ksbutterfly

[ksbutterfly]

I love you, forever

warnings: none really it's just comfort

this is my very first fic, don't expect much of it

„I learned great things. You know my leaves in divination said I will have a child in the future. It’s kind of exciting” Pandora was rambling again. Usually I wouldn’t mind and would even engage in the conversation, but I couldn’t look away from Barty Crouch Junior.

He was quiet and I had a bad feeling that I know the cause of his silence. I saw Evan look up from beside him and shove him slightly, nodding into my direction. He looked up and our gazes met over the table. It felt as if the whole world got muted as the rambling and clinking of dishes became more distance. Even though he was looking right into my eyes he seemed galaxies away. Colder and more distant than ever, and so fucking quiet. Breaking out of my slight daze I raised my brow in question slightly nodding to the exit of the great hall, motioning my fingers into a smoking motion. I saw his eyes squinting slightly, his eyebrows furrowing as if it was hard to realize such motion. Evan leaned down and whispered something into his ear. Bartys eyes never left mine as he barely nodded before getting up. He was like a machine. His movements rigid and without the energy I have known so long. I turned to Pandora for a second though I wasn’t really sure if I told her I will be right back or that I will be leaving, all I knew was that Barty was not feeling alright and I will be there. Just like it has always been. I got up and followed  him right out of the Great Hall and down into the dungeons where I know he would be waiting for me. Right inside his dorm. Muttering Slytherins password I stepped inside the empty Common Room and walked further into the boys dormitory until I stood in front of his dorm. The one he shares with Evan and Regulus. The one that will be empty, because Regulus and Evan are amazing friends with even more amazing understanding.

I opened the door to find Barty sitting on the floor his back against his bed. I sat down beside him looking at him. “Can I touch you?” I asked quietly, almost as if I was talking to a small child that was afraid. And in that moment I wasn’t even sure if that wasn’t the case. He didn’t move, his gaze locked straight. “Barty.” I was slightly louder this time, enough for him to turn his head. “Can I touch you? Is that alright?” He stared at my lips as I talked, as if reading them. As if he couldn’t even hear what I was saying, before his head moved. It was barely there, the nod, but I was hyperfocused on him. I don’t even think I would hear the door being opened. Slowly and softly I raised my hands, my right one to hold his left one and my left one to cup his right side. “I love you. You hear me? I love you. So much.” I whispered to him stroking his cheek bone before leaning my forehead against his. “I-“ He cleared his throat slightly. “I thought you wanted to smoke” His voice was quiet, but I was relieved he was speaking at all. “We can smoke if you want to?” I asked him quietly “Later maybe” He mumbled out in return and I understood. Later. I don’t want to move and I didn’t move. Instead I slowly reached for his second hand as well and gently guided them around my waist, always giving him an option to move away.

He didn’t. So I continued slowly embracing him. Moving my hands around him. The right one I place behind his head, the left one at his back. I pulled my forehead away slowly and instead placed my lips at his temple. “I love you” I whispered against his skin. I let them trail down his the side of his skin always leaving soft and gentle kisses along with a promise of eternal love. I halted when he tightened his hold, pulling me more in and dropping his head on my shoulder. Then I felt it. Something wet dripping against my skin before he burrowed his face into my neck. I felt his breathing stop. His body was shaking slightly before he left out a shaken breath. I rubbed gentle circles on his back as my eyes glossed over. I blinked my tears away instead focusing on him. “I love you Barty Crouch Junior. I will forever love you” and this time it wasn’t a shaken breath as a sob broke out of his throat and I held him tighter, closer. I didn’t know how long we sat like that. I didn’t even remember when I turned around slightly and got onto my knees instead. And I simply didn’t care about the ache in my knees from holding this position for so long. All that mattered was that Barty was here with me. In my arms. His sobs quieted down though I still felt his tears that wet my sweater, though I couldn’t even care about that either. “Why?”, I would have missed his whisper if his face wasn’t so close and the room wasn’t so quiet. “Why what?” I asked him running the pads of my fingers gently over his scalp “Why do you love me?” I halted in my motions before pulling away slightly cupping his face in both my hands as I wiped his tears. “Because you are you Barty. I love you, because you’re my heart” the words left my mouth in a whisper as well. “I love you because you’re my soul. You’re my light. You’re my everything.” I moved closer to him and he looked more her. More existent than before. “It will forever be you and me” I whispered against the corner of his lips before kissing it gently. “I don’t have to question why I love you. I just do. Just like I know you love me” He nodded in agreement. “Can I kiss you?” I asked in a cautious matter, always ready to pull away if he tells me to. “Please” His voice broke slightly, but I moved in catching his lips in a gentle manner. It was a ghost of a kiss. None of the usual passionate ‘all in’ kisses. Not the ones full of energy. It was gentle and so pure. And still it was full of love. When I pulled away his lips chased mine for a little. “Lets lay down, okay?” He nodded and I got up helping him up as well before making him sit down as I took of his shoes, placing them next to his bed. My shoes followed quickly and I gently moved him to lie down, laying down next to him as well. I pulled him into an embrace as my fingers gently combed through his hair. “I love you” He whispered against my colorbone right before his breathing out and his eyes closed. And I kissed the top of his head. “I love you”