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KaleidoscOPTICS: Cacti Blossoms

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Katatsumori (Naomi Kawase, 1994)

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A Fresh Start

My cycle finally ended. It was a long ride, that's for sure.

It has been a while since I experienced a 40 day long cycle and I am sure there were a lot of things at play. I was feeling stressed at work because one of my co-workers went on vacation twice last month and I was the only person who could cover for her. I had to balance my job as a Loan Officer Assistant, Branch Marketing Manager, and because she was away, an Opener. I was also handling a lot of really tough deals with some rude and sassy borrowers. I'm happy to say that I'm finally transitioning to my new position as full-time Branch Marketing Manager and I will be able to work from home.

I have been feeling lonely lately. I am struggling with feeling distant from my family and friends. The past couple months have been really hard on my family. I have lost the entire half of my family and we have all been grieving this loss. I feel sad when I think about my childhood and how I had my grandparents and all of my family around to celebrate the holidays. It is disappointing to think that our children won't get to experience having those huge family gatherings but it is definitely for the best. I am sure our little family will be more than enough- I know we will do our best to make sure our children feel happy and loved.

I am sure that all of these stressors have contributed to me having such a long cycle. I was worried that it might have been my thyroid, my hormones, or some kind of deficiency. I met with my naturopath today to go over some blood work that I had done and apparently all looks good besides maybe my Cholesterol and free T3. I'm doing Keto so she wasn't super concerned because my HDL levels were great.

My naturopath gave me a supplement called Femguard+Balance to take in the morning to replace the Vitex and Evening Primrose oil supplements I was taking. FemGuard will support my hormone metabolism, healthy estrogen levels, and healthy progesterone levels. She also mentioned that my body seemed to have a difficult time with methylation so it provides a form of Vitamin B-12 and Folate my body will be able to use. She also had me continue taking CoQ10 (to support organs and egg quality), probiotics, prebiotics, prenatal DHA, and my prenatal vitamin. I will also continue to seed cycle with raw, organic flax seeds and pumpkin seeds during CD 1-13 of my cycle then raw, organic sesame and sunflower seeds during CD 14-28. If I have not yet finished my cycle by CD 28 she said to continue again with flax seeds and pumpkin seeds.

I started to incorporate more yoga into my routine. I will do my best to make it a daily practice as well as staying hydrated. I think this next cycle will go a lot more smoothly. I got the Tempdrop and I will be using that thermometer while still using my Femometer until the algorithm kicks in. My temps are still looking a little crazy with the Tempdrop so I don't think I should rely on them until next cycle.

If we do not conceive this cycle then that just means more practice for the next cycle and another month of priming for my pregnancy journey. The healthier I am, the happier I feel, the more good habits I create, the better this journey will be, I just know it.

I told Sam from the very beginning of our friendship that if I ever conceived I would never want to feel sad or regretful. From the moment my child would be conceived I want there to be this feeling of love and happiness being sent from me to him or her. I believe that parenthood starts from pre-conception. I want to be the person I would love to see my child look up to as a role model. I will do my best to be the greatest version of myself for myself, my partner, my family, my friends, for my future children, even for strangers that pass me on the street. I am grateful for every step of this journey. Even if it's tough. I just want to take a second to remind myself that there will come a day that I will not want anymore children and I will be on another journey, another chapter of my life. Where I am in this present moment is priceless- We are working together to create a life. It will be with me forever, but never again.

I will cherish these moments.

[krystynatolentino]

How am I preparing my body, mind, and spirit for our future child?

"Parenting begins the moment you make any conscious effort to care for your own health in preparation for enhancing your child's conception." - Carista Lumiare-Rosen

Since we decided to start trying to conceive I have been more aware of my body than I have ever been in my entire life. I want to do everything I can to prepare myself.

I never liked to exercise. I lived a very sedentary lifestyle- I gained a lot of weight. I am probably addicted to sugar. I would consider cheese my favorite food and I hate taking vitamins. I am not one to stick to a schedule or hold myself accountable enough to build good habits. I tend to fall into old patterns and I have a hard time sticking to the new habits I try to create for myself. When we decided we wanted to start a family together, that all started to shift for me.

