lattewritings

[lattewritings]

A scarf and my ring

Ha-Min approached the kitchen table with a silk scarf hanging from his belt loops. The scarf had blue roses and yellow background.

The table was round and rich from the morning sun. Sighing she set the newspaper down and glanced at him.

"What do you think, Mel?" He asked doing a three-sixty for her. Though he was also curious what was upsetting her.

Black trousers, his watch and cream button up that looked like silk.

"I like the colour choice a lot, it compliments you well." She said and smiled the roses were pretty. Pretty Ha. Pausing Melanie took a sip of her coffee. For a long moment she stared at him and his lovely outfits.

"You should style me someday." Melanie added resting her face in her hands. The table warm; it was only ten o'clock or so. Morning people.

"I can't read the newspaper anymore." Her voice dropped. "Does that mean I'm old?"

"We're both older," Ha-Min first reminded her before kissing the top of her head. "I'll take you to eye doctor today then and style you, how's that sound?"

He'd noticed that she was having a hear time seeing things, reading things.

"Oh, I used the right you bought me so it would be with me." He said, excited and showed her as the gems glistened.

[lattewritings]

V is vindictive to my heart

“You did what?” Ha-Min looked at me in shock. Though I wasn’t sure how to feel. I wasn’t going to necessarily defend this decision but I knew this might happen when I was making it. I didn’t know if I should tell him or not but I ultimately did. 

“I wanted to make sure, you know, I wasn’t talking with a serial killer.” I could feel my shoulders drop and I was ready for whatever kind of yelling I’d receive. But I was being honest. Maybe saying, “Oh hey, I did a background check on you” wasn’t the best way to go about it. 

For a moment the statue breaks and cracks so much I literally take a step back. I wasn’t scared of physical altercations but the sudden shift in demeanour chilled the air. 

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Ha-Min sneered as we stood in the middle of my dingy apartment hallway. “Are you happy?” 

I wince in pain as if I was actually stabbed. Like he knew anything about happiness. He acted like he’d tell me if I asked. I wondered for a split second if I really trusted him or if I still thought of him as a stranger. Someone I kind of spent my time with. If I could ever see him as anything else. 

“You’re funny. So reluctant to share. Not that I expect that. You’re funny.” That’s all. I couldn’t come up with anything else. Was I happy, Ha-Min? I don’t know. I think I was trying to exist without thinking about that concept. 

“You’re not the only one who did research. Ida Lenn is a millionaire. Rich beyond her dreams, I doubt her ‘charity’ event is even that.” 

I stared at him in shock. I never yelled at anyone. I haven’t yelled since I screamed and begged horrible men not to kill me. I didn’t yell because there was no point. Begged to keep my arms. He’s accusing my aunt of being dirty? 

“And you’re not-!? Ida is a good person. I would know because I’m not.” If my aunt was a bad person there would be no way I’d go to these events. “You’ve never even fucking met her!” His words broke my soul. He would never understand. The greed, the world I used to live in until I left. Ida was an activist and a business woman. My family had the money they did because of how hard they worked for it. 

“Rich people are cruel, Melanie. Exploitative and will do anything to stay in power.” I’d never seen someone so pretty be so angry. Ha-Min didn’t believe me when I said she was a good person. “They all are.” 

“You think I’m cruel?” I asked genuinely. “I might be an awful person but I wouldn’t go as far as to say that, Ha-Min Lee.” While I was certainly seething with anger I didn’t know he thought that way about me. When I looked at him all I was impressed, he was smart, pretty and maybe even kind. But when he looks at me Ha-Min sees a cruel rich woman. Isn’t it ironic that we’re having this argument in the hallway of my sad apartment. And, isn’t it ironic that we met at a local laundry mat because I didn’t want to buy a whole new machine. Oh how blind you are. 

“Why even be my fake husband then. If I’m so cruel.” Ha-Min laughed at me. Callous laughter in agreement. Did he really hate me? I couldn’t help but feel hurt— it didn’t make much sense that I was hurt. I didn’t have much of a reason. Yet his words ached. “I don’t need you. Go without me. Find your perfect clientele for your perfect job without me.” This was me stepping out of his life. Underneath all of my bones, deep beneath my ribs I hold my heart as it pumps blood to what’s left of my body. It’s small and holds contrast to the silver metal. The pinkish red. 

