kristigay

[kristigay]

2018 Resolutions

New Year’s Resolution Time

Each December I make a list of things to improve on for the next year, and even though I rarely follow-through or even remember what they are, it’s still nice to take time to think about where I’d like to improve. The best was when I made a Vision Board (photography helps) which I may do again this weekend, but yoga gives conflicting messages about setting goals so I get confused. With yoga you’re supposed to “accept the current state” and “live in the moment”, not so much striving for improvement. But my entire life I’ve been goal-based, from the nightly visualizations of reaching 1:07 in the 100yd breaststroke (achieved), to visualizing for miles at a time during marathon training when ALL I wanted to do was stop running and walk, or just bail off the treadmill to a fetal position but instead visualized crossing the finish line and how proud I’d be, and looking up at the clock and seeing 3:59 (goal was sub-4, I ended up with 3:39, so that worked well). It’s nice to have this blog so I have place to actually look it up (here are 2013’s plans for 2014): https://kristigay.tumblr.com/post/71768941419/12312013-2014-bucket-list, many of which happened but several of which did not. So for 2018, which I KNOW will be the best year ever, here’s what I want to happen:

**Fit into a size 6 comfortably from many different brands. This is actually closer to happening than it has been for the last decade thanks to a low-carb diet I’ve been doing for several months, but in the last month I’ve struggled to stick to it. Now that it’s the new year I am freshly inspired to jump on that bandwagon. Last year at this time a size 12 was tight. Now I have one size 6 that I’m squeezed into currently but it’s not legit, and another place I tried on size 9 which was tight. So still a ways to go. What this includes also (built-in-goal) is drinking 64oz water daily and taking multi-vitamins and walking when possible outside.

**Film Survivor, including me making it to the final three and likely winning (but I may not find that out in 2018 depending on when it airs). I know they’re shooting two seasons in 2018, one in spring and one in late summer, so I have two chances at least. And I feel like this is my year.

**Use Amazon Prime. I despise Walmart and need to get more in the habit of using Prime, which we are currently on a free-trial of but I plan on keeping it. I have a Marketplace receipt that I’m going to compare what it would have cost had it been shipped right to my door. #pleasebeless

**Get into the Bible. I know I need this, but why this is so hard I need to figure out. It’s either lack of carving out time ahead, lack of a readable Bible, lack of a plan of attack (like deadlines for certain books in a certain order), or all three most likely. Plan to be made today.

**Daily yoga. This has TOTALLY suffered in 2017 due to too much teaching yoga. Yes I do yoga then, but it’s not the mental therapist it is when I’m a student. Hot yoga once/month goal because it feels so good but is an hour commute, and daily yoga at home with SarahBethYoga’s app and calendar is TOTALLY happening. This should be possible due to bailing out of teaching tons of classes, but I do need to make a zen spot at home. I’m on it. Also get cooler moves like splits (still can’t) and cool head-and handstands and arm-balances.

**Live in the moment. I’m taking a break from social media (well just FB and Instragram which are the two I abuse both from a time-wasting standpoint to a narcisstic-standpoint) for 2.5 months as a start, but to fill that time I’m going to journal. I need a new journal, or I need to score one from my kids who have about 50 empty ones. 5am: yoga, read Bible, journal, shower. #yes

Just Say No. 2018 is the year where I have free time because I will avoid jumping into every opportunity that presents itself that sounds fun.

[kristigay]

11/10/17 - Wardrobe Malfunctions

Ahh, where do I start. There have been so many. We’ve already discussed when my skirt went above my waist.(see: https://kristigay.tumblr.com/post/63521506098/1082013-before-i-get-dementia)

Let’s reminisce on some other mishaps or when I’ve gotten “the talk from HR” which has been more than I can count on one hand.

**  The “Is There A Draft” part 2.  Maybe like five years ago I was leading a meeting for about 25 people in the room and I was standing at the front of it.  I had a visual aid that I would turn and refer to, meaning my front and back was showing and I was the center of attention.  However, after the meeting when most people had filed out, I was reaching for something in the back closet with one person behind me.  She said, “I think you maybe spilled coffee on your pants.”.  I looked at her quizzically and felt my backside, which is when I felt PURE SKIN.  See, the “coffee” was my tan azz peeking through the five inch slit in the middle of my white pants right cheek.  These were NOT tight pants and it didn’t happen at a seam, so it wasn’t like I was busting out.  And I was wearing thong underwear because of the fact they were white pants, not expecting to need to cover my cheeks.  My eye bulged out of my head and I burst out laughing and proceeded to laugh throughout the rest of the day.  Randomly I had a pair of jeans in my car (which is very uncommon) so I could change, but ONLY I had that lady take a picture of it because it was something no one would believe.  I would die to find that picture now.

