kiwikumquat

[kiwikumquat]

today’s heat was so bad. like I can do heat but heat with humidity? man that’s some hardcore stuff because I walked outside for 10 minutes and I was sweating so much. it was almost like I could feel myself melting into the sidewalk.

also it’s that time of the month!! woohoo yay blood and feeling super tired and bloaty??? literally was so uncomfortable today and then I remembered oh yeah I am bLEEDING

[kiwikumquat]

hi!! camp is getting a bit dull because the coordinators and lab assistants have everything so under control. it’s definitely a good thing because it means I don’t have to constantly be paying attention, but it also makes time pass very slowly.

like so slowly that I literally get up and talk to some of the kids because I’m so bored.

I think I’m gonna bring a book next time!!! because ya girl is kinda goin nuts lol

[kiwikumquat]

great day at camp today!! the camp coordinator is a woman that graduated from the ECE department here and just recently had a baby so I asked her about the work/family balance and her experience with it as a new mom. it became a really great discussion about just being a woman in engineering in general and it reminded me about how wonderful it is talking to people that are farther along in their careers. she’s pretty young (she finished undergrad in 2013 and said she’s been working in the industry for like 6 years so I’m guessing like maybe 27 or 28?) so it’s been cool to see that there are women out there that are choosing both family and career.  I’d really like to have both (and not have to put off one to work on the other) in the future.

[kiwikumquat]

hi! quick post because I’m tired and don’t have much to say today.

first day back working at camp today! everything went pretty smoothly and I think the kids like me so it’ll probably be a very chill week. the camp coordinators for this week are way more organized than the previous week and there are less kids at this camp which means less to manage myself!

I also made some bread this morning before work but it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to but guess what!!! its ok!!! I always get frustrated when it doesn’t look the way I wanted it to but it tastes fine tbh so no reason to be so angry about it

facetimed my best friend tonight and wowee I miss her so much :/ I’m visiting her over thanksgiving but that feels like ages from now

I did get to hang out with my other best friend for a night before flying back to champaign and I just gotta say man!!!! she’s one of my best friends for a reason thoooo for real!! seeing her for a bit like healed me in a way I didn’t know I needed

[kiwikumquat]

12 hours of traveling later, ya girl is back in champaign!!! I worked out after getting back to my apartment and it felt nice to be active after the long hours of sitting on the plane/bus. I just ate dinner and am currently doing laundry, watching the handmaid’s tale and waiting for my soybeans to steam so I can make soymilk!!! 

feelin good today!!! excited to get back to work this week and then fly home for the last time (at least for like a month or so until fall semester starts loool)

ready to sleep!!! yee

[kiwikumquat]

Elie Saab at Couture Fall 2019

[kiwikumquat]

IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER

are u sure? like are u really sure? have u seen me? u did not think this through

[kiwikumquat]

hi ok it’s been a hot sec since I was last on this platform! this isn’t my main blog but I didn’t want to make a whole ass other blog and start from scratch so here we are with a theme that I can’t really change for some reason because it wants it to be from https or something

I’m starting this because I’m sad a lot!! and I don’t want to be sad so much anymore! truly I’m ok but I feel like I’m better than this and tbh I’m really just frustrated that I lost weight then gained it back because I eat my feelings!! I don’t want to be like this!!! I know that I can improve my health and not be so frickin sad all the time while stuck in my head feeling v alone.  I have really lovely friends and a wonderful family and I feel so lucky to have them, so its time that I change something up to improve my situation because where I am right now is not the place I’d like to be.

someone once said something along the lines of “your mind is not always the nicest place to be” and it’s true; I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past year but am still confused about a whole bunch of other things. confused about things I don’t even know I’m confused about! 

I haven’t had much success with handwritten journaling (I can’t seem to get all my thoughts out in a way that I want to? my brain moves on from one train of thought to the next too quickly so I’m hoping that typing will remedy that issue) so I’m gonna do this blog thing! 

a challenge to post every day until the end of the year (dec 31, 2019) and write down the things swirling around my mess of a brain :)