kommanderkale

[kommanderkale]

No, dude. She didn’t “leave” me. I’m the one that cut things off with her and put her on block after saying I couldn’t foresee anything improving. You’d know this, if @astralera posted any actual evidence of sexual harassment rather than just write a whole lot of nothing 3 times.

Every time I engage with this, I draw attention to the original post. It’s the only thing on this blog. I’m not even denying anything in the 3-year-old OP. I’m specifically highlighting that @astralera​ had absolutely nothing to do with it. If she did, she’d post receipts already.

There’s a difference between someone who engages in sexual harassment because they are sinister, plotting, and conniving versus someone who engages in it because they can’t read the room, pick up on social cues, and respect boundaries. Frankly, I’m not intelligent enough to be sinister anything.

There is a story I need to tell you. It’s a story that involves not only me, but many others. Over the past couple weeks I have spent a great deal of time listening, watching, and at times speaking. And now, after witnessing the whole of what I’ve seen, I have come to the conclusion that this post must be written. For it is through the enforcement of silence that the bad actors in this situation control their victims, and I cannot remain silent anymore.

Kale Aideron is a serial sexual harasser, and not only have the moderators of Gold & Glory <G&G> willingly enabled his behavior, but they also have used manipulative abusive tactics to silence and control their membership when they try to speak up or get out.

In this post, you will see a great deal of screenshots and testimony. These have been shared with permission.

To begin, I am going to walk you through Kale’s behavior and break down his pattern. And as this post continues, I will discuss how the G&G moderators enabled him, then break down the behavior of the G&G moderators themselves.

[As a note this post contains descriptions of sexual abuse and harassment]

Keep reading

[kommanderkale]

If owning up to past mistakes isn’t enough to show remorse or improvement, then what is?

I imagine the answer is not repeating those mistakes. This particular falling out with @astralera was not one of those mistakes. Perhaps they see something I don’t, in which case, that is my problem and on me to try and connect. But as far as I can tell, our online friendship collapsed for reasons that aren’t related to sexual harassment.

There is a story I need to tell you. It’s a story that involves not only me, but many others. Over the past couple weeks I have spent a great deal of time listening, watching, and at times speaking. And now, after witnessing the whole of what I’ve seen, I have come to the conclusion that this post must be written. For it is through the enforcement of silence that the bad actors in this situation control their victims, and I cannot remain silent anymore.

Kale Aideron is a serial sexual harasser, and not only have the moderators of Gold & Glory <G&G> willingly enabled his behavior, but they also have used manipulative abusive tactics to silence and control their membership when they try to speak up or get out.

In this post, you will see a great deal of screenshots and testimony. These have been shared with permission.

To begin, I am going to walk you through Kale’s behavior and break down his pattern. And as this post continues, I will discuss how the G&G moderators enabled him, then break down the behavior of the G&G moderators themselves.

[As a note this post contains descriptions of sexual abuse and harassment]

Keep reading

[kommanderkale]

3 year report

I thought it was important to write this post, not just for posterity purposes, but for myself more than anyone else.

Here’s what I’ve done to in the past 3 years...

Started a career advocating for LGBTQ+ teens and teens of color.

Unfortunately ended that same career to focus on becoming a stay-at-home dad for two small children born in the latter half of 2019 and the first half of 2021.

Ran some mildly successful RP events, without using the IC/OOC authority for anything untoward as before.

Engaged in romantic and sexual RP with explicitly consenting adults

Other than the name change, not tried to hide who I am by changing Discord tags or characters, nor trying to cover up what was done by remaining transparent with prospective long-term friends.

Here’s what I’ve not��done in the past 3 years...

Repeated any of the same behaviours between 2013-19 (so I hope).

It’s all very much a “he said, she said” at this point, unfortunately. I’ve got the whole Discord log and neatly-organized receipts, but upon counsel (from my spouse no less), it was deemed unwise to pull that act a second time. I do sincerely believe you’ll be hard-pressed to find a testimony (bar the one I am disputing the truthfulness of) since January 2019 that paints me as the same person then. I wish I could understand how that recent incident ended like this.

