kjxel-blog

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How to rp with me

Step one: Look for a meme I reblogged.

Step two: Go to my ask.

Step three: Send it to me.

Or you can also do this:

Step one: Open the IM thing.

Step two: Yell HEY YOU ASSHOLE at me

Step three: Plot.

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send me “have you evers” and I can only reply with “yes” or “no”

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the parks and recreation theme song is what the inside of a golden retriever’s head sounds like

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TO ALL OF YOU WONDERFUL MUN’S THAT PLAY FEMALE MUSES: i love you. you are wonderful. the difference in attention that male muses get compared to female one’s is absolutely disgusting and intolerable. ladies deserve love. they deserve attention. ladies are fucking fascinating and are entitled to just as much regard and adoration as the male ones. SPREAD THE LOVE AROUND TODAY Y’ALL. LOVE ON A LADY MUSE.

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top or bottom

“I’ve never really done anything so-”

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Imagination takes you in the most magnificent places.

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Hello

Hello! I’m Joel. Pleasure to meet you!

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Shout at my muse to see how they respond:

"I shouldn’t be in love with you!"

"It’s not fair!"

"I could kill you right now!"

"Knock it off!"

"Screw you!"

"You’re a complete moron!"

"I love this song!"

"Bring that here!"

"I hate you!"

"I’m pissed off!"

"Make me!"

"I wish you’d never been born!"

"I bought ice cream!"

"Kiss my ass!"

"Shut up!"

"I can’t do it anymore!"

"Take me home!"

"Just kiss me already!

"I can't be in love with you!"

"I can't believe this!"

"Piss off!"

"I wish things were that simple!"

"I love you!"

"Jump off a bridge!"

"You’re so hot!"

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"Your hair's messed up. Here, let me fix it."

   “Oh- Thank you.” He rubbed the back of his neck, a bit embarrassed that he had been walking around with bed-head. Leaning forward a bit, he waited for the male to help him.

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Random Sentence Starters

"Ouch! That was my foot!"

"Could you get out of my way?"

"Stop it!"

"You look lonely. Want to talk to me?"

"Your nose is red."

"Aw, you're so cute! You know that?"

"Eww, gross!"

"If you touch me again, you're dead."

"Don't eat that!"

"Gosh, you look kinda pale..."

"What is that!?"

"Oh my god, were you shot!?"

"Give me the gun. Now."

"Hello? Anyone in there?"

"Someone said you didn't feel well. You okay?"

"Do you want to cuddle?"

"I demand cuddles."

"You're hair's messed up. Here, let me fix it."

"Ohhh~ Someone's blushing~!"

"I-I-it's so c-cold..."

"It's too hot..."

"I can't...breathe..."

"Help!"

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"Augh! It hurts!"

"Feel my hands! They're so cold!"

"Stop! I can't run anymore..."

"Are you alright?"

"You look ready to faint."

"You're not serious."

"You want me to what?"

"Grab my hand!"

"Oh god. Oh god. Stay awake. Please stay awake. Stay with me!"

"Careful! You really don't want to fall here."

"Are you insane?"

"I can't allow this."

"I-I can't feel my arms..."

"Why are you all wet?"

"We need to get you to a hospital."

"I....I've been sh-shot..."

"Oh god, why is there so much blood...?"

"I think I'm gonna be sick..."

"Do you think you could make everything stop spinning?"

"I am NOT blushing!"

"Ugh, could you quiet down? My head hurts too much for this noise..."

"Have you been drinking?"

"Thank you. I really wanted someone to throw up on my shoes."

"I've never seen cuts like this..."

"Have you been to the doctor?"

"I think your leg is broken. I'll have to help you walk."

"Don't move!"

"Ouch! I...I think I heard something snap..."

"Don't touch it!"

"Your forehead feels kinda warm..."

"Careful with that! You wouldn't want to cut yourself, would you?"

"Why do you always do that?"

"How can I trust you?"

"You betrayed me! You betrayed everyone!"

"I told you not to kiss me when I was sick!"

"If I beat you and left you for dead, do you really think someone would come for you? They wouldn't."

"You disgust me to the point where looking at you makes me physically ill."

"Please don't go..."

"I can't live without you!"

"I'm sorry."

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send ‘ship !’ for the following

tbh there’s never a ship meme that hits on the things i wanna know so here we are :

who throws things in a fight ? who goes to their parent’s house for a weekend when things get bad ? who wants to have children ? who doesn’t ? if both do, how do their goals differentiate ? who is more adverse to physical contact ? who hates/dislikes their neighbors the most ? who hates/dislikes their significant other’s family ? who is most likely to leave when things get rough ? who thinks their partner turned out a different person than they thought ? who is more likely to cheat ? who is the more experienced ( sexually or otherwise ) ? who hates/dislikes their significant other’s friends ? who wants to go to social gatherings the most ? who is most likely to be dishonest ? who is more emotionally closed off and how does this affect their partner ? who is the dessert person ? who is more conservative ? who hates/dislikes oral sex ?

