le-finn

[le-finn]

Im sorry I can’t help you more my love. It hurts to also be poor snd not be able to give the person you love most in the universe everything she deserves. 😞

maybe thisll help

Dr appt today at the pain clinic. i dont even like saying i go to one of those places. anyway, i have an mri on thurs of my lower spine and go back to the dr on friday to discuss the results and do some med changes. im not super excited about it all. the med changes are probably going to be adding an arthritis type of medicine for inflamation. even though it isnt arthritis. and then maybe upping the neurontin. he mentioned last time that im on a very low dose. the weird addict in me should be happy but in all honesty, as much as the gabapentin helps, it also makes me feel very weird and flighty …cant concentrait… its def a strange feeling. my blood pressure was super high also, and my brain is feeling extra weird today. maybe thats why. i rechecked when i got home and its a little better but my brain isnt. it just feels like it wants to come out of my skull. not even the headache pain that i get, just crazy crazy pressure and ringing in my ears. i feel like if someone just squeezed my head constantly, id feel better. i went to the used bookstore afterwards to try and decompress. i got very anxious and upset and the dr appt for no good reason. the nice quiet store did help. i didnt find quite what i originally went in for, but still got two books that were four bucks each, which i should not have spent. but i did. ive been having a hard time with money. its been weighing on me. last month i literally had one cent left before i got paid. i admit, im not used to living on such a tight budget. all my bills come out at the first of the month so no worries on that. its just by the last week of the month, im really struggling. ive not been shopping, i dont go anywhere but i still have nothing left. to the point where my sister pays me to clean her house at the end of the month so i can get petty things like coffee and bottled water or smokes or just..whatever. im actually going tomorrow. bc i have 1.50 left in my account. i know im not going to physically feel like it …but mentally, it gives me some purpose. it gives me a sense of feeling important. so its a struggle. it always is. 

so… theres this daily inspiration thing that i bought… mind you, i was reading the law of attraction while in the dr office waiting room. 3 ish hours later im home and i open this book up. i somehow opened it to todays exact date. i was like oh my gosh. then, the daily reading was about financial struggle. i shit you not. 

so.. my brain wants out of my skull, my ears are ringing, my hip is killing me, i cant concentrait…. but i still feel like these signs are telling me that im on the right path. my thoughts are leading me in the right direction, as long as im trying and realizing this as i go along. its just so hard bc all i wanna do is close my eyes and squeeze my head. i have to be hopeful, no matter how exhausting it is by the end of the day. no matter how discouraged i want to get, i cannot. i cannot let myself not see the beauty of the sun, the beautiful color of the sky and the turning leaves around me. dogs barking and birds chirping, lawn mowers in the distance, the cool breeze of fall. i just have to close my eyes and keep appreciating what i have around me. i have all i need. i have love. 

[le-finn]

My beautiful sweet princess

Gorgeous mountains and sunshine today

[le-finn]

I love you

❤️❤️❤️

Rice, shrimp,scallops, mushrooms, artichoke hearts, hush puppies:) Dave’s the best. He made me lovely foods even though I know he didnt feel like it. I love you.

[le-finn]

❤️💜❤️

“Twin flame… You are the infinite opposite of my entire being, but still so ever much the same. You are everything I am not… but everything that I am. ”- Alura Cein 2017 (on how twin flames unite)

[le-finn]

Go fuck yourself Daniel Lawson

[le-finn]

You can lead a horse to water but I’d rather ride it to the liquor store.

[le-finn]

❤️🌅❤️

[le-finn]

❤️❤️❤️

There is another ripe blackberry and I am saving it for you 💓

[le-finn]

My goodness

[le-finn]

👍

[le-finn]

Many feels

[le-finn]

My 3m old boy, Jagger! Hes warming up to the car :)

[le-finn]

[le-finn]

[le-finn]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[le-finn]

Lil buddy at work!!