Incidentally, the communications that was cited in my last post is a view shared by other female players, both the prior- and newly-acquainted (I appreciate the latter has a built-in bias to it; you’re hardly going to blow off a new friend for trying to be supposedly honest). This isn’t me going “See, I’m not a sexual harasser!”, mostly because Ojene’s OP didn’t even include the most uncomfortable anecdotes I cringe at in either shame or guilt to this day. That is part in why I was so quick to step down back then and apologize, only to my surprise that some of the worst behaviours (esp. in 2014 I want to say) weren’t even mentioned. 

Instead, I mention this as to why I continued to hang around on this alter ego despite everything. With the dissenting opinions from other women (some of whom seemed very knowledgeable of sexual harassment/assault etc.), I thought if I just owned what was done, respected the feelings of others, and vowed not to repeat it, I’d be tickety-boo. I actually thought starting over would be worse, because I would be trying to hide who I am, and it might draw suspicion I would try to repeat the behaviours. I certainly would have a lot of nerve for trying to incriminate myself a second time, after all.

Additionally, I appreciate what was done in the 2013-19 timeframe is enough to warrant being permanently blacklisted anyway, as in there is no ‘expiry’ date on this. Obviously, I don’t agree with this opinion personally, but I can understand it and perhaps should not be surprised when people bring my name up in 2021. I can only vow that 3 years is a long time to grow and change, especially as a parent (but I can say that 3 years when I was an entitled single and childless male online with no self-awareness is no time at all).

Why am I still RPing then with all this baggage? As mentioned, I’ve been able to form connections with people throughout 2019 til now, but I also do genuinely believe I have different priorities. Since having kids, my RP has transitioned from vicarious to something almost entirely more detached. I freaking love the setting and the character I have created (really, check out my carrd I’m proud of). Please keep in mind, I can now only play FFXIV when my kids go to bed, so my time is incredibly precious and limited. That means I have to be very selective of who I spend it with, and I don’t want to waste my valuable few hours of free time carelessly and mindlessly. This includes behaving as I once did.

So I leave this up here in posterity. This can’t live rent-free in my head anymore. I’m sure you’ll agree a toddler and an infant demand a better headspace from their father...just as some of you might say I should stop writing personal essays on Tumblr, and probably not spend so much time invested in FFXIV so that I can prioritize the kids!

Seems I still got some growing to do, eh?

[kommanderkale]

Hi Theo (astralera),

This is you right?

Right-click -> Open image in new tab for full resolution

You've got a lot of nerve trying to weaponize this post against me when you yourself don't even agree with any of it. I was upfront and honest with you about everything when we started to RP. You were accepting and for you to throw it back in my face is disgusting. It is is absolutely abhorrent you would try to use the experiences of others (who you laughed and jeered at) to attack me.

It has been almost 3 years, and I wanted to say that I acted on what the community called me out on by not having a single negative testimony to my name. Indeed, the only other thing on this tumblr blog is the original apology from January 2019. Every new prospective long-term friend I make in FFXIV, I encourage them to Google my in-game name to have a read of Ojene’s original post and decide for themselves whether they want to associate with me. This is how you (Theodora) discovered this OP in the first place. The fact I am reblogging the original post that called me out should hopefully be a clear indication of my transparency on this topic.

I am sorry that our friendship didn’t work out and things just seemed to go sour because of differing personalities or expectations. However, this is unacceptable, so I will let others see what you originally thought of the OP way back in June 2021. If you didn’t want to RP or PvE with me anymore, you just had to say so, not resort to this.

Later,

There is a story I need to tell you. It’s a story that involves not only me, but many others. Over the past couple weeks I have spent a great deal of time listening, watching, and at times speaking. And now, after witnessing the whole of what I’ve seen, I have come to the conclusion that this post must be written. For it is through the enforcement of silence that the bad actors in this situation control their victims, and I cannot remain silent anymore.

Kale Aideron is a serial sexual harasser, and not only have the moderators of Gold & Glory <G&G> willingly enabled his behavior, but they also have used manipulative abusive tactics to silence and control their membership when they try to speak up or get out.