The way I see it, I will be the role model for my children. I always told myself that I never wanted to raise my children the way my parents raised me. I want to be present. I want to be in my children's lives. I want to connect with my children. I want to be someone they can look up to and trust completely. I don't believe in telling your child, "Don't be like me," while doing something that you probably wouldn't want your child to do in the future. The whole "do as I say, not as I do" mentality frustrated me as a child. I want to model the behavior I would like to see.

I would like to see my future children physically healthy so today, I am getting into a habit of exercising with my partner in a fun way that we both enjoy. Later, we can share the joy of moving our bodies with our children. I would like to see my future children have healthy coping and communication skills so today, my partner and I practice them with one another and with others we interact with. The book "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg is such an eye opening and wonderful read when it comes to learning about healthy communication. I would like to see my future children be imaginative, creative, and live their truth so today, I will make a point to paint more, create more, test out new ideas, think outside the box, and do what feels good for me. My dad once told me that if there was one thing that he would want us to learn from him it would be to think outside the box. He definitely succeeded with that because I think I have a million and one ideas constantly swarming around in my head waiting to be explored. I would like to see my future children happy. I want to see them as their own individual souls. I never want to push my ideals onto them or expect them to be something that they are not. So today, I am choosing to see others in the same light. I try my best to hold back judgement on others. We are all living our own lives. We are all on our own individual journeys, on different timelines, with different experiences and goals in mind. My partner always reminds me not to "Yuck someone else's yum." I will choose to support my future children the best way that I can. I will allow them to take their time, advance and grow at their own pace, and enjoy every bit of time with them that I can.

Some ways that I am working on my PHYSICAL health to prepare for pregnancy, motherhood, and life in general:

Exercising 5-6 times a week

Eating a healthy, balanced diet

I am working on drinking enough water (I'm not the best at remembering, sometimes I wish I could just wear one of those hats with the two straws so that I can always be drinking water)

I have been taking all of my vitamins and supplements:

I have been charting my cycle using the Kindara app. It has been super useful and has helped me become more aware of my body. I am currently using the Femometer for my thermometer although I am not a fan of their app. I will always prefer to ignore any prediction app because they are not accurate. I pre-ordered the new Tempdrop thermometer which is supposed to ship soon! (I am so excited!) I will be doing a more in-depth blog about the Tempdrop once I receive it and test it out. If you are interested in learning about charting for natural birth control or if you are trying to conceive I would definitely pick up the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler and join the Fertility Awareness Method of Birth Control Facebook Group! It has changed my life for the better, seriously!

Best Nest Wellness Ready. Set. Go! Fertility Formula for Women (I will be soon switching over to Megafood Baby & Me 2 Prenatal Vitamin)

Best Nest Wellness One Fish. Two Fish. DHA Supplement (I will be switching to Nordic Naturals Prenatal DHA) - To support

Gaia Herbs Vitex Berry - To support hormone balance, help aid with breast tenderness with PMS, help promote ovulation

Magnesium Plus - Magnesium & B6 Supplement

NOW Super Primrose - Helps heal acne, eczema, relieve PMS symptoms, and increase quality of cervical mucus

Renew Life Adult Probiotic - Ultimate Flora Probiotic Extra Care - 100 billion (I am going to finish up this bottle and then switch back to Hyperbiotics PRO-15 Probiotics.)

The first chart is from this past month, our first month trying to conceive. We did not conceive but we are excited to try again this next cycle with new knowledge. We were also in the middle of a move with my partner moving in from out of state. Today we are actually moving into our new apartment. I am hoping that once we are all settled in that we will both feel a lot more at ease. I'm sure that will help us a lot.

What are some ways that you and your partner are preparing for this next adventure in your lives?

[krystynatolentino]

Creating Life. Sharing Love.

