ladyakahiko

[ladyakahiko]

Whenever I fall for someone, and I mean when I fall HARD for them, I start having vivid dreams with them playing a major role. So it sucks when I've told myself "oh I like this new amazing person" and yet I still have vivid dreams about the prior guy. I've yet to have a dream with the new guy... My head and my heart are always at such odds with each other. I'm growing rather tired of it.

[ladyakahiko]

He moves the stars for no one <3

“GOBLIN KING”

8x10″ prints available (£18 +p&p) - contact me at missusjakabok@gmail.com

[ladyakahiko]

Oh my gosh I need these in my life!!! <3

My art has sold quite a lot over the last month, so I thought I’d give something back (at the same time as celebrating my first 200 followers here) by offering one lucky person one free 8x10″ print of their choice from the above drawings.

All you have to do to be in with a chance to win is reblog this post.

That’s it.

You don’t have to like it, or follow me.

At the end of February I’ll count the reblogs and use a random number generator to pick the winner. Please leave your inbox open so I can contact you!

No postage restrictions either, I’ll send anywhere. The print will come in a sturdy postal tube/roll, posted first class, and you’ll get a tracking number.

Just to clarify:

• Reblogs only - likes won’t be counted!

• More reblogs = more chances to win! There’s no limit to how many times you can share.

• I post anywhere in the world!

• The prize is one 8x10″ print (worth £18)

• Giveaway deadline is February 28th 2017.

Good luck! And thank you, everyone! :)

(please don’t delete my caption)

[ladyakahiko]

“Music and art is embedded in my DNA; it’s not just something I do, it’s who I am.”

[ladyakahiko]

So something happened to me a couple of weeks ago, and I’ve been searching for the correct words to use to express it.  I have a very busy week ahead of me and I’d like to get this all out of my mind so I can focus on the tasks ahead.  However, before I get into this, a little backstory is necessary.  This is going to be VERY long, so bear with me.

Summer of 2008--I was taking a biology class at my local community college.  There was a quiet guy who sat in the back of the room, looking rather awkward.  Sometimes he didn’t have partners for his labs.  I honestly felt kind of bad for him, so I made an effort to reach out and have a conversation when our class went on a field trip to Kensington Park.  Nothing major, just little niceties and general small talk.  I didn’t really think anything of it at the time.

Fast forward to winter of 2009--our group of friends in community college always spent time hanging out in hallway next to one of the auditoriums in the main student building.  We had our laptops out and we were planning a huge spring break trip to Canada (because we were all at least 19 but not yet 21 and wanted to go there to drink).  Many people also hung out in this area, it was a popular spot for all the nerdy gamers.  While planning the trip and asking who was in, lo and behold the guy from my summer biology class comes up and says “I would be interested, here’s my number.”  None of us really hung out with him that much, aside from the random rounds of Super Nintendo (we had TVs from the A/V department hooked up back there) or some Settlers of Catan.  We thought it was a little creepy that he invited himself on such flimsy terms, so we didn’t call him.

Moving ahead again, to the fall of 2009.  Many people from our central group of friends at community college transferred out to Western Michigan University.  Some ended up coming the same semester as me, others waited until later.  I was really excited and enjoying my orientation with new friends, when suddenly I see him--community college guy.  He greets me, saying “wow, we’re both here, what a coincidence, huh?”  I kind of nod in agreement, but feel slightly creeped out nonetheless.

This time let’s go a little further forward, to spring of 2012.  There was a big group of us nerds who all always spent time in the main floor lounge of our dorm building.  Community college guy was among them, but I didn’t think anything of it.  He enjoyed playing Magic: the Gathering which we often were playing, so it just seemed natural for him to be around.  But right before the end of the school year, I had a crush on one of my good friends from this group.  Long story short, we liked each other, things got complicated, other girls entered the picture and there was a big dramatic night at one of the local clubs that we were all out dancing at.  The next morning, I get a text from community college guy, saying: “well now that (crush) is out of the way, would you consider dating me?”  I was extremely pissed off by his tactless attempt to pick me up THE DAY AFTER something so horrible happened.  I told him no and firmly expressed my shock and anger, but he comes back with “but we both came out to Western Michigan from our community college!  Did you ever think that maybe it’s fate?”  I nearly threw up, and worried about what exactly his intentions were for coming to WMU in the first place...