** The Poppyseed Problem”.  Not necessarily wardrobe but appearance related.  I was leading another meeting, this time about ten people sitting around a table, but I was doing the majority of the talking.  This is relevant because directly after the meeting I stopped in the bathroom to realized I had black sh*t BETWEEN EVERY TOOTH.  Super hot. Thanks for telling me.  Although it was a big enough problem that it would have derailed the entire meeting taking so long describing where I needed to attend to.

 ** The “Too Short Skirt” speech.  This isn’t even funny other than the fact that I was 36 years old and a supervisor and still was getting this kind of speech.  I thought i was covered because of the fact that I had LEGGINGS underneath, which I could have been wearing without any skirt.  Whatevs.  I was mostly annoyed at this point.  It’s not my problem I have fashion and most others around this place don’t.  And whoever ratted me out to make the HR guy give me this speech should get more to do because clearly if they’re worrying about me they are bored.  Mind your own beeswax.

** The “Smiley Face Leggings”.  Speaking of leggings, I found some bring yellow leggings that had emojis covering them using all the colors in the rainbow.  And yes, I wore them to work mingling with the rest of the place who was wearing khaki pants and button up shirts.  BOO-YEAH-IN-YO-FACE!  

** When I was an intern I was real inappropriate.  Either super tight shirts or super short skirts.  I can’t believe I didn’t get talked to daily.  And when I’d sit in the short skirst it’s lucky my underwear didn’t show.  I did get the talk but I clearly didn’t listen.  Welcome to my life.

[kristigay]

11/9/17-Interviews

Today I’m talking to a high school career’s class about how to get a job and interview well. This brings up some funny interview memories:

** When I was interviewed for my current job, it was a group interview during which they were asking hard technical questions while sitting in a semi-circle surrounding me at the base. I was wearing my new business suit and sitting on a dark-brown plastic chair in the middle, sweating bullets from the pressure. As the end of that session came it was discussed that they would bring me to another place to talk to executives. We all stood up in a circle and I turned around to see that I had left a perfect butt-mark of sweat on that brown plastic chair that I sweat THROUGH my suit, and no prop in sight where I could hide it. I mean there was a crack and everything. (I got the job anyway and still work here after 14 years, during which time we’ve had plenty more “wardrobe malfunctions” that we’ll leave for a different blog post. 😊)

** When I was interviewing for the Peace Corp, I had to go to Minneapolis for the interview and gave myself plenty of time in case there was rush hour traffic. When I arrived 40 minutes early (no traffic issues), I went straight to the interview and sat in the waiting room for 40 min while the secretary gave me the “WTF Eye”. If I’d have had any clue I’d have found something to do elsewhere for 35 min so I didn’t look like a total moron that was really overexcited to be interviewed. The interviewer also couldn’t get past it and continued to drill me on why I was so early and what did that mean in my psyche. (I got accepted anyway and was booked for Honduras but then bailed out last minute after my mom, who thought I was for sure going to die, got in my head).

** Often my part of the interview these days is to take the person out to lunch for a more informal discussion. I took this guy who had fingernails longer than the Kardashians, who proceeded to order an XL glass of whole milk. When they put it in front of him he chugged it. I almost burst out laughing because it was an exact replica of Napoleon Dynamite. Also he never made eye contact the entire lunch as he discussed the rocket he was building at home in his mom’s basement.

** Another guy I interviewed, this time in a conference room, was leaning his elbows on his knees the entire time so he was kind of hunched over. He had a pool of drool accumulating inside his bottom lip which I didn’t realize until it poured out while he was talking like Niagara Falls. Also burst-out-laughing worthy.

** Once I was asking about something from a guy’s resume, and he looked at me questioningly and then said, “Lemme see what that says” (referring to his own resume, for which he wasn’t backing up the legitimacy of it at all).

** Once I was interviewing someone and didn’t really care about it or about being professional, and proceeded to peel off my black gel nails one at a time while making a tiny Leaning Tower of Pisa on the table in between us. Neither of us mentioned it.

I will def share these with the kids today. 🏅

[kristigay]

11/8/17 - Daydreaming

When you’re crabbier than Grumpy Cat on his worst day, sometimes it helps to dream about what would make you un-crabby.

1) Survivor calling and shipped me away starting next week to compete for the title of Ultimate Survivor.

I would forget about work and nightly kid-to-dos and dinner prep and groceries and laundry and dishes. Instead I would only worry about making relationships and finding the hidden immunity idol. That and lots of down time in the sun on the beach. My mood would literally go from 0 to 1000000 with one call. At least I’m training for it in every employee interaction. I actually think this as someone is venting to me.

2) Applying at Kwik Trip.

I’m actually in their parking lot typing this. I would forget about deadlines and project-to-dos and endless hundred-per-day emails and instead only worry about brewing the best coffee ever and remembering to ask if they want donuts with that and whether they got gas today. I would love everything, from unloading the truck and restocking shelves, to making the hot food in the back, to cashier and being super friendly to every customer, to even taking out the garbage outside by the gas pumps. I feel like I would never have a bad day at work if I worked at Kwik Trip.