“I didn’t even want to be your husband to begin with.” 

“You’re vindictive and manipulative. I know your dirty tricks— I bet you kept me around to play with my feelings,” Narrowing my eyes, I had more where that came from. “I was honest with my inventions. You can’t even tell me something that’s remotely true.” 

[lattewritings]

O- and kinder than she credits herself.

Melanie's hands trembled at the sight of a poor child. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

After years of knowing each other Ha-Min and Melanie only conversed with each other in Russian and Korean. English to only English speakers.

Paniced and horrified she asked yelled at someone to call a doctor.

"Ha, what's O- in English-?" Melanie said in Korean carefully lifting the child into her arms. Some kind of bombing had occurred.

Translating the phrase she tried hard to think where the nearest hospital was.

"You can have my blood. You'll be okay--"

[lattewritings]

Remember that night?

“Do you remember that night well?” I asked. We only had one night together. I know I do because I was dragging myself through the mud.

“Mostly. We were laying in your apartment just like this,” Ha-Min said and recreated it. It kind of felt like we were posing for a photograph. I wish I brought my camera. “Talking about the case and I could tell how frustrated you were.”

[lattewritings]

Aries to Virgo and back

Ha-Min glances at my hands as I wipe them off with some napkins. “May I?” He asks, to take a closer look. I hesitate but give him my left hand and rest it in his. The way he looks at it concerns me at first but I resist pulling away out of fear. I had the blessed gift to craft my hands the way I wanted them to be. I chose the metal and of course I was advised on the choices I should make. I have the blueprints for them in my apartment. If there was a broken mechanism inside the forearm part I could take off the wrist. I’ve taken the whole arm apart just to make sure I could put it back together without the instructions.

There are incredibly small gold veins that outline where some of the larger panels that open. Sometimes I didn’t even understand how it all worked. I was lucky though. Lucky to have money even if it felt like a curse. Ha-Min flips it over to see my palm, some of the metal that was once polished has scratches and signs of wear especially since it’s my left hand. There's black in between the spaces instead of gold and more distinct shapes.

“This is your heart line, and this here is the sun, very fiery for an aries.” He traces his pointer finger in a pretend line where my heart line would have been if there was flesh. Then pointing to the space below my ring finger.

“You know palm reading?”

“Not entirely but your hands, they’re so elegant, refined and reflect your beauty well.”

I couldn’t help but feel a bit of heat flush through my cheeks; even if it was real. Who knows what’s real anymore. Reality didn’t exist; this is fake; Ha-Min Lee is fake; he’s not mine.

This had to be him joking around right?

“Melanie, I mean it.”

[lattewritings]

I see you— in my coffee. Je suis désole, tellement désole.

I see you in my coffee and I'm sorry I ever made you cry.

I see you in my coffee and I'm sorry I ever made you feel unwanted.

When it rains I see you in my coffee; and I love it so.

I love it so when you add so to the end of your sentences.

You're standing here before me with tears falling down your cheeks; most times I never know why

Though when I'm the reason

I see you.

I see you in my coffee and I hope you never leave.

[lattewritings]

Oh darling, beautiful darling

Nai closed her eyes and held his face in her hands.

"Oh darling, beautiful darling. I'm doing well now. My birth might have been a mistake but had it not been I wouldn't be here."

Of course it hurt for the longest time knowing she just wasn't good enough, wanted by her own parents. For the longest time feeling like she was the reason her mother left. Mizuno at first didn't want a child but grew to love Nai. Both from carrying her and through the eight year gap.

"Of course it hurt know I wasn't wanted. But you want me, don't you?"

"Of course"

"So stop your nonsense of worries. I promise I'm always alright, and I will always be right here."

There were plenty of other people who wanted her in their lives. People who she touched their hearts.

[lattewritings]

Accents, Darling

1940??

