ktrolsterpawn

[ktrolsterpawn]

Man it’s really good to fucking know. People really just end up fucking ditching me.

No words. No nothing. They just throw me to the side and leave me to rot.

They don’t tell me if I was a bad friend, they just.. POOF gone

ignored

man wtf.. am i really that bad of a person?

I make one too many bad memes? 

Jeez.

It hurts to see all my old friends just going off and leaving me alone.

It really fucking does. Here I thought I was nice but it didn’t fucking matter.

I’m just a joke I guess.

I really fucking am. I lose 90 lbs. I better myself, and I’m still the one that gets to not laugh at all. I’m just thrown into a dumpster..

[ktrolsterpawn]

Lucky for me no one knows who i am on this blog anymore

except..

maybe one person...

anyways..

god it feels..

odd... to be afraid to leave my room

but with my aunt here, who is.. probably convincing my grandfather to kick me out..

maybe not..

but..

i am so scared to just even be in her presence right now.

considering how..

i might piss her off and then grandpa will kick me out..

i don’t wanna be homeless.

i’m 21 years old.

i shouldnt’ be homeless at 21

i shouldn’t be..

but...

i might be...

i got this.. sinking fear.. that i will be..

and i’ll be all alone

no one to help me..

not my dad...

not grandpa..

not my friends..

no one..

I... I’ll be all alone..

for the first time ever...

i’ll be truly alone..

[ktrolsterpawn]

*updates url and pics and shit*

No one will ever know who I am

[ktrolsterpawn]

I just..

I just wanna be told I deserve to be a happy man..

I get to see people type it to me

but I Want someone to say it to my face

look at me

look me in the eyes and say

“Ward. You matter. Your problems matter. You don’t deserve to feel like shit all the time. You deserve to smile.”

but no one will do that

no one will look me in the eyes..

no one will look at me..

[ktrolsterpawn]

sometimes..

I feel like I really should have been aborted like my piece of shit mother would have done..

or someone should end my life..

[ktrolsterpawn]

it just

with all that

the person i’m taking care of slowly going

my best friend who has the worst crohn’s disease ever looks like he’s slowly going as well.

it’s just

where do I get a break?

where do I feel happy?

when can I?

am I even allowed?

no

it doesn’t feel like I ever should be happy

ever.

I agree though

I just don’t think I should either..

[ktrolsterpawn]

then i come here and feel like i don’t fucking matter

i feel it

like everything i see

i don’t matter

my problems don’t matter

i’m nothing.

hell other things do

like fictional characters

[ktrolsterpawn]

Day in and day out I just feel drained

I know what I’m doing is a good thing

but it hurts to do

It’s like waiting for someone to die

Yea I get it. I’m making sure he is okay day in and day out

but it’s just

it’s draining

I feel like crap cause it’s like watching  someone just fade off into the sunset

it’s horrible

it takes a toll on me..

[ktrolsterpawn]

why does it hurt?

what have I done?

A lot I suppose

I really am a pathetic man

I just wanna die

[ktrolsterpawn]

alright time to talk to myself

[ktrolsterpawn]

-makes a face at-

sweats

[ktrolsterpawn]

let me go..

[ktrolsterpawn]

just let me die..

i just wanna break down..

i wanna feel sadness through normal ways

but nothing..

yea i can feel my heart in pain

but what does my mind and body do?

stone...

nothing..

[ktrolsterpawn]

It’s hard.. Putting on the mask all the time..

I get tired of it..

but i still can’t get that break down i want..

[ktrolsterpawn]

i wonder if it’s a good time to start smoking and drinking

i mean i bottle everything up

might as well keep bottling with liqour and dead lungs.

[ktrolsterpawn]

I.. uhh.. I forgot how to cry..

I mean.. Tears will come out, but I can’t like.. Actually cry cry..

sob..

face wet with tears..

I can’t

yesterday I was so mad at myself that I wanted to cry.

I wanted to

I hated how I was apologizing so much. I hate how I can’t take compliments. I hate just how I try and cry I can’t.. I .. I uhh.. I just ugh...

I can’t cry.. I feel sad but i cant.. I want to break down..

I can’t..

I feel pathetic.

I am pathetic..

[ktrolsterpawn]

124

Gonna have 12 winners ! 

RULES

one guess per blog. 

Who ever guess the number first claims that number  

no multi champs example: no two garens 

Must be a follower to play ( I will check ) 

No Herms (sorry just not my thing) 

Must be league related  (Oc are okay.)

***POST THE NUMBER ON THIS  POST **** 

NO Furries minus league champs example:  Nasus.  If you have a oc you must supply a well reference im not designing your oc from written description. Sorry this picture is already big enough. 

YOU MUST BE AVAILABLE TO CONTACT ON HALLOWEEN IF YOU ARE NOT Responding with a certain time (10 min ) I’m going have to pick the next one in line. 

Winners 

If you win there gonna be a second drawing for what slot you want on the picture above. 

HOW TO WIN AND PLAY? ******

Guess a number 1 - 150 

The closest 12 to that number win a spot above. ( if there is some how a tie in place i will re roll for said amount between the people that are tied with.) 

THIS RAFFLE ENDS ********

HALLOWEEN 4pm EASTERN TIME 

(Its ending early for the people in Europe. )