A few months later in the summer of 2012, he asks me out again.  I’m feeling very exhausted by his attempts so I say, “fine.  One date.”  Thinking that if I act like an uninterested bitch the whole time, maybe he’ll get the message and finally leave me alone.  He responds back, “okay, when can you drive to (town) to meet me?”  I still lived in our college town to work over the summer, he went home.  He asked me out and then expected ME to drive nearly two hours to come meet him.  I was furious and told him there was no way I was going to do that.  In retrospect, caving in and saying yes that one time was probably a disastrous idea...

Go forward one more year to spring of 2013.  College graduation ceremony, we made it!  I’m there with my best bro Stephen, and we see (guy) in the crowd too so we invite him to join us.  We all joke around through the ceremony and make fun off our exes who also happened to be graduating on the same day.  After the ceremony we go back to our old dorm building to take pictures together.  (Guy)’s parents are beaming and seem overly excited to be taking pictures with me in them... I think nothing of it though and just focus on my post-graduation plans.

Move on to the fall of 2014.  I’m in Japan!  I made it!  My childhood dreams were finally coming true.  I posted information about applying for the JET program and other ALT dispatch companies for any friends who might be interested in the program.  (Guy) shows interest, asks me a few questions, and to proofread his application essay.  It was pretty terrible and I didn’t have time to fix every little thing, I figured he didn’t really have much of a chance of getting here to Japan anyway since he didn’t study anything remotely related to education or Japan in his university days.  I gave him what help I could and was not at all surprised when he didn’t get an interview.

Not long after this, I’m planning my trip home for Christmas 2014.  (Guy) begins to message me asking when I’ll be free during my visit.  I say that I have many people to see in Kansas and in Michigan, so I probably won’t have time to see him (a gentle way of saying that he’s not high enough on my priority list to get time with me).  He then continues on, he wants to know the dates I’ll be home, when I’ll be visiting Kalamazoo, when I’ll be in my hometown, etc.  He’s REALLY pushing to see me.  Finally, I just lose it and send him a very strongly worded message about how I’m not interested in him, how I’ve said no multiple times, and that will never change.  I then blocked him on every social media outlet we were connected on.

When I’m actually home for Christmas 2014, he calls my US phone on several occasions to try to reach me.  His number was still saved so I ignored it each time.  At the end of this trip I was finally able to permanently deactivate that phone so he couldn’t contact me anymore.

Move ahead to some time in 2015--he makes a new Facebook account and tries to add me.  I immediately block him and report the account to Facebook for harassment.  Of course Facebook does absolutely nothing.  I tell mutual friends who are connected to him to keep an eye on him and let me know if he posts anything creepy related to me or Japan.

In late 2015/early 2016 my best bro tips me off to the fact that (Guy) is still trying to apply to be an ALT in Japan.  I freak out and contact my inner circle of friends in Japan and let them know the story, and ask them if they would have my back if this guy ever showed up.  Most of my friends thought I was overreacting and just told me some BS things to calm me down.  I could feel how annoyed they were with me, and I was frustrated that they didn’t seem to take my worries seriously.

Now this.  This photo.  A screenshot from a few weeks ago, when I looked at my phone for the first time that morning and saw (Guy)’s name there.  Shocked didn’t even begin to cover it.  Before I blocked both accounts, I looked at his Facebook page to see that he is STILL attempting to apply as an ALT, with a caption “I will apply every year if I have to!”

I’m at a loss of what to do.  This has been going on for NINE YEARS.  No one seems to take me seriously when I express how scared and worried I am.  Everyone assumes “oh there’s an ocean in the way and he can’t possibly get accepted to Japan anyway.”  But what if he does?  He’s not giving up on this.  I have nightmares sometimes about meeting him at an ALT welcome event in my region, and in the dreams I just always freeze.  I don’t know what to do.

Saying “no” didn’t work.  Going across the world didn’t work.  Will this even stop when I’m married?  Is marking myself as the “territory” of another man the only way to stop (Guy) from pursuing me?  Or will he wait around in the shadows, hoping that my relationships go sour so he can spring in the next day again?

