lavenderr-hazee

[lavenderr-hazee]

No matter how good you are to people, they will always treat you according to their level of perception which is equally as terrible as they are..

[lavenderr-hazee]

Where do you go when the world stills?

When everything is sombre and your chest still empty.

Do you rip out your hollow cage?

Or do you wait to be filled with dull hope.

Is your heart still beating?

Or are you barely latching onto your breaths?

Are you as miserable as I am?

Or are you free from your malencholy?

-Afreen

[lavenderr-hazee]

WHY DO PEOPLE ASSUME IM GOOD HUMAN

BRO CANT YOU SEE

I HAVE GOT ISSUES IN MY BACK POCKET

PROBLEMS HUGGING AROUND IN BELTLOOPS

I HURT OTHERS IN WAY DISCREET

I CARRY SELFISHNESS IN MY LOCKET?

AND DUMBASSES STILL STICK AROUND.

MAYBE I AM GOOD ENOUGH TO NOT BE EVIL

BUT DEVIL KISSES ME GOODNIGHT

<3

[lavenderr-hazee]

big words

no I don't write poems, nor I have the vocabularies, I am not a Sesquipedalian poet, a person that overuses big words, yes I searched for it, because I ain't the one to know it all I am just a person who makes up words sound nice somehow, I don't know how to write stories, or feelings in pretty verses, its all raw, or bloody, symbolisms and metaphors develop in me on their own with the rising lump in my throat.

[lavenderr-hazee]

"And when will we meet again?" a foolish question he asked, that haunts me till this day.

"I will do it tomorrow" I get a flick on my forehead. "Remember that kabir ka doha 'kal kre so ajj kr, ajj kre so ab..'" "yes yes, pal m parlay hoyegi bahuri krega kab." I interrupt and imitate her, as a reward I get smacked. "SO what it's not like tomorrow won't come." I murmur loud enough so she can hear and get the gist of it. "yeah, it's not that. It's more like tomorrow will be someday a today. So why not make it now? every today was a tomorrow and it will come but then it will be a 'today' and the cycle will continue." She is too deep into ruminating about time. "Hey ok so tomorrow will come true right?" I wonder. "it will If You Make it." she gives me a smirk and eyes to the assignments we were working on.

"Tomorrow" She replied to him like a promise, with a smile for me to hope on and disappeared in the void of that car. I wish I didn't held me back from saying those words or held her, before she faded away with time for the tomorrow that I still wait for. If only I knew that would be the last time I ever got to be with her. She said tomorrow, she will make it happen right? It might be today, on this ship, that the tomorrow that I am looking forward to for so long might become today. I Hope, and Hope, with every breathe matching to the motion of the room and drift into sleep.

[lavenderr-hazee]

Inktober day 1

[lavenderr-hazee]

"her heart was made of liquid sunsets" ~virginia woolf

[lavenderr-hazee]

Short story 1

I sat in my classroom one day. I couldn't breathe. So I pulled out a pack of pills and popped them like tic tac. No one noticed. I fainted. I told them I didn't have breakfast that morning.

The sun was pretty that day. I didn't need a scarf. My mind was foggy as I walked. I was excused from my classes. I felt uncoordinated. My legs trembled and the world was threatening to turn upside down. I kept walking. It felt good. I was numb. No coherent thoughts in my head. I preferred having no thoughts instead of jumbled up words bouncing in my head. They gave me headache. It was nice. I felt warm

I walked back to my room and took a nice nap that day.

I popped more pills the next day, and more the day after and more, and more, and more in the coming months.

Few months in I was an addict. I couldn't function with them. But I couldn't live without them. My motor movements were uncoordinated. I couldn't write a sentence. My leg was always shaking. But it felt good.

It felt better than what I used to feel.

(Inspired by TRUE events. I think I will probably post more of them. Preferably longer ones)

[lavenderr-hazee]

some flowers from my balcony🌸🤍and this cute little bird. she came to escape rain yesterday. we offered her our best meals but ofc she wasn't interested (clearly visible from the picture). she fled away with her parents this morning😭🎀

[lavenderr-hazee]

And this urge to run away from what I love is a sort of sadism I no longer pretend to understand.

- Martha Gellhorn, from a letter to Stanley Pennell

[lavenderr-hazee]

[lavenderr-hazee]

Everything can be a canvas

[lavenderr-hazee]

Sometimes

I wish to vanish even from myself .

[lavenderr-hazee]

Anxiety is like having a personal weather forecast that's always set to 'stormy with a chance of panic attacks'

It's like having a tiny monster inside your head, constantly whispering worst-case scenarios in your ear..... fr!! Agh!!!!!!!!!!!

[lavenderr-hazee]

[lavenderr-hazee]

Muslim kids grew up answering the phone with "HelloAssalamualaikum" and end with "Allah Hafiz"

[lavenderr-hazee]

I have been quiet for so long, now it starts to feel so loud and it's haunting me

انجمن میں یہ میری خاموشی

بُردباری نہیں ہے وحشت ہے

anjuman meiñ ye meri khamoshi

burdbari nahi hai wehshat hai

~Jaun