3) Taking the rest of the week (Wed-Sun) and just doing only what I want (like Mila Kunis in Bad Moms movie).

I would skip all appointments and activities, sleep in (for me that means until 6am probably, but still), have a long coffee date with myself and a good book (which I NEED to find) – at least two hours at Cabin Coffee, get a massage, facial, mani/pedi, go to EC for hot yoga or maybe two classes, sleep in a king size bed in a hotel that has a hot-tub and steam room, both of which I would use for at least 30 min each, and possibly go for a walk although I feel like there’s no route I’m currently interested in that I wouldn’t freeze during. I would need to either attend a movie at the theater but I don’t know of any good movies right now, or I’d rent Passengers which is on my bucket list to see. Yes, watch Passengers at home with a fire going and a huge mug of hazelnut coffee and a cat on my lap.

I am going to try and write more blog posts. For real this time. I’ll try and make the next one less depressing.

[kristigay]

1/5/2016 - I'm back!

1/5/2016 I’m back! It has been almost a full year since I’ve written to this blog – how sad. I kept busy with yoga teacher training (which I was going to blog about but didn’t have time with cramming in 200 hours of study/practice into 12 weeks), writing a book called HAPPY (it’s gonna be awesome but I had a sad-streak and wasn’t motivated to write it for a while so I bailed temporarily), moving (only 25 minutes away from where I was but changed school districts, etc), and welcoming our foreign exchange student from Germany for the school year. Ok enough Christmas-letter-type-stats – I avoid writing those for a reason, and hopefully I don’t make myself gag when I read this in six months talking about how swell things are. Anyway, I’ve been thinking I really should get back to writing a blog because it’s like a journal to me. Several things inspired me to come back: ** 2016 resolutions included taking more time for spiritual awakening: being fully present, journaling, meditation, yoga, and church. More on the church part later. ** Last weekend the pastor suggested we start a church-wide 21-Day-Fast (for biblical reasons) starting January 11. Part of this invitation included several fasting options, one of which was social media. Turns out I have been addicted highly to Facebook all of 2015 to the point of my daughter looking at me immediately after the pastor said that with huge eyes mentally yelling at me “YES YOU NEED THIS!”. So I started that version of the fast immediately. However, I must have a narcissistic problem because I NEED to share my thoughts with the general public. I’m ok with the fact that no one may care. But just putting them out there seems more concrete, like if you have a thought but it’s not real/legit until you say it out loud. And because I haven’t been obsessed with Tumblr, it wasn’t included in my fasting and thus: here we go. ** My cousin is traveling around the world (12 places in 12 months – read her awesome, heart-filled and open blog: 12placesproject.com) and her writing is so beautiful and eloquent it just makes me inspired to try and write as nicely. (disclaimer: my writing is more of a word-puke without much thought, but I will try and pull in the reins and have a beginning/middle/end…starting tomorrow). I’ve decided the most I have to say and talk about these days is Red Cedar Church. No I’m not going to start e-preaching or get all judge-y like I’ve felt some church-obsessed-people can be. Instead I am just going to document and share how crazy and awesome it is from the wide-eyes of innocent-me (innocent in 2016 so far at least), and what observations stand out. Some of the overall high points I will discuss that I look forward to each week: ** What the series is called/is about (usually 4-5 weeks are a continuation on a certain topic) ** What the decorations look like (the church is more like a concert area with a stage and 3 large screens). The decorations usually follows the series but are always very cool and classy, and always above expectations. ** What the pre-church video is. This is for 5-10 minutes before church starts when everyone is getting seated (people come like 30 minutes before it starts because it’s so cool to hang out there plus there’s a coffee bar). The video changes monthly or more but it’s always entertaining. ** What the band plays. Yes, there is a band with a guitar, bass guitar, electric guitar, two keyboards, drum set, and two singers – male and female. Sometimes I OBSESS over the songs (ie: looking up the guitar music and trying to learn the chords even though I suck at both guitar and singing), downloading the instrumental version for my yoga playlist, blaring the version with words in my car via Bluetooth nonstop and singing as if I’m Adele performing Hello) and sometimes they are just ok. ** What the intro is like (like before the pastor starts, a different person welcomes visitors and sometimes they do crazy stuff, like once they did Slow Jams version which was hilarious). ** What the fun-thing the pastor does (before the main gut-hit of the message comes, there’s usually something light/fluffy/fun to relate it to real life, like once they did a survey “What Reindeer Are You” which was like a personality quiz but funny – and there’s always a point to what they do) ** What high points of the message are. There are so many that who knows what my takeaways will be, but I have not missed a weekend since July 30, 2015 and I have not yet made it through a service without getting vaclempt. Sh*t gets real! So we can discuss why I bawl. ** If I help with the kid’s program (similar to Sunday School but WAY BETTER) – a detailed list of the crazy/fun stuff that happens back there. It’s SO GOOD! The main general takeaways are that everything is done for a reason and with intention, everything is done to the maximum (there is NEVER anything half-azzed), and everything is done to help us life a full life. Is it Sunday yet??