“Why does everyone speak like this?” Referring to the transatlantic accent.

“Like what?”

“Like this,” Nai says, exaggerating her syllables in a silly tone. Shaking her Japanese accent completely. She loved her accent because she’d only spoken Japanese her entire life. The restaurant they were in was rather loud and sometimes Nai had a softer voice. “Like when people say what,”

Cillian leans closer and they touch cheeks.

“Speak a little louder please,”

“When people say WHAT” Nai chuckled, pulling away. They were sitting at the bar because it seemed less crowded here but it soon filled up. Neither of them drank any kind of liquor, maybe saki once in a while.

“OH, I SEE,”

“INDEED, COULD WE PLEASE FIND ELSEWHERE TO DINE?” Nai asked, picking up her velvet purse.

“LETS,”

[lattewritings]

I've been making some comfort redraws of my OCS with Gumball lately...

I've wanted to do these redraws since a long time ago...

Since some months ago I've been very stressed and felt comforted whenever I watch TAWOG. So now that I've been better I decided to just redraw my kids with these comforting fellas.... I think I'll continue these.. There's like a bucket list of what shots I'm gonna redraw c:

[lattewritings]

When (if) I'm gone

"I've got the ticket for the long way round, two cups of coffee for way. Oh I sure would like some sweet company.

I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say?"

"Alright, I'm meeting a higher up in Salt Lake City so I'll join you"

---

When I'm gone. When I'm gone. I hope you miss me when I'm gone. I hope you miss me by hair, I hope you miss me everywhere. You're sure gonna miss me when I'm gone.

It wasn't a sure thing that she was leaving but it was certainly a possibility.

Sitting beside him the train car she hands him her wedding ring.

"Keep this safe for me."

[lattewritings]

Just some dialogue.

and Mel being painfully awkward. Note this is NOT how you lore drop about your dead sister. “What’s your habits? one important thing I should be aware of.” Kicking the door shut with my foot, I lock it and b-line for the dining room table. “Um.” I begin. But, instead I begin with my prosthetics. “I hide my arms often, despite the fake relationship we’re up holding don’t touch my arms— please.” I say the please part softly.  “My sister, she's dead. Don’t talk about her.” I add.

“Noted-” I cut him off. 

“Don’t ask about the sister. She’s been dead dead.” I didn’t mean to say it so coldly but I wasn’t explaining this either.  “Maybe tell me something about yourself. . . or I can make up a lie. Whatever you’re comfortable with,” I quickly say. I was being awkward again. I couldn’t save that heavy information from slipping. I was also so so tired. 

[lattewritings]

i think i'll miss you forever,

“Do you like art?” His question was rather random but yes I did. I loved it so. I had a couple real paintings hanging up in my apartment. The rest were prints. I didn’t buy many though. Too expensive.

“Depends, I imagine you do too.” I reply sitting back in my chair.

“There’s an art gallery next Saturday if you’re free. . . I only ask because we should find at least something in common if not drinking wine.” He half jokes. I like his joke. But I did like wine. I preferred white over red any day.

“Ha-Min,”

“Yes?” He replies. He sounds more awake than I do.

“Did you mean to call me?”

“No, I wasn’t trying to call anyone, though. Never mind.”

[lattewritings]

Kayta was really living the dream (holiest GA ref.)

Once in the bright sunny bedroom my sister lived. Once in a bright sunny bedroom with its intricate embellishments on the wall my sister laughed. Katya was really living the dream. She had golden blonde hair and eyes like mine. They glistened in the sun and well they were diamonds. If I had the diamond mind then she had the eyes.

“Mel,” she asked me, sitting in the warm bed but dying. The months leading up to her death, all I did was sit at her bedside. I didn’t have arms at the time. I was still a developing woman. If I received my prosthetics immediately after the accident then they wouldn’t be able to grow with me. Though, near the last of her days I did have them and I hugged often. I kept the curtains open to let in the sunlight so it could grace her face. Brought her flowers and her pointe shoes. Katya was only fourteen then but she and I were about the same size. I never was good at taking care of myself.

