusts, going deeper than I thought was even possible. "I can't!" I screamed out while opening my eyes quickly, not knowing how much longer I could hold off for. "Just a little bit longer." Joe groaned.

The pleasure began to build as Joe pulled my hips back to meet his so I began to move my hips with him to make it easier for him, fucking him back. In this moment, I realized just how much I loved and craved Joe's control my body. When I wanted so badly to crumble under his touch and let my orgasm wash over me but I didn't because Joe asked me not to. I loved the effect he had on me and how much I loved when he had complete control over my body. It was addictive. The feeling of wanting to fight against him but also let him do anything he wanted to me.

Right when I thought I couldn't hold it in any longer, Joe leaned closer to my ear and said, "cum for me baby." Not even a second later, I let go of the knot in my stomach and let myself fall over the edge instead of teetering on it. Screams of pleasure filled the entire bathroom when I finally gave in to the climax that's been growing for what felt like forever. My walls clenched down around him and I sealed my eyes shut while I rode out my high, my whole body beginning to tremble under Joe's touch. Without giving me any time to come down from my high or recover for a few seconds, he pulled out of me with a groan and then spun me around so was now facing him. While maintaining eye contact with me, Joe gripped tightly onto my hips and then lifted me up. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist, but as soon I did, Joe lifted up my hips slightly and then lowered me down on his dick.

"Oh fuck." I moaned out while burying my head into Joe's neck, not expecting it in the slightest. While Joe began to walk out of the shower, he turned off the water and then started to lift me up and then lower me back down on his dick, making the both of let out moans and groans. Once we reached the bathroom counter, Joe lifted me off of his dick and then set me down on the counter. I spread my legs open farther as he stepped in between them and wasted no time, immediately aligning himself up with my entrance. He began to tease me by sliding the tip of his dick through my wet folds before pushing hard inside of me. My body was jolted back at the fast and sudden contact so I wrapped my arms around Joes back to hold myself steady while he grabbed ahold of my waist to do the same.

Like last time, he gave me absolutely no time to acclimate and started to pound into me, thrusting deeply into me with every snap of his hips against mine. My thighs were still trembling from my previous orgasm while I let out screams of pleasure each time the tip of his dick hit my g spot. I reached up and began to run my fingers through Joe's hair while my body jolted with every thrust. The feeling of Joe stretching me out and filling me up caused the knot in my stomach to appear quickly, so Joe dropped his hand down and rubbed a few slow and gentle circles on my clit. Within a few seconds, my body jerked forwards as my orgasm crashed over me. "J-Joe!" I screamed out once I reached my high. Joe continued to fuck me through my high while my whole body trembled. "That's it." Joe groaned while pulling out of me.

After a few seconds, Joe grabbed my chin between his pointer finger and thumb and angled my head up to look into his eyes. "Do you need a break?" Joe asked me with lust filled eyes. While breathing heavily, I shook my head with a small, "no," knowing I could handle a little bit more. With that, Joe helped me slide off of the counter and then once again he turned me around so I was facing the counter and mirror that was all fogged up from the hot water. I missed this feeling. Be feeling of letting Joe do whatever he wanted to me. It may have been too much at times and I could tell that I could only take a little bit more, but nonetheless, it was a feeling like no other.

Once facing the mirror, Joe put a hand on my back and pushed me down gently so I was leaning against the counter. In this position, I turned my head to the side and rested my head against the counter and waited to feel Joe align himself up with me. But, that never came, and instead Joe thrusted hard inside of me without warning, pushing me forwards and making my stomach press against the counter. I let out an unquestionably loud cry and moaned his name when his hips met mine. I began to arch my back to brace myself for his thrusts as he bottomed out inside of me with each snap of his hips, making my body jolt forwards each time. "Joe!" I moaned out while Joe pounded into me, making my eyes roll into the back of my head.

Instinctively, I moved my hips forwards, trying to ease some of the pain that radiated through my body, but Joe wrapped an arm around my waist to hold me in place as he continued to rut into me. All of a sudden, I saw one of Joes hands reach towards the mirror before he began to wipe it off so we could see our reflection. Joe loved to see my fucked out face and the way I winced and moaned out his name, and since he wiped the condensation off of the mirror, the image of Joe fucking me was crystal clear. Joe leaned his body weight on me more now while letting out grunts of his own, wanting me to take every last inch of him while staring at me in the mirror. Now in this position, Joe hit a spot deep inside of me that had my legs crumbling under him, so I screamed out, "don't stop!" With another grunt, Joe leaned down some more and rested his chin on my shoulder as he slammed into me.

With each thrust, loud cries spilled from my parted lips and in no time, my walls clenched down around him and my orgasm washed over me, making my body continuously shake. Joe pulled out of me and then spun me around so I was now facing him, the both of us breathing heavily. "Just one more, can you do that for me?" Joe asked me. I looked up into his eyes as I tried to stop my legs from shaking. Although I didn't know how much more I could take of this, I knew Joe needed this so I nodded my head. "Duh, who do you think I am?" I said with a smile. With a small smile, Joe picked me up so I wrapped my legs around his waist and he began to walk out of the bathroom.

When we reached the bed, he laid me down on top of it and then crawled on top of me and in no time, he entered me and began to thrust into me quickly. I leaned forwards and pressed my lips to his before I moaned into the kiss, not able to kiss him any longer with how hard his hips snapped against mine. The tip of his dick repeatedly rammed into my cervix until waves of nausea rippled through me and made me arch my back, closing the distance between us even more. I was so sensitive from going multiple rounds and I had no clue how much more of this I could take. I dug my nails into his back while letting out loud moans, and I knew I was drawing blood. Joe then picked up both of my legs and placed them on his shoulders. One of his hands was placed on my hip and the other on one of my calves, holding me in place.