[kristigay]

2/3/15 - Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon is my new favorite person alive. Until recently I cared only slightly about him, both when he was on SNL, had a late-late show, or even when he first took over for Jay Leno. I also cared only slightly about late-shows in general (David Letterman and/or Jay Leno) - I could take them or leave them. The gift of Chromecast brought on Hulu (streaming TV) which brought on unlimited amounts of Jimmy at any hour of the day. Jimmy Fallon is a miracle! I love so much about him and his little bits on the show, of which I feel like I see a new one each show! These are in no particular order other than the first one: · His laugh/wild eyes. I constantly feel like he's about to bust out laughing, which is my favorite part about SNL, when they laugh when they're not supposed to. And when Jimmy laughs (even at appropriate times), I laugh with him even if I don't know the reason! Just looking at him laugh makes me laugh. Some favorites were when he was dying laughing with Bradley Cooper (I cried from laughter) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePG2VrG-ry0 and the recent one when he found out Nicole Kidman went on a date with him and he didn't even realize it was a date https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35EIqacnScc. · His lip sync battles. This is going to catch on like wildfire and I can see tons of talent shows and parties incorporating this. Of course my favorite is the one against Emma Stone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLBSoC_2IY8 but the superbowl 2015 one was clearly Jimmy's best work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvRypx1lbR4 · His JT-duet-medleys. These two together are unstoppable, not only because they're talented, but because they are so clearly having the best time ever! It's so much more fun watching someone who's having the best time of their life vs. just getting the show over with (ie. David/Jay). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjFznXGT7cs&list=PLbPk_nL_n1NqLy3RXr4Q-1LWu_j2Dwqas&index=3 · His "Thank You Note" bits (always about current events, but the music and motions make it super funny for some reason). One random example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohdd1AI4umw&list=PLJCElZra7efzaATUD_tXwwDv77sTJHLdC&index=14 · His Band Playing Classroom Instruments: Not only are they hilarious using 80s Fisher Price instruments, but they sound great! And it takes a real guest to do that kind of impromptu singing without their backup music and own band. Love everything about all of them, including this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEsPhTbJhuo Overall he is my #1 Played Item on Hulu trumping even Modern Family when I'm looking to laugh. I'm not alone I'm sure when I want to be BFFs. He's even my current pick for "if I could have lunch for anyone…" question.

[kristigay]

1/8/15 - Possibilities

When the air hurts your face due to extreme cold and winter weather advisories, it’s only natural to start daydreaming of places to live AWAY FROM HERE. This is not natural to be this cold, but there is no sense complaining unless I’m physically or legally unable to move somewhere with a better climate. So let’s discuss where to move:

Fort Collins, Colorado: this is a new OBSESSION that came out of nowhere but I seriously can not find a con about it. BeeeeYOUteeful….to the point of I may tear up each morning looking out the window. Perfect size (100k). College town. Health oriented. 1 hour from Denver, where all dreams can come true. Tons of wildlife for my hunter hubs. Did I mention beautiful?! Also if I would move there I'd have the benefit, for the first time, to be appreciated for my Midwestern work ethic since I’m outside of it. Also can we talk about the lows? 20. That’s balmy when I saw -20 on my car temp yesterday. Also: did I mention beautiful? College town? 100k? Wildlife but still civilization? I’m hyperventilating.

Tampa, Florida: this was my original job search out of college, although I can’t believe I am admitting why it entered my radar….Nick Carter of The Backstreet Boys is from there. (cue eye rolls and laughter). Hot (temps and people), laid back, close to ocean life (my daughter wants to be a a marine biologist).

San Diego, California: I walked 60 miles for breast cancer in this city, so we’re like *this*. If walking down the boardwalk and all houses offering you shots from their “backyard” (in quotes because there was no grass, like how I think of backyards) offers you a glimpse of why everyone is my BFF there I don’t know what will. Also beaut, also close to ocean, and most importantly…CLOSE TO LA, where I can stalk my celebs I obsess over, like Zac Efron, Jennifer Lawrence, and George Clooney. And I think Nick Carter actually lives there now too…bonus!

Sedona, Arizona: home of my baby’s namesake, health centered with hiking trails everywhere, and one hour from Phoenix…the other land where dreams come true. That’s all I really know about this city but it’s still on my list.

London, England: I tried to land a mate out of my international business class in Denmark just so I could stay in Europe. It’s just 100% cooler in every aspect, let’s just be honest. And I would totally adopt an accent like the annoying Madonna, except I wouldn’t be annoying. #ofcourse

So. Probability I will be posting something about the cold in 2016’s never ending winter: high-to-very-high. But hey….that’s what blogs are for, right? Happy Places.

