kittensentienceadventures

[kittensentienceadventures]

too savage so I held myself back from saying it

I remember that one guy from university. The obnoxious male acquaintance who seemed to have it out for me for no apparent reason. He was always petty and rude, and honestly, I couldn’t stand him. At first, I didn’t let it bother me much—I was too busy having fun with Marcy Lyn. But there was this one time that stuck with me.

We had a roleplay activity for class—either linguistics or literature, one of my major subjects since I was an English major. That day was a disaster for me. I’d been sick for three days but dragged myself to class anyway. I was completely out of it—hadn’t showered, skipped breakfast as usual, and honestly, I probably smelled awful, like durian or something.

My classmates, though, didn’t cut me any slack. They jumped to all kinds of conclusions and started saying awful things behind my back. I was physically and mentally unwell, but instead of understanding, they were downright cruel.

What really got to me was that I never defended myself. I just let the rumors spiral. People started saying the wildest things about me—stuff like I’d been assaulted or worse. And there I was, thinking, Seriously? I’m just mentally and physically drained, that’s all.

One of the worst moments was with that rude classmate. I almost snapped and said something brutal to him—something like, “Sure, you might have a pretty face, a successful life, and tons of women fawning over you, but your personality is trash. You’re more rotten than a fujoshi, and your homophobia and discrimination make you the poster boy for toxic alpha cishet males.”

But I bit my tongue. It was savage, even for me, so I let it go.

[kittensentienceadventures]

+context [ids in alt]

[kittensentienceadventures]

Owari no Seraph Chapter 143 - Analysis and Review. SPOILERS Ahead

今日は皆さん。久しぶりですね。

Hey everyone, it's been a while hehe...Soo, given that the chapter was released in Japan, we'll have to wait until it gets released on this side till Jan 10th. Nevertheless, I want to give an insight.

P.S: As usual, ships are excluded and everything's held within a neutral view.

The chapter starts retaking from chapter 142, an encounter between the Shinoa Squad and the 5th Progenitor Ky Luc. There is an eventual fight of willpower given that Shinoa is aiming to turn Ky Luc into a cursed gear from the black series so Mitsuba can wield. Along this, we have a flashback on which it is revealed as to why Ky Luc followed Urd Geales with utmost loyalty.

The reason behind is because Urd wants to die. But not die like a demon but as a human. To reach mortality in order to die like the human he was born.

Upon hearing such dream, Ky Luc was amazed by such dream, promising himself to carry on and live until Urd fulfilled his dream.

Given this, Ky Luc's will was all that kept him from turning into a demon, nevertheless, given that Shinoa was devouring him as well, Shinoa was able to feel his feelings and memories, making her overwhelmed, nevertheless, the squad was there for her so she could manage to turn Ky into a demon.

She apologizes to him for that and at the end we have an Owari Kaisen. [Shinoa made the new demon as two fingers. Don't ask what the author was thinking cause Idk either haha].

As for the end of the chapter, Shinoa now knows what Urd and Rigr are thinking along Yuu's location.

Analysis

First of all, many might consider or may think that the portrayal of strength between Shinoa and Ky Luc was unfair along that her power up was random...

I will say that the way things are paced is not exactly the best. The story is reaching its eventual end and yes, there are things that could have been detailed much better or polished nevertheless, let's not forget details that have been from the very beginning.

What do I mean?

Ever since the LN were published, it has been stated that Shinoa is far stronger than other characters. That includes Mahiru, Guren, the adults even by Shikama. But why's that?

Simple, Shinoa has had the ability to accept demons without losing her heart, without needing to do trials like other wielders as seen in old chapters and the last one which was chapter 102 till chapter 106. [That's when Yuu fought went to save Mika, then fought against him to make him his cursed gear].

Now, following suit, why did Shinoa never do such task when she had the power but chose until now?

Well, it all goes with the narrative but also with her emotional development. What do I mean?

Perhaps people what makes them feel like something's wrong is not only the narrative but also the building of "expectation". Long ago, I was actually pissed, angry or rather upset with how things turned in OnS in terms of story, I felt no motivation to write or the sort but then, along a friend, we started to consider other aspects from what we actually expected but rather, what the characters were displaying emotional wise and rationality wise.

Which means, the characters are driven regarding how they feel, what they aspire, what they want, along what they know about their own selves.

With Shinoa, she thought she had found out what she wanted, she thought that because she had fallen in love and was together in a squad, she had truthfully lived when in reality, she was taking the baby steps required to live.