Within a few seconds of him stretching me out and not easing up after various rounds, more pain replaced the pleasure. "I can't." I moaned out. Immediately, Joe dropped one of his hands down to my clit and started to run gently circle into it, knowing it always had me cumming quicker. "F-fuck!" I screamed out as soon as some of the pleasure replaced the pain. Joe never took his eyes off of me while he thrusted hard into me, wanting to make sure I was okay and that if he needed to stop he would. I began to move my hips up to meet his thrusts and in no time, I was clenching down around Joe and once again I reached my climax. Joe snapped his hips forwards one last time before I felt his dick twitch inside of me followed by warmth that began to spill out of me.

My legs slid off of his shoulders as my orgasm washed over me and made my body shake one last time, my body limp on the bed. I let out small whimpers while Joe collapsed down into the bed next to me, sweat coating both of our foreheads and both of our chests heaving. "Holy shit." I said through heavy breaths. "Are you okay?" Joe asked me while looking over at me quickly, knowing I usually can't go this many rounds. "I'm okay. Just a little sore." I said, feeling a little more raw than usual considering that it's been quite a while since we've gone this many rounds at that speed. "I'm sorry." Joe said. I looked up at the ceiling above me and let out a small sigh. "For what? Making me orgasm four times?" I joked with him. "I mean for tonight. For getting mad. For screaming." Joe said, now looking up at the ceiling as well his voice full of emotion.

My thoughts then shifted to everything that occurred tonight and now I regretted how things went down. I quickly sat up and then looked over at him. Joe then adverted his attention to me and sat up with me. "No I am sorry. I should have never kept the threats from you. You deserved to know the second I got the first one." I said. Joe let out a small sigh while Shaking his head. "I should never yell at you like that, there's never an excuse for that. You were in an impossible situation. Football has been kicking my ass mentally and you kept that from me so it wouldn't make things worse. It may have been hard to digest at first, but I understand, okay? Just know that you come before football and next time, don't worry about what's going on with me and the team, just tell me." Joe said.

"Okay, okay I will. I promise." I said. "How are you feeling, though? About the threats I mean. You never yell or let me get to you as much as you did tonight and if you need someone to vent to, I'm always here." Joe told me, cupping my cheek gently. I shook my head and looked down at my hands in my lap. "They make me nervous, you know that. I hate that I get them and I worry about if anyone will actually follow through with them at the games...but that's not the reason I was so mad tonight." I said. Joe furrowed his brows in confusion before dropping his hand down from my cheek and grabbing both of my hands in his. "Talk to me baby." Joe said, squeezing my hands gently while softly gazing into my eyes, urging me to open up to him.

"It was just pent up emotions...anger, I guess...at how you broke up with me. I know it sounds stupid." I said while looking down at our hand while Joe still continued to give my hands occasional squeezes. "That's not stupid at all. Why do you think I yelled tonight as much as I did? I get it, okay? I've been there more times than I can count and you have every right to be angry with me." Joe said before looking away from me as well and down to our hands just like I was. My eyes shifted up to him to see him staring down at my hands, caught up in his own thoughts. I knew he wanted to talk. He had so many thoughts tucked away in that head of his that he knew he needed to let out but was still cautious of. It always took him a while to open up to people and I hated nothing more than to see him struggle. Every time that camera panned to him at yesterday's game and I could see how upset he was, all I wanted to do was fly to LA and wrap him in my arms.

“I'm not mad at you Joe. I just had, like- like anger inside of me. Anger that I should've expressed far before today when we first got back together." I said. While I told him this, I couldn't stop myself from hoping that Joe would open up to me. To let me in and allow myself to help him, but he kept deflecting away from his own feelings. Joe opened his mouth, looking like he was about to say something while meeting my eyes, but then he shut his mouth with a small smile. "Do you want to hop off of the bed while I grab some new sheets and then we can cuddle?" Joe asked me. I sucked in my lips a little bit while reaching up and cupping the side of Joes face who melted into my touch, wanting him to realize that I would wait as long as I had to for him to come to me, although it's been longer than I expected.

"I'm going to take a quick shower and then I'm all yours tonight Joey." I said and then pressed a kiss to his lips. After, I swung my legs off of the bed and then stood up, but I was unable to ignore the throb between my legs and how I couldn't stop limping to the bathroom. From behind me, I could hear Joe struggle to hold back a laugh while I walked like a grandma into the bathroom. "Oh fuck off." I joked with him before shutting the door. Once in the bathroom, I gritted my teeth before letting out a small, "damn," surprised by how sore I was. Before I got into the shower, I grabbed my phone from the counter and went on my camera and lowered it between my legs, wanting to get a closer look.

Immediately, I gasped a little before letting it out with a small laugh, looking at how red and puffy it was. "Shit." I told myself. Although I didn't want Joe to know just how sore I was, I needed something to ease the pain and make the swelling and redness go down so I sent Joe a quick text asking for some ice. While I waited, I grabbed one of my hair t-shirts from the closet that I use to scrunch my hair after I put product in it and slid it on. Since it was oversized, it went far enough down that Joe should miss it when he came in here. It only took a few minutes for the door to slowly creek open, and Joe walked in with a confused look on his face, having no idea why I asked him to bet me ice. "I didn't know what kind of ice you meant, the chip ones you eat or the ones you put in drinks...so I got both." Joe said, holding two different cups in his hands.

I let out a small laugh before I pointed to the cup in his left hand with the big ice cubes in it. Immediately after I pointed to the cub, Joe furrowed his brows and then looked me up and down, realizing why I wanted, or rather, needed, the ice. "What's wrong?" Joe asked me, a look of worry displayed on his face. "I'm just sore and figured some ice would help." I said, shrugging it off. Joe took a step forwards while setting both of the cups down. "What? Let me see." Joe said before he got down on his knees in front of me, but I grabbed the bottom of my shirt to stop him from seeing, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "C'mon, I don't want you to see it. It's embarrassing." I said, my face flushing red. Joe looked up at me from on the ground and let out a small scoff. "I told you about how I couldn't find my first girlfriend's clit at first and instead rubbed her fucking leg for five minutes. This doesn't even come close. Let me see." Joe said, getting serious for the last part.