[kristigay]

12/23/14 - Elfmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and Elf couldn't stop crying. He was done with his duties for a whole 11 more months. Until December 1, 2015, he had no goals, no plans, and no fun coming up. He was darn right depressed. The month of December is always delightful day to day as he is a firsthand witness to the crazy Gay household. Plus he gets to pull naughty pranks every night, like moving all clothes to the shower rod, making a fort out of the living room furniture, making a bed in the fridge, wrapping the toilet, and TPing the Christmas tree. He starts to drink whiskey by the bottle, using a curly straw of course. By the time it's midnight he's so drunk he flies into the window and passes out. Christmas morning he's supposed to be back at the North Pole but instead he's in the crack behind the couch. Sh*t! Santa's gonna kill him! He tiptoes out while the family is just waking up, smokes a cig, and then once and for all (till Dec 1) flies home to lay in a dark room, depressed and hungover. The only highlight are his dreams for next year's pranks.

[kristigay]

12/18/14 - White vs. Blue vs. No Collar

Most people that know me know I’m obsessed with the show Survivor. Some people know I’ve applied five times to be on the show. A handful of people know they CALLED me this past summer and I was #thisclose to going to LA for final interviews for Season 30, which was previewed at the finale of Season 29 last night. The reason I didn’t get to go to the final interviews was I was told someone very similar to me was already cast. So I have an even GREATER vested interest in this next season to see what my experience could have been like. Well I’m already totally freaking out about the theme this season: White Collar (which was the group I’d have been in) vs. Blue Collar vs. No Collar. I can’t stop thinking about what stereotypes and what my own opinion is of each group! Here are my thoughts: White Collar – this would be the 2nd to worst tribe I think (behind Blue Collar). Even though I’m one myself, I think of white collars as greedy, arrogant, entitled, cheavenistic soft-bodied people that all are big fish in their little pond. This would be most likely the most annoying tribe, that I can see losing lots of challenges. I would have had to mingle and bond with lawyers, accountants, and other office workers, which is a huge reason for GOING on Survivor is to escape that culture that I’m always in. It would maybe have been like one of those long dreams that last all night that is just like a normal day at work, but the bad part is you never get a BREAK from work then. However, they’d probably be good at the puzzle challenges, and would probably be pretty good at the outwit part/strategists. Blue Collar – this is the best tribe and I would guess the winner would come from here. Hard working, down home, good with their hands, strong, fit. I sometimes wish I had a blue collar job since they seem easy to see progress in a job, and very obvious that you’ve accomplished something (unlike white collar much of the time). I do see them being less strategic, but I see them winning all the beginning challenges so they wouldn’t have to worry about strategy until later. I would assume these would be more rough-type personalities, which may have a harder time bonding with each other, but then again most blue-collar jobs I can think of rely heavily on teammates. This is the team to beat. No Collar – this is the free-spirit group, that doesn’t have nor want a job. The hippies. This is a group I kind of want to be like, but would never actually be because of my go-getter-attitude. I can’t see this group doing much other than possible entertainment value. They clearly don’t value money if they don’t have a job, so they probably don’t care about the prize money. They probably have a limited work ethic or ability to follow directions because they don’t have to do either, ever. This would be my last pick to be on a team with, although I do envy their braveness in following whatever they want to do. The season starts Feb 23 and that day can NOT come soon enough. Until then I have to find something to do with my Wednesdays, and film another audition tape.

[kristigay]

11/30/14 - Girl Power

Black Friday brings out the crazies. Including my mom and I. We aren't usually looking to power shop necessarily, but just enjoy the day together getting into the holiday spirit with the masses. In fact we usually spend more money on ourselves than Christmas presents...oops. This year was a little different because the stores opened at 6pm the night before, so the shoppers were mostly those looking for a girls day like us. Some notable observations: --Target worker. Shaved head, lower lip sticking out, under 5 ft, and didn't speak a lick of English. She was somehow able to motion her way through the checkout process without speaking. Not sure how she got Aisle 19 on Black Friday shift with those skills. --Mall piano player. Mid-40s, slicked hair, full suit, playing in the middle of the mall on a grand piano. No breaks in over 2 hours, and sometimes referred to music but usually not. --Victorias Secret. Who the hell can afford to shop there?!? Holy sh*t I'm not used to those prices. So annoyed. --Panera Bread. Loved the mom and daughters that were laughing hysterically and wiping their eyes...usually that's us. --Lighting a candle in the hospital church for Tom Reiter (in the hospital for 5 wks with complications) and Linda Olson (gone a year, it was her birthday) and hugging each other. --The two bottles of wine afterward by the blazing fire with my aunt Mary while the girls and her reported all the adventures they had that day. Overall, best shopping day of the year, and it had nothing to do with the prices.

