ksmsposts - Tumblr blog

[ksmsposts]

I've been exported to a different world to one previous, now I'm in a world that is just so #lonely. People say they care, but in reality they are busy with there own lives, and that's ok.

I have some guardians that look after me, they have a plan now and I'm following it. Not much longer to go now till it stops and life begins or ends who knows

Maybe I'll tell you what it's like, if I'm able.

[ksmsposts]

I'm going to sleep, and I really hope I don't wake up. I have taken tablets throughout the day. I hope it's enough to just let me go in my sleep.

I'm sorry to everyone I have let down, I have no fight I have nothing.

Love my boys for me.

[ksmsposts]

Hopefully tonight I won't wake up.

[ksmsposts]

It's farewell friends. It's time for me to depart see you on the other side.

[ksmsposts]

I'm back in bed, have been here most of the day..

All I'm going to say tomorrow my plan b will be started. There's no hope left and I'm truly done.

[ksmsposts]

I have no idea on what day, month we are in.

People need to understand I am really struggling to get through a second, minute an hr.

The pull to keep taking the tablets or to jump off a bridge is so high.

So what am I doing I'm sat diamond painting, this activity is no longer therapeutic it's now something I do it's an activity where I can hear my head and it's just me and my head.

Do I want help? If you can help me to die then yes, if you want help me stop then no.

I can't tell you how much I don't want to be here.

[ksmsposts]

When you don't know what day it is, that's me.. I'm tired whilst I'm sleeping I'm dreaming and it feels like it's another part of my world. Last night I woke up after falling off a bridge and didn't survive I was finally at peace.

I'm walking around with the extra tablets in my pocket they are going down, will it work?? Will it help me to stop this earthly world that I can't do anymore.

I don't feel distress calm and just waiting.

[ksmsposts]

Here we go again.. can't tell you how exhausted I am.

[ksmsposts]

I don't want to be here maybe tomorrow will be the day.. if these tablets don't work then plan b.

[ksmsposts]

Days last week I took more tablets than I should. Nothing has happened.. so maybe time to switch medication to one's that will do it..

[ksmsposts]

I'm all out of words, I've woken up again, have a migraine.. I just don't want to live anymore .

[ksmsposts]

I told who ever I saw on the crisis team yesterday my tablets that I have our going down.. I was worried they would follow up they didnt..

I am sorry to everyone.. For now I carry on trying to do normal until I hope I dont wake up from the sleep.

[ksmsposts]

Am I actively suicidal? Yes will be my answer.. Am I in crisis No. Do I know what I'm doing yes.. My journey no one else's I need it to stop and I know it will it's going to take time slow and steady.

I'm in control of this no one else is. I'm not distressed in fact I'm tired, I'm no longer asking for help. Im done.

[ksmsposts]

The thing that comes to mind slow and steady and be quiet. Although I'm not been totally quiet I'm just not saying it in the way I used to.

[ksmsposts]

I feel clarity I feel clear where I'm going. I'm tired of this journey now. I have nothing left in me.

[ksmsposts]

The process will be slow.. Hope people will forgive me in the end.

[ksmsposts]

Calm clear