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kpopandkawaiidreams-blog · 7 years ago

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GIF VERSION!

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kpopandkawaiidreams-blog · 7 years ago

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bumkeyk: ‘As they said, it’s useless raising a child’

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kpopandkawaiidreams-blog · 7 years ago

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let the kid eat in peace

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kpopandkawaiidreams-blog · 7 years ago

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Cure Macherie from Hugtto Precure by me. Hope you like it!

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kpopandkawaiidreams-blog · 7 years ago

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🐯💜

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kpopandkawaiidreams-blog · 7 years ago

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Mental illness, suicidal and self harm. Why SHINee keeps me living💎💙

SHINee has saved me

I am a 26 year old Battling mental illness and anorexia nervosa.

I weight 6 stone 10 and trying to face my fear of reaching 8 stone.

I spent 2 years in my bedroom and would not go outside. I was so frightened of the world and spent days judging how worthless I was. I did not want to live anymore. I would go on the town to drink as much as i could *trigger* take overdoses with alcohol and self harm in the girls bathroom. Every time I would go out the same thing would happen and I ended up in hospital so many times.

My mum did not want to watch her daughter die in front of her i knew I had to try and change and find more sunshine in this life.

I finally stopped going out but would not go outside, that’s when i found SHINee. I was a later fan than a lot of the fans. About 6 years now but they really made me laugh and i felt safe from everything. I slowly started to go outside more and in time, i managed a trip to London. If I go outside on my own i need to have shinee on my mp3 as I am too anxious and do not feel safe with expensive items showing. It really helped me to start getting out of the house a little more.

Then I had another negative thought, people call me flamboyant and if they were judgemental towards different sexuality or unique people, I knew I was different from others but they had this big love surrounded them and I thought I can be mysel.f All my faults, illness it does not matter they will still accept me as a fan.

For a long time I struggled to keep food down without throwing up after meals and could not stop the self harm or panic attacks. I had gone into depression when some days I would not even roll out of bed and sleep 14 hours wishing to leave this world. However SHINee took me away from that dark bubble and helped me to be myself again and to smile and laugh and dress how I want.

Key remind me of a diva, i adored him so much! not in a romantic way but in way were if he was not a idol i would try to make friends with him. Cup of tea and afternoon tea and talk about fashion! and the rest were just so sweet and funny that it made me see a reason to keep trying to live

I had attempted suicide 4 times, i was a self harm and was at 6 stone. I knew I was slowly killing myself. I could feel the pain in my bones from them turning brittle. My hair was falling out and I could not keep a meal down. But I went to the doctors and faced my fears and went on a high dose of anti depressants.

Ever since then when i feel like it is the end of the world, I watch SHINee Videos and go on Instagram. It would be great if the others got it too but I don’t want them to ever feel pressured. I love Key doggies and how stylish they looked and how much I just wanted to give them a hug. And thank SHINee for helping me to want to live in this world longer..

Jonghyun death and going down hill again

When I heard the news I broke in so many ways. I cried and cried and first thing i did was want to leave this world. I felt so guilty that I could not help and as a suicide survivor why could he not have another chance like i did. It pushed me to the edge and the first thing i did was grab that razor blade.

But after seeing the rest of the members I just wanted to hug them all. I felt like onew might of blamed himself as he was the oldest BUT IN NO WAY IT WAS HIS FAULT. Depression is very sly sometimes and it takes everything was is bright and turns it all into darkness. I knew then I had to show my way of supporting them and that was by recovering and fighting this illness what took someone i really looked upto.

HOPE

Each day is still a struggle and I still hear them voices in my mind saying you should lose weight, you deserve to die, no one likes you. But I try and push past it for SHINee. I got to keep going and keep fighting this. Everyday is a battle and I don’t know how much more I can take but I will keep fighting this for all my loved ones and for my beautiful SHINee.

I love you all so much and I don’t know if anyone will ever see or even read this but if you do. Please remember to be kind to others and help me get my story to them. They might of felt they could not save Jonghyun but don’t give up hope, you have done the best you could of done and you saved your fans.

Love Jasmine