[kristigay]

11/21/14 - Da Tirdy Point Buck

Well, it's that time of year again. The time when you roll over in the morning and realize you can sprawl both arms and legs across the bed because you're alone. Yep, it's rifle hunting!! The men (and some girls) think they're so cool to cram into the non-electricity-ridden cabin to fart, drink beer, and sit in the single digit temps waiting for a graceful Bambi to come around so they can murder it and then string it to their car for bragging rights. But those of us left at home think we're pretty cool too and here's why: -Making the bed consists of folding the corner back because I don't move in the night. (Vs a complete redo of all sheets every morning) -I can turn on VH1 getting ready instead of Mike and Mike on ESPN -I can feel the excitement while walking the dogs, wondering if I'm going to get hit by a rogue bullet. -I can rent romcom's to my hearts desire, and no one will know if I eat Eggos at 9pm. -Dinner can be Lucky Charms or toast, and there are only 3 bowls for dishes vs pots/pans/etc. So don't think I'm not livin' it up over here MEN. This is prime time baby.

[kristigay]

11/13/14 - New York Times Bestseller

I have so many goals that I need to get to eventually.  One of them is writing a book.  The subject of the book changes monthly, but as of today, it would be called The Dirty Dozen and would include my feedback, observations, and funny moments of twelve one-month jobs that I would be employed at during my “research”.  I would write about the job itself, the coworkers, the clientele I was exposed to, and general learning moments.  Here could be the table of contents:

Chapter 1/January: City Snow Plow Girl.  I would finally learn why they don’t plow my road until over 48 hours after the 10 inches of snow have fallen. 

Chapter 2/February:  Flower Shop Girl.  I would make sure they let me be the delivery girl for when people got flowers so I could see their happiness and take partial credit, and I would learn what the names of flowers outside of rose and tulip, which are about all I know now.

Chapter 3/March:  Bakery Girl.  I thought of this only because this is my birthday month, but I would love to help decorate the cakes and learn how to make donuts.  Also I would find out if they really do shoot out the vents into the store to entice you to kill your diet.

Chapter 4/April:  Goodwill Girl.  If you’ve read my previous blogpost  ( http://kristigay.tumblr.com/post/66246486557/11-6-13-goodwill ) you know why I need to be here for a month.

Chapter 5/May: Barista Girl.  I love people that work in coffee shops and would love May the most.

Chapter 6/June: Yoga Girl.  I would teach yoga classes each day in different locations, previously scheduled:  schools, nursing homes, beach yoga, mall yoga, wherever!  I would work with my patients.

Chapter 7/July:  Noah’s Ark (WI Dells) Lifeguard.  Because who doesn’t want to see the rush of 300 lb men covered in tattoos and swim trunks with only 2 inches of buttcrack showing all month.

Chapter 8/August: Camp Counselor:  I want to relive my childhood with the games, crafts, campfire stories, dances, talent shows, and mud hikes.  And August is a great time to do it.

Chapter 9/September:  Elementary School Aid:  because the beginning of school is the most exciting time of the year, and I want to live vicariously through the little fellas.

Chapter 10/October:  Pumpkin Patch attendant: that place is the joy of all nations.  Preparing the corn maze, selling caramel apples, or helping with the baby animals.  Yes.  Double Yes.

Chapter 11/November: Walmart Worker.  Because who doesn’t want to experience Black Friday from the other side.  I would even volunteer to work 3rd shift the night of Thanksgiving.  BRING IT.

Chapter 12/December: Claire’s.  Because it’s in the mall close to Santa, and I would never pass for Santa’s elf at 5’10”.  Maybe by the time I write my book they will be gender-equality and I can BE SANTA.  Ho Ho HOBAG!

Wait for it on the bestseller list!

[kristigay]

11/7/14 - Java

I am leery of anyone that doesn’t drink coffee. It’s a fundamental core human need, in my mind. People that don’t like coffee to me are equivalent of people that “just forget to eat”. I just don’t believe it. Why wouldn’t everyone. Metaphors that come to mind in relation to what coffee means to me are: warm apple pie, Grandma’s fresh cookies, warm lavender-smelling laundry fresh out of the dryer, and a big hug from large, soft lumberjack (I’m picturing the guy from the gift shop in the movie Frozen).

Much like alcoholic drinks, you can tell a lot about a person based on their coffee order. I go between many of these which fits my somewhat-multiple-personality situation, so don’t take offense. · Black coffee: this is a low-maintenance old-schooler. A no-nonsense type. · Cream and sugar: this is someone that enjoys the finer things in life, and isn’t ashamed to ask for what they want in life. · Cappuccino: this is someone that is a little flighty but sweet. · Iced Latte: this is someone that wants to be cool and go to coffee shops but doesn’t really like coffee · Tall, nonfat, sugar-free, French-vanilla decaffeinated half-latte half-coffee with a shot of sugar-free hazelnut syrup. Annoying person that wants to be on Desperate Housewives or is a current desperate housewife. Coffee shops are almost as delectable as the coffee itself. The atmosphere is usually cozy, dark-ish, comfy with soft chairs and a fireplace, cool interior decorating, cool baristas (my secret wannabe job), and hip clientele. If I could work remotely I would work from a coffee shop most days. Coffee shops that also offer sandwiches are an added bonus, because I like sandwiches as much as Joey from Friends.