With a small sigh, I lifted up my shirt and uncrossed my legs while putting my hands on his broad shoulders for stability. Extremely hesitant, Joe used his thumb and began to spread my folds to see why I was so sore. "Fuck," Joe said to himself, a slight grimace on his face, obviously feeling bad, "Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?" I let out a small scoff while running my fingers through his hair. "Trust me when I tell you that I was enjoying every minute of that. Yeah it got a little rough towards the end but if I wanted you to stop I would've told you." I told him. "No, no. Nothing about this is okay. You're in pain and fucking bleeding because I needed to take my mind off of everything that's been going on. Who the fuck does that?" He said, tears pricking his eyes, and I knew that he wasn't just crying because of what he did to me.

"You gotta talk to me Joe. Just let me in." I told him, not knowing how to approach this other than coming out and saying what Joe needed to do. Not deflecting or hide his feelings, but allowing me to help him. Joe looked up at me and then began to stand up. "I just need time." He said plainly before he stood up fully and then turned so his back was facing me. Joe began to walk out of the bathroom before he stopped just as he reached the door. I watched as his shoulders hung low and he looked down at the ground.

Joe stood there for a few seconds before letting out a shuddered breath. "When's it gonna be my turn?" Joe said and turned his head to look at me, his eyes filled with tears. "What do you mean?" I asked him, encouraging him to keep going. "This is so damn hard...I'm in my prime years of football and I'm trying so incredibly bard. I just can't seem to win. Football is my quite literally my entire life and I feel like I'm failing everyone. I just kind of feel lost, baby." He said as tears streamed down his rosy cheeks while he shrugged. I took a few steps forwards and wrapped him in my arms, holding him tightly to me. "I don't even know what to say." I said, tears beginning to stream down my cheeks now. "Why?" He asked me through tears. "Because you're not the problem, Joe," I said and pulled away to look into his eyes, "you said it yourself, you're in your prime years. You are playing absolutely amazing and I wish all of your hard work was paying off." I told him.

"This is just so frustrating baby. I put in work every single day to play amazing. I put up 300 yard every game and I work my fucking ass off and it's-I'm... still not enough." He cried. I reached up and cupped the sides of his face and began to rub his cheeks. "I can't imagine how hard this is for you, Joey, but don't say you aren't enough. You will always be enough. None of this is on you, and I mean absolutely nothing." I said and wiped off a few tears from his face. "I just want to win. I want to win again and make it to the afc championship. I want to go to the Super Bowl and win it this time...and this felt like my year to do that." He cried. "You will win again, I can promise you that." I said. "How?" He asked me.

"I know that this year's playoff hopes may already be gone, but it won't be like this forever. How do I know this? Because you are Joseph Lee fucking Burrow. You just have to stay strong, even when it seems like you, ja'marr, and a few others are the only players who give a shit on that field." I said. Joe sniffled a little bit while nodding a little bit. "I know that I will never understand this feeling and that you are entitled to process this tough season however you want to. Although I don't want to see you upset any more, I know that you probably will keep feeling this way until things change because that's who you are, but please try and hold your head up high and realize that there is only so much you can do, no matter how talented and amazing you are." I said.

"I'm sorry for these last few weeks. I know I carry these losses with me and it brings me down more than I'd like, but I want you to know how sorry I am." Joe said. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Joe." I said. "Yes, yes I do. I constantly push you away despite me saying that I won't and I'm sorry for that. Worst of all, I start fights and make us scream at each other because I obviously suck at communication." He said. I shook my head and wrapped an arm around his neck and began to run my fingers through his hair. "One, you aren't bad at communicating, you just hold things in longer than you should because you feel deeper than most people, and two, I should have been more supportive instead of feeding into it and letting this night turn into a scream match." I said.

"More supportive? You have been the most supportive, understanding, and loving person since the first day I met you, even when I'm a dick. Even when I give you every reason to pack it up and leave you still stay by my side, so there's no possible way for you to be any more supportive." Joe said, shaking his head while talking. "still, Joe," I tried to say but he cut me off, "no, it's my turn now. You are the most selfless person I've ever met in my life so I don't want you to ever think you could possibly be more supportive. You let me hold in my thoughts until we fight and then eventually I open up to you, you are always there with me through everything, you constantly give me second chances even when I don't deserve it, and you also watch my games in the freezing cold weather when you should be at home. You are incredible." He said.

My heart beat sped up in my chest and more tears streamed down my face. I never thought that this conversation would turn into Joe pouring his heart out to me, but here we are. It's funny how things work. One minute we're screaming back and forth and the next we're both going back and forth and telling one another about how amazing the other person is. "Is now a bad time to tell you that I'm only dating you for the money?" I joked with him before he chuckled and wrapped me tightly in his arms. I laughed before holding him tightly as well. "Everything's going to be okay, Joe. You just have to stay strong and patient." I said. Joe began to cry some more while burying his head in my neck. "Thank you for somehow always making me feel better about my problems and for always being there for me." Joe mumbled into my neck. I held the back of his head while smiling and said, "I'll always be here for you, Joe. I love you." I could feel Joe smile softly against my neck before saying, "I know. I love you so incredibly much."

[leahburreaux]

the “A” in her name stands for anger issues

[leahburreaux]

Joe Burrow Alphabet (NSFW)

Summary: after doing the SFW alphabet, enjoy some Joey B headcanons with the NSFW alphabet

Pairings: Joe Burrow x reader

Warnings: the whole thing is NSFW so minors DNI

Note: Hi! Surprise! Two posts in one week-who am I?!

Word Count: 1.8k

Check out my Masterlist here!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Joe would take such good care of you, no matter if things were slow or rough. He treats it like another intimate act, knowing how important it is to you as you get more vulnerable after sex. He would make sure you were all cleaned up before cuddling up with you for some pillow talk every damn time. Keeping you close until you both fell asleep.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner��s)

We all know Joe has quite the body and prides himself on being physically fit, though he isn’t the biggest fan of attention. He likes his abs and arms the most mainly because of the reaction you give him whenever you see him. If he’s taking his shirt off or getting something you can’t quite reach.

