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ofblxckwidows‌:

For a moment, the words hit her hard. Crazy really wasn’t the worse thing someone could be. The worst thing that someone could be was inexplicably evil. Evil for no reason other than to hurt the people around them. She had been that person once and that person scared her now. Natasha knew what she was capable of. She knew what she had done in the past. The thing that scared her the most was the thin line between what she was now and then. 

“Ah, those moments can be some of the best and the worst,” Natasha murmured, not elaborating much on how she knew. She knew because she experienced it. She tried to isolate herself, but there was always someone who pulled her out of it. Namely, Clint Barton. However, over the last couple of months she had been more successful than before. 

She took a drink of the beer in her hand, before commenting, “Thanks for this. I really wanted to be alone, but this is nice too.” 

There was understanding in her tone, and that was something Jessica rarely got. Thanks to the therapy sessions she’d been attending regularly since her decision to leave her apartment and retake control of her life, she knew she wasn’t alone in her suffering. Unfortunately, knowing that and feeling it were two very different things. Feelings didn’t confine themselves to what was logical, not ever. Hearing that understanding in someone else’s voice helped, though. It always did.

“They are,” she agreed belatedly, trying not to think of those memories. The sound of bullets hitting flesh, feet slapping against the ground as she ran away, the door closing behind her and not opening again for anything or anyone until years later. Some days, it was still too much. The temptation to lock herself away again was always there, always looming.

Smiling, Jessica took a sip of her own drink. “This is nice,” she agreed. “Sometimes alone is kind of overrated.”

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stillpenguinking‌:

Oswald smiled nodding “ I know the feeling, I grew up in a place called Gotham and to a little fail kid like me it was very scary” he replied smiling. He was glad the women had someone to look after her even if she was old enough to look after herself.

He looked around smiling softly, he took great pride in his club being able to host all ages and kinds of people. Most of his life he was excluded from things even when he rose to power in Gotham. He hated that feeling above all things we thought before looking towards Jessica again “ it really is, it’s amazing what scents can make a person feel. Well, hopefully, the next time you come around I’ll have those changes installed so that you can enjoy this room.”  

“Oh, I’ve heard Gotham is... uh, interesting.” It had a reputation, that was for sure. Jessica didn’t want to go to the city, but based on the level of crime there and her current job as ‘protector of Earth,’ she knew it was probably inevitable. “Are you glad you left? Do you miss it?” Home was home, after all, no matter how scary.

Jessica glanced around the room as Oswald did, admiring his efforts. She hoped he could get the word out properly to people like her, people who wanted to enjoy life in spite of their anxiety disorders. She looked back to him as he spoke, nodding her head. “Little things can make a big difference. I can’t wait to see it all finished. I think it’s a great idea for an addition to your club.”

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superbxyclxne‌:

“Yeah, but I get why it’s so hard for some people, and if it’s for you, then I’m sure that people appreciate your effort,” he assured her with a smile, he definitely did, how she tried to be selfless, the ones that did it, were the good ones in his opinion, because some not even tried. “I can’t either, it’s why I always try to compliment people.”

“It is hard for me sometimes. I hope you’re right about that.” The last thing Jessica wanted was for the people she loved to think she didn’t care about them, but she knew selfishness could sometimes come off as that. “Compliments are always good,” she smiled. She was feeling much calmer now, much more at ease. “Look, I should get going, but can we exchange numbers? This has been a great conversation, I’d love for us to be friends.”

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‘drunk’

(✉️ ➡️ The ORIGINAL GL): Hey Hal are you ever coming back tfo xearth because this jolb sucks avss sbometimes

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sad (nat)

(✉️ ➡️ Avenger Natasha): I know we don’t know each other super well, but... You’ve been at the hero thing a while, haven’t you?(✉️ ➡️ Avenger Natasha): Do you ever have doubts? Like, big doubts?(✉️ ➡️ Avenger Natasha): Like, days when you don’t think you can do it anymore?(✉️ ➡️ Avenger Natasha): How do you get them out of your head?

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stillpenguinking‌:

Oswald smiled glad that the other had her sister around to help out for things “that’s good, it’s always scary being alone in a big city even if you’re used to such things.” He said thinking of his trip home and how he brought Martin and his dog back with him.

Oswald smiled proudly that he had t least gotten a great start on the quite room, after all, it was what made a business do better, catering to everyone was just another plus when it came to his business. “True, most don’t think of light unless we have a pounding headache or the fact that some people have light sensitivity” He thought for a moment “That happens to be one of my favorite sense as well, that’s really good idea, you know they have one that’s Lavender and Chamomile mixed together that is just heavenly”  

Laughing lightly, Jessica nodded. “Big cities can definitely be scary,” she agreed. For her, everything was scary. Walking outside, laying in bed, getting dressed... It was all terrifying in its own little way. Her sister’s constant presence made it a little easier. Sara had always had a way of making Jessica feel safer.

