krn-wanderlust

[krn-wanderlust]

I want my soul to leave my body.

Float freely with the clouds. Go inside a tree, become a plant, live happily without worries. Die, disintegrate to dust and disappear completely.

[krn-wanderlust]

Why not?

Because I'll fall for you, and you won't.

[krn-wanderlust]

I don't have a tough life.

I have a messed up mind.

[krn-wanderlust]

Why don't you change your hair? Your thighs are a bit big. Look at their eyes. They're so perfect. You got some hair there. Maybe wear some different clothes. You're not my usual type. Your style is a bit off.

You're clingy. You're overreacting. You're the problem. You can't do it right. You can't do anything right.

Why don't you want me the way I am?

[krn-wanderlust]

Do you like my eyes wet, red, bleeding tears?

[krn-wanderlust]

Do you want me to die? Am I such a waste of space, of time?

[krn-wanderlust]

I'm better off alone. Loving people from afar was always my thing anyway.

[krn-wanderlust]

Why am I so hard to love?

[krn-wanderlust]

Not destined to be happy, but at least give me peace!

[krn-wanderlust]

Where is that love that everyone is talking about? The one that is filled with excitement, joy, and laughter, the one that keeps you up all night for all the right reasons. The one I tried always led to tears, pain, disappointment, insecurities heightened, and hearts broken. Well, mostly my heart. Am I meant only for that kind of emotion?

[krn-wanderlust]

As I walked home from that date, holding my tears in, I realized how alone I really am, but most importantly, how alone I will be for the rest of my life.

[krn-wanderlust]

Some days are plain reminders of how broken I really am.

[krn-wanderlust]

I've never been loved. I thought I was, but it hurt.

Love isn't supposed to hurt you.

[krn-wanderlust]

I crave for emotions that scream, not whisper.

[krn-wanderlust]

I'm definitely an almost.

[krn-wanderlust]

I'm not free.

I'm bound to this bed, inside this mind,

Bound to all my wounds, my scars, my demons,

And my silent cries.

[krn-wanderlust]

Why make me dream of you if you don't want me?