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“Is there a reason you’re gnawing on me?”

   “I wanted to get your attention.. But also I just want to bite.” He blinked. “I think I’m hungry.”

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"Here, I saved some for you. Try it?"

“I’d love to.” He wasn’t sure about the female’s cooking skills, although it would be rude to turn her down because of that, so of course he leaned forward, lips parted as he waited to be fed.

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“I’ve got a gallon of ice cream and if you don’t get a spoon my tummyache will be all your fault.”

   “Well we don’t want that, do we?” He laughed, leaning forward. “Grab me a spoon and let’s dig in.”

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Non-romantic fluff starters

bottomlessperdition:

“Here, I saved some for you. Try it?”

“I just really need a hug right now…”

“You. Me. Movie marathon. Get all the snacks you can carry.”

“Join me in the blanket fort. We play until dawn.”

“It’s cake, how difficult can it be?”

“Sure, it *looks* safe, but watch what happens when I do this.”

“I had a nightmare… can you stay up with me?”

“We’re going to have to raid the neighbors if you want more pillows to turn this into a Pillow Fortress Castle.”

“This would look so cute on you!”

“Okay, but if you turn the lights off for this playthrough, I’m not being held accountable for anything I do when spooked.”

“I said we could share a blanket, but if you put your cold feet on me *one more time*…”

“You’ve been working too hard and I’m calling a Netflix intervention. Not taking no for an answer.”

“I’ve got a gallon of ice cream and if you don’t get a spoon my tummyache will be all your fault.”

“Fight me. Pillow fight. And by fight I mean cuddle.”

“My hand is cold. Unless we find somewhere to stop soon, it’s going up your back.”

“Oh my god, just pet my hair already.”

“After that movie you’re staying for a sleepover. I know you don’t want to go home and sleep alone anyway.”

“Is there a reason you’re gnawing on me?”

“C'mon, I need a Player 2.”

“I bet you can’t make it all the way through the movie without screaming at it.”

“If you put that in the microwave uncovered I swear I will beat you to death with a plastic spoon.”

“What was that flavor of cake you liked? I need to know because reasons.”

“When we get that house you’re handling the spiders.”

“Going to the mall alone is boring. Besides, I need someone to tell me how great I look in all the clothes I try on.”

“It’s not MY fault you scream like a schoolgirl on a rollercoaster.”

“It’s an arcade, do you need more reasons to go?”

“Please tell me why you were napping in my freshly dried blankets *while they’re still in the dryer*.”

“Can we please take cheesy best friend pictures in that photo booth? I promise to keep silly faces to a minimum.”

“I’m singing along to this song and you can’t stop me, so either deal with it or join me.”

“C'mon, with anyone else this would be too weird.”

“I hate this game so much. Here’s a link, you should totally play it.”

“I take no responsibility for any smells you may or may not encounter from this point forward.”

“HELP I HAVE A SPLINTER”

“Okay, but consider that if you don’t watch this show with me, I’ll still rant to you just as much about the feels it gives me.”

“If anyone turns that fan off again I swear someone’s going to bleed.”

“Help me, the computer’s making sad beeps again. Make it happy, please.”

“THIS MOVIE MAKES ME CRY EVERY TIME WHY DID YOU LET ME CHOOSE IT?!”

“I have in front of me: One DVD, seven remote controls, and an entertainment center. This will be a voyage of discovery.”

“If I die, you get my cat. So make sure I live through this.”

“I need someone to cling to in the haunted house, and you’re it.”

“Yeah, but you’re *my* nerd.”

“The remote is two feet thataway and I don’t feel like moving. We’re stuck with this.”

“You are aware this was the worst idea ever and you’re lucky you’re my best friend, or else I’d leave you alone to deal with this.”

“I’d say sorry my mom tried to adopt you again, but it was kind of my idea.”

“There is a perfectly good reason I’m eating these mini marshmallows right out of the package, I’m certain of it. Probably.”

“Okay but hear me out: Fluffy. Sharks.”

“Please keep your sick away from me and get better soon. I made you soup.”

“That sounds like a bad idea. I’m in.”

“If you don’t come up and sing with me, I will sing and point at you. The entire. Time.”

“We made a pact based on SpongeBob jokes, you can’t back out now.”

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