It’s time to ramp up the coffee usage since it started snowing outside today and the high is 40 degrees, and I’m happy to oblige.

[kristigay]

10/31/14 - 25 Things

Inspired by US Weekly's "25 Things You Don't Know About Me": 1. My fourth toes curl 90 degrees toward my big toe. 2. I wanted to be a ballerina when I grew up until age 13 (when the toe shoes curled my toe bones). 3. My first concert was The Beach Boys at age 4 when my mom won front row seats on the radio. 4. I've been obsessed with boy bands ever since, including 11 Backstreet Boys concerts. 5. I sometimes stole snacks when I was a professional house cleaner in college. 6. If I had to pick one food to eat for the rest of my life it would be cinnamon sugar toast. 7. I have never broken a bone but I got stitches once from a cat. 8. I have been to 9 countries outside of the US but never Canada. 9. I don't really like to plan ahead. Just go with the flow. 10. I like cats more than dogs. Don't tell my 4 dogs. 11. I painted my first car green and gold checkered. 12. My biggest fears are all things I have no control over. 13. I don't think I'm a control freak. But then again insane people also don't think they're crazy, do they. 14. I have been on a diet for basically 20 years. I've been at my goal weight about 2 months out of those 20 years. 15. I really dislike French manicures. Except for my mom's, which are just "her". 16. I love Miller Lite and Bud Light and don't want to be friends with anyone that judges that preference. 17. I love top 40 radio and VH1s weekly too 20. 18. Most of my best friends I've known since elementary school. Except you Hailey: mwah!❤️ 19. Everyone I dated before my husband was over 6'2''. My husband is 5'10''. 20. I'm 5'9.5''. 21. One of my goals is to publish a book. 22. I don't really have any more athletic accomplishments I want I do....did everything on my bucket list. 23. I want to adopt twin boys from Ethiopia. 24. My favorite quote is "Leap...and the net will appear." 25. My next tattoo will be my other fave: "GO BIG OR GO HOME".

[kristigay]

10/27/14 - Hey Mr. DJ

I can't tell you how many times in a given week I think about the details of different professions. One that has kept my curiosity bubbling for about ten years that I have TONS of questions about is radio DJ-ing. I have listened to morning radio shows for most of my life: Z100 out of Eau Claire up until about age 25, and then KDWB out of St. Louis Park for the past 11 years. I'm fiercely loyal to my morning show hosts, and I feel like I'm best friends with Dave, Steve-o and Fallen (and totally miss Corey and Lena, who came before Fallen.) I think about them so often partly because I can't imagine working with people in an environment like theirs….meaning theirs is better. Always positive, not taking themselves super serious, fun, joking, not defensive, ribbing each other constantly and everyone "getting" each other, and in general just light. But then I get into the logistics of how they operate and I have just so many questions!! • How is there a "Top 10" or whatever each night or each week - how are those stats captured? No one calls on the phone into a request-line anymore, do they? If you like it you just download it - you don't have to request it nonstop and hope you can catch the record button on the tape player like when I obsessed over Tiffany. • When they between commercial – song -- talking, are those buttons? Or are the transitions prerecorded? Or why don't I hear dead space or overlapping of things? Everyone makes mistakes, don't they? • Do they just use computers? Or do they have some space-age-equipment like I’m imagining? • They're on the air from 5am-10am. Five hours. So in the other three hours if they're full-time, what do they do? Prepare for the next day I'm assuming, but what does that mean? How "prepared" are they since it's live, depending on callers, and depending on random tangents they go off on (which I love). • What are their meetings like where they come up with new bits? Are they drinking at work? Or do they do it off hours? Do their faces hurt from laughing so hard at their no-go-ideas? Do they have to run their ideas by anyone? • What is the audition process for a DJ? Like what traits or skills do they have to have? To me it would seem none other than being cool and having chemistry with the others. If the other technical skills aren't there (like how to operate the equipment) that can be learned, can't it? As long as you don't have marbles in your mouth I suppose. • The commercials they do: who determines which products they want to market? They are personally connected to what they're advertising (Hondas, diamonds, weight-loss clinics, laser hair removal, when Crisco was on: weight loss pills, etc). What do they get for doing those commercials, and do they instigate them themselves? Like if they want a free diamond ring do they call up the company and make a deal? They do talk about having other departments like sales and promotions, and that opens more cans of worms about how the business part works at Charter Communications. • Who determines their schedule, like when things are supposed to play. And why is there even a schedule needed? They frequently mention "being behind" -- but what does that mean? Who cares what time a contest or bit is on the air? • Are lists of songs prerecorded to go one after another? Who keeps whatever rotating list updated that they go from song-wise? • Where are DJs on the totem pole of radio? Like are they the superstars? Or are they the chumps that have to do the circus act while all the other departments are what makes them stay in business? What is their interaction with the other departments? • When they interview semi-major celebrities sometimes, who coordinates that and what is the deciding factor to have a celeb on air? Do celebs call them and ask if they can be on? And are they pretending to not be starstruck or do they really not care that much whoever they're talking to. • When they make up cover songs or jingles or commercials - how long do those take? And do they just do it themselves or is there a whole team behind it? Anyway - I have many more questions to even list. Someday I will maybe job shadow just for fun. I have so many professions I want to job shadow: like Goodwill workers, Candy Corn factory workers, personal assistants to Taylor Swift, and professional curlers. So many things to do, so little time.

