lady-nienna-the-magi

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

Complaining log, entry 1

22.11. So things are at the point when my brain has finally awoken and I'm having mental clarity to study. Chaos mode, i haven't drank that much coffee today but i have mate tea which is almost the same and i'm drinking that currently.

I turned in my notes from this article and now I'm considering just editing my research plan for a while.

An allnighter would fix me. Coffee at 3am and techno and whatever else. It would fix all of this. But I can't do it because

these mandatory courses require detailed study diary entries for each week and i can't just do all of it in one go

these courses also require going over the peer review you'll get for some of those diary entries, so i gotta wait for the reviews before i can do more things (which means i just lie in the entries bc i don't wanna say "i'm sick of this shit let me just get my fucking academic machine on and lemme do it in one night")

these professors have surely formed the courses in a way that's just "anti-allnighter." I know it doesn't produce optimal learning experience. But neither does this level of frustration... because..

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE doing my research plan. All the time. And i need at least half a week to get my brain jammed on hyperfocus mode on one thing.. and right now i gotta switch back and forth between tasks and its 1 infuriating and 2 inefficient for me.

I'll just pray that my mental status holds on until these damn things (research ethics + university pedagogy basics) are DONE and then .. then i'll write a damn stellar research plan rework in one week.

I'm supposed to brief my future work based on my research plan on 16.4. and i'm so excited and stressed about it already. Like everyone of the Faculty of Humanities is gonna be there listening to my ramblings.

... which brings me back to the start of this. I wanna do a damn good research plan, i know i got a lot to do yet, and i'm having this feeling of running out of time with it. I don't like it. The research plan is my top priority atm and it's fucking jarring that i can't dedicate my soul to it right now. AHHH !!

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

My tarot deck called me out. The aroace academic experience.

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

25.3.2025

I'm gonna spend the majority of tomorrow on a bus home (going to parasite at my parents' house for 2 weeks) and i'm trying to organize everything here for leaving.

🌲 pack up (also cosplay stuff bc of a con and goth queen stuff bc your gal is finally going to the goth club again)

🌲 organize a meeting about a Thing (the people are like tuesday is good (ok tuesday it is) nono tuesday is not ok (and i gotta reschedule again))

🌲 edit research plan 1h

🌲 revise korean 30 min

🌲 buy snacks for tomorrow's 8.5h bus journey

🌲 clean up

🌲 go to sleep at 1.30 seriously

I'm so stressed bc all things have started to happen at once but it's chaos until may now. Then it's just normal researching finally.

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

apparently my music taste is getting weirder and weirder. Things I've enjoyed the past months: Shostakovich, Gustav Holst, Chelsea Wolfe, Oranssi Pazuzu, Imperial Triumphant, Prieste5s, Kangding Ray, Toutant.. All kinds of moody shit, classical, gothic blues, black metal leaning to jazz, noise ambient. Music i'd just refer as "horrible tripping out stuff".

Also i'm developing a tolerance for coffee as we speak.

Back to editing research plan <3 finally i got all the other stuff done (or to a state that i can ignore them) and i can concentrate on my actual research for a bit c:

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

23.3.2025

I'll get things done today.

watch research ethics lecture + notes 1.5h

read 100p of "uni pedagogy handbook" 1h?

revise korean 1h

edit research plan 1h

organize a thing (spam ppl to get a meeting underway)

pay bills !!!

read something for fun 30 min

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

20.18 i woke up at 18.30 and now i've studied one more hour. I'll do two more i think? Or three? Usually writing just sucks me into a vortex and then i realize i've worked for 5h nonstop xd

Currently editing my phd research plan.

16.53 the afternoon coma hit me so hard today, i studied for 1.5h and now i think i'll take a nap and continue later.

I'm sure my brain is vampiric bc i tend to concentrate so much better when the giant fusion bomb explosion in the sky isn't directly radiating this piece of land.

Anyways that was 100 pages of uni pedagogy course material + some organizing bc if i don't have a clear and detailed task list my mind just goes ???????? and freezes over.

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

16.53 the afternoon coma hit me so hard today, i studied for 1.5h and now i think i'll take a nap and continue later.

I'm sure my brain is vampiric bc i tend to concentrate so much better when the giant fusion bomb explosion in the sky isn't directly radiating this piece of land.

Anyways that was 100 pages of uni pedagogy course material + some organizing bc if i don't have a clear and detailed task list my mind just goes ???????? and freezes over.

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

22.3.2025

🌸 read uni pedagogy book 100p

🌸 go for a walk + meditate

🌸 edit research plan 1h

🌸 revise korean 30 min, return homework in time

🌸 read something 30 min

Spring sad can't get me bc i'll ignore the weather. It's dusty and uhh.