I have so much good going for me in my life in Japan, I don’t want it to be sullied by this worry anymore.  There’s seemingly nothing I can do because he’s not physically stalking me, and online forums only tell me to “go talk to the person.”  I can’t go the JET office or any other ALT companies and tell them not to let someone into the country.  I’m powerless to stop him from finding me if he gets to Japan.

By posting this, all I want is for my fears to be warranted.  I want someone to take me seriously.  I know there’s probably no way for me to wave a magic wand and make this all go away, but on days when I’m worried or when I have another new Facebook account of his staring me in the face, I just want someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me that I’m okay.  Tell me that I’m not alone in this.  Just offer me a hug and a shoulder and a place to take refuge.  That’s all I want, and all I need <3

[ladyakahiko]

"Seek respect, not attention. It lasts longer."

- Unknown

[ladyakahiko]

Once again I find myself up late on a moonlit night, overthinking my life...

Things are going well for me, but I’m utterly exhausted.  I want to put more energy into exercise and improving myself physically, but at the end of the day I am absolutely spent.  Am I lacking in some vitamin or mineral?  Or were those moronic Japanese doctors right and my problem is simply that I’m too heavy?  I really try not to let that get to me and be body positive, but that is so extremely difficult to do when you’re the giant American girl living in the land of tiny Japanese people.  

Instead I’m really making an effort to focus more on the other positive changes that I’ve been making in my life.  I’ve been cooking more lately (well, in an effort to be healthier after the doctor gave me a diet plan) and that’s made me feel emotionally better.  The simple act of cooking and taking care of myself has been quite zen.  I just need to add the other layers, piece by piece.  I’m doing a better job of keeping my kitchen sink dish-free (it’s not at the moment but I’m planning to do a big cleaning day tomorrow before the Magome lantern festival).  I’m also keeping my daily essentials better stocked.  Next comes actually putting my fucking laundry away instead of throwing clean shit into a pile in front of my closet, and in general just keeping my apartment in a cleaner state.  I love entertaining people and I really want to have people over more often.

That’s kind of a good segue into the next thing that’s on my mind--people.  Love and romance.  I’m crushing so hard, and I just know I’ve got it bad for this guy.  His name pops up on my phone and my heart jumps through my chest.  I’m planning what I’ll wear the next time I see him, and plotting things I can say to tip him off that I’m into him without being overbearingly obnoxious.  Somehow I think saying “oh hey when I drove two hours north last week it totally wasn’t random at all, I was just hoping that maybe on the off chance I would get to see you” would scare the dude off.  Maybe I’ll ask him to dinner or to one of my upcoming shows or something.  Definitely has to be done face to face, because online messages are pretty fucking cowardly.  Yet I used that medium when I was in Takayama... FUCK.  Why am I so awkward and bad at thissssss?!??!

Anyway.  Topic change.

My performing life is going really well.  I got asked to do guest vocals at a show next week, and then my band’s regular show is the week after that.  I’ll also be singing at graduation, and doing a small dance in the 3rd year students’ farewell video.  A few nights ago at one of the local live houses I joined in on “Johnny B. Goode” with a different band and they said they want to perform with me again.  I just hope I can juggle it all, because rehearsals for the play in Nagoya are going to rev up come March.  Granted, my character doesn’t speak much so maybe my rehearsal time will be somewhat sparse in the first few months.  

Even if I am busy though, it will be busy doing things that I love.  Performing, acting, creating, making music and entertaining.  These things are so much more fulfilling to me than that RPA bullshit... only a little over a month and I’m doneeeeee weeeeeeeeee.

...though part of me worries that no matter who my successor is, I’ll be rolling my eyes at them when I feel like they’re fucking up and think that I would do a better job because I’m a competitive little shit like that.  I really need to keep myself in check and know my limits and not strain myself.  There were a few times this past year when I could barely keep myself afloat (just ask my counselor about my stress levels...)

My curry better be done cooking... yes, I’m cooking curry at 2am... I AM A RESPONSIBLE ADULT WHO CONTRIBUTES POSITIVELY TO SOCIETY GODDAMN IT.

[ladyakahiko]

THIS

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[ladyakahiko]

I have a great need.

Kawaii Corgi-Shaped Plush Toy

[ladyakahiko]

[ladyakahiko]

⭐️

[ladyakahiko]

we need more people with kind hearts and good intentions