When it comes to you, Joe loves your boobs. He loves how easy he can feel them during sex or how he can rest on them when you’re cuddling up after. Much like how Joe likes to tease you, you do the same wearing clothing that draws his attention to them, knowing it drives him crazy.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Joe loves to make you cum, spending as long as you’ll let him between your legs. He loves everything about it, loving how you taste, the sounds you make, making you cum multiple times before you can’t take it anymore and need to feel him.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Joe loves when you wear his clothes, sleeping in his shirts and boxers claiming they’re more comfortable than your own clothes. His number one favorite is you in his jersey though. He secretly loves to see his name on your back while he takes you doggy style, the idea of you taking his last name one day driving him mad.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Joe has some experience, though he doesn’t come off that way. Despite his Joe Sheisty persona, when it comes to you he wants to make sure he does everything right. He definitely knows what he’s doing, even if it takes him a little time to get comfortable.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

As vanilla as it is, Joe loves missionary or anything where he can have his eyes on you. He’d also love to have you on top, even if he has to take control when you get tired. Any position where he has easy access to your body, he’s game for.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Joe is definitely goofy, keeping the mood light. He can be serious when the time calls for it, but he loves to make you laugh. He loves to make small talk, bringing a smile to your face 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Joe is groomed, priding himself on keeping things well maintained. The same for his hair, keeping himself trimmed up every two weeks during the season. Your hands love to find their way there, running your hands through it when you're winding down together or knotting your fingers through it when he’s between your legs.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Joe is such a romantic, making sure you know just how loved you are during all of it. From words of affirmation to tender touches, his aim is always to please you. He wants to make sure you’re taken care of and will go to all ends to show you how much he cares for you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

A definite go to when you aren’t together, but not something he doesn’t do much when you’re around. You’ve engaged in plenty of facetime calls during away game weekends filled with touches you wished were each other's hands, words of desire and longing to be home. You love to send him pictures just to tease him, knowing the kind of reaction you’ll get over the phone later.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Size kink - Joe loves to capitalize how much bigger he is than you, knowing how flustered it makes you with your size difference. He also loves to watch you as you try to take all of him, doing the best you can to please him. He’d love to point it out during sex, telling you how tight you are and how well you take him.

“I know you can take all of me baby, just a bit more.”

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Being a private guy, Joe likes to keep your intimate time private too. But inside the house? Anywhere is fair game to him. There's times where you guys can barely make it in the door before you take each other's clothes off. From the kitchen to the couch to the shower, Joe will take you anywhere, anytime.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Anytime he wins, one of the first things he wants is you. His favorite way to celebrate a win is wrapped up in each other, high off of adrenaline from the game. If you’re not together, you make sure to show him just how proud of him you are through pictures. Joe wants you to feel as good as he does, knowing you’re one of his biggest supporters, letting you know how much it means to have you by his side as his number one.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Even if Joe is open to trying new things, any kink that causes you harm is a no-go in his eyes. Any form of intentional pain or harsh degradation is off limits, wanting every experience to be positive and full of love. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Joe loves to give just as much as he likes to receive. Like previously mentioned, he loves to go down on you as long as you’ll let him. He also loves your mouth on him, watching how you can take him with your eyes looking up at him innocently though that’s the furthest thing from the truth. One of his favorite ways to wake up is your mouth on him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Joe can be both, depending on his mood. He loves to take things so with you and really enjoy the moment with each other lost in the other person. He also can most definitely be fast and rough, always willing to put you in your place or take out any frustrations on you that brings you pleasure.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

With Joe’s hectic schedule during the season, quickies tend to be the go-to (even though they aren’t his favorite). Joe loves to spend his time on you and a quickie doesn’t allow for that. He does, however, try to spice things up by being spontaneous with them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Once Joe’s comfortable with you, I can see him being down to experiment. He has his limits of how far he’s willing to go, but wants to do what will make you happy. Joe is down for discovering new things that make each other feel good.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

With Joe being as athletic as he is, this man could go for a while. It might take him some time to recover, but he’d spend that time making you cum over and over again.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Joe wouldn’t be opposed to them, knowing that they can only help (especially when he’s not with you). I feel like he would have fun finding new toys to tease you with, ultimately getting your release with him. He’d also want to make sure you’re taken care of when he can’t be there with you, adding a level to your spicy facetime calls.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Joe would love to tease you but would always follow through every time. Sometimes it would even make things that much more rewarding. He loves to watch how flustered you get, the furthest he’d go in public is subtly letting you know what you’ll get when you get home. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

You’d need to encourage him in the beginning, knowing Joe can be on the shy side, his focus being on your pleasure. Once he’s comfortable, he’s letting you know how good you make him feel. Joe would be moaning in your ear while he’s buried inside you, knowing what it does to you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon)

He loves when you talk football with him. You were never really a big fan before getting together with him, but found out how enjoyable it could be once you understood the rules. It’s something Joe finds extremely hot, watching you yell at the guys on the screen or loves to look up at you in the stands when he makes a big play, seeing how excited you get for him. He can’t wait to get off of the field to be with you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

The hat says it all

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Joe absolutely cannot get enough of you, never being able to tell you no. There’s time when he’s too tired, but he just lets you do all the work. Joe loves to watch you take what you need from him, craving a release.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’d be tired, but more of ‘in a mood to relax with you’ type of way. He’d love to have you wrapped up in his arms and just hold you while you talked about nothing and everything before falling asleep. He’d need his rest before going for a round two.

[leahburreaux]

Talkin’ Nonsense

~ joe shows his girl that two can play at her game

joe burrow x gf!reader

TW: MDNI +18 | suggestive images, language, implied smut, fingering, lowkey a joe fingers appreciation fic, CRACK FIC, wild thoughts 4real, SpongeBob SquarePants, made at 4am (she’s long)

“Thank You TikTok” | Main Masterlist

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ˚♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀

~ psa: again, this is why you need sleep; I laughed so fucking hard making this. all pics were found on Pinterest - there were so many I didn't get to useeee, another time ;)

[leahburreaux]

wdym by i can't coach and play

THIS DESERVES TO BE IN A MUSEUM!!

[leahburreaux]

THIS DESERVES TO BE IN A MUSEUM!!

