ladunski

[ladunski]

[ladunski]

I am. 🐇🌿

[ladunski]

MY MOTHERHOOD JOURNEY HEALS MY INNER CHILD

Before I got pregnant, I used to say, "I don't want to get married and build a family" but deep inside, I just don't want my child to experience the same life I've experienced. As my motherhood began, I wanted to give my child the life I never had. I was once a child waiting for my parents to show up, but they never came up. I was once a child who was left alone to wipe my own tears and heal my own heart. Now that I'm a mother, I am determined to break the cycle.

To heal my inner child, I must know the roots. I was forced to grow up independently at a very young age. I had to grow up faster than everyone else. Life with absent parents is difficult, on the other hand, I forgave them for not being able to love me properly. Then I forgave myself for looking for love in the wrong places. I have been broken so many times in different circumstances I've encountered in life. It hurts because why do I have to suffer while everyone else is so seemingly happy? It's beyond my control, yet it tears me apart. The feeling that my birth was a burden and the cause of this whole mess. I have mastered pretending that everything is okay, but behind the bars is a fragile little girl who needs to be strong.

Family traumas should end with us. My husband and I will make sure to provide a peaceful home for our children. I will make sure they grow up unapologetically, and they will have a family picture that I never had. Motherhood is not just about growing a baby, it is also about growing as a woman. I've been looking for a purpose in life, I didn't know it was motherhood all along. How did I not know that with my child, I would birth a new me? Motherhood healed me in places that I had no idea needed healing.

[ladunski]

[ladunski]

“Some women aren’t made to be mothers and that’s okay, but I am not one of them. I have the urge to love someone so unconditionally, to adore every part of them. To provide them with so much love and happiness they have enough to spill over to others. To have someone to protect and comfort and devote my present and future to will be my greatest gift. To watch them grow up whilst I grow old, to see who they can become even after leaving our home. To watch their life’s adventure take place and unfold...”

[ladunski]

[ladunski]

just got diagnosed as your soulmate. yeah sorry now we must spend the rest of our lives together

[ladunski]

i just want my life to revolve around love and art and passion and making others feel safe and secure and just enjoy living as a whole and i don't think that's too much to ask for tbh

[ladunski]

This is the same thing over and over again. Palestinians die every day, but it gets a lukewarm headline from mainstream media because death and destruction is inherent to Arabness. Then an aid convoy with white workers is obliterated, and now both the president of the United States and the president of Israel are making statements apologizing for “the poor protection of aid workers.” At one point we were seeing multiple reports a day of paramedics from the Palestine Red Crescent Society dying, but nothing. Crickets. Because they don’t care. And even in these “remorseful statements” there is a strategic reminder that white lives hold more weight than brown lives.

[ladunski]

if i could i would love you more than once. in every life. until the last sunrise. until the last star disappears.

[ladunski]

“Tell me about yourself” ok do u wanna know my past trauma or my fave color?

[ladunski]

“Hope is not optimism, which expects things to turn out well, but something rooted in the conviction that there is good worth working for.”

— Seamus Heaney

[ladunski]

“I might still be too young in my grief to know where it ends.”

— Ocean Vuong, The Guardian Interview

[ladunski]

Ocean Vuong, from Daily Bread, Night Sky with Exit Wounds

[ladunski]

[ladunski]

— Frank O'Hara (via lunamonchtuna)

[ladunski]

Jennifer Chang, from "Dialogues (Against Literature)"