ladyhuronfr

[ladyhuronfr]

sick. sick is the word. the word for how I feel. sick to the stomach. no,like an old dear friend said, sick to the chest. I remember feeling sick when she yelled and cursed at me. But no this is an whole different level sick. People come and go, but an exception swore not to. Soaring dreams, northern peaks. Flash forward, we don't talk anymore and guess what: I hate mountains. It's alright, they lost you, I bluffed. 3 years. the span of time it took for me to lose myself.

My mom told me today that it never ends and that there is no peace that comes with tomorrow, only the now. Reminds me of that one poem about dancing with grief.

'where to shed this baggage of grief' they talk about. what about the baggage of love. Or does it not count if you don't love yourself.I ve cried to Hozier more than once. does it ever ever end like ever. the loneliness. The number of 'r's I had to backspace deserve an answer, atleast.

Oh that one time I wrote the poem about shedding it all in the sea. Throw the truth on their faces and you see them digging, trying to unveil the deeper twisted meaning. It's that easy. You don't even have to do anything.

Turns out even they heal without leaving proofs of their existence behind. my deep blue shirt. the comfort. I was also covering the irony of it I think.

It wasn't all that bad. There was so much laughter and goodness amidst the sombreness. I met someone very quirky, who uses fancy words . someone who compensates their bad memory with funniness. Maybe I ll admit that to him someday. "you need to be strong to live". Little do they know I cling onto it like my only remaining rope. Tho it scares me how I start lettin it all out. sometimes I think about the number of days that we ve left with each other. Take away my power to think.

then there's home.yeah I know I said home. I'm becoming weaker after each 'talk'. such a disappointment to the 13 year old.

maybe i ll sleep. I should sleep.

[ladyhuronfr]

i wont write a cry poem for you

I'm in tears but no, i won't spend hours crafting sentences, choosing perfect words for you and making it rhyme. against the world, i ll stand with you but you ll never have me fully. i ll never forgive you I think but it's you I ll always forgive. fuck long sleeves n shirts i ll take the white cloth for you. but know, i hate the world because of you.

I'm never writing poems for you but the tears and scars know I love you.

[ladyhuronfr]

constantly re defining rockbottom era

[ladyhuronfr]

there's an end to the loneliness, right? it ends, eventually? and i'll be finally whole inside?

[ladyhuronfr]

Every bit of my heart, every piece of my soul, if you promise to keep it you can have them all

[ladyhuronfr]

If someone told me "Tum jaisi ho bas vaisi hi raho", forget melting, I'd instantly burn.

[ladyhuronfr]

[ladyhuronfr]

i only talk to three people everyday and one of them is me

[ladyhuronfr]

im always pissed at something and i have no one to kiss.... life is unbearable

[ladyhuronfr]

Sane, what a boring thing to be!

[ladyhuronfr]

I think it's beautiful to just go and do risky things and find out people's reactions or see where life takes you with what you just did. Life is NOW. Be spontaneous, be bold, seek adventures and see what life holds at the other end of the sentence you're trying to get out of your mouth, or the action you're trying to gain the courage to do.

[ladyhuronfr]

#where silence is golden, freedom is sweet

oh to run so freely

[ladyhuronfr]

Being weak to the core, knowing that I will gradually build walls to stop being vulnerable, so here I stand helpless, pitiying my future self who will slowly close herself from the world around, just like every other vulnerable one did to survive in this pitiless world.

[ladyhuronfr]

Unlike her, you still exist

I know that some days you barely exist- scrolling mindlessly for hours, trying to find some peace. I know that sometimes you wish you could be someone else because your 10 year old self had big plans to save the world and some part of you wants to make her proud still. I know that sometimes you feel like a side character in your own story, written with someone else's words. I want you to please unclench your jaw and let go of the tension in your shoulders and save yourself first. The sun is still out there and it'll be there tomorrow, ocean waves exist and oranges taste like peace.

I hope you say goodbye to the ghost of your 10 year old self because unlike her, you still exist.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned

[ladyhuronfr]

Don't break what I build out of these ruins.

[ladyhuronfr]

Dealt with it all for the after delights, now as they are true as surreal, I have lost the will to fight

[ladyhuronfr]

Tears in my eyes, you mistake it for glitter