kittensentienceadventures

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Letting Go & Moving On

This January taught me the importance of releasing the past and embracing the present.

The past is behind me—it no longer needs to be revisited. I've made peace with it, holding on to the lessons but letting go of the pain and the people who caused it. Life is happening now, and I choose to live fully in the present. Forgiveness, both for myself and for others, is my way forward. Gratitude remains at the core of my journey, appreciating the countless blessings in my life and the lives of those I love.

As February approaches, I welcome its adventures with an open heart.

I strive to stay mindful of my thoughts and intentional with my actions, learning from my mistakes while ensuring I don't repeat them. I'm also prioritizing my well-being, shaping my social life to match what my body can handle.

A heartfelt “thank you” to my Infiniti Armada family for their unwavering support, for holding me accountable, and for offering wise guidance. Your words and care will remain with me, guiding my steps in the days to come. ♡♡♡

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too savage so I held myself back from saying it

I remember that one guy from university. The obnoxious male acquaintance who seemed to have it out for me for no apparent reason. He was always petty and rude, and honestly, I couldn’t stand him. At first, I didn’t let it bother me much—I was too busy having fun with Marcy Lyn. But there was this one time that stuck with me.

We had a roleplay activity for class—either linguistics or literature, one of my major subjects since I was an English major. That day was a disaster for me. I’d been sick for three days but dragged myself to class anyway. I was completely out of it—hadn’t showered, skipped breakfast as usual, and honestly, I probably smelled awful, like durian or something.

My classmates, though, didn’t cut me any slack. They jumped to all kinds of conclusions and started saying awful things behind my back. I was physically and mentally unwell, but instead of understanding, they were downright cruel.

What really got to me was that I never defended myself. I just let the rumors spiral. People started saying the wildest things about me—stuff like I’d been assaulted or worse. And there I was, thinking, Seriously? I’m just mentally and physically drained, that’s all.

One of the worst moments was with that rude classmate. I almost snapped and said something brutal to him—something like, “Sure, you might have a pretty face, a successful life, and tons of women fawning over you, but your personality is trash. You’re more rotten than a fujoshi, and your homophobia and discrimination make you the poster boy for toxic alpha cishet males.”

But I bit my tongue. It was savage, even for me, so I let it go.

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+context [ids in alt]

[kittensentienceadventures]

Let Them

Are you familiar with the “Let Them” theory? I’ll tell you the more I grow the more I am okay with accepting the “Let Them” in my own life and relationships.

This is something that took me a very long time to learn. I used to tolerate a lot because I didn't want to lose people. But I learned the hard way if they were really my people they would never treat me like that. Don't make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you're being repeatedly disrespected.

Let them be upset.

Let them judge you.

Let them misunderstand you.

Let them gossip about you,

Let them ignore you.

Let them be "right."

Let them doubt you.

Let them not like you.

Let them not speak to you.

Let them run your name in the ground.

Let them make you out to be the villain.

Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them!

Kindly step aside and LET THEM.

The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you. And they just simply don't care. They did it knowing it could cause them to lose you. And they did it anyway. People that love you care about how they make you feel. The end. Let them go.

There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they've done to you. Let them go.

The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of accountability was the closure. The lack of honesty was the closure. Let them go.

You can still be kind. You can even still love them deeply. But do it from the distance they created in their words and actions. Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go.

It’s taken me a long time to get here. Sleepless nights, countless tears, managing a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion, and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, self preservation, deep prayer and seeking wisdom from those much wiser than me.

If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone.

We will never understand why hurt people hurt people.

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people.

Don’t you dare let them steal your joy.

Don’t you dare let them steal your light.

Don’t you dare let them steal your peace.

You are in control of that.

Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.

Let them go.

Thanks Mel Robins

[kittensentienceadventures]

Reminiscing the past. But also giving a message of hope for the future

I was 37kg when I was 16. I was the worst version of myself when I was 16-17. I started attending university when I was 16. I was anorexic that time period. Suffered 2 years of deliberately starving myself by skipping meals. Both breakfast and lunch. I usually only eat one meal per day, dinner. On other school days, I'll just munch on burgers for lunch. I've always been a lonewolf since I turned 16. My blockmates thought I was an aloof, antisocial, silent-type of person especially since the first impression I marked them with was: I didn't smile when I first introduced myself during our first meeting in class. I had a monotone voice. Uninterested in elaborating anything about myself and did the bare minimum self introduction. Name, address, and a small nod of acknowledgement at the end of my greeting. It sparked the curiousity of some classmates. Particularly, Ian Jacob. He approached me first and asked me why I had such a dry introduction. I didn't like formalities and had always been blunt so I just told him something along the lines of: "I'm awkward." Then he tried to befriend me. So did our other classmates. They were interested in the gloomy girl who wanted to avoid as much social interaction with other people as possible. It was odd for me. I'm just an ordinary student. With an above average IQ, average looks, but boring personality. I preferred my own company. I would rather spend time alone than be with people. (It wasn't a phase. I'm just a bit more sociable now. But I'm still predominantly an introvert.) So my short life as a university student in MSU IIT was mostly filled with painful memories. I disliked most of what happened there during my short 3 semesters stay in the campus. I went MIA for a long time both in social media & IRL. I dropped out of school, deleted my 2010 FB account, and became a recluse for more than a decade. My world shrank to the size of my home. Then smaller. Just my bedroom. I isolated myself for years, too mentally incapable of handling social interactions since they drain my energy, depleting it faster than how sound travels. So I silently suffered for more than a decade. 2013 was the worst year of my life. 2020 is the second worse year. But for more than a decade, I battled depression, anxiety, and other mental ailments I won't ever mention. I take medication for my illnesses. I'm literally not the healthiest person. I've gotten sick physically (suffered acute pneumonia thrice in different timelines in my lifespan), mentally (mental health was awful for more than a decade), emotionally (I felt worthless, had serious self-esteem issues, and suicidal for years). So my life had been full of trials and tribulations for most years of my existence. But I saw the light at the end of the tunnel on 2021. That year, things started to get better for me. My life now, is so much more different compared to when I was in elementary, high school, university, and the years I spent as a hikikomori NEET. Now, my life changed for the better. So my message for the teenagers & young adults who read this story is this: Life gets better with time. If things aren't okay, then it's not yet the end. So don't lose hope. Keep on living. Despite all the pain, suffering, heartaches, and other tribulations that life throws at us, just keep swimming. Don't let go.

Live one day at a time.

Do the bare minimum. But keep living.

Not for the sake of others, but for your own sake.

The best is yet to come.

[kittensentienceadventures]

Welcome to Kittensentience Adventures

This is more than just a blog—it's my space for reflection, growth, and connection. Through letters to my past, present, and future self, I hope to document the journey of navigating life's challenges, celebrating its joys, and embracing the lessons along the way.

Each post is a piece of my story—a glimpse into real-life experiences that have shaped who I am and who I'm striving to become. My hope is that as I write for myself, these words might also uplift those who happen to stop by.

Kittensentience Adventures is my personal growth journal, a record of transformation, and a quiet reminder that we’re never truly alone in our struggles or triumphs. Here’s to learning, healing, and supporting one another—one story at a time.