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HOW TO:

ATTRACT ATTENTION

This one is for my girls that want to be seen and stand out. If you want to build a personal brand or reputation that has all eyes on you, listen up:

1. THE look

You have to have THE look, not just a look. Many believe you have to look like the ideal beauty standard but it’s actually the opposite. The ideal beauty standard is simply a trend and changes every decade. Within this decade, majority of women will go to great lengths to appeal to that standard. But if you want to attract attention, you will go the opposite route. The women that have massed attention have always looked different or like themselves, not everyone else.

Think about Instagram - majority of the girls look the same, which is why you get bored of them. But the Rihanna’s, Kardashians, Nene Leakes, Zendeyas and Ashley Grahams of the world actually hone in on their features that set them apart. Their uniqueness attracts more attention because it’s rare. See: How to Embrace Your Unique Features

Kim Kardashian came on the scene when skinny, blonde white girls were the thing to be, but she stood out because of her curves, dark hair, and sex appeal. Ashley Graham is a full, plus size model that went against the idea that a beautiful model must be skinny, tall and a size 2.

It’s not about looking like the masses, but emphasizing what makes you look different from them.

2. Entertain

To get attention, you must learn to entertain your audience or they will grow old with you. Every woman that has gained mass attention has learned this art (yes, it’s an art). Attention spans are lower than its ever been due to short content. You must learn what your audience wants to see and hear, then appeal to that.

The reason the Kardashians have built a billion dollar empire has nothing to do with talent, but their ability to keep people entertained. The reason Ari has every popular media blog in a chokehold is her ability to keep their audiences entertained. Master this art and attention is yours.

3. Keep them in suspense

If they know what you’ll do next, they will grow tired of you. Keep your audience in suspense by changing directions, trying new things, and keeping your brand fresh.

The same ol story gets boring. Have you ever wondered what happened to the popular it girls like Lira Galor (IG model) or even Snooki (Jersey Shore)? These women are still around, but they are no longer garnishing the attention they once had because the public got bored of them. Understandably, these women may have WANTED to lay low and go out of the spotlight.

But what makes Beyonce the icon for decades is her ability to change it up. She could lay low for years, and come back with a new persona. She gave us Sasha Fierce, Mrs.Carter, and Lemonade. All different eras of her.

Kim Kardashian gave us playboy bunny era, vogue, beauty icon, and now lawyer. She never stops reinventing herself.

This exciting idea that you never know who she will be next keeps her audience on their toes, wanting more. You can do this by reinventing your brand once your audience grows bored of you or knows what to expect.

You might like: Caresha: the urban IT girl

X, @luxuryandbrown

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The Strategic Steps of Lori Harvey

A Urtoospoiled Feminine Analysis

Disclaimer: I do not know this woman in real life nor in my imagination. I’m solely concluding an opinion based on celebrities making their business public. Viewers discretion is advised.

Lori Harvey has been making boss moves lately and I’m not going to lie, I’ve been taking a few notes. Not all children of celebrities know how to monetize their inherited status and stay in the spotlight. Lori (and her team) are building her image by allowing her to live her life while using the media’s curiosity and slight obsession to her advantage.

This analysis is definitely for the gworls who are looking to become influencers/soon to be socialites. We shall be discussing dating up, social media strategy and what Urtoospoiled would advise for you to do to embody this energy.

Let’s discuss the strategic steps of Lori Harvey:

Uses Social Media as a Portfolio

One thing I’ve noticed about Lori Harvey is that she doesn’t post every day nor outfit paparazzi snaps her in. If it’s not to promote a brand, her business or stir up a buzz, she’s not posting it and that’s something I’ve had to copy myself. It’s strategic. It keeps your followers wanting more with every post while setting the boundary of not being an open book.

In addition, her social media photos are professional quality and aesthetically pleasing. This is important to have a polished social media so brands are confident that their product(s) will be showcased in a similar quality. Keep your regular day to day photos for your story and highlights but try to keep your feed organized and again, of professional quality.

Known For Her Silence

It was even trending on Twitter how nobody knew what Lori sounded like, despite her family having a whole reality show when she was a teen. It’s important to say minimal online, in interviews and events. I saw a IG story of her watching the Super Bowl with friends and ironically enough she looks like she’s far from the shy one in the group. Say less, get more done.

