lavenderrmoons

[lavenderrmoons]

[lavenderrmoons]

i like to think that our blogs are just our own little personal museums of all the things we like, and we can visit each other’s museums and leave nice notes at the reception.

[lavenderrmoons]

Today, I’m 27. It’s more bitter than sweet, and I’m not sure what to make of it. There’s so much that I want to do, but I haven’t. But this is the year that I’m changing things for myself. I’m going to make sure of it.

[lavenderrmoons]

Virginia Woolf, from a diary entry written c. July 1932 featured in “The Diaries of Virginia Woolf,”

[lavenderrmoons]

Things are going to get better. I just have to keep telling myself that.

[lavenderrmoons]

I’m never going to stop feeling guilty.

[lavenderrmoons]

grateful for every small thing and for the new ideas that come every day, though my surroundings haven’t changed.

[lavenderrmoons]

I truly thought I was making good progress, especially for the small amount of time that it’s been. I’m rethinking that now, entirely. Back to square one. Or did I ever move from there to begin with and move forward at all? Maybe 10 steps back. I don’t know, maybe more. I’m absolutely heartbroken, to the point of feeling sick to my stomach pain where I don’t know how to get through this. I don’t see a light at at the end of the tunnel. I don’t see my happiness anywhere in the near or distant future. I don’t see anything but you. I can’t breathe. 

[lavenderrmoons]

I hoped and hoped, but you did eventually stop loving me. Looks like I still love you.

Just short of 12 days a year ago, you told me you loved me for the first time. You told me I was “consuming your soul.” But you loved it, and you loved me. 

It’s scary to think that it can all be gone in just an instant. But at the same time, this could last forever. I don’t want it to ever, ever end. It’s all so wonderful. It’s day after day that just keeps getting better and better with you. It’s like a dream honestly, because it doesn’t seem real. It seems too good to be true. I hope you’ll never stop loving me, because I don’t think I could ever stop loving you. 

[lavenderrmoons]

what if we read each other our favourite poems and realised how similar they were..., then felt as if we’d never met somebody who understood us or our emotions better... ahaha just kidding.., unless ?

[lavenderrmoons]

Flashback 5 years to this day, to this hour, to this very moment: one of the best nights of my life and the very best years of my life. New chapters, experiences, adventures, enjoyment, and new love.

Flashback 5 years later to this day, to this hour to this very moment: one of the worst months of my life, and one of the very worst years I’ve ever experienced. I’m speechless. There’s so, so much to say, but also nothing left. No words to explain what I’m feeling and no way to describe how empty I am now.

Five years and there’s nothing left. You’re okay and I’m not. I’m not at all.

[lavenderrmoons]

I haven’t been on here in ages. I slowly started looking at my past thoughts again on here -- the old me, I guess. Sometimes I just want to go back to that though. It was all so much less complicated then and I had absolutely no idea. I miss those days so much. I miss writing out my every thought instead of bottling it all up. I miss creating so much that I couldn’t stop. Now I don’t know what’s left of it. I lose a little bit more each day. I don’t know if reverting back to my old habits will help, but I’m surprised at how good it feels to be on here right now. Maybe the things you think you’ve grown out of are the things you need to bring you back to life again. 

While I’m writing this I’m listening to Bon Iver like the good old days too. It’s like  I’m back there again, in the best way possible. 

[lavenderrmoons]

Stay sweet x

[lavenderrmoons]

It’s not the right fit — not one bit, not at all.

[lavenderrmoons]

[lavenderrmoons]

[lavenderrmoons]

Via girlinthepark