kittishog-nosedbat

[kittishog-nosedbat]

any advice for college? im 3 days in & already want to mysteriously disappear during my next bathroom break

start a psychosexual relationship with one specific and convenient vending machine

[kittishog-nosedbat]

periodic reminder that your death by your own hand will wreak more havoc on the lives of those you know than you are ever capable of imagining and if you need a sign not to kill yourself this is it. people care more than you know & i am one of them

[kittishog-nosedbat]

This guy's psyduck keeps trying to drive the bulldozer

[kittishog-nosedbat]

Today I found out my dead grandpa was a massive shoplifter and every ice cream sandwich, Little Debbie roll and candy he gave me was more than likely stolen. He always had little gifts for me. Gifts he had stolen. Apparently Walmart was his favorite spot to steal from. I thought I couldn’t love and respect my grandfather any more than I already did but I do now. Poppy, you were a real one.

[kittishog-nosedbat]

i like to make myself super sad and then walk into a crowded area and watch all the empaths fall to the floor and start writhing in pain

[kittishog-nosedbat]

[kittishog-nosedbat]

15

[kittishog-nosedbat]

i drunkenly scheduled a friendly brawl with an acquaintance of mine and we both completely forgot about it. that is until we were sitting next to each other in class and both of us get google calendar alert that reads VIOLENCE AGAINST LEW i about lost my fucking mind. what do you mean violence against me.

and then i fucking remembered i completely shitfaced told him to send me an invite to the brawl and even more that i insisted to type something into the notes of the meeting to make it look "less worse" and he opens the invite and it just says PREMEDITATED. most sinister calendar event ever created i laughed so hard i cried

[kittishog-nosedbat]

it’s crazy how a double bacon cheeseburger is probably the single healthiest thing a human can eat

[kittishog-nosedbat]

it's funny how if the motive wasn't profit there could be ultra-processed food that's 'good for you'. like instead of replacing nutritious ingredients to get your customers to buy more you create like, an ultra-nutritious version of a food LOL

[kittishog-nosedbat]

oh so we're doing scooby doo crimes now

[kittishog-nosedbat]

i love truck stops in winter bc i love a little good old fashioned reconnaissance. i’m at a wyoming truck stop eating taco bell with a bunch of random truckers discussing road conditions like we’re in a high fantasy tavern & inn and we’re warning each other about monsters and highway men. everyone talking about where we’re coming from and going to and how bad it’ll be getting there.

THE tallest man i’ve ever seen in real life just stopped me in the hallway by the coin operated laundry apropos of nothing and asked “which direction are you going?” i said east and he said “good” and walked away.

i caught up with him and asked why and he said “west’s no good right now. i just came from there.”

apparently a truck jackknifed and has traffic backed up ten miles but he sounded for all the world like he just found his village raised to the ground by an evil mage’s army

[kittishog-nosedbat]

[kittishog-nosedbat]

here comes the airplane

[kittishog-nosedbat]

its no money november that's where it's november and i dont have any fucking money

[kittishog-nosedbat]