lattewritings

[lattewritings]

I see you— in my coffee. Je suis désole, tellement désole.

I see you in my coffee and I'm sorry I ever made you cry.

I see you in my coffee and I'm sorry I ever made you feel unwanted.

When it rains I see you in my coffee; and I love it so.

I love it so when you add so to the end of your sentences.

You're standing here before me with tears falling down your cheeks; most times I never know why

Though when I'm the reason

I see you.

I see you in my coffee and I hope you never leave.

[lattewritings]

Oh darling, beautiful darling

Nai closed her eyes and held his face in her hands.

"Oh darling, beautiful darling. I'm doing well now. My birth might have been a mistake but had it not been I wouldn't be here."

Of course it hurt for the longest time knowing she just wasn't good enough, wanted by her own parents. For the longest time feeling like she was the reason her mother left. Mizuno at first didn't want a child but grew to love Nai. Both from carrying her and through the eight year gap.

"Of course it hurt know I wasn't wanted. But you want me, don't you?"

"Of course"

"So stop your nonsense of worries. I promise I'm always alright, and I will always be right here."

There were plenty of other people who wanted her in their lives. People who she touched their hearts.

[lattewritings]

Accents, Darling

1940??

“Why does everyone speak like this?” Referring to the transatlantic accent.

“Like what?”

“Like this,” Nai says, exaggerating her syllables in a silly tone. Shaking her Japanese accent completely. She loved her accent because she’d only spoken Japanese her entire life. The restaurant they were in was rather loud and sometimes Nai had a softer voice. “Like when people say what,”

Cillian leans closer and they touch cheeks.

“Speak a little louder please,”

“When people say WHAT” Nai chuckled, pulling away. They were sitting at the bar because it seemed less crowded here but it soon filled up. Neither of them drank any kind of liquor, maybe saki once in a while.

“OH, I SEE,”

“INDEED, COULD WE PLEASE FIND ELSEWHERE TO DINE?” Nai asked, picking up her velvet purse.

“LETS,”

[lattewritings]

I've been making some comfort redraws of my OCS with Gumball lately...

I've wanted to do these redraws since a long time ago...

Since some months ago I've been very stressed and felt comforted whenever I watch TAWOG. So now that I've been better I decided to just redraw my kids with these comforting fellas.... I think I'll continue these.. There's like a bucket list of what shots I'm gonna redraw c:

[lattewritings]

When (if) I'm gone

"I've got the ticket for the long way round, two cups of coffee for way. Oh I sure would like some sweet company.

I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say?"

"Alright, I'm meeting a higher up in Salt Lake City so I'll join you"

---

When I'm gone. When I'm gone. I hope you miss me when I'm gone. I hope you miss me by hair, I hope you miss me everywhere. You're sure gonna miss me when I'm gone.

It wasn't a sure thing that she was leaving but it was certainly a possibility.

Sitting beside him the train car she hands him her wedding ring.

"Keep this safe for me."

[lattewritings]

Just some dialogue.

and Mel being painfully awkward. Note this is NOT how you lore drop about your dead sister. “What’s your habits? one important thing I should be aware of.” Kicking the door shut with my foot, I lock it and b-line for the dining room table. “Um.” I begin. But, instead I begin with my prosthetics. “I hide my arms often, despite the fake relationship we’re up holding don’t touch my arms— please.” I say the please part softly.  “My sister, she's dead. Don’t talk about her.” I add.

“Noted-” I cut him off. 

“Don’t ask about the sister. She’s been dead dead.” I didn’t mean to say it so coldly but I wasn’t explaining this either.  “Maybe tell me something about yourself. . . or I can make up a lie. Whatever you’re comfortable with,” I quickly say. I was being awkward again. I couldn’t save that heavy information from slipping. I was also so so tired. 

[lattewritings]

i think i'll miss you forever,

“Do you like art?” His question was rather random but yes I did. I loved it so. I had a couple real paintings hanging up in my apartment. The rest were prints. I didn’t buy many though. Too expensive.

