lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

the dumbest thing a Gotham goon can say isn’t “you want some more??” to an injured and retreating Batman. it’s actually “next time I’ll get that little bird with you too!”

Batman will come back running on two broken legs just to kindly separate you from all of your adult teeth, your fingernails, and your ability to piss in a straight line because what the fuck did you just say

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

I think you should know that every time you update your drabbles on AO3 somebody alerts everyone in the Divine Discord server like a town crier and we all go “HURRAH!!”

You’re basically a celebrity, I love you please don’t blow up 🙏

One day you take on a fandom you know only by a single movie everyone apparently hates and the next you are vomiting fics for said fandom and learning all kinds of details along the way, always blows my mind to see how much people enjoy my admittedly sometimes wild and flat out random ideas. When I first started writing I didn't even know Billy and Mary were supposed to be twins or who Tawny was or even HOW was Billy's boss called (Mr. Morris), I just threw anything that came to mind without expecting actual feedback. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect it to blow up as it did

Very grateful for all the support and positive feedback from my readers ⚡🌟🐅⚡🌟🐅 Gonna keep that screenshot if you don't mind, haven't been this popular since the day I was born

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

i do love the idea of the Justice League finding out Batman’s identity and the fact that he’s actually just a tired vigilante dad and immediately discrediting his spooky-scary-intimidating reputation, and Bruce just being devastated about it. he worked so hard on that reputation, on that respect, and it’s all down the drain just like that. nobody flinches away from his glare anymore, because they’ve seen him glare at Red Hood and get a spoonful of mashed potato flung into his face for the effort. nobody cares about his threats anymore, because he tried to threaten Red Robin to go home and rest one time and Tim just giggled at him deliriously before mocking his tone and stealing his coffee. they’ve seen him pick a splinter out of a whining Nightwing’s finger mid-meeting. Damian once called him a condomless harlot to his face when he told him not to bring his swords onto the watchtower. he’s lost control.

he decides he wants the fear factor back and in all his brilliant genius, he decides the best way to go about that is to invite the league round for a fancy dinner party, specifically so he can use all his ‘brucie wayne’ acting skills to channel the essence of every creepy-rich-guy-in-haunted-manor movie he has ever seen in his life. it is the only time his kids have been fully onboard and willing to contribute to one of his plans without any complaints. they almost seemed more eager to pull it off than he was.

they spend the entire day making the manor look old and slightly abandoned, much to Alfred’s displeasure, and ensure that the only lighting is a fuck ton of candles, just enough to light the halls while leaving the corners and edges shadowy and ominous. Damian is allowed to have some of his more ‘skittery’ pets roam the manor freely for the night, causing occasional scritches and scratches to come from the ceilings. all of the kids dress in their best funeral attire, apart from Jason who gleefully pulls on an old white shirt stained with blood from when Tim crashed through his window with a stab wound, requesting a medkit.

when the league arrive they’re greeted by all the kids lined up on the staircase, staring at them blankly and ominously, while Bruce gives them all a large grin and ushers them into the creepy looking dining room. the league are somewhat nervous.

during the dinner the kids act completely different than the league have seen them in-mask. polite, cordial, and refusing to show an ounce of emotion. they pick at their food and only speak in vague sentences that refer to various horrific events of their past. Bruce has never been prouder.

the first close call they have to breaking character is when Bruce presents a bottle of red wine without any kind of label. as he pours a slightly disturbed Diana a glass, she asks where he got it from. Bruce happily gestures to Jason as says ‘my second eldest procured it especially for you, earlier today.’

Diana looks across the table at where Jason is grinning eerily at her by candlelight, still visibly stained with blood, eyes glowing slightly green. she pales, and Tim knows he can’t watch her shakily lift the glass to her lips without bursting out laughing. he refuses to be the one who fucks up first, so he dramatically stands up and declares he must ‘go feed the experiments’ before storming out the room. ‘the experiments’ are in reference to the pen of rabbits outside that glow in the dark because Damian rescued them from a testing facility, but given the environmental context it sounds much more sinister.