Oswald was clearly proud of his quiet room, and Jessica couldn’t help but beam at that. It showed how much he cared about it, and that made her feel a little more accepted than she normally might. “It’s an easy thing to forget,” she agreed. Anxiety was hard to imagine to someone who hadn’t experienced it, after all. “Mine too! It’s great, isn’t it? I think the lavender and chamomile would definitely have a calming effect on people.”

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ofblxckwidows‌:

Natasha was used to being alone. It took a long time for her to trust someone and even then - she couldn’t guarantee that she wouldn’t run at the first chance she got. For a long time, she had only hurt people. Killed people. People who didn’t deserve it. It had been all she had known. And now - she kept her distance. She tried her best to not grow close to anyone in fears that she’d eventually lose them. It was a lonely life, but it was the one she deserved. 

She swirled her drink around in the glass as she listened to the girl’s words. A conversation here and there was nice, but Natasha wasn’t planning on making any friends. Friends meant roots and it was the last thing she wanted to plant here. 

“Suppose you’re right. Talking to yourself only makes you seem crazy. Although, I’ve been called worse, so,” she shrugged, a dry laugh echoing from her lips. “Why were you alone?” 

There was comfort in being alone, there was no denying that. If you spent all your time isolated, no one could hurt you. That was what Jessica had banked on in those years she’d locked herself away in her apartment. She’d been so afraid of being hurt, so afraid of everything and anything outside her door that she’d sort of forgotten how to live. She was still relearning how to, even now. She didn’t think she’d ever really get back to the laid back, happy-go-lucky person she’d been before her friends’ deaths.

Smiling, Jessica nodded. “Crazy isn’t the worst thing a person can be,” she agreed. She’d been called a lot worse than crazy, too, after all. Sometimes even by the people who cared about her, the ones who had her best interests at heart. She was a lot to deal with sometimes, but at least she was aware of it. She was working on it, and that was more than could have been said a year ago.

Looking down at her cup, Jessica shrugged. “I was... Well, to be honest, I was sort of hiding. I had an, uh, an incident one day with some friends, and I got scared. I locked myself away, and I wouldn’t let anyone in. I was safe, but... I was alone. It wasn’t the best trade-off.”  

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superbxyclxne‌:

“Maybe I just didn’t think like that before, because it comes so naturally to me, maybe I just got used to it,” he always have been selfless, since he was born, he had some problems with anger, but he still was pretty selfless, and just got each day more. “I think everyone kind of does, who doesn’t like to be complimented? It makes us feel good and is definitely a very good ego boost.”

“That’s good. If it comes naturally to you, that’s amazing.” Jessica struggled with selflessness more often than she’d like to admit. Her first instinct was still to run away, still to save herself first and foremost. She was trying to grow out of it, but it was hard. “I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t enjoy it,” she replied with a smile. “It is pretty nice.”

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lavender: what’s the most vivid dream you’ve ever had?

“I’ve had a lot of nightmares,” she admitted with a shrug. Her anxiety made them all very vivid, made it feel as though she was right there for real. “But dreams... There’s this one I’ve had a few times where I’m out on a boat. It’s me, my sister, Simon... Even people like Hal and Kyle show up sometimes. I can feel the sun on my skin, and there’s no world-ending issue happening. It’s peaceful. I like that one.”

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stillpenguinking‌:

Oswald smiled listening to Jessica tell her story, he’d always wanted siblings but it was something that never happened. Of course, his Mother more than made up for his loneliness. “that’s really kind of her, did she come to the city with you?” He asked wondering more about her.

He looked around the room looking towards the lights, that was a very good idea and one that he could get easily corrected. “I never would have thought of that, “ he said moving to more into the room glad to see it seemed to be slowly coming together. “Is there anything else that would help improve this room? I would really like it accessible to anyone who maybe wanted to get away for a moment.”

Smile widening a little, Jessica nodded. “She did. I actually live with her. She helps me out a lot.” Her sister had pretty much insisted on moving to New York with her the moment the idea popped into her head, and Jessica had never expected anything different. She knew Sara wouldn’t want to let go of her anytime soon, not when she’d only just started opening herself up again.

The room was pretty great. Jessica was having a good enough day not to need it, but she was confident it would have served to help calm her if that hadn’t been the case. “It’s not an obvious thing,” she replied with a shrug. Most people didn’t consider factors like that when it came to panic disorders unless they’d suffered from something similar themselves. “Maybe some lavender scented air fresheners? It’s one of those calming scents. It always helps me calm down, and my therapist says it’s not uncommon for it to help other people, too.”

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Spiders

“You know, I’m afraid of pretty much everything, but when you’re locked in an apartment for a few years, you see a lot of spiders. Spiders were my roommates! They’re surprisingly good conversationalists, actually. So, I’m saying 0 on this one.”

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jonsknt‌:

“Seriously?” he asked, brow raised, “where are you from?”