[leahburreaux]

❝ all yours, j. burrow. ❞  ‎ ‎ ┉  

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀summary: nyla's latest single is making waves. the audience has questions for her elusive boyfriend, joe burrow.

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀author's note: requested by an anon! i felt bad about not being able to finish the joe/tee fic, so i made this. wanted to try something different so i went the smau route, hope you like it <3 this is somewhere between y/n & oc, think of nyla as a stage name i guess lmao

‎ ‎ ⁎⠀┉⠀pairing: joe burrow x r&b singer!oc [fc: lori harvey].

nylaupdates just posted .ᐟ

liked by nyla and 26,726 others

nylaupdates: "all yours", the first single from nyla's third upcoming studio album releases at 12am eastern time tonight.

view all 297 comments

user1 REAL vocalists are back!! 🤭

user2 this cover??????

user3 oh skin is tea! -> user4 i see that la roche posay check hit 🙂‍↕️

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nyla added a photo to her story .ᐟ

[caption: "all yours" is now all yours 🤎]

view story replies.

joeyb_9: lyrics 💯🤎 -> nyla: do we have a fav line?

joeyb_9: this kitty got that midas touch... sounds familiar -> nyla: inspired by a little something you might have said once or twice

joeyb_9: i cannot be held responsible for what i say under your influence -> nyla: whatever u say joey 🤎

lahjay10_: mm ah mm ah 😁 -> nyla: mm ah mm ah 😁

jjettas2: i have a question. ✋🏾 -> nyla: no 🤎

jjettas2: could you please explain what i did to deserve such an explicit description of one of my best friend's sexual abilities?

jjettas2: love the song btw 🤟🏾

jjettas2: been bumpin it since this morning ngl

jjettas2: broooooo i just seen you add another post to your story 😑

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nyla just posted .ᐟ

liked by renee_downer, justineskye, and 836,927 others

nyla: familiar.

view all 4,473 comments

user11 maam we have to discuss those lyrics -> user12 clock it! cus "make it icin'"??? MAKE WHAT?!

ryandestiny stunna -> nyla 💎💎

jjettas2 album when -> jjettas2 miss big time can't respond huh -> user13 my goat is in his bsf gf's comments begging for a response 😒 -> nyla smh 😮‍💨 they don't make 'em like they used to... -> jjettas2 😐

joeyb_9 very familiar -> nyla gang -> user14 this man ain't even like the pic but somehow... here he is... 2 mins after she posted... -> user15 LMAO down horrendous -> user16 this is romance. -> user14 idk what's worse: the fact that he was here immediately, or the fact that it took him 2 mins to come up with "very familiar" -> user16 def the second one 😭

teehiggins album when 🫢 -> nyla soon soon soon -> jjettas2 man fuck yall

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joeyb_9 just posted .ᐟ

liked by nyla, realgrantdelpit, and 762,937 others

joeyb_9: offseason in paris

view all 3,882 comments

user17 just fell to my knees in the walmart parking lot

user18 😍😍😍

user19 what a handsome young man ☺️

nyla "serving offseason realness" -> joeyb_9 ? -> user20 LMAOOOO

user21 nyla i understand i really really do -> user22 she may tell you a joke... -> user23 but NEVER A LIE!!

user24 goo goo ga ga -> nyla girl-

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nyla just posted .ᐟ

liked by joeyb_9, gigihadid, and 1,297,581 others

nyla: familiar, july 17th.

view all 10,294 comments

user25 did she just? -> user26 name her album after that fuckass thread? yes. -> user27 cryingggggg

jjettas2 i've been waiting for times like this 🤌🏾 -> user28 she's not gonna respond bro -> user29 he's just tryna get noticed 😔 -> nyla 🤷🏾‍♀️ -> jjettas2 you know what...

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joeyb_9 just posted .ᐟ

liked by bengals, nyla, and 726,048 others

joeyb_9: icing on the cake 🍒

view all 3,972 comments

user36 what did he sayyyyy?

user37 i have no one to talk about this with

user38 jump fuckin' scare -> user39 he's so unserious

user40 just casually dropping that cute ass pic... okay then 👍 -> user41 asf

nyla my man? my man. my man! -> jjettas2 7 stages of grief ass comment -> nyla ykw buy your own tickets to the tour -> user42 TOUR???? -> nyla international ✈️✈️✈️ -> jjettas2 fuck the tour, you choose to respond now? cool smd -> joeyb_9 🥴 -> nyla 🫶🏾

[leahburreaux]

joe's friends and family trying to take him out of the facility

[leahburreaux]

Pairing: Joe Burrow x Singer!OC/Reader

Summary: It's opening night for Venus' 'i love you, goodnight' tour, and both Team Shiesty and Venus have some surprises up their sleeves.

Chapter 25: Showtime

#Track9 Masterlist | Main Masterlist

TW: language, surprises, mentions of sex (once), hints at a new couple, roasting, clowns

Part 1 🤍

-ˋˏ ༻ ❁ ༺ ˎˊ-

a/n: welcome jjettas to #track9, you'll be seeing more of him dw ;)

<<< Ch. 24: Mr. Perfect | Part Two >>>

[leahburreaux]

i got 200 dollars, take it or leave it

If you or someone you know has some money to spare, bid on Joe's harp chain here. Proceeds benefit Joe Burrow Foundation.

Chain is valued at $44,750 😬

[leahburreaux]

wake up babes 2023 joe burrow pics js dropped

(someone fr said he's probably in a corner in the facility curled up in a ball shaking because of his defense)

[leahburreaux]

THE ENDING- i love it

2 Hands

Summary: You were bored while Joe was at practice and decided to have some fun with a text prank. Song: 2 Hands by Tate McRae

Pairings: Joe Burrow x gf!reader

Warnings: implications of smut, still minors DNI

Note: Hi! This is my first attempt at a text fic. I was inspired by @bengals-barnesbabe and her amazing work so figured I'd give the texting trend a shot! Just a little something to tide you over while I work on the support special, vote on the poll here if you haven't!