She has had multiple random irrelevant men like Boosie comment on her unprovoked. Instead of firing back, she simply remains silent and leaving the public itching for a response. That’s how you play it.

Having a public platform means that you consent to outsider opinions about you. Sometimes it’s tempting to reply to a nasty comment or when you become big time, sometimes it’s people doing outright interviews using your name. You need to have the self control to not respond, at least not immediately.

Dating Up Strategically

There’s no need to do a timeline of her dating history, so I’ll start from the public seeing her with Diddy- though I roll my eyes at the men in particular I can’t deny that she’s clearly doing a bit of thinking of her image prior to making any public moves. She knows she’s going to be seen, at some point at least. Therefore, she makes sure to be seen with the right people.

Moving on to Future, she was super smart utilizing Future’s platform and fan base to introduce her consumers to her brand. Many of us were reintroduced to Lori via Future’s IG post:

Not only did she use his platform, but she also had a girls trip on his dime with content that really help boost her brand. That was a viral moment on social media, having her featured on urban and rap blogs which is why I say it’s strategic.

She’s stepping away from her parents shadow while utilizing the privilege of her last name. She’s a socialite, so she knows who she dates is important, however the French kiss moment is her transition from Future to Michael B Jordan.

To the media, it was a well executed play of a damsel in distress. She’s recently split from a notorious bad boy with a not so great reputation that feeds into the profits of his music and is now linked to an established Hollywood actor. That was well played and I’m predicting that she will have a similar chess move soon.

Becoming A Socialite vs Standard Celebrity Kid

You see, not every child of a star can be a star themselves. Many choose not to be.

There are multiple Harvey children however Lori is the sibling in the forefront and is utilizing that to her advantage. She’s making moves and I respect how she’s establishing a serious brand for herself. She’s been featured on panels, her skincare is actually a good start (Lori if you’re reading this, you’re cool but it’s a fairly basic product and I would jump to support when there’s more active and effective ingredients) and with joining TikTok, she’s now expanding her audience.

You can tell she has worked on her craft. From her poses, to her interviews, to her wardrobe. There are very few people I recommend to take note of on your leveling up journey however Lori is definitely one of them.

We know plenty children of celebrities who try their hardest to be a socialite but always fall short. Lori is utilizing the privilege of her last name (and looks) in order to secure her legacy from the ground running. This is how new money lives long enough to become old money and that should be all of our goals. There’s a new generation of oil, diamond mining and gold money (tech, for example) and I can’t help but point out the old money etiquette in her moves, especially coming from a black family.

My advice to you is to study those who are doing it right, especially if you have no real life examples. I don’t know about y’all, but my goal is to leave a legacy so my last name rings bells for eons to come.

Scripting Prompt: It’s 33 years from now and you’re sitting in your desired location (dream home, vacation location, etc.) reflecting back on your life for the past three decades. What have you accomplished? What blessings occurred? What manifestations finally came into fruition? Go deep and be creative!

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How to properly wash your hands | source

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safety tips for victims of abuse that’ve helped me

safety plans are essential when dealing with abuse and although not everyone has the same level of situations, i make this post to share what i did that helped me get through and hopefully help you or even give you ideas.

while you are still living with your abuser(s) + preparing to leave:

get an envelope or folder that holds all of your important documents and items:

spare car keys

social security card

birth certificate

pay stubs

insurance cards

proof of pet care/ownership.

a usb with evidence of abuse, receipts of animal care (more info in respective categories below) *

look up trusted homeless shelters. write down the phone numbers and addresses. if you have a pet, there are shelters who support domestic violence victims and take pets in while you take care of yourself first. keep this paper in the envelope.

paper is important. your phone may be out of battery or when you’re far from home, you have no service/data.

note: dialing 911 is always free at pay phones

- prepare a bag for an emergency escape

keep the following items:

extra pants, shirt, undergarments for you and the children

toothbrush, toothpaste

cash (gas, food…)

chargers

medication for you and your companions

car keys, bus card

the papers with written resources we prepared beforehand.

the usb

if you have pets: water bottles, food in a carryon, collar, leash!