“What is it, Katya?” I replied.

“You would have made a great ballerina too.” She says, gaze lost in the garden outside her window. The family garden that has been there since the estate was built so long ago. Our residence in Moscow is the primary one but we also kept my grandmother’s home in Latvia. The Lenn history is so so rich.

“No silly girl. I couldn’t do that. I’d rather watch you instead.” I said, I tried to speak as softly as I could. Speak with kindness and intention. Not just because she was dying but because Katya didn’t deserve my bitterness. A whisper in the back of my mind asks: and everyone else does?

“Even when–” Katya choked on her words. Yet she pressed forward. I did too. “Even when I’m not here, tell me you’ll still go see ballet performances.”

I remember this conversation so vividly. The most because when she died mama never went to another art gallery, a theater show, or a ballet. She didn’t leave this room for so long.

“Some day, someday I’ll see the nutcracker. Maybe with a love.” I tease her.

Boys thought I was funny looking. I didn’t appreciate their stares because they’d never look at me like they would my sister. I couldn’t be envious of something I didn’t want. At least not then.

When she was a healthy little girl she attended a prestigious school. Katya wasn’t dumb but she didn’t think like I did. She processed the world in such a different way. She did alright in school— but socialising was more her style. The boys that would stare at her.

The little talks about having a boyfriend someday. The boys that were her age are alive. I know of them and the names that they hold. The kids at that school had money. Of course they did. We had money.

Then poof. Katya ceased to exist and now I was alone.

[lattewritings]

"Ha-Min-!"

19 Septembre 1923.

"When you hold me. . . I feel safe." She said to him. "Feel a part of home with you."

In his arms she drifted. Melanie was tired of always being strong alone. She could be alone and still be loved. Alone with her peace.

"Chanter Dream Sweet In Sea Major please. Je t'aime votre voix."

"Juste pour tu."

"Alone-- at the edge of a universe humning a tune. For merely dreaming we were snow."

"7 minutes now."

[lattewritings]

"Melanie-!"

Turning around shocked she froze.

"Ha-Min Lee," she paused. "I hope you know I thought the world of you." She took his dirty shoes and they tore apart her insides. Banged it up inside. "I still do. You're the painting and I'm Edward Hopper-- except destitute of virtue, beauty. Nothing my blue heart desires."

[lattewritings]

Are you really going to marry him?

1941, oceans apart. Eight years missed. But, a mama is still a mama.

"Are you really going to marry him?"

"Yes-" "Now, Naimori,"

"I know mama bu-" "do you want kids?" Mizuno paused for a second. "Does he want kids? Does he even speak Japanese? Honey,"

"I wouldn't mind a daughter-" "Nai, you know better than anyone-"

"Mama. It wouldn't be the end of the world." "Right. I was a very bad mother."

"I know."

"I'm going to miss it aren't I?" "I wish you could come to the states." "Don't be a stupid woman."

"I won't. Bye mama." I miss you.

"Bye, Nai"

[lattewritings]

You can say "no", you know that right?

Squatting down before a child, Nai covered her face with her hands. Entirely lost at what to do in this situation. While it was only a class it still made her nervous.

This was nothing like her normal job. Children didn't scare her no, but the crying and the screaming made her very jumpy.

"I want to go to the park!" The child yelled,

Still squatting to be on eye level with the kid, "We have to go back now, it's getting late," Nai replied gently.

"No!"

She wasn't inclined to drag the kid back to the centre but what choice did she have? Bribing wasn't a win all solution.

"I'm asking nicely, please let's go."

"Noo!"

Nai picked him up and began walking. He wasn't that much shorter than herself but don't let height be an illusion for strength. It was around three in the afternoon and their designated time was almost up. Quickly making her way down the street she tried to keep the boy quiet but he wasn't thrashing about, nearly making her drop him.

"Oh stop it!"

On his way back to their house, Cillian saw her on the sidewalk holding the kid. For a second, he thought he was seeing things and decided to pull over to get a better look.

"Nai?"

"Oh, Hi," she said and kept walking. "I'm kind of in a hurry,"