“Depends, I imagine you do too.” I reply sitting back in my chair.

“There’s an art gallery next Saturday if you’re free. . . I only ask because we should find at least something in common if not drinking wine.” He half jokes. I like his joke. But I did like wine. I preferred white over red any day.

“Ha-Min,”

“Yes?” He replies. He sounds more awake than I do.

“Did you mean to call me?”

“No, I wasn’t trying to call anyone, though. Never mind.”

[lattewritings]

Kayta was really living the dream (holiest GA ref.)

Once in the bright sunny bedroom my sister lived. Once in a bright sunny bedroom with its intricate embellishments on the wall my sister laughed. Katya was really living the dream. She had golden blonde hair and eyes like mine. They glistened in the sun and well they were diamonds. If I had the diamond mind then she had the eyes.

“Mel,” she asked me, sitting in the warm bed but dying. The months leading up to her death, all I did was sit at her bedside. I didn’t have arms at the time. I was still a developing woman. If I received my prosthetics immediately after the accident then they wouldn’t be able to grow with me. Though, near the last of her days I did have them and I hugged often. I kept the curtains open to let in the sunlight so it could grace her face. Brought her flowers and her pointe shoes. Katya was only fourteen then but she and I were about the same size. I never was good at taking care of myself.

“What is it, Katya?” I replied.

“You would have made a great ballerina too.” She says, gaze lost in the garden outside her window. The family garden that has been there since the estate was built so long ago. Our residence in Moscow is the primary one but we also kept my grandmother’s home in Latvia. The Lenn history is so so rich.

“No silly girl. I couldn’t do that. I’d rather watch you instead.” I said, I tried to speak as softly as I could. Speak with kindness and intention. Not just because she was dying but because Katya didn’t deserve my bitterness. A whisper in the back of my mind asks: and everyone else does?

“Even when–” Katya choked on her words. Yet she pressed forward. I did too. “Even when I’m not here, tell me you’ll still go see ballet performances.”

I remember this conversation so vividly. The most because when she died mama never went to another art gallery, a theater show, or a ballet. She didn’t leave this room for so long.

“Some day, someday I’ll see the nutcracker. Maybe with a love.” I tease her.

Boys thought I was funny looking. I didn’t appreciate their stares because they’d never look at me like they would my sister. I couldn’t be envious of something I didn’t want. At least not then.

When she was a healthy little girl she attended a prestigious school. Katya wasn’t dumb but she didn’t think like I did. She processed the world in such a different way. She did alright in school— but socialising was more her style. The boys that would stare at her.

The little talks about having a boyfriend someday. The boys that were her age are alive. I know of them and the names that they hold. The kids at that school had money. Of course they did. We had money.

Then poof. Katya ceased to exist and now I was alone.

[lattewritings]

"Ha-Min-!"

19 Septembre 1923.

"When you hold me. . . I feel safe." She said to him. "Feel a part of home with you."

In his arms she drifted. Melanie was tired of always being strong alone. She could be alone and still be loved. Alone with her peace.

"Chanter Dream Sweet In Sea Major please. Je t'aime votre voix."

"Juste pour tu."

"Alone-- at the edge of a universe humning a tune. For merely dreaming we were snow."

"7 minutes now."

[lattewritings]

"Melanie-!"

Turning around shocked she froze.

"Ha-Min Lee," she paused. "I hope you know I thought the world of you." She took his dirty shoes and they tore apart her insides. Banged it up inside. "I still do. You're the painting and I'm Edward Hopper-- except destitute of virtue, beauty. Nothing my blue heart desires."

[lattewritings]

Are you really going to marry him?

1941, oceans apart. Eight years missed. But, a mama is still a mama.

"Are you really going to marry him?"

"Yes-" "Now, Naimori,"

"I know mama bu-" "do you want kids?" Mizuno paused for a second. "Does he want kids? Does he even speak Japanese? Honey,"

"I wouldn't mind a daughter-" "Nai, you know better than anyone-"

"Mama. It wouldn't be the end of the world." "Right. I was a very bad mother."