- keep your safety bag in an easy access place so you can grab it in a hurry. in a car, in the backyard, a friends or neighbors house, workplace, gym locker, etc. if this isn’t possible, don’t worry. getting out safely is much more important.

things to record for evidence of abuse:

photos of inflicted wounds

photos of items damaged by abuser

a journal where you wrote about your experiences

screenshots/saved text messages, voicemails, letters, voice recordings, emails of threats

if you were treated at a hospital for your injuries, keep a copy of those records.

* keep these on a usb or online drive so that it’s easily accessible for the police to have.

- tell someone you trust about what you’re going through. ask if their place is always opened to you in situations of distress. don’t be scared to ask for help especially when it comes to your safety. i was afraid to open up as well but once i did, i felt better because i was seen and felt secure. it was nonsense to feel that way. they will be really happy to help you.

- in situations where the abuser has a hot and cold, unpredictable behavior:

try to make sense of their abusive patterns and triggers. take notice of the signs so you can get yourself and others to safety. 

make sure you develop coping skills that work for you, know where to be in the house, away from any stashed weapons.

avoid the kitchen, garage, backyard— any rooms where there are hard floors & table corners.

pitch in an idea to get a carpet in the main room just in case a violent situation occurs.

when you’re at home, take off any restrictive clothing & long, easy to reach jewelry so your abuser won’t use it to hurt you. 

- when violence occurs,

protect yourself without fighting back. make yourself small. curl up into a ball, in a corner: put your head into your knees & arms, block your temples.

try your best to not run towards the children and animals as their next target will be them too. 

create a code phase like “did you call earlier? i’m sorry i missed it.” or “i made your favorite. would you like some packed?” with a trusted neighbor if you need a hand calling for the police. try to make it look like you call them time to time in leisure so that it doesn’t seem off to your abuser(s).

- if you have left and your abuser is on your tail, dial the police and ask them to stay on call with you in case you need help.

- when escaping, try to be unpredictable; leave when your abuser least expects it

be sure to not leave any hints of where you will be going,

go to a place where they wont be likely to find you but is also a place where you feel safe and comfortable.

- if your abuser was arrested, ask if they will be held in custody + expected release date. give the police any information so they can make use of it for the release conditions. keep a copy of this information.

if you have animals:

abusers can also threaten your animal(s) to hold leverage over you & further prove that they’re in control. there’s a chance where you may have to prove ownership and care of the pet,

gather: bills and receipts (grooming, vet appointments, emergency visits) that you have paid for under your name, photos, videos of training, caregiving and place them on a USB or an online drive (google drive, email, etc) *

in this usb you can also have your resume, working permit, any other important things on your devices.

if it’s possible in your state, try to get your animals under your protection order.

read this article for more information on animal and family violence to help you out more.

if you have children:

create a code word with them so they know when to call for help. review this with them frequently in private so that they remember.

teach them how to use a phone and what number(s) to dial + what to say. for other contacts, keep a paper with the numbers in handy. again, review this procedure with them frequently.

make sure they know to keep the game/procedure between you and them!

tell them that it’s not their fault this is happening. educate them on why the behavior they receive is not right.

EXTRA TIPS

if you have a car, make sure you always have at least a half tank of gas.

consider buying safety/medical alert alarms, defense kits, portable door locks, a security door alarm wedge for when you reach your temporary safe place or live alone.

find out ways you can pull out of the driveway easily, make sure you aren’t blocked by any chance.

make use of the speed dial options on your phone.

make it a habit to delete your browsing history of anything that will rise suspicions

if you find this post helpful, review this post frequently so you can remember the information and be well prepared and bookmark/print this post and store it under a false name or the envelope.

open up a bank account in your own name to increase independency.

things to remember:

you are not obligated to stay with anyone / in any situation where you are emotionally/physically abused no matter how long you’ve known them and the bond you used to have. 

no one deserves to be abused. nothing is ever your fault. you’re seen. you are so much more than how you are treated. i love you. you. are. loved.

don’t condition or down play your trauma and experiences. don’t compare yourself to others. no one’s situation is “worse” than another’s — all and any forms of traumatic experiences are equally important and deserve undivided, careful attention. 

listen to your gut. if you feel the sudden, most important urge not to enter a room, say the next thought, or that you should leave, do it. don’t hesitate. you can figure out the reason later.

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One of the most effective ads for road safety | source