[leahburreaux]

i think we're begging for anyone atp

[leahburreaux]

baby shower! | JOE BURROW⁹ [003]

free palestine carrd 🇵🇸 decolonize palestine site 🇵🇸 how you can help palestine it's crucial that we stand in solidarity with those who need our support. right now, the people of palestine are facing unimaginable hardship, and it's up to all of us to do what we can to help. whether it's raising awareness, donating to relief organizations, or supporting calls for justice and peace, every action counts. we can amplify their voices, shed light on their struggles, and work towards a future where every individual can live with dignity and freedom. your support can make a difference! FREE PALESTINE!

MASTERLIST

⟢ ┈ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 3.4k

⟢ ┈ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | your baby shower gets a little overwhelming for you and joe.

⟢ ┈ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | pregnancy mentions/descriptions, doting mothers, arguments, slight hurt to comfort, joe standing up for you like the man he is, a sweet little heart to heart at the end there.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐅𝐔𝐍, but the second you stepped into Maisie’s meticulously decorated living room, you knew it was going to be anything but relaxing.

“Where’s the punch? Who put the finger sandwiches there? They’ll block the dessert table’s aesthetic!” Maisie’s voice rang out like a battle cry, cutting through the soft hum of conversation and the tinkling notes of an instrumental playlist she’d personally curated. She zipped by in a blur of pastel pink and blue, her hands clutching a checklist that looked more intimidating than your OB-GYN’s appointment schedule.

You shifted your weight from one foot to the other, the nausea that had plagued you all morning still simmering low in your stomach. The room, while beautifully decorated with clouds of balloons and a sprawling “Oh Baby!” banner, felt uncomfortably warm.

“Sit down, sweetheart!” your mom chirped, swooping in like a hawk in a lavender sweater set. She wrapped an arm around your shoulder and guided you toward the plush loveseat near the fireplace. “You shouldn’t be on your feet too much, especially not with that glow,” she said, her tone sweet but with the underlying force of someone who wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“I’m fine, Mom,” you assured her weakly, but it was pointless. Robin, Joe’s mom, appeared out of nowhere with a plate of fruit skewers and a cup of sparkling water.

“You need to stay hydrated,” Robin said with the kind of motherly authority that left no room for argument. “And these are good for the baby—full of vitamins.”

You offered her a tight-lipped smile, though the thought of eating anything right now made your stomach churn.

“Robin, don’t hover too much,” your mom chided playfully, though she was already fluffing a throw pillow and tucking it behind your lower back. “She’s got to be comfortable.”

“I am comfortable,” you lied, shifting awkwardly in your seat.

The truth was, you were anything but comfortable. Your dress—a flowy, neutral-colored number Maisie had practically forced on you—clung in all the wrong places. Your lower back ached from the extra weight you were carrying, and the wave of nausea that had become your constant companion wasn’t helped by the sugary smell wafting from the dessert table.

Maisie stormed back into view, muttering something about the confetti placement being “all wrong.” She paused just long enough to point a manicured finger at you.

“Are you feeling okay? Do you need a fan? A bucket? A full-on evacuation plan?” she asked, her tone frantic but laced with genuine concern.

You forced a laugh. “I’m fine, Maisie. Promise.”

Maisie narrowed her eyes at you like she didn’t quite believe it, but before she could press further, someone called her name from the kitchen. With a dramatic sigh, she marched off, her checklist clutched to her chest like a lifeline.

“I don’t think she’s slept in a week,” you murmured to your mom, who chuckled softly.

“She’s excited,” Robin said, sitting down beside you. “We all are. This baby is going to be so loved.” Her expression softened, and for a moment, you saw a glimpse of Joe in her—the same quiet intensity in her eyes, the same way her smile felt like a reassurance.

The thought of Joe brought a small pang of guilt. He’d been hesitant about the whole baby shower thing, mumbling something about how it was more of a “girl thing.” You’d convinced him to make a brief appearance later for the gift opening, but he’d spent the morning at the gym, promising to show up “cleaned up and ready to charm.”

A sudden wave of queasiness hit you, pulling you out of your thoughts. You shifted uncomfortably, hoping no one noticed, but of course, both moms were on you in an instant.

“Are you okay?” Robin asked, leaning forward.

“You look pale,” your mom added, her hand flying to your forehead.

“I’m just—ugh.” You rubbed at your temple, willing the sensation to pass. “I think it’s just the heat in here. Or the smell of those sandwiches. Or maybe the fact that I’m growing a whole human.”

Robin smiled knowingly. “It’s overwhelming, isn’t it? The shower, the attention… It can be a lot.”

“Tell me about it,” you muttered, sinking further into the loveseat.

Your mom glanced toward the kitchen, where Maisie was now rearranging cupcakes with the intensity of a bomb squad technician. “Should we get you some fresh air?” she suggested.

You shook your head. “No, I’ll be okay. I think I just need a minute.”

Robin squeezed your hand. “Take all the time you need, honey. The important thing is that you and the baby are okay.”

The baby. The words still sent a jolt through you every time someone said them, a mix of excitement and terror that hadn’t quite settled. Across the yard, Maisie was now directing a small army of family members and friends, her voice rising above the chatter. “No, the games go over there! Do you want to ruin the flow of the whole party?!”

You couldn’t help but chuckle, despite your discomfort. “She’s really taking this seriously,” you said, nodding in Maisie’s direction.

Robin followed your gaze and let out a soft laugh. “She’s been texting me about this shower for weeks. I think she might have more anxiety about it than you do about the baby.”

Your mom leaned in conspiratorially. “She’s been calling me every other night. Last week, she spent twenty minutes debating the merits of a candy bar diaper game versus baby bingo.”

“God bless her,” you said, shaking your head with a small laugh. “She’s going to need a vacation after this.”

Just then, Maisie appeared at your side, clipboard clutched tightly to her chest. “Okay, so the photo booth is almost ready, but the props guy still hasn’t shown up, and I don’t think the centerpiece on the gift table is centered—”

“Maisie,” Robin interrupted gently, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Take a breath. Everything looks beautiful.”