"I know."

"I'm going to miss it aren't I?" "I wish you could come to the states." "Don't be a stupid woman."

"I won't. Bye mama." I miss you.

"Bye, Nai"

[lattewritings]

You can say "no", you know that right?

Squatting down before a child, Nai covered her face with her hands. Entirely lost at what to do in this situation. While it was only a class it still made her nervous.

This was nothing like her normal job. Children didn't scare her no, but the crying and the screaming made her very jumpy.

"I want to go to the park!" The child yelled,

Still squatting to be on eye level with the kid, "We have to go back now, it's getting late," Nai replied gently.

"No!"

She wasn't inclined to drag the kid back to the centre but what choice did she have? Bribing wasn't a win all solution.

"I'm asking nicely, please let's go."

"Noo!"

Nai picked him up and began walking. He wasn't that much shorter than herself but don't let height be an illusion for strength. It was around three in the afternoon and their designated time was almost up. Quickly making her way down the street she tried to keep the boy quiet but he wasn't thrashing about, nearly making her drop him.

"Oh stop it!"

On his way back to their house, Cillian saw her on the sidewalk holding the kid. For a second, he thought he was seeing things and decided to pull over to get a better look.

"Nai?"

"Oh, Hi," she said and kept walking. "I'm kind of in a hurry,"

[lattewritings]

[lattewritings]

Always There.

Flamboyant events. He sees her.

The morning coffee, forget-me-not blues.

Any event he mentions to her. That curly black hair tightly pulled back with a wine glass in hand.

Never missed an event, even as busy as she was.

He was never able to catch a moment with her at those events. So elusive.

Yet always there.

[lattewritings]

Love me like no tomorrow; we aren't promised tomorrow.

Laying in her side she thought about him. So close did he lay. Asleep for once but Melanie's thoughts kept he awake. Thinking about what he meant to her. What it meant to be a Lenn woman. Marriage didn't really matter to her. But if in some alternate universe were they married? Were they Lenns? Ha-Min Lenn? Instead of Lee.

My mama would love you as her own, I know so. My mama is kind and loves you even now. She loves you because I do.

My family would welcome you without a doubt. We know struggles and we have each other. They could also be your family, my moon.

So kiss me on the mouth and love me like a sailor. Love me like no tomorrow.

"Bonne nuit, Ha."

[lattewritings]

He wasn't beauty he wasn't grace.

Aron would never be like Cillian. Never be as virtuous as kind. He'd never be as graceful and sly as Ha-Min. Never trusting like Gray.

I like to say that he's been worn away by time. By the losses he faced in life. From loosing his mother. To breaking up with Olivia. It really did feel like the world hated him.

He had sad eyes. Deep gold but the bags would always be there and he'd always carry the guilt of the past. Guilt of things he couldn't change.

[lattewritings]

Dear lord, if I get to heaven, will you let me bring my man?

Melanie doesn't completely believe in the lord, in god. Her father is catholic and attends church every Sunday, Eva doesn't not go.

"Dear lord. . .if I get to heaven, will you let me bring my man?" She whispered softly as she found something worth keeping.

Down on her knees in the front pew. Pray for more time with the people she care about. Her friends, her moon.

"When he comes, tell me that you'll let him in. Father you tell me if you can? All that grace, all that body. All that face makes me wanna party."

Lastely she'd been slipping away to attend church once a month. For her father, and to get better. Eva said that she didn't have the Lenn disease but it seemed to be not true. She couldn't have known. Though, she also wasn't going to let anyone know till the very end.

"He's my moon. He makes me shine like diamonds."

To be entirely honest, after the lying, the killing nothing made her think she'd actually get into heaven; the place for the pure and kind. People like her mother and Katya. And the only reason she had to believe in such a place was her sister. Someone she'd kill to see again.