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

Hhh i'm so tired and stressed, trying to study in the afternoons just doesn't work for me. My peak learning hours are always in the evening. I'm trying to revise korean and shoo the spring seasonal sad away.

I've made good progress i'm just 4 pages behind the class instead of 40 last week. Right now i just wanna lay down and sleep and skip the class bc i'm nervous bc i don't understand xdd

Anyways i'll meditate for a bit and then i'll just clip back my hair (it's too short to tie it down) and try my best at the class. The teacher is super nice and friendly so the problem is just my "u gotta be perfect" complex.

And all my ACTUAL phd stuff is waiting as well. I have to do that today too. I can't let go of fic writing bc it keeps me sane bc i got no real friends in this city xdd

20.3.2025

Guess who forgot to return all korean homework yesterday? I did.. bc all sorts of chaotic things happened yesterday evening. I'm just battling the constant ripcurrent of chaos and deadlines here.

🪻korean homework !!!

🪻continue revising unit 3

🪻korean lecture

🪻the assignment for research ethics seriously

🪻if time: clean the disgusting knobs of the oven (i took them out and those are now in the bath) little by little i deep clean this dorm!!!!

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

20.3.2025

Guess who forgot to return all korean homework yesterday? I did.. bc all sorts of chaotic things happened yesterday evening. I'm just battling the constant ripcurrent of chaos and deadlines here.

🪻korean homework !!!

🪻continue revising unit 3

🪻korean lecture

🪻the assignment for research ethics seriously

🪻if time: clean the disgusting knobs of the oven (i took them out and those are now in the bath) little by little i deep clean this dorm!!!!

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

Okay it's been 3h of studying i'll meditate (and maybe even nap) now.. it should be unlawful to have other meetings on zoom during your designated study hours!!

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

19.3.2025

Today is the fifth korean revising day. I'm gonna be doing so much better on tomorrow's lecture than last week!!!

Pictured: purple lipstick, cafe mocha and the trusty clock where i keep track of my pomo slots (bc i'm old fashioned)

🪻revise korean, unit 3

🪻return both sets of homework for korean (including the one that is LATE)

🪻edit research plan

🪻research ethics peer review practice

🪻 meditate

🪻go for a walk (done)

Also fyi i'm listening to Grimaze atm (it's death metal :) )

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

18.3.2025

Okay so i'm gonna get things done today. Spring sad can get out.

🪻revise korean, chapter 2 (this will take ages bc i wanna actually understand the things and learn all the words)

🪻edit research plan

🪻 meditate

🪻go for a walk seriously

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

16.3.2025

Okay so spring seasonal sad has hit me but i'll somehow continue my life until i see the first flowers and leaves..

It takes me longer to begin things (it's now 18.36) but i'll revise korean today and then write down ideas for my research plan.

I've chosen to ignore all other courses until next week's friday, since i have now catched up with those (research ethics + uni pedagogy). So i'll be solely concentrating on PhD / Research plan editing and korean :)

Today:

🪻 korean revising 2h

🪻 editing research plan 1h

🪻 meditate/nap (done)

🪻 dye + cut hair (done)

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

15.3.2025

I realized i'm "just" 60 pages behind the class.. no damn surprise why i don't 1. Understand things 2. Get stuff nor 3. Comprehend anything.

So today i'll speedrun this book xdd i finally got the physical copy (i bought the ebook too but it was not working for me xdd) so next time i'll just deal with it and pay twice the amount for the actual thing.

Also korean has nothing to do with my PhD i'm just studying it for fun (to maximalize being emotionally compromised every second day)

Pictured: half-drank tea, book, classic FM (i got an actual radio too but that one has ads in the middle so i prefer the net one without ads.. even tho there's certain charm in my 2005 boombox <3)

Today:

🪻revise korean for 3-4h

🪻 edit research plan 30 min

🪻 read "ecocriticism" compilation 30 min

🪻go for a walk (done)

🪻meditate 30 min (done)

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

Okay so i got all mandatory things done for that research ethics course, i can ignore the course for a week. I think it could be easier for me to dedicate entire days for spesific topics instead of hopping back and forth between things.

Right now i feel run down xdd

19.48 i think i just gotta get some techno going and just do this mini essay instead of staring to the void. If i get this done today i can dedicate saturday for korean and sunday for reaearch plan.

[lady-nienna-the-magi]

19.48 i think i just gotta get some techno going and just do this mini essay instead of staring to the void. If i get this done today i can dedicate saturday for korean and sunday for research plan.