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lost.
loving you is a dead end. there’s no destination in sight. everyday i build myself up with false hope, every night i break myself down with the truth..... that you are not here, to see the tears i cry for you, that you’re not use, to my unwinding heart. that you’re still alive in my mind, where everything twists into something too beautiful to be real. but when the realization hits me, it hits me harder than ever. it’s a day without you, longing for you, that keeps repeating itself over and over. it’s night full of loving and hating and dreaming and wishing for something that doesn’t seem like it could ever come true.
how i still love you, i don’t know. but how i keep loving you.... is something entirely different.
-Jeddah March, 18th 2018 / 01:00am
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because i just want you....
I’m trying to be happy, trying to live my life without you. but it’s difficult to do that when you’re all i can think about you. you’re all i can think about when i see lovers living their lives for each other, because that’s everything i’ve ever wanted with you. and now, because of you.... i know exactly what it’s like to want something i can’t have. i know what it’s like to miss someone silently. maybe, someday, i’ll finally be able to find another person to put in your place, but sometimes it all comes crashing down in my head, and the reality is just too hard for me to handle. because i just want you. i want you on your bad days. i want your imperfections. i want your insecurities. and i want to be the person to love you and be there for you when everyone else turns away
Jeddah, 16 may 2018. 04:16am
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it’s just one of the nights where everything feels heavy, it feels as if nothing is going right and my mind is at a state where i don’t want be.
I want to be with you right now.
i want to be telling you about the good in my day and asking about yours. i want to share everything in between. we laughed a lot didn’t we at this time, we always used to have something to speak about and it always used to be something perfect now that i look back at it.
you never failed to make me smile, oh my oh my... the names we called each other i can’t help myself but to giggle and cry at the same time. right now, because nobody ever seems to ever realise how these name were important to me.
that name brings a million and one memories and it lives through me forever.
the one thing about you... you only ever gave just for me.
i don’t know what else to say i guess, i guess it’s one of those nights where i’m missing you a lot.
goodnight.
- Jeddah March, 10th 2018 / 02:44am.
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and i think missing you hurts the most when something funny happens. because in that one moment i find myself laughing, and within the next second I want to tell or text you what happened. but I can not. and then it hits me again, every single time, that you are not there anymore. that I lost that one thing that mattered to me.
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Sometimes you just need to apologize. Even when you’re not in the wrong. Not for them, but for you.
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practicing canon in D. my very first song with this piano
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practicing Canon in D. my very first song with this piano
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I wish I could explain your eyes, and how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies. how your smile makes my heart skip a beat and how every time I'm with you, I feel so complete
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Cause you are not alone And I am there with you And we'll get lost together 'Til the light comes pouring through 'Cause when you feel like you're done And the darkness has won Babe, you're not lost When the world's crashing down And you can not bear the cross
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I try to find
But it’s getting hide somewhere
I hope too much
Never trying back
Should I believe this hope?
I try to run
But it’s getting far
How hard try to run over
It’s getting like the light
It’s gone
How far should I run for?
Tired
I trying not to tired
But still tired
Is it a mistake or is this the way it should be
Really not know
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I don’t even know why I feel this
Sick or pain
Right at time of the exam
Just comes up
Breath in
Strange
Illution
Imagination
Time goes by
Even don’t realize a day just passed
What kind body or soul, need lay and to be brighter soon
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