For a few years I truly believed that I never wanted to have children. I was in a relationship where I felt unhappy, unsupported and disrespected. We were planning to get married (or so I thought) yet I could not genuinely imagine myself starting a family with my previous partner. When I was in that relationship, it was almost like I did not have a partner. I was raising a man-child for another woman. I thought, "How could I possibly raise a child in a toxic environment like this?" I felt that way and decided that maybe it would be best to not have children. I thought I wanted that for myself but now looking back on it, I think it was just me subconsciously knowing that it was not the right person and definitely not the right time.

After I had left that relationship, I started to rebuild myself. I realized my worth. A blindfold had been taken off of me and I started to see myself again as I truly am- an amazing, badass human being. I surrounded myself with people that helped build me up and encouraged me to be my best self every single day. I worked hard at my job and I started to really focus on taking care of myself- physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I am always going to be a work in progress and there will always be things I can improve upon but I am happy where I am at. I am in a better place now, where finding myself smiling is no longer a such strange occurrence. It happens on the daily and that's something to be happy about!

I met the love of my life last year. We met over Instagram and became best friends. We connected with each other through the love we both have for Mycology. We soon were talking every day, all day long and started an online business together. We finally met in person for the first time on September 13, 2018. He spent five days with me and call me crazy but I think when you know, you just know. I just knew he was "The One". Those five days flew by and the next thing you know, he was on the plane back to Boston. The moment he left, I planned to book a flight to Boston to see him again. The wait until November felt like an eternity- but spending almost a week with him in his hometown, meeting his family, and enjoying my time with him further cemented it, in my mind, that this was it. There was no doubt in my mind that we were meant to spend the rest of our lives together. It was October 23rd, 2018 when decided where we were going to move to. Yes, together. It was New Year's Eve when he left his hometown to drive 17 hours to be with me and never have to leave again.

Ever since we met, things started changing for me. My perspective on many things changed especially family. I became closer with my family. For most of my life,I struggled to have a relationship with my immediate family. It is so much warmer and lighthearted when we are together now. It is almost like I have been given a fresh new start- a new life almost. I owe it to my partner for guiding me, encouraging me, showing me how to be present and how to actively listen.

On another note, some people say, "you have your whole life, why rush?" We say, "life is short, why wait?" I want to take this "fool" energy and run with it. I do not want fear to control my life. I just want to jump in head first with him, hand in hand. We have been from day one! We just kept taking chances, facing our fears and so far everything has been so wonderful.

I am excited to start this journey of creating life- creating LOVE with him. I cannot see how we could not create an encouraging, warm, supportive, loving, and beautiful environment for our children to grow up in. I have been having so much fun working on myself and our relationship despite some of the difficulties we face. I have been really enjoying working out for the first time in my life. I look forward to waking up every morning to go to the gym and I feel so good afterwards. We have been enjoying cooking more healthy food at home and having movie nights. I have really loved charting and learning about my cycle. It has been one of my favorite things to learn about the past month. The female reproductive system is amazing! I love being able to connect with my body and have more awareness in what is going on inside of me. It helps me feel like we are being more intentional, present and making a conscious, educated decision to bring this life into the world. I love learning about supplements, vitamins, nutrition, and how to better prepare myself for not only pregnancy but for the rest of my life. I have learned so much in such little time I cannot imagine what is in store for us in the future!

I have been with myself through the ups and the downs- I also deserve to treat myself well and appreciate myself. It feels so good to finally practice self-care and self-love after all the years of taking my own body for granted. It can only go up from here! I am also so blessed I get to spend time with my partner every day and connect with him. I am honored to be able to support him on his journey to greater health in all aspects of his life.

I am grateful to have my family, my friends, and my partner here to support me, to support us, on this journey. It is just such an exciting time in our lives and I am honestly so full of happiness that it brings me to tears.

There was a point of time in both of our lives that we no longer wanted to live. I am so glad we both decided to keep pressing on so that we could bring more life into this world— to create and share more LOVE.

Thank you for this beautiful life.

-Krystyna

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The strongest drug that exists for a human is another human being.

they dont know benzodiazepines (via lovelyclits)

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