“Oregon. I lived just outside Portland. It’s kind of a whole different world than New York.”

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stillpenguinking‌:

Oswald chuckled with her smiling, she seemed like a very good natured person and he was very much enjoying her company. he smiled for a moment “I always hated being sick, but at the same time, it allowed me to spend more time with my Mother. She would cook me soup and sing to me, it was really nice just being with family.” 

Oswald hardly minded showing Jessica the quiet room, after all, it was still a work in progress and he’d love to have feedback from a person who would be using the room. “ Great it’s in just the back here,” He said walking past his office to the door at the end of the hall, “ Please feel free to be completely honest with me”

It was a nice story, and Jessica smiled softly as he told it. “My mom worked a lot when I was a kid,” she replied with a shrug. “She didn’t really have time to take care of me when I was sick, but my sister did. She’s always looked out for me.” Even when Jessica had made it difficult, Sara had been there for her. She’d knocked on her door every day for years when Jessica locked herself away in her apartment, even though the door never opened.

Nodding, Jessica followed him past the office door and into the quiet room. She looked around for a moment, faint smile present on her face. “It’s wonderful,” she told him. “The only advice I can think of is maybe dimmer lights? Anxiety comes with light sensitivity for a lot of people. But this is... This is just a really great thing to have.” Jessica knew she wasn’t the only one out there who suffered from panic attacks, and a room like this being available would make Oswald’s club more accessible to people who otherwise might not be able to go out.

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ofblxckwidows‌:

In all reality, Natasha preferred to work alone. She knew that she could trust her instincts to not betray her. It was difficult for her to put that trust into other people. She could control her emotions. She knew how to finish a job and would do whatever it took to do so. Trusting other people to get a job done correctly was messy and most of the time, it didn’t work. When she was alone, she didn’t have to look out for anyone but herself. 

The girl was right. She had wanted to be alone, but slowly, she had warmed up to the idea of company. It was a distraction, at best, from the thoughts that would have plagued her mind had she sat alone drinking. Natasha ordered a beer from the bartender. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve been alone the past couple of months. Talking to someone else really isn’t all that bad,” she joked softly as she peeled the label from the beer she had finished. 

For years, Jessica was so sure she was better off on her own. She’d shut out the world, kept herself isolated from anyone who cared for her. The memory of her friends’ deaths were at the forefront of her mind, and the memory of her running instead of helping was right there with it, the two inseparable from one another. Jessica was better off on her own, and the world was better off without her. She’d been so sure of that.

Then, of course, came the ring. It chose her, out of everyone else in the world, and it brought a whole new world of people along with it. It allowed her to meet Simon, to repair her relationship with her sister, to be a hero. It taught her that being alone wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Maybe she could help Natasha learn the same, show her a friend like Simon had done for her. It was probably far fetched, but she found herself wanting to give it a try, anyways.

“It can be nice,” she agreed with a smile. It was scary at times, but there was really no substitute for human interaction. “I spent a lot of time alone not long ago. Sometimes, I think I’m still getting used to talking to other people, but... I like it. I missed it.” Maybe that was why she rambled on so much now.

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superbxyclxne‌:

“Maybe you’re right, maybe the ones that are selfless are the strong ones, because it takes a lot, yet we still do it,” he smiled, it was so natural to him though, it was so easy for him to be selfless, it came almost automatically. It wasn’t hard for him at all. “Of course, I’m sure that you already hear it a lot.”

“Selflessness definitely takes strength.” That was one thing she’d always been certain of. She’d met a lot of terrible people throughout her time as the Green Lantern, and a few more before that. They were rarely selfless, rarely thinking of anyone else when they committed their crimes. Smiling, she shrugged a shoulder. “I’ll never say no to hearing it more,” she replied lightly.

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stillpenguinking‌:

Oswald smiled softly, the girl seemed very nice and he wondered if he asked her to look at his quiet room and give some feedback. He’d been wishing to do some simple updates to his club since his return. He chuckled “Of course, how else are we suppose to get through life?” he teased before shaking his head “ well I’m very glad you remembered your shoes too many people get sick around this time of year” 

He nodded thinking for a moment “ Would you like to see it? I’ve been looking for some feedback from someone who would use the room. So far I have it sound proof to the point it dulls any load music, and I have a few nice activities to do within that room.”

“Sloppily,” she suggested with another laugh. That was how Jessica often felt she did things, at least. Most of her success stories were accidental, and her failures always seemed far more prominent. “Thank you. I’m glad, too! I’m the worst at being sick, it’s always such a pain.” Doctors were among the very long list of things that made her anxious.

The offer caught her off guard, but she didn’t need much time to mull it over. She’d be helping both of them by giving his room a look, after all, by giving herself a chance to test its effectiveness before she was on the brink of a panic attack and by giving Oswald feedback on how to improve. She nodded her head quickly, smiling as she did so. “I would love to see it.”