[kristigay]

10/24/14 - Eat That Frog

I recently read a book called Eat That Frog! by Brian Tracy, and it was so life-changing I have to include cliff-notes because these tips can help everyone regardless of age, job, or whatever other category you want to include. I sent a chapter of these to my team at work as well, and hopefully they’re helping them too.

There is never enough time to do everything you have to do. You are literally swamped with work and personal responsibilities, projects, stacks of magazines to read, and piles of books you intend to get to one of these days – as soon as you get caught up. But the fact is you are never going to get caught up.

Mark Twain once said that if the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that that is probably the worst thing that is going to happen to you all day long. If you have to eat two frogs, eat the ugliest one first.

If you have to eat a live frog, it doesn’t pay to sit and look at it for very long. The habit of starting and completing important tasks has an immediate and continuous payoff. Task completion gives you a positive feeling. This positive feeling becomes addictive.

· Decide exactly what you want, write it down, set a deadline for yourself, and take action immediately. Do something. Do ANYTHING. · An average plan vigorously executed is far better than a brilliant plan on which nothing is done. · Think on paper. Always work from a list. You can increase your productivity by 25% by adopting this alone. Make your list the night before, including everything not accomplished from the previous day. · If you have a list of 10 things that each take the same amount of time to do, 1-2 of those tasks will contribute 5-10x the value of any of the others. Many times ONE task is more important than all NINE combined. This is the frog. · Effective, productive people discipline themselves to start on the most important task that is before them. They force themselves to eat that frog. As a result they accomplish vastly more than the average person and are much happier as a result. · The fact is you have to procrastinate on SOMETHING. Therefore, procrastinate on small tasks. Eat the biggest and ugliest frogs before anything else. Do the worst first! · You can get your life under control ONLY to the degree to which you stop doing lower-value activities. · Why am I on the payroll? This is one of the most important questions you can ever ask and answer, over and over again, throughout your career. If it’s not crystal clear why you’re there or what results you have been hired to accomplish, it is very hard for you to perform at your best, get paid more, and get promoted faster. · Everyone has both strengths and weaknesses. Refuse to rationalize, justify, or defend your areas of weakness. Instead, identify them clearly. Set a goal and make a plan to become very good in each of those areas. You may be only one critical skill away from top performance at your job. · It is the quality of time at work that counts, and the quantity of time at home that matters. · By not working effectively and efficiently during your workday, you create unnecessary stress and deprive the members of your family of the very best person you can possibly be. · “Leap….and the net will appear!” Whatever your goal is, start immediately on the very first task toward that goal. · Refuse to allow a weakness or lack of ability in any area to hold you back. Everything is learnable. And what others have learned, you can learn as well. · Successful people are those that know what they’re good at, what makes a difference in their work, and concentrate on that exclusively. · What is holding you back? What determines how fast you move from where you are to where you want to go? Why aren’t you at your goal already? · Often, alleviating a key constraint or limiting factor is the most important frog you could eat at that moment. · Successful people continually put the pressure on themselves to perform at high levels. Unsuccessful people have to be instructed and supervised and pressured by others. • By putting the pressure on yourself, you will accomplish more and better tasks faster than ever before. You will become a high-performance, high-achieving personality. You will feel terrific about yourself!

[kristigay]

10/17/14 - McCholesterol

As I'm sitting in the McDonalds parking lot waiting to meet my kids for dinner, I'm reminding myself of all the reasons I do not want this food. This is after a long day of meetings with no snacks or water, so a diet coke and large fries and cheeseburger sounds like exactly what I DO want. **Pink sludge - we've all seen the video of the ammonia-washed fake chicken sludge being squirted into McNuggets. There are so many things wrong with this. Especially speaking from a wellness rep who is a former vegan. **Cholesterol - we just had our annual health check at work and I'm on about 8 different supplements to make sure my blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood sugar are in good shape so I can make it to my 100th birthday. I don't think that's to balance out eating two days worth of backwards nutrition in one meal. **Work ethic--I know what happens at food places when irresponsible, bored teenagers are in charge off my food prep. There is only so much supervision that can be given to them and you know they pull pranks involving gross stuff. **Food High -you've seen Supersize Me where he finds himself getting physically happy eating that food, only to crash into depression after the sugar high wears off. That's not normal and food shouldn't have that effect. But there IS the argument this wouldn't be classified as "food". So the choice is skip dinner or have a salad or wrap. Both sound unappetizing. But do I want to increase my McCholesterol one last time (in air quotes because how many times have I said that) is the burning question.