In this post, you will see a great deal of screenshots and testimony. These have been shared with permission.

To begin, I am going to walk you through Kale’s behavior and break down his pattern. And as this post continues, I will discuss how the G&G moderators enabled him, then break down the behavior of the G&G moderators themselves.

[As a note this post contains descriptions of sexual abuse and harassment]

Keep reading

[kommanderkale]

Greetings

Hello,

I am Kale, leader of the 4th Combined Brigade and one of the organizers of the Eorzean Alliance Discord group. I will not embellish myself further and simply say it; I have been accused of various inappropriate behaviours towards female players by a number of people. I am not here to refute those accusations, or try bend matters with remarks such as “Yes, but…” or “Well, actually…”. I am here to own what was said, apologize, and indicate how I will do better. I owe it to myself, I owe it to the people who have followed me for leadership in RP for the past 2 years and change, I owe it to the people who have stood by me in the community, and more importantly, I owe it to anyone who I have made feel uncomfortable over the years.

These response-like statements are always a bit clumsy. They are often interpreted as a “cover your arse” sort of move, with some readers disregarding what is to be said as a weaselly attempt to repair one’s own reputation. But at this point, silence is useless, and there is nothing left to repair. It is at a point where it simply cannot be ignored. At time of writing, the Eorzean Alliance Discord has around 140 members. Even if it drops by not a single number, should I interpret this as support for myself? Absolutely not. People will remain either because they do not care, because they care more about Alliance RP events, or some other reason. People who remain in EA know that they do not have to interact with me beyond a superficial level (if at all) in order to enjoy our large-scale events. I will not use this possibility as an excuse to shrug this off and press on. In the past, with more private transgressions, while there may or may not have been exchanges of apologies, I was otherwise able move on from the matter.

Before I get in-depth, please know that the main transgressor of all of this is myself and nobody else. I do not think I have been sheltered or enabled by anyone. My friends have counseled me on these behaviours; in fact, we were working on a different sort of statement like this one, but obviously now it would be insufficient. Admittedly, that previous statement may have had the luxury of omittance which this one no longer enjoys. Perhaps that is for the best for the sake of being frank and open, for I am now writing this on my own. Digression aside, please do not think badly of those who had stood by me. If anything, they were my friends because they freely called me out on my BS, a trait I am always grateful for. This is entirely my responsibility.

Firstly, permit me to give some background information about myself. I started Final Fantasy XIV at the age of 23 at 2.0’s release, and I can safely say I was a maladjusted and unbalanced young male in a state of extended adolescence. From 2013 to 2014, I pursued RP relationships that were vicarious in nature. When things did not play out as I wanted, my emotionally immature self would throw his toys out of the pram in various ways, such as harassing or unwelcome whinging until a blacklist was put in place. With a twisted sense of smugness that that particular connection was at last concluded, I would move on.

I do not want to say this pattern of behaviour lasted into the latter half of 2015 when I met my wife for the first time, but I may have to accept the possibility that it did. A lot has happened since 2013; I moved from my home city of London, did 4 years in the US military, married my wife, completed a master’s degree, and settled down in the western United States. I know for certain that while my transgressions may have decreased in intensity from then until now, the core behaviour might have merely evolved into something more polite and, as a result, perhaps more insidious. I shouldn’t even use ‘may’ in this regard. I think you may agree in the assessment that recent events confirm this thesis.

I understand very much why advances to pursue particular types of RP were not rebuffed. What are you going to do when a prominent community leader chases you up for RP? What might happen if you turn them down? This power dynamic is problematic and resembles several recent events IRL. I wince uncomfortably as I consider the array of past interactions where I misconstrued politeness for receptiveness. It is such a textbook error that I am embarrassed that I could not identify these imbalanced arrangements before.  

Everything that you have heard from the past several years comes down to this moment. Prior introspection from before this event reveals to me that those reflections were actually not enough. I thought that modifying my behaviour to be more “polite” while still pursuing my RP preferences was sufficient enough for me to tell myself that I had been acting upon my introspection. I can see now that that was a poor assumption to make. It was not enough to rebrand my behaviour and call it a day. It required me to fully abolish and reform how I approached FFXIV RP and its community.

