kurokensimp

[kurokensimp]

Warnings: Heavy angst, anxiety attack, major character death.

Note: Texts in italics and crossed are text messages. Texts in just italics are flashbacks.

SUNFLOWER~

Koutarou.

Come quick.

It's Kuroo.

That day Kenma ran, as if, if he didn't, he'd lose his heart forever.

It was the day Kuroo had gifted Kenma a kitten, as he'd always wanted one, but would never make it obvious. Typical Kenma. A smile crept up on his face, reminiscing on the golden days. Kenma was smiling in that picture and Kuroo's heart ached looking at that bright smile. It was a rare smile and he was glad it was only reserved for him. A smile which made the sides wrinkled and sadness forgotten. A smile from the sunflower of his life. Everyone had a sun or star in their life but no one appreciated flowers and that made Kuroo sad. He fucking adored sunflowers, just like he adored Kenma. He still remembered how he didn't sleep that night and instead spent it with Nisshoku (meaning:eclipse). He was matte black in colour and both of them had fallen for him on the first sight. He felt his eyes stinging lightly and slowly caressing the picture stuck on the wall,took in a deep breath. His eyes moved onto another picture.

It was the last picture he had taken with Kenma as a third year in Nekoma. Kenma was super moody that day, not wanting to talk to anyone. Including Kuroo himself. He chuckled lightly. Kenma was super awful at showing his emotions but Kuroo knew him well enough to understand his feelings without words needed. He knew how Kenma was not comfortable with confrontations and wording out his feelings and Kuroo didn't need them as long as he was next to his sunflower. As long as he was next to his sunflower....... He took in another shaky breath. Something odd caught his eye this time.

Shifting his eyes to........ a pocky sticks packet...? Kuroo examined it with a closer look and suddenly took in a sharp breath. He stood that way for a while, mind foggy, unable to construct basic sentences. He suddenly remembered Kenma specifically being interested in that one pocky packet those many months ago when........

His brain had become all soggy and the neurotransmitters and receptors had decided to stop functioning properly. He could feel a lump form at the back of his throat. How he had managed to not break down till now, he doesn't know. It was the day when they had shared their first clumsy kiss after Kuroo had teased Kenma by hooking onto his pocky and making him all flustered. He loved to tease Kenma. However, things got intense when Kenma didn't move back and instead initiated the kiss with the pocky stick in between, resulting in both of them choking on it. Nskakajakakakaa. Kuroo could never forget that day, seemed like neither could Kenma.

News reporter: A latest breaking news has come in stating how a train coming from Miyagi hit an eighteen year old boy who seemed to have been in a hurry, ignoring the level crossing and resulting in an unfortunate accident with the train. The boy has been identified as Kozume Kenma, a student of Nekoma High, also known to be the exceptional setter of the Nekoma volleyball team. His parents.........

The rest was drowned by Kuroo's racing thoughts and the oncoming anxiety attack. It felt as if he was falling down Tartarus, his heart taking days and ages to even reach the bottom. The fall was sucking the breath out of him as he felt his lungs constrict and twist. Every breath felt harsher and more painful as the milliseconds passed by. He knew no longer knew how 'normal' felt.

Screwing his eyes shut, he took in another shaky breath, as he went over the meaningless and hollow content of everyone's lines; "It wasn't your fault. Don't beat yourself up for it." His brain was wired differently...or maybe in the correct order because it WAS his fault. It was HIS OWN fault; and everyone sugarcoating it just did the part of the salt on his irrecoverable wound. He hated it. He hated himself and his supposed "pranks" and his arrogance and his definition of "light fun" and a world without his sunflower.

It was all just a prank... Or at least it was supposed to be. This one incident took away whatever sunny nature he had in himself, and maybe from Bokuto too. Bo was crushed beyond words and his emo time lasted more than two weeks. They were supposed to send a 'come quick' text, saying it was an emergency relating to Kuroo. Kuroo knew his sunflower loved him and didn't need to say it out loud. But his concerns stretched so far, he had never fanthomed. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't love him so much. He would have been safe at least. Present in this cruel world at least. Kuroo hated how everyone thought that it was just Kenma, Kuroo would be fine.... How did one come up with such thoughts, he'd never know. He was baffled everytime seeing how shallow some people were. Just because he wasn't much of an enigma like Hinata or Kuroo himself, they thought so little of his sunflower. A tiny part of him was glad that his sunflower no longer needed to live amongst such people, but a major part of course left him beyond heartbroken.