As Kouhei Kadono's LNs suggest. In order to have the right to die, you must live first.

But returning to the topic. Shinoa had a massive advantage against Shikama not because of raw power alone. It was first seen she could take any demon into her and use them (LN which came to portrayal on chapter 133). But let's remember that Rigr made certain Shikama's powers were constantly restrained due to the place they managed to create, giving Shinoa an advantage.

In the case of Ky Luc, Shinoa was able to bust her own teammates so they could actually pull a fight against a beast like Ky Luc.

Her being able to know how to create a demon, this was shown in early chapters when Mikaela turned into a demon. Knowledge is power and in a war where life is at stake, such knowledge comes in handy.

The next question, why did Ky Luc lose if he was powerful?

One of the topics that it's heavily touched in Ky Luc's backstory is that Ky had no sense of why he wanted to live. He had a bind that all he knew was that he had to survive. Ky fought through life to survive but not until he met Urd Geales, did he find a first thing to live for. Nevertheless, he is living for someone but not living for himself. What do I mean?

Usually, the story tends to portray how characters want to be recognized, how they want to be seen to someone else's eyes along how people start gathering around them. But the other side of the coin is, what is exactly to live? What does living exactly mean?

It's not just about living for someone but actually finding a reason for your own. It is a delicate thread between selfishness along personal love, it's hell after all. It's finding in a desolate land a reason as to why one's self is existing and living. Even during hell, or during the trial called life, people find meaning, they find things to do, to enjoy, to aspire for, to spend time with, to cry for, to lament for, but to grow for as well.

Ky Luc's human clock stopped, the reason he lost was because he always believed that vampires would be the strongest of their kind, never considering what divided humans and vampires. What exactly made humans be special yet frightening, but rather, he thought as long as he fought, as long as he made himself stronger, he wouldn't lose. But it was a different day there...Ky Luc had a past stained with blood and I'm not going to say he's a justificable character, but rather fascinating, how despite the mind along the ideals can set someone to see light, for others such light only reflects darkness.

As for the final point. The squad's role

For sure, the way they got their power up was not exactly the best developed point but given that the story had to move on, that's what we got. Shinoa being able to access to the First Progenitor's powers is what allowed her to give her team a chance to fight given that the protagonist is broken in terms of power as well, so there must exist a balance in power scale.

But, what is there to need to be discussed with the squad?

Their union.

One of the things that's been visible is that once Yuu left, the squad had a turnoil of emotions, distress, sadness, along feelings akin to feeling lost.

Like lambs who were waiting for the lead to guide them, but given that someone stood there, a new beacon began to shine. But instead of following Yuu and Guren; they began to follow a beacon to a new path. One on which they could dictaminate what they wanted to do with their lives.

Kimizuki, Yoichi and specially Mitsuba, have displayed growth despite few chapters passing by; they do treasure the family they have, they love Yuu but they are living in the present. They are not tied to what happened millenia ago, they want a better world, a world that lets humanity prosper and end the eternal hell they've been subjected to endure but among this, the real creation of bonds has been visible. The squad supporting each other, working together along ensuring each other is alright is one of the most precious things that can be witnessed.

As a side note

I usually complained about Mitsuba's poor development...but right now, her worrying about Shinoa, showing what it is to be a caring friend, what it means to give support for someone you hold dear. It means there is progress instead of blindy following. I hope we get to see interactions between Mitsuba and Ky Luc with time along constant development with the members of the squad.

What do you think about this? Let me know.

It's alright if you don't like it, just remember, respecting each other is what leads to good conversations.

[kittensentienceadventures]

The Gaang's hands (with Team Azula and Yue) + headcanons

This series was inspired by @thyinum's Avatar's Hands series!

[kittensentienceadventures]

More ATLA <3

[kittensentienceadventures]

Let Them

Are you familiar with the “Let Them” theory? I’ll tell you the more I grow the more I am okay with accepting the “Let Them” in my own life and relationships.

This is something that took me a very long time to learn. I used to tolerate a lot because I didn't want to lose people. But I learned the hard way if they were really my people they would never treat me like that. Don't make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you're being repeatedly disrespected.

Let them be upset.

Let them judge you.

Let them misunderstand you.

Let them gossip about you,

Let them ignore you.

Let them be "right."

Let them doubt you.

Let them not like you.

