ladydontteknope-blog

[ladydontteknope-blog]

Lettuce & Cheese Please

So basically I wake up in a new world. After 7 years of dating the same man, I was single. This isn’t breaking news, but being single in this day & age means dating in the era of technology and convenience. I was about to find out how much it sucks. Now, I'm no stranger to meeting people online. Ive been a member of music message boards since I was in my teens & Ive met plenty of people online & formed relationships in that way. That being said, dating apps have created a new dating game where the next best thing is just a swipe away. I'm not use to that life. I am use to going after what I want and seeing that through. I don't have an attention span to date multiple people at once. I am an extremely passionate person and I honestly don't have it in me to give to more than one person at a time. I was about to start a journey learning some hard lessons about dating in 2015 starting with my first date outside of my relationship. This isn’t a tinder story & we met organically so off to a good start I thought. Nah, y’all, nope.

So my new job is above a restaurant and  many days during my breakup Id go down to the bar after work to have a(several) drink. Some days Id still be doing that really cute thing where Id bust into tears out of nowhere. Somewhere in between catching tears in my mouth while chugging my beer & ordering  a margarita that my now salty beer has me craving, I made a friend. The bartender was a nice enough guy & he seemed to be pretty low on the creep scale. I agreed to meet him at a bar near my house for a drink. Side note: Im an introvert, I don’t love strangers & I loathe small talk. I got my shit together and went to the bar. I was first to arrive, fine by me. Give me a fucking drink because Im already way over this. Here he comes a few minutes later, in flip flops & cargo shorts. Now, listen Im no person that claims to have any fashion sense or desire to keep up with clothing trends for the most part. Flip flops are a strong no for me. Unless we are by a body of water, I don’t get it. Throw a shoe on, are you that lazy? Is it sooooo hot that you just have to have your toes out to breathe? Ok, onto the cargo shorts. I get it, they are so versatile. I mean, plenty of room for all your shit. Your wallet, keys, phone, hammer, measuring tape. All the essentials of a first date. Leave them at home or back in the 90′s when they tried to be acceptable before. Anyways, you can tell he is nervous & for some reason he has a very hard time looking me in the eye when we speak. Im a scorpio so Im going to need eye contact so I can see whats a sack of shit you are or aren’t. He quickly orders a drink & suggests we go sit on the patio to talk. Just as soon as we sit down at a table he picks his chair up and sets it damn near on top of mine. Grabs my face (huge NOPE for me, ill get into this) and tries to kiss me. I legit shove him off of my face and just look at him like what the fuck are you doing. He quickly apologizes saying that he thought I wanted him to kiss me. Oh nope, no I sure dont I told him. He feels like an asshole and he should so we go inside to sit among people to try to start over. I should've peaced out but then i wouldn’t have this little gem to share with you all. At the bar now, he proceeds to ask me questions while staring straight ahead. Hey bud, over here. Why cant you look at me while Im speaking to you? He claims that I make him nervous, this has to be his only explanation as to why he did what he did next. He turns to me, grabs my thigh & says to me that my thighs looks so delicious & substantial that he wanted to put lettuce & cheese on them and eat them. I spun around on my barstool and damn near fell off. Looking around me like, are you talking to me?? Yes, he was and went onto say, maybe a little onion & tomato too. Listen bro, I got to go. I jumped up & walked to the front door to head on out. He followed and I got out front just in time for him to pull me close and plant one on me anyways. I laughed and 100% thought ok, my friends are behind this shit. There is no way this is real life. Im on a new hidden camera dating show, haha gotcha! Nope, the joke was on me because now I was going to have to dodge between cars from work to my car in the lot trying to avoid him.

SPOILER ALERT: I failed many, many times avoiding him. Even though I made it clear to him I wasn’t interested, he asked me out every single time until he no longer worked there.

That was a lot to write before getting to my fucking point but I do that. I go on tangents so go ahead & make peace with that now. I’ll wait.

[ladydontteknope-blog]

backstory before the backstory.

In order to get to the point in my life this phrase became so important to me I have to back track a few years, explain a few things and introduce a few people.

Flash back to nearly two years ago, there you will find me at the end of a seven year relationship with my best friend David. This is one of those situations you dread. Every relationship has it’s problems, has its highs and lows. We’ve all dipped our toes in the shallow end of doubt, questioning if we are happy or if we are just swimming in the settling pool.

We always had fun together, we laughed until we cried. we listened to music loud. We grew up a town apart & even went to the same high school, we were connected, we were best friends. Even still, our intimacy lacked and instead of discussing it like actual adults we shoved it and let it fester away at our relationship. We both heard that voice inside of us saying that something was missing. We didn’t help each other grow, we didn’t feed each others passions, what we did was keep each other company. I ignored this feeling and I know he did also, to the best of our ability anyways. Until the feeling grew so much that it visualized in my dreams into ways I couldn’t ignore. I’m a vivid dreamer, I will get into dream scenarios plenty here. Then I found, and I never told him, notes he wrote to himself on the computer we shared at home. These notes slapped me in the face and even though what he wrote was exactly how I felt, it hurt seeing them written about me. I have no doubt in my mind we would both have lived for many more years just coasting. Staying together out of comfort, actual love for each other & avoiding the sheer guilt of being the one to do the hurting, so to speak.

We sat on the couch after work like we always did & the conversation we’d both been avoiding like mirrors in a poorly lit dressing room, came flying out of my mouth. Before I knew it, our relationship was over. The man that slept next to me damn near every night for 7 years, the man that made me feel safe, the man that did everything for our two dogs & let me just take the role of loving & spoiling them, the man that wanted so much for me, the man that wasn’t my soul mate, was moving out. I was about to have a crash course on how to not completely lose your shit when everything and i mean everything is starting to change.

For a creature of habit like myself change scares me, makes me uncomfortable and I overall, fucking hate it. I didn’t mention yet but a few months before this, I quit my steady salon job & went into business for myself, and in the same week of our break up, my very best friend moved out of the country to follow his heart. Change can suck a fucking dick.

Figuring out my new found single life was rough at first. I was scared of everything when I was alone at night. I was convinced someone or something was waiting for me outside when I took the dogs to pee. I fucking loathed taking the trash out & I was anxious for the day to come when I would stop spontaneously busting into tears in public.

Even though life was in turmoil, we never missed a beat. We picked right up as friends. I had days when I wanted to take it all back, be unhappy for the sake of not being sad. Yet we both know and I think always knew this was the relationship we were meant to have all along.

Spoiler alert. Change, changed me & I lived to tell about it.

[ladydontteknope-blog]

let me stop you right there.

I'm going to be straight forward about this whole thing. I'm new to blogging so I'm not sure how good I will be at keeping up or being anything anyone wants to read or follow. That being said, I'm at least real & mostly relatable. I have a low tolerance for dishonesty, people who lack passion, jerks to animals, bad eyebrows & shit taste for music.i will use these entries to talk about fuckboys, share new music while being 100% open & honest about real life shit, the good & the bad. 

I decided to start this as a way to recount stories, dreams and the things that should be said that I never had the courage to say otherwise. At 34 I finally found that switch inside my brain that told me I don't need to please everyone. So whether that's not buying into whatever's lies these fools are selling (stay tuned for more on these type of stories, there will be lots) or just being in any situation you're not comfortable in.

A phrase I use often that you may find helpful when dealing with the everyday bullshit you're inevitably about to hear is near & dear to my heart. Gaining more popularility in my everyday conversations above my previous favorite, NOPE. I feel this phrase deep in my soul & im willing to bet if I had anything written on my tombstone when I die it would be these 6 little words. So before we get started on this whole thing, let me stop you right there.