Being in Kenma's room took more of an emotional toll than he had expected. What was he even expecting? His wall was littered with their pictures and tiny things which Kuroo had bought for him. The ones which couldn't be hung on the wall, went on his bedside table. It had been a while since he had come to Kenma's room, so it wasn't a surprise how it much it had changed. It has been a month now. It feels like only yesterday he saw the annoyed look on Kenma's face and feels like a whole year he lost Kenma at the same time. With heavy limbs, the same hands with which he played with Kenma's smooth hair and made different hairstyles, took everything off his wall, boxed them up and planned to take it with himself. Turning back to reach the door, his foot hit something and he shouldn't have looked down. He shouldn't have been here in the first place. He shouldn't have done anything.

Kenma's volleyball.

It was all it took for Kuroo's facade to break and his heart to finally snap. That day the room felt anguish and pain like no other time. Time crumbled around him as if not wanting to do anything with Tersurou Kuroo anymore. The room seemed to close in on him and his world started moving, his vision blurry and turning into tunnel vision, his heartbeat erratic, his breath shallow and breaking, his world tumbling, his sunflower crushing. That day he cried like he had no one to hold him, like his golden days ended forever, shutting the light from his life forever.

He missed his sunflower.

Placing the customary flowers on his grave, he sat down on the smooth grass. They stayed like that for a while, Kenma just out of reach and Kuroo finding it harder to stop himself from digging up the grave. The graveyard was silent, unlike his mind. Kuroo had never liked the silence, it reminded him of his mother's absence. It really was silly; an eighteen year old still becoming jittery in the silence because of his mother who disappeared years ago. But he never stopped to think of other's judgments which came so easily to them. Kenma always somehow knew all of Kuroo's weak spots and therefore always accompanied him everywhere, even if he didn't speak much. His presence had made up for it and he had found it comforting.... He dug his nails in his sweatshirt and hung his head between his legs. Everything stood still for a while, when he felt soft light taps on his bare hands. Squinting up at the white sky, he saw snowfall. His gaze was somewhere far off. He remembered Akaashi telling him how Winter signified death and loss. Alas, nature was weeping for his sunflower too. Or maybe not.

Kenma's mind was rattled while running that day. Death had halted his steps. Will he ever get peace?

The thought crushed Kuroo.

Mystified by the mocking nature of nature, he let the snow envelop him.

[kurokensimp]

OBSESSIONS.

[POV- Iwaizumi.] Iwaoi.

Warning- angst.

Sitting on the window sill with him, getting high, was the last thing I had expected to happen. Honestly, what was I even expecting? My mind has always been too cloudy and chaotic to decipher it's intentions and desires and honestly, that has fucked me up many a times. So this happening, was a surprise. A pleasant one, not going to deny.

You are talking animatedly enough to not notice me silently gazing at you with eyes starved to see you and mind high and floating in one of your universes somewhere far, heart aching at every smile you pass and fingers twitching to hold you every time we lock eyes. The world really is a funny place. What it might throw, or who, more precisely, you never know. Do you feel the same electric feeling I feel every time our knees touch? It is probably due to the fact of the sill being small, but I don't want to believe that. I truly want to believe, that somewhere in your wreckingly turbulent heart, you too, feel the same way, feel the same mysterious feeling of wanting to just hold someone, oh so delicately and just be one, I suppose. Ah, the dreamy minds of ours.

I smile. He's silent. We both silently gaze outside wondering about a possibly gazillion things, too great to ever formulate to reality, the only pleasure from dreaming its existence. The world was never an exhilarating or venturesome piece of land of so called possibilities and chance encounters; never a place where love bloomed and death dispersed among the faultiest of beings ; never a place where rotten stories were created or breakthroughs occured. It was all our wrecked minds, manipulating the dull, lifeless surroundings of ours, into something only we could envisage and breathe life into. Twisting the truth into comforting stories. That's how humans have always worked and functioned, too dull and systematic to realize it. My brain was no exception, falling into the same ruthless trap. Sometimes I dream of his burning body and his screams filled with agony, feeling my eyes reflect the flame covered scene and with some desire I could never explain. Some nights I have dreams of us holding hands. Which was more of a nightmare to me, I could never figure. Pulling you in, I pass my desire infused smoke onto your lips, breaking my chain of thoughts, feeling the only thing I'll ever feel, in your temple of a mouth.