Maisie’s eyes darted around the yard, clearly skeptical. “You think so? Because the balloons over by the cake table are kind of deflating, and I—”

“Maisie,” you said, cutting her off with a soft smile. “It’s perfect. Really. You’ve done an amazing job.”

She hesitated, then exhaled deeply, her shoulders relaxing just a fraction. “Okay,” she said, though she still looked unconvinced. “But if you need anything—literally anything—you call me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” you said with a mock salute, earning a small laugh from her before she disappeared again.

The laughter was short-lived, though, as another sharp pang of nausea rolled through you. You set the water glass down, pressing a hand to your stomach and trying to breathe through it.

Robin noticed immediately. “Do you want to lie down?”

“I’m fine,” you insisted, though the edges of your voice wavered.

Your mom frowned. “You’ve been pushing yourself too hard. You need to rest.”

“Really, I’m—”

“Stubborn as ever,” Robin finished for you with a knowing look. “Joe’s going to lose it if he finds out you’ve been feeling like this all day.”

You shifted again, trying to find a more comfortable position, and sighed. This was going to be a long day.

┈┈┈

The presents were stacked like a small mountain beside the chair they’d designated as your throne for the day. Wrapped in pastel pinks, yellows, and greens, each box and bag felt like a tiny piece of your future waiting to be unveiled. Joe stood beside you, his tall frame just brushing the edge of the canopy Maisie had insisted on. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, a small furrow etched into his brow as his eyes flicked over the gathered crowd.

You could tell he was overstimulated. The constant buzz of chatter, the occasional bursts of laughter, the sharp crinkle of wrapping paper—it was all pressing in on him, but he stayed rooted to your side. Every now and then, his hand would brush against your shoulder, a silent reassurance for both of you that you weren’t in this alone.

“Alright!” Maisie clapped her hands together, clipboard abandoned for once as she orchestrated the gift-opening session. “Let’s see what this baby is getting spoiled with!”

The first gift was handed to you by Robin, who looked as excited as a kid on Christmas morning. The pink and white polka-dotted bag was adorned with delicate tissue paper, which you pulled away to reveal an impossibly tiny pink onesie. Across the front, in glittering gold letters, it read: Daddy’s Girl.

The room collectively cooed, but you caught the way Joe’s lips twitched into a barely-there smile. He wasn’t a big fan of being the center of attention, but even he couldn’t deny how adorable the onesie was.

Robin leaned in, beaming. “I saw it and couldn’t resist. Something told me it was just perfect.”

“Thanks, Robin,” you said warmly, holding it up for everyone to see before setting it aside.

The next gift was from one of Joe’s teammates, and as you pulled apart the wrapping, you found a set of miniature footballs—one of them signed by Joe himself. A wave of laughter swept through the crowd, and Joe shook his head, the corner of his mouth lifting just a little more.

“Thought the kid should start practicing early,” the teammate said with a grin.

The gifts kept coming, each one a mix of sweet, practical, and downright extravagant. There were blankets so soft they felt like clouds, a high-tech baby monitor that you didn’t even know existed, and enough stuffed animals to populate a small zoo.

One of your aunts presented a ruffled pink dress with matching booties, holding it up dramatically for everyone to admire. “She’s going to be the belle of the ball,” she declared.

Maisie, standing off to the side with a skeptical expression, muttered, “Or he’s going to look like a very fashionable dude.”

You tried to stifle a laugh as you moved to the next box, this one from your mom. The neatly wrapped package revealed a handmade quilt, each patch lovingly stitched with little images—stars, moons, teddy bears, and tiny footballs.

“Mom,” you said, your voice catching slightly. “This is beautiful.”

She smiled, her eyes glistening. “Every baby deserves a little piece of love to keep them warm.”

Joe reached out then, brushing his fingers over one of the patches. “It’s really nice, Mrs.—uh, Mom,” he said, the slip into the familial title earning a few approving murmurs from the crowd.

The pile dwindled down to the last few gifts, including one from Maisie, who handed over a bag that was conspicuously neutral compared to the sea of pink surrounding it. You opened it to find a set of gender-neutral onesies in shades of gray and white, each one emblazoned with cheeky slogans like Mom’s Favorite and Future MVP.

“Finally,” Maisie said with a mock sigh. “Someone acknowledges that this baby might not actually be a girl.”

Joe let out a small chuckle at that, his first real laugh of the day. You glanced up at him, grateful for the way he stayed close even though the chaos was clearly wearing on him.

The last gift was from one of your mom’s friends—a pale pink rocking horse, complete with a little saddle and reins. The room erupted into a collective “aww,” but you couldn’t help but notice the way Joe’s jaw tightened just slightly.

It wasn’t a big reaction, but you knew him well enough to catch it. He was overwhelmed, overstimulated, and probably thinking too hard about everything that was happening and what it all meant. You reached out, brushing your fingers against his hand, and he looked down at you, his expression softening instantly.

┈┈┈

The room was still a hum of chatter and laughter long after the gifts had been opened, everyone lingering in clusters to admire the pile of baby treasures and speculate about the baby’s future. At first, it was endearing—watching the people you cared about get so invested in the new life you were bringing into the world.

But as the conversations grew louder and the attention lingered, a familiar unease began to creep in.

Robin held up the tiny pink dress your aunt had gifted, spinning it in her hands as though she were imagining a little girl already toddling around in it. “She’s going to be the most darling thing this side of Cincinnati,” she declared, her voice carrying over the murmur of voices.

“Or,” your mom interjected, “maybe he’ll be the most handsome boy in town.” She shot Robin a teasing smile, but there was a sharpness to the exchange.

“You really think it’s a boy?” Robin asked, eyebrows arched.

“Mother’s intuition,” your mom replied with a confident nod.

“Don’t you think the pink onesie says otherwise?” one of Joe’s aunts chimed in, holding it up like it was a smoking gun.

Maisie, seated on the arm of a chair nearby, caught your eye with a subtle shake of her head, as if to say Don’t engage. You appreciated her silent support, but the voices around you were getting harder to tune out.

“I’m telling you, it’s a girl,” Robin insisted, crossing her arms like she was laying down a bet.