Let them not speak to you.

Let them run your name in the ground.

Let them make you out to be the villain.

Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them!

Kindly step aside and LET THEM.

The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you. And they just simply don't care. They did it knowing it could cause them to lose you. And they did it anyway. People that love you care about how they make you feel. The end. Let them go.

There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they've done to you. Let them go.

The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of accountability was the closure. The lack of honesty was the closure. Let them go.

You can still be kind. You can even still love them deeply. But do it from the distance they created in their words and actions. Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go.

It’s taken me a long time to get here. Sleepless nights, countless tears, managing a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion, and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, self preservation, deep prayer and seeking wisdom from those much wiser than me.

If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone.

We will never understand why hurt people hurt people.

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people.

Don’t you dare let them steal your joy.

Don’t you dare let them steal your light.

Don’t you dare let them steal your peace.

You are in control of that.

Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.

Let them go.

Thanks Mel Robins

[kittensentienceadventures]

Reminiscing the past. But also giving a message of hope for the future

I was 37kg when I was 16. I was the worst version of myself when I was 16-17. I started attending university when I was 16. I was anorexic that time period. Suffered 2 years of deliberately starving myself by skipping meals. Both breakfast and lunch. I usually only eat one meal per day, dinner. On other school days, I'll just munch on burgers for lunch. I've always been a lonewolf since I turned 16. My blockmates thought I was an aloof, antisocial, silent-type of person especially since the first impression I marked them with was: I didn't smile when I first introduced myself during our first meeting in class. I had a monotone voice. Uninterested in elaborating anything about myself and did the bare minimum self introduction. Name, address, and a small nod of acknowledgement at the end of my greeting. It sparked the curiousity of some classmates. Particularly, Ian Jacob. He approached me first and asked me why I had such a dry introduction. I didn't like formalities and had always been blunt so I just told him something along the lines of: "I'm awkward." Then he tried to befriend me. So did our other classmates. They were interested in the gloomy girl who wanted to avoid as much social interaction with other people as possible. It was odd for me. I'm just an ordinary student. With an above average IQ, average looks, but boring personality. I preferred my own company. I would rather spend time alone than be with people. (It wasn't a phase. I'm just a bit more sociable now. But I'm still predominantly an introvert.) So my short life as a university student in MSU IIT was mostly filled with painful memories. I disliked most of what happened there during my short 3 semesters stay in the campus. I went MIA for a long time both in social media & IRL. I dropped out of school, deleted my 2010 FB account, and became a recluse for more than a decade. My world shrank to the size of my home. Then smaller. Just my bedroom. I isolated myself for years, too mentally incapable of handling social interactions since they drain my energy, depleting it faster than how sound travels. So I silently suffered for more than a decade. 2013 was the worst year of my life. 2020 is the second worse year. But for more than a decade, I battled depression, anxiety, and other mental ailments I won't ever mention. I take medication for my illnesses. I'm literally not the healthiest person. I've gotten sick physically (suffered acute pneumonia thrice in different timelines in my lifespan), mentally (mental health was awful for more than a decade), emotionally (I felt worthless, had serious self-esteem issues, and suicidal for years). So my life had been full of trials and tribulations for most years of my existence. But I saw the light at the end of the tunnel on 2021. That year, things started to get better for me. My life now, is so much more different compared to when I was in elementary, high school, university, and the years I spent as a hikikomori NEET. Now, my life changed for the better. So my message for the teenagers & young adults who read this story is this: Life gets better with time. If things aren't okay, then it's not yet the end. So don't lose hope. Keep on living. Despite all the pain, suffering, heartaches, and other tribulations that life throws at us, just keep swimming. Don't let go.

Live one day at a time.

Do the bare minimum. But keep living.

Not for the sake of others, but for your own sake.

The best is yet to come.

[kittensentienceadventures]

Welcome to Kittensentience Adventures

This is more than just a blog—it's my space for reflection, growth, and connection. Through letters to my past, present, and future self, I hope to document the journey of navigating life's challenges, celebrating its joys, and embracing the lessons along the way.

Each post is a piece of my story—a glimpse into real-life experiences that have shaped who I am and who I'm striving to become. My hope is that as I write for myself, these words might also uplift those who happen to stop by.

Kittensentience Adventures is my personal growth journal, a record of transformation, and a quiet reminder that we’re never truly alone in our struggles or triumphs. Here’s to learning, healing, and supporting one another—one story at a time.