unspeakable things has to be drained somewhere, I supposed
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You really dont know if I looooove taking candids of you, do you? And, I’d keep doing it over and over again eventho you hated it more than that sour yogurt :))
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THAT IS THE VERY FIRST TIME THAT SOMEONE DRAW A MINI VERSION OF ME AND THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH. IM DYING.
“you’re so tiny, I cant help”
Z.
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Dont you think that this would be called as that "too-fast-and-furious way version of move on", K?
laura-nakina
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Amnesia
Laura,
if love at first sight truly exists, mine would be the northern lights. One fine night in nowhere near the sea, 1999, I caught my stepfather fall asleep to a video he played on repeat, which was recorded back then when he was journeying solo to the unspeakable islands. It was all reddish as the bloomed rose, the colour of my childhood princess, Ilya the baby doll. Broad horizons, infinite vacancy, wintry tarn, coalesced with that dancing Sonya of nature’s. No other sound but fleeting nothingness clasping black pinewoods. I, then, sat next to the sleeping dad watching fifty-four seconds of what turned out to be my lifetime daydream, learning for the first time that solitude was bliss.
Laura, dear,
tell me what do you know about Garden of Eden?
If crepuscule falls, would there be such stellar lights despatching lullabies over the heaven? Would there be quiescent hayfields where angels play harp in the cockcrow? Could we run down the serene prairies to jump nakedly to the bluish lacustrine?
What if I can show you the detour to paradise?
To that old, forgotten first heartstring of mine. There’d be two windows seats so you could catch the canary sunrise and I could witness the tangerine sunset from above the clouds. We’d be flying to the home of my saintlike purplish queen, somewhere southward.
Yet maybe, our plane would instead crash somewhere above the Pacific Ocean and we’d die of colliding icebergs, or—on account to my personal taste—shark attacks. I suppose it’d be even pleasing to die under frost water, to remain still while the rest of your state of beingness slowly suffocates,
to vanish on our journey to aim for Elysium.
Maybe, the promised land itself would be so very exquisite that we’d die wondering before we could reach for it. Maybe, that resplendency of heaven is indeed worth dying for. Maybe, it’s because few enchanting dreams are meant to remain as only dreams, for the rest of all time we have.
But we’d end up seeing heaven either way, wouldn’t we?
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To give more, to expect less
To serve the kind of devotion which a Mother shares to her sons and daughters, and the Sun’s shine conveys to its surrounding vacancy.
While us mankind speaking forfeiture. What are we to long for gratitude,
to desire honour?
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No one can despise the love, K.
Somewhere, the expert said. Smh.
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Heartless
I kinda have de-javu. Told myself not to fall in love ever again. Yet, here I am. Broken-hearted.
BUT, I WONT GRIEVE.
He said, I was too independent.
He said, he was tired of the distances.
He said, also, that he loved me sincerely. And his feeling was real.
He said, yet, he found another little dove who cares about him more than I do.
Well, A.
No one can replace me, I assure you :)
I dont blame you. You know me, my logic appears to be more working than my feelings now. You’re right, distance won’t work. And I am way too independent for you. Then let me write this, for the last time as I wont bother you anymore.
You gave me this scrapbook. You, I mean, we, filled it with all the things we’ve done. Movie tickets, countless polaroids, diner receipts, short-note for cheering each other up, even every single chocolate wrap that we bought everytime we had a short gateway. Thats all really mean something to me. Yet you throw it away.
You know that we had a different path, as I recall. But we managed to strike it all. Despite your way of thinking as a lawyer and mine as an engineer. You were more than a babe. You were a two years old brother and a bestfriend for me. You know how to treat my madness in a perfect way. You know how to manage my sadness with your unfunny jokes. You deserved my best since you were there at my lowest.
I tought I was doing it right, for us. But, I was wrong. Did I regret for our failure? Yes, indeed.
Yet, what’s past, is past.
You’re awesome, A. I wish you well.
This is not a good-bye. Because I know, our path will cross once more, one day. And be prepared for that.
Loved,
K
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Dont you get tired of distance, K?
A, I know where this conversation going.
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White flag does not always mean surrender.
It shows you the pureness of the feeling inside the movement.
I love white flags, since it is the time you notice me for the first time, right A?
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I like having a debate with you K. In a good way.
A, in every single time we had a nonsense debate. Love.
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That lovely-awkward moment
A: K, do you have a moment?
K: Depends.
A: Next Saturday, I'll pick you up.
K: Hey, I didnt say yes.
A: You will.
K: Where are we going anyway?
A: You're not going anywhere. But I'm going to ask you to be mine :)
K: ................................
A: You'd say yes, wouldnt you?
K: Damn you.
A: I know it!
And, yes. Good bye, J.
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Here we go. Another man from another place. Lets see where the wind takes the ship sails
laura-nakina
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That black dress and red band, are not my colour.
Yet, the sword I was dancing with, tasted the sour.
The pageant nearly drown the reckless girl, into the water.
Knowing that she was able to cede her precious life, for his pleasure.
Did I feel the crowd? No. I feel myself. I feel the sword. I feel my movement. I feel my brain. I feel my light steps.
Many thanks, N, for capturing this moments. My bare-blank-stare face said it all.
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He is too good, I said. You're too naive, they said.
laura-nakina
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The ball
Hey, its about Mr. M, again.
He joined the table tennis tournament, and I know, he’s a good one on that. Did I tell myself to stop admiring him? Oh, yes. But, no. I cant. He keeps made me rhapsodically amazed with his gestures.
So ya, I decided to ask F to join me watching him in one of his match. I need a friend so that it won’t be too obvious that I watched him. She said yes. It’s Tuesday night, he against the rivalry from mechanical engineering (I forget the name, sorry dude). The game was on, and I cant take my eyes off him (SHT THE HELL IM WRITING THIS). But for real, he was sooooooo good.
Without warning, the ball out fell down, reaching my legs. I didnt know how to react, but my instinct whispered that I should pick the ball up to help the players continue the games. So I did. I picked it. And he was walking towards me! I know I know, he just want to take the ball so that he can finish the match as soon as possible (he was winning anyway). I won’t forget the way he walking and reaching out his hand to take the ball from mine.
FROM MY HAND.
SHT I LOST CONTROL.
HE DIDNT SAY ANYTHING. HE JUST NODDED! GESTURING FOR THE BALL.
AND I WAS FREAKING OUT.
You know, F, saw me and held her laugh for almost 10mins after the games off. And she be like, “THE HELL WAS THAT K? YOU WERE SHAKING. CANT YOU CONTROL YOUR FACE WHILE YOU HAD A CHANCE TO CATCH HIS EYES? YOU DIDNT EVEN SMILE”
Sht, I am screwed. I really do have to stop.
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