“And I’m telling you,” your mom countered, “it’s a boy. We’ll see who’s right when the baby gets here.”

Other voices joined in, speculating wildly about who the baby might take after, what their personality would be, whether they’d follow in Joe’s footsteps or carve out their own path. The noise was starting to press against your temples, the endless back-and-forth making the air in the room feel too thick.

Joe, still standing beside you, had gone silent. His hands were back in his pockets, his gaze fixed on the floor, and you could tell he was holding himself together for your sake.

“Alright, alright,” one of his teammates piped up with a grin. “How about a little wager? Fifty bucks says it’s a girl.”

“Make it a hundred,” someone else called out, and the laughter that followed was the final straw.

The knot in your chest tightened, and your hands clenched in your lap. You felt tears prick the corners of your eyes—not from sadness, but from sheer overwhelm. The room felt too bright, the voices too loud, and the well-meaning opinions too much.

Before you could say anything, Joe’s voice cut through the chaos like a blade.

“Enough,” he said, his tone sharp but steady. The room fell silent instantly, all eyes turning to him.

Joe looked up, his jaw tight and his eyes dark with frustration. “This isn’t a betting pool. It’s not a game. Can everyone just… be considerate for once? She’s already dealing with enough without you all making it worse.”

The weight of his words lingered in the room, and the silence that followed was heavy but blessedly calm. Your mom looked sheepish, Robin muttered something about “just having fun,” and even the most boisterous of Joe’s teammates had the decency to look a little ashamed.

You glanced up at Joe, your heart swelling at the way he’d stepped in for you, even when you knew he was barely holding it together himself.

“Thanks,” you whispered, your voice barely audible over the quiet rustle of the room.

He looked down at you then, his expression softening as he saw the gratitude in your eyes. He gave you a small nod, one of his hands brushing against your shoulder again as if to remind you he was there.

The moment was brief, but it was enough to ground you. Even in the midst of all the chaos, Joe had a way of making you feel like everything would be okay.

The house finally quieted as the last of your guests shuffled out the door, their voices trailing into the evening air. Inside, Maisie and Ja'Marr were clinking dishes together in the kitchen, tackling the mountain of cleanup like the MVPs they were. You’d tried to protest earlier, but Maisie had waved you off with a glare sharp enough to make you sit back down.

Now, you stood on the back porch, the cool night breeze brushing against your face. The chaos of the day felt distant here—muted, softened by the hum of crickets and the faint rustle of leaves. You leaned against the railing, one hand resting absentmindedly on your growing belly, and let out a breath you felt like you’d been holding for hours.

Joe was a quiet presence next to you, leaning on the railing with his forearms, his broad shoulders slightly slumped. He’d changed into a soft hoodie and sweats after the last guest left, his game-day persona stripped away, leaving only the guy you knew best—the one who rarely said much but whose silences spoke volumes.

“Hell of a day,” he muttered after a moment, his eyes fixed on the horizon where the last streaks of sunlight bled into the dark.

You let out a short laugh, shaking your head. “That’s one way to put it.”

He glanced over, the corner of his mouth twitching in a faint smile. “You okay?”

The question was simple, but the way he asked it—soft, almost hesitant—made your chest tighten. You hesitated, trying to figure out how to sum up the whirlwind of emotions.

“Yeah,” you said finally, your voice quiet. “Just… a lot. The attention, the opinions, the arguing. It gets overwhelming, you know?”

Joe nodded, his gaze dropping to his hands. “Yeah, I get it.”

You tilted your head to look at him, studying his profile in the fading light. There was a tension in his jaw, a lingering weariness in his eyes, and you realized he was still carrying the weight of the day too.

“Thank you,” you said softly. “For stepping in earlier. I know you’re not big on… all of this, but it meant a lot.”

He shrugged one shoulder, but the way his lips pressed into a thin line told you he was more affected than he let on. “It’s my job to take care of you. Both of you.” His voice was low, steady, but there was a hint of something raw beneath it—an edge of vulnerability he rarely let show.

Your hand drifted to his arm, fingers curling gently around his sleeve. “You already do, more than you know.”

For a moment, the two of you just stood there, the quiet stretching out between you like a warm blanket. The air smelled faintly of grass and the lingering sweetness of cake from inside, and you let yourself sink into the stillness.

“You ever think about how different life’s gonna be?” Joe asked suddenly, his voice breaking the silence.

You blinked, caught off guard by the question. “Different how?”

He straightened, leaning back against the railing as he turned to face you. “I mean… everything. A baby changes everything. There’s no going back to how it was before. And as much as I’m ready to be a dad…” He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sometimes it just… hits me, you know? Like, are we really ready for this?”

The honesty in his words tugged at something deep inside you. “I think it’s okay not to feel ready all the time,” you said, your voice gentle. “I don’t think anyone ever really is. But we’ve got each other, Joe. That’s enough.”

His eyes met yours then, and for a moment, it felt like the world had narrowed down to just the two of you. He reached out, his hand brushing against yours before curling around it, his touch warm and grounding.

“You’re gonna be an amazing mom,” he said quietly.

Your throat tightened, and you swallowed hard against the wave of emotion. “And you’re going to be the best dad.”

Joe chuckled, a soft, self-deprecating sound. “I don’t know about that, but I’ll try. Guess that’s all we can do, right?”

“Right,” you agreed, your fingers lacing with his.

The night deepened around you, the stars beginning to poke through the inky sky, and you stayed there together, leaning on each other in the quiet. Inside, you could hear Maisie bossing Ja’Marr around as they finished up the cleanup, her voice a familiar, grounding presence.

For now, this moment was yours—just the two of you, standing at the edge of a new chapter, not knowing what lay ahead but knowing you’d face it together.

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↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[leahburreaux]

last time he got mic'd up he tore a ligament in his wrist ☹️

Just realized we haven’t had a Joe mic’d up video in over a year. Damn it 😭 I miss his mic’d up vid

[leahburreaux]

Lovely and lonely at the top😫

[leahburreaux]

im fucking dead 😭😭