Jason joins him by the pen to also start wheeze-crying in private about 20 minutes later, because apparently after Oliver Queen had finished with his bbq rib, Damian had leaned over and without blinking stared into his eyes to blankly state ‘i would love to feed your bones to my animal friends, if you don’t need them anymore.’ and from the other end of the table Jason had snorted wine up his nose from how hard he was trying not to break.

amazingly, they never break character, although it came pretty close when after hearing another skitter from somewhere above, Stephanie climbed up from the table into the crystal chandelier and deftly returned to present the table with a large tarantula cradled in her hands, to which Damian stood up and declared, ‘ah, dessert! i will help pennyworth prepare it.’ before taking the animal and leaving to put his beloved spider back in it’s enclosure. the league genuinely seemed to be under the impression they were about to be served a tarantula-based desert, and upon seeing their faces at this realisation Dick had to pretend he’d dropped a fork on the ground so he could duck by Bruce’s chair and stuff a napkin in his mouth while he got his laughter under control. Bruce pats his shaking son’s back below the table cloth, determinedly staring at their guests with that same creepy-grin he’d kept up the entire night.

every member of the league makes their excuses to leave early, much to Bruce’s exaggerated disappointment. the second the last of them is out the door Alfred turns to face the family and says ‘mission accomplished. now get this manor back to it’s proper state.’ and they have the spend the rest of the night cleaning.

totally worth it, in Bruce’s mind. none of the JL will look him in the eye for weeks afterwards, and it was honestly the most successful attempt at family bonding they’d ever had. he wonders if they should make it a monthly thing. It’s also how they find out Damian’s a fucking theatre kid with a gift for the arts which is another revelation in of itself

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

Interview

Marvel casually dropped a major lore bombs on live TV in one conversation. As a result, every single hero and villain is dissecting this to see if they can find out Marvel’s identity.

Marvel: “Nah actually. I never wanted to become a superhero.”

Reporter: “You didn’t?”

Marvel: “Nope! Didn’t even know that was a thing. Or well, it was, but most heroes were newbies when I first got my powers. None of them were big names yet.”

Reporter: “How exactly did you get your powers?”

Marvel: “Well, I was minding my business and then I decided to follow this stranger that looked like my dad down an alleyway all the way to a train station.”

Reporter: *sounds and looks concerned* “You followed a stranger?”

Marvel: “Don’t give me that look. I was eight years old.”

Reporter: “Eight?! You got your powers that young?”

Marvel: “Yup. Now, as I was saying, I followed the guy and he got on a train, so I did too. The train took me to the Rock of Eternity, and I talked to this wizard, who then proceeded to die right in front of me after he gave me some powers.”

Reporter: *sounds extremely concerned now* “You watched him die?”

Marvel: “Yep. A rock fell right on him and killed him instantly!” *sounds a little too cheerful*

Reporter: “Oh my… Oh my God.”

Marvel: “That’s an appropriate response. Anyways, I didn’t even use my powers for like a week until I was forced to use them or else I would’ve exploded.”

Reporter: “What-”

Marvel: “I ended up deciding to get that extra energy out by getting rid of criminals. That ended up with me doing that almost every night and day until it became a habit. Then, bada boom bada bam: I’m a hero.”

Random Bystander: “Can we circle back to the fact that you might’ve exploded if you hadn’t used your powers?”

Marvel: “Uh… Sure? I have to meet… certain prerequisites in order to use my powers. When I first got them, I had an idea, but I didn’t know if meeting the prerequisites would actually do anything. See, I actually thought that whole thing with the wizard was a dream or something.”

Reporter: “I see…”

Marvel: “Anyways, the buildup of me not using my powers slowly but steadily started messing up my normal life until I couldn’t take it anymore and met the prerequisites.”

*silence*

Reporter: “Was that buildup painful?”

Marvel: “Absolutely!” *smiling as he says this*

Reporter: “And you were eight years old, right? “

Marvel: “Yup!”

Reporter: “I see…”

After this interview, a bunch of Marvel’s villains kidnapped him and put him in an escapable box for like two weeks and expected him to blow up. He didn’t. Billy was just really bored during that entire incident. He also decked the shit out of the main villain that orchestrated the entire thing.

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

My cats have this meow that means "please come with me to fix this" after which they'll lead me to the problem in question, usually a empty (or 'empty') food bowl or a closed door they want open. They look at the 'problem', they look back at me, clear message.

What fascinates me is how this illustrates what they percieve as being in the realm of my 'power.' I control the food, I control the door, sure, but my cats love to sit on the balcony in the sun, and it has happened plenty of times that on a rainy day they come get me, go to the balcony and show me... the rain. "Please fix this" they say. "Please get rid of the wet"

"Silly kitty," I say, "I can't control the rain." I then walk into the shower and turn on the rain.

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

UTRH AU - (before revelation) Jason tries to kill Dick but can’t keep his emotions under control. Loosely inspired by this.