Please, however, do not think me predatory in nature, though you reserve the right to stand by that conclusion. Though it was not the case five years ago, my real life now is prosperous and productive. Why I have decided to migrate old preferences and behaviours to my new married life is something I did not seriously introspect on until now. The best of both worlds, perhaps, and yes, I know how problematic that comment is. I would like to say that I am just an idiot who doesn’t know tact, social grace, or how to consider the ways in which his community position could be exploitative. I have to admit I might have unconsciously used my position to pursue preferred RP. In fact, I can now see how the friendly persona I’ve striven to convey in public spaces is contrasted against these private developments. I would not be surprised if people thought me manipulative or even sociopathic. Again, my failure to consider this arrangement has brought me to this point.

Idiot or not, my actions have made several players feel uncomfortable or worse, be it five years ago or five days ago. For all of this, I apologize deeply. I do not expect this apology to be accepted, and there are consequences. First among them is relinquishing control of the Eorzean Alliance Discord. Whether it be disbanded or reformed is not my decision. I made a severe mistake by expanding my interests in the community without the corresponding abolition of private behaviours. I have had an utter blast running it, and that is no doubt thanks to your participation. Between Phi Slamma Gamma, the Second Grand Melee, and the recent Ala Mhigo ceremony, there have been some amazing events that were made so by you and your friends. I was extremely excited to plan an event around the Ghimlyt Dark, as a sort of capstone of EA’s successes for Stormblood, so I hope I can convey how much it pains me to part ways with it. You all deserve the opportunity to participate in a military RP community that is safe and inclusive for everyone. It does not need to be tainted by my presence. Its very existence I firmly believe is amongst the greatest achievements of Balmung, soon to be the Crystal Data Center. I wish I could be there for its future, but I have done what I have done.

In addition to this, I will simply... stop. In some ways, perhaps this was a necessary thing. Even in recent years where I was under some delusion that I had “improved”, there was still this shroud around myself, and around all the RP spaces I touched. I always wanted it displaced, and with the disclosure of the recent example, it is clear I did not endeavour enough to properly see the shroud gone. I loved what I did in FFXIV RP. I loved creating military RP, I loved going to all your community events, and I loved meeting new people. Ideally, I would have liked to keep doing what I do in FFXIV, especially with 4.5 upon us and 5.0 offering exciting adventures in the near-future, but I may just have to settle on being able to retain a basic membership of the community. To have any hope in doing so, I must focus on the simple mantra of “being better”. With the spotlight of the community on me, I will do this. I do not expect grace or clemency going forward. I think there are meaningful and sincere relationships to be had still, so I will do my best.

While I may have this optimism, there are further consequences that are outside of my control. My ship is sinking and my FFXIV world appears to be unraveling around me. At least one member of the 4th has reported harassment from a third party because of me, and I have heard that members of related groups as well as my friends are receiving similar treatment. I am not in a position to ask anything, but please, I have let these people down and they do not deserve being burned for it. I have lost the confidence of my officers, and I hold no ill-will against them for this. I do not know where I am going next in FFXIV, but I do know that members of the 4th should not be besmirched because of me. 

As such, the 4th Combined Brigade brand and namesake will be turned over in addition to the Eorzean Alliance. There is no need for Immortal Flames RPers to be without a central group because of me, and I always claimed that the concept of the 4th was that of a community fixture, not an extension of my own fancies. I do not need to say how painful this is for me, but in the end, I am not the 4th. The members of the 4th are, and they deserve to stay in touch with one another and continue to RP what they love.  

My future in the FFXIV RP community is unclear. I wish things didn’t have to be like this, but this is the situation I’ve put myself into.

Again, to everyone and for everything from the past five years, I am sorry.  

I can be contacted on Discord at Seriphyn#0337 or in-game under “Kale Aideron”. You may speak to me for whatever reason. I will take advice or admonishment. Thank you very much for taking the time out of your day to read this far.

Best,

Kale