krispystarfishdinossaur - Tumblr blog

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

You ever find yourself enjoying Star Wars but also thinking like, damn this galaxy really invented laser swords before they invented therapy.

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

eve was a girlboss for eating that fruit. adam was a himbo for doing what his wife said. i will not elaborate

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

Alison was such a popular name in medieval England that authors would name women characters Alison to indicate that she was supposed to be a very normal kind of person

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

My ideal date? You release me into the wild to hunt me for sport on your remote island BUT I’m not very good at hiding so you find me within 20 minutes. You hold the gun to my face but there is something so earnest in my eyes and hands that you cannot carry through. You pick me up and carry me back to your mansion. I am so polite and charming that you nurse me back to health. You grow to love and trust me despite the fact you’re holding me hostage after I fell of a charter vessel bound for Brazil. You buy me new clothes and have them shipped to the island. I kiss you good morning every day. You propose marriage. I accept. We skype in a priest and get married with the butler as our witness. That night I kill you and the butler. I redistribute your wealth. I live in the mansion on the abandoned island for the rest of my days. I study snail ecology. I never remarry. You were the love of my life but you were too dangerous and evil to live. I am buried next to you. The tides eventually wash our bodies away. Into the depths of the ocean, together.

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

literally anything happening

me:

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

when your friend Mark forgets to return the worms he borrowed from you

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

*acquires a new hyperfixation* great! this should keep me going for the next 2 months or 24 hours

[krispystarfishdinossaur]

if i did people would know im drepressed and lgbtq 

babe r u ok? u didn't post ur spotify wrapped