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

Cat marvel

Justice league space station

Marvel: *zoned out*

Flash: * going to sit down next to marvel and puts his mug down to pull out a chair*

Marvel:*not turning his head, swatting  the mug off the table*

Flash: “Dude!”

Marvel: “w-what�� ( notice the broken glass), “not again I’m so sorry Flash”

—————————————————————-

Batman: (upgrading his gadgets, throw a box to the side)

Batman: “Done, where that’s……box”

Marvel: (some how sitting in the box with his knees to his chest) “hi”

Batman: (◣_◢) “out”

Marvel: (◕︵◕) “yes Mr.Batman”

——————————————————————-

Fawcett

(Clark flying around looking for Captain Marvel, and he spots Freddy carrying pillows).

Superman: “Ah! Junior, do you know where your dad is?”

Junior: “dad? Oh, yeah I know where Marvel, i’m heading over where he is right now, come on”

Superman: “umm, what is this”

(Top of a building, Mary and Marvel passed out on blankets and pillows bathing in the sunlight)

Junior: “break time” ( arranging his pillows before plopping down on them)

Superman: “oh, can I talk to Marvel”

Junior: “ oh, yeah”

Superman: “ great can you wak-“

Junior: “ in 45 minutes”

Superman: “but um I”

Junior: “in 45 minutes………… join us?”

Superman: “…..sure” (plops himself down, mummy style)

—————————————————————

Power out in the watch tower

Green lantern (Hal) : (walking through the tower, using his ring as a flashlight)

(scurrying sound)

Green lantern: (Panic, quickly, you think it’s ring the shine light right here the noise)

*Nothing*

Green lantern: “Hello?”

(Creaking noise )

Green lantern: (spins around quickly, shining his light) “wh- who’s there!”

Marvel: (in a big foot pose, eyes acting like cat eyes in the middle of the night with light shining over them)

Green lantern: “ Jesus Christ dude”

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

HI, Merry Christmas

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62221522

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

I love how Clark’s entire internal monologue in this scene appears to boil down to, “Don’t drop the baby. Do not drop the baby. Batman will kill you if you drop the baby.”

Source - Batman/Superman: World’s Finest

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

“How to make cats and dogs happy at the same time”

(via)

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

Took a risk and it paid off

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

Memes from Fawcett

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

the funniest thing to come out of those batfam twitter au’s is the repeated gag of people getting mad at various batkids for insensitively ‘making fun’ of their dead brother by interacting with a ‘jason todd parody account’, and the kids don’t even try to defend themselves like ‘he’s dead idgaf’ while Totally Alive Jason Todd is in the replies like ‘i died just to get away from you’ and nobody ever mentions it outside of twitter. i think one day bruce is doing an interview when a reporter finally brings it up and he’s like ‘the kids are interacting with a what now’ and when he’s shown the tweets he just blinks a few times before going like ‘we all grieve in different ways,’ and then he pauses and squints at the screen before saying in a genuinely offended tone ‘does jason not follow me on twitter-!?’ and the reporter spends the next ten minutes trying to explain that it’s not jason because jason is dead while bruce completely ignores them just devastated that the parody account of his dead son isn’t following him on social media

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

Here is part 4 of our fun trip

Red Hood is now an honorary citizen of Fawcett. Only by passing the maenads do you become a true citizen of this city.

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

is he talking about his kids or the justice league? probably both

og text post

[lazy-anxietyinfectedzombie]

Marvels incorrect quotes because I love them

Freddy: talking about robin!Damian: he's an asshole! He tried to stab you multiple times!

Billy: those were accidental!

Freddy:

Billy: okay well I know the third time was accidental

---

Freddy: I apologize for saying "fuck" in front of Thavma

Mary: you just said it again

Thavma, just happy to be there:

Freddy: I'm not a good role model

---

Freddy, in his CM jr. Form: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why

Mary: only if you also don't ask why

Mary: *pulls out four pristine human skulls out of her bag*

Freddy:...

Freddy: this one will do..

---

Billy: you call yourself my best friend, but where were you when my Whiz blog entry only got 4 likes?

Freddy: making four accounts

Billy, tearing up: really?

---

Freddy, to modern teenage!Billy: you swear too much, you fight too much, and your morals are questionable.

Teen!billy:...

Freddy: you're everything I've ever wanted in a best friend

---

Mary: you think I can't fight because I'm a woman!

Billy: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. Honestly, I don't think Freddy could fight in that wedding dress either

Freddy: perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride