kymooreart

[kymooreart]

🌸 a closer look at the two-piece ALNST charms from my recent store update! preorders are currently open and will close on the 18th at 11:59pm EST ^^

🌸 order a pair and get a discount! this discount won't be available after the preorder period, though, so now's your chance!!

🔗 Big Cartel

[kymooreart]

The reason I love ivantill is not because it's mlm (which seems to be something that the fandom is getting heated about right now) it's because of the yearning, the desperation and the deep unrequited affection and obsession Ivan has for Till. The tragedy of their parting just cuts so much deeper for me than mizisua does.

Mizisua is reciprocated and it's one of the reasons why I can't blame Ivan for calling Sua selfish. In his eyes, Sua has what he wants AND she knows what her death will do. Sua just can't bear to live without Mizi so she'd rather be the stepping stone that allows Mizi a chance to live. She does this knowing full well that Mizi has no idea that Sua is going to die in her place. It is inherently a selfish choice but it is also, in its own way, intrinsically romantic, beautiful and tragic.

Ivan's sacrifice is tragic. That's it. You can't say there was anything intrinsically romantic and beautiful in the way he died for Till. Ivan sang with so much desperation to get Till to look his way. To try and get Till to pay attention and what he got instead was Till simply giving up. Almost as if he couldn't be bothered to even acknowledge Ivan's existence within those moments on the stage. And Ivan just wanted him to look at him one more time without him having to force it. Because Till only looks at him if Ivan gives him a reason to.

They don't have a proper duet and you can't say their final moments together were even gentle excluding that final kiss (more like a peck). Everything about Ivan's sacrifice is tragic. It's not romantic or beautiful; it's desperate. It's a man who couldn't even get the man he loves to look at him until the very last second but still can't stand the idea of living without him.

Mizisua was heartbreaking to see and watching Mizi lose it against Luka physically hurt, but there's nothing quite like the truly tragic sacrifice of Ivan, who remained unloved to the bitter end.

I exist to suffer I fear.

It's even worse if you look at the lyrics for Black Sorrow.

Sometimes, I wonder if Ivan sang this song knowing that this was also going to be how their story ended?

Anyways, that's why ivantill lives in my head rent free.

[kymooreart]

Light

[kymooreart]

AND IF I SAID THAT ivan's perception of till's determination and hostility was generally wrong and unintentionally undermining of his actual mental instability. IF I SAID THAT this pov rubbed off on the fandom and plays into several till mischaracterizations. WHAT THEN.

okay so hear me out on this one. ivan's acknowledged that he could never quite understand till like he could all the other children. everyone else fell into a sort of pattern, a puzzle that can be solved with a simple analysis and adapted behavior. everyone except till.

till was no solvable puzzle. all the pieces to him were distorted, broken, missing. a living hurricane, a walking contradiction. he was gentle in his violence, quiet in his loudness, complex in his simplicity. ivan could get no true read on him, and that's why he grew so drawn to him.

and while i do believe that till is just an eccentric and unpredictable person at heart, a large part of his chaotic nature is due to his trauma. his rapid and intense mood swings, his aggressive behavior, his easily overwhelmed mind, his fluctuating ego, and many other aspects to him are all signs of abuse related mental instability. ivan saw all of that, witnessed all the abuse and all its side effects, but it never really struck him that holy shit, this guy needs psychological help.

and it's not like that's HIS fault either. Ivan was never really taught how people work, he learned via absorbing how the other children interacted instead (which isn't really efficient, he's no mind reader or anything). i wouldn't be surprised if he had no clue that mental illness even EXISTED; he always referred to himself and sua as simply "twisted" rather than trying to figure out if they could be helped or fixed, or WHY they stood out from the others.

he never even questioned his own hatred for himself. he simply thought it was reasonable, because of course, who wouldn't hate a monster like him? once someone knows who he is deep down, there is no redeeming quality that he can genuinely exhibit to exonerate himself from his rotten, detached mindset. in his mind, he deserves the isolation.

ivan truly sees himself as the worst person in the world, which makes till, by comparison, simply a confusing kid who isn't scared to fight back. ivan thinks till's willpower stems from great mental strength rather than desperation and fear. this would lead him to both misinterpret till's actions and overestimate his mental strength, all while underestimating how rapidly his sanity is withering.

this is shown quite a few times around the series. in "Confession," he refers to till as the "victim of his shallow emotions," demonizing himself and painting till as his victim. as if till could do no harm. as if till was the ONLY victim here. (i can't stop thinking about how much till would've hated that word. victim.)

in a slightly more elaborate retranslation of Cure that someone on this app did (i tried to find it but i sadly couldn't), the word "scars" ("even if your cruel words carve scars beneath my eyes") was said to be better translated into "scratches." a flesh wound. nothing debilitating, nothing severe, just painful for a while, and then gone. insignificant. the harm he inflicts is insignificant compared to everything else that he is.

i'll stick around, i'll stay, because the bruises we leave on each other are nothing compared to the spark he ignites within me.

till punches and kicks and screams and snarls, and to ivan, it's no problem, just something that makes him unique. he'd do anything to see him fight. so what if he gets caught in the crossfire? so what if he's killed while he's at it? it's all worth it. till could just continue on without him, it'd be so easy. he's strong, he never cared for him all that much anyway.

till is unpredictable, till is unique. it's just the way things work. nothing about it needs to be changed. the destruction he causes to himself and to others doesn't need to be fixed, it's already perfect. he's perfect, in all his imperfections.

THATS where the toxicity lies in ivantill. not because ivan is totally possessive and wants till to belong to him and only him or whatever some of the fandom says. but because ivan so obsessed with till that he'll die for him while calling him his victim. that he'll acknowledge till's hostile behavior and his quickness to rage and violence and consider it something to be loved rather than concerned about or feared. he'll hone in on his own flaws, never acknowledging till's, never seeing how they're destroying EACH OTHER, and exclusively focusing on the harm that HE'S done to till.

it's why ivan was always bothering him. he wanted to see him lose his temper, wanted him to fight and struggle. (more often than not, this was a good thing, as it often happened whenever till was sad/out of it, but just because something's beneficial in the moment doesn't mean it makes for a healthy relationship).

of course, none of this means that ivan DIDNT want till to be happy. he wouldn't have tried to escape with him if that was the case. he liked seeing till angry, but not any more than he hated seeing till miserable. despite not quite understanding him, he still wanted the best for that boy.

i think ivans warped perspective affected the way many people characterize till. a lot of people treat him as a more gentle person than he is in canon, and while it's true that he's mentally weak, he'd never cower in the face of someone stronger than him, like many people seem to think. he's vulnerable in the explosive and reactive sense, not in the powerless and delicate sense.

so far, we've gotten so much of ivans perspective of till that people seem to forget that he literally committed a murder in round 2. and he looked REALLY happy abt that shit. my mans freddy was a father of two and till did NOT care. not to mention that he didn't even spare acorn a GLANCE the entire round.

idk man the guy's a lil cuckoo loca we might need to remember that

[kymooreart]

time for doomed yuri with an iconic pose

sua by @pantherfam-blog

[kymooreart]

ALNST Highschool couples!

[kymooreart]

can we talk about how till looked first?

how when till is looking, ivan has his eyes closed? we only have IVAN’S perspective. how many times did till look and ivan simply didn’t know? ivan is almost unreliable given how little he values and thinks of himself.

i’ve talked before about how ivan was his own obstacle in some ways to the potential of their relationship. his perception became his reality and he’s convinced himself that till will not miss him. that till does not care.

but: that’s not necessarily the full truth, is it?

till’s point of view being obscured from us is intentional. we’re not meant to know his thoughts about ivan and their relationship.

yet.

till is the most expressive of the group. he wears his heart on his sleeve. but we’ve only seen hints of ivan’s effect on him.

and while i’m not opposed to it being left up to interpretation, i think vivinos is thoughtful enough about this that we’re meant to question the gap. that we’re meant to analyze what we’ve been given and take note of what we find. it makes me so curious for what’s to come.

[kymooreart]

ivans association with stars is because he wants to be free. to escape. ever since he was born he was a part of the system. it was *written in the stars.*

when he sees them fall, maybe he thinks theyre flying. maybe he thinks theyre free.

when he tries to escape, theres countless shooting stars. but his and tills freedom, or love, wasn't meant to be. theyre, in a sense, star crossed lovers (romeo and juliet parallels !)

when he sings, he wears stars. in the figurative sense, he is a star. an idol.

and when he reaches out? when he sacrifices himself? its to the stars. its for till. the center of his universe.

ivan is inseparable from the stars and from till. after all, we are made of star-stuff. we are a way for the universe to know itself.

[kymooreart]

Based on the Round 7 promo art and now Till’s All In cover, all signs are pointing to Till’s fire being reignited with a vengeance for Round 7.

Mizi’s disappearance devastated him. It dampened his spirit and took away his hope. She’s gone and she didn’t love me. Till probably long ago accepted that Mizi would never feel the same about him, but this brought all those messy feelings to the forefront. It’s hopeless. It was all always hopeless.

But then Ivan. Ivan sacrificed himself for Till in Round 6. He kissed him. He said without words I love you I’m sorry. And now Till is back. Ivan’s death reignited the spark inside of him and turned his resignation into rage, because it’s NOT hopeless. He loved me. He loved me, he loved me, you will pay.

[kymooreart]

Analysis of ALNST Character Relationship Metrics

My art book won't be here for a minute, but I ran some screenshots I saw on twt through an image translator and have a lot of thoughts:

TILL: Despite claiming to hate everyone in the world, Till ranks Ivan at 70% intimacy even as he identifies perturbing behaviors of Ivan's going back years and refers to him as "a bother". He also ranks Sua at 10% in spite of having little to say about her and finding it uncomfortable to be around her.

Though he postures at being misanthropic and has all the manners you'd expect of a boy who was half off at the human child pound, he's actually quite gentle and sensitive. This is reflected in one of the graduation messages he's left by a classmate as well:

The person he feels closest to is an unattainable crush, and someone who doesn't feel that close with him in return, likely because he's too shy to really approach her or carry on a conversation.

MIZI: That's Mizi, of course, who's rather childlike and naive initially. She likes everyone, but since Till chokes when he tries to speak to her and often keeps his distance, she wonders if he's avoiding her because he dislikes her.

Mizi gravitates towards people who she sees as "perfect", which is how she describes Ivan and Sua in her graduation message to Ivan:

She doesn't see the darker side of Ivan's personality (which has been described on several occasions, even by himself, as "twisted") because he's attractive, successful, and helpful to her.

Though she likes everyone, Sua is her "God", and the only thing that can keep them apart is the tragedy of their situation, which forces Mizi to grow up in a brutally painful way.

SUA: Sua is far less idealistic and naive than Mizi, and has clearly thought about sacrificing herself to save Mizi, since Ivan picks on her for thinking of doing so in an official comic. Accordingly, her feelings about Mizi are far more tinged by the knowledge that they will one day be torn apart by external circumstances. She laments that reciprocating her feelings will one day cause Mizi great pain.

She's always been more somber, and despite her surface similarities to Ivan (which he notes in a follow-up comic wherein he realizes he was wrong about Sua's feelings for Mizi being unrequited), she's quite different on the inside. Sua's more sensitive and thus her colder exterior serves to protect her, whereas Ivan's outward persona creates an illusion of normalcy that doesn't reflect his reality.

Sua views Ivan and Till as a threat and a nuisance, respectively. Like Till, she senses something strange about Ivan, and when it comes to Till, it's just one person too many around for her. This is fascinating to me, because I thought she might pity Till! Her feelings about Ivan were already pretty clear from this panel of the 'piggyback' comic, and she seems deeply hurt in the first comic linked by his prodding.

IVAN: For his part, Ivan is fascinated by Till even though he's content to sit back and observe, pestering him to get a reaction or his attention for a brief time. He doesn't expect anything in return but wants more than anything to be on Till's mind (hence behaviors like stealing Till's belongings and returning them to him, pretending he had found them).

He prefers Sua to Mizi despite his awareness that Sua doesn't particularly like him, seeing her as a sister and even telling her she's "twisted" like he is. He likes Mizi well enough, especially her sincerity, but seems to find her optimism a bit much at times.

The fact that Mizi and the others would likely consider Ivan and Mizi quite close while Ivan does not reflects how much he postures even in his closest relationships. He struggles to connect with those he's most compelled by and it's not clear if he really wants to.

Some Ivantill thoughts before I go:

There seems to be a common sentiment that it's tragic Till was unable to see how much Ivan loved him, and I think we'll likely get more of Till's perspective on Ivan and their relationship in round 7. But it may not be the case that Ivan even wanted his true feelings to be seen, or would have known what to do if Till had reciprocated them.

There's something almost voyeuristic and self-negating in his feelings for Till (see: "I can’t reach you, so I imagine alone/You who shines, I stand next to you" from 'Black Sorrow'). He has far more self-awareness and willingness to accept things as they are than Till, who doesn't see that Mizi only has eyes for Sua and who would likely struggle to accept that reality.

Ivan, on the other hand, is well aware that his feelings for Till are "shallow", a bright fantasy to get him through his dark reality, and he seems to sincerely believe that his death won't scar Till because he's never really broken through to him. He's a schemer, and comments he makes in his graduation message to Till and the interview he gives in advance of round 6 suggest that he may have been planning to sacrifice himself for some time.

Part of me wonders if he hoped it would leave a mark on Till. Choking, kissing, and violently sacrificing oneself are all aggressive, forward acts, especially from someone who used to toy with people to get his kicks but was otherwise quite passive and unfeeling.

There are a lot of parallels in the one-sided loves, like Till acting out of his usual character for Mizi, and Ivan doing the same because of Till, putting all hopes of being saved in something just out of reach, staying in chains for that one special person. But Ivan's psychology is quite different from Till's, and in fact closest to Luka's re: low or no empathy. Both Ivan and Till are significantly traumatized by their upbringings but Ivan's difficult early life in the slums and his experience being dangled off that rooftop seem to have damaged his ability to connect to others or feel much of anything.

Till is the first person for whom he feels anything while for Till, Mizi is an early crush he puts on a pedestal in a much more commonplace way. I think the shared trauma of competing on that stage makes it much more difficult for either of them to imagine moving on, but Ivan is not wrong in identifying that he won't find that feeling again.

The thing that intrigues me most about this series is the way the contestants' differences play out, particularly with regard to how they view love and how they respond to their individual and shared challenges. I'd love to get into it further another time but this is quite long already so thanks for sticking with it if any have (haha)

[kymooreart]

*sighs* alright alright, yeah i get attached to my homosexual ships emotionally so i can't ship them with a lot of different characters for fun

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Redrawing the Shikimori's Not Just a Cutie Meme

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Actor AU I love you 🖤💚✨

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Date Night 🖤🪦

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oh, my clematis // cure

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[kymooreart]

Doomed yaoi