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Silly me, I thought I was good enough.
In just a week I received so many turn down and rejections. So I started questioning my abilities. I thought I was good, in fact I think I`m great in what I do. But now, I don`t know anymore, I`m always confident in whatever I do because I know I always did my best. Now, I`m just a person who`s asking herself, “What are you good at?”, “What is your goal”, “What is your dream?”. Because after all those rejection, I don`t know if I`m really good in what I`m doing and then is it really what I want?, what I dream of doing? As I keep asking this, something starts crawling inside of me, another question, a much bigger question. What is my purpose? Everyday as I wake up, I watch every person inside my circle. Observing, thinking, Do they have a goal? Do they have a dream? Do they already know their purpose? It just began with rejections after rejections in a span of 1 week, now I'm always in my thought of “If I wasn`t good enough in the thing I thought I`m best at, then what is? What is my goal? What is my dream? What is my purpose? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And if you can`t pick what you do or think about, then maybe you aren`t really real, you know? Maybe I`m just a lie that I`m whispering to myself.
----- Turtles all the way down (John Green)
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POST-WHATEVER
it's suffocating..... that feeling of being unworthy.... useless.... being set aside.... the questions you don't know how to answer... Why did you quit? What are you doing now? Are you happy? Are you satisfied with your decisions?....... I think i have answer to some of the questions... but was it really the answer? or it's just how i wanted it to answer. Am I happy now after making such a big decision? Am I contended to what happened? I guess not.. Human beings intend to be always looking or searching for something that might content them. Am I happy now? to be honest, I don't know. I feel useless, I feel like I wasted a chance. I felt regret. Do you know that feeling when you are being a priority of someone? You feel secure and you feel like maybe I can leave behind you work on for so long just for this person. And then suddenly after leaving it all behind you've been left alone. Because that someone became so comfortable that you'll just always be there. No matter what he did. No matter how busy that person will be, he's assured that you'll just be there not knowing that you have been set aside. Suddenly you felt useless. I don't know where this is going. But right now, what I words are running in my mind are... useless.regret.unworthy. and the biggest question is "Am I happy?"
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Unisilver Group International Corp. October 2,2006 to January 12,2018 Maria Katrina signing off....
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S.U.F yearly bonding and exchange gift🎁 #sufForKeeps
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Lighten up, just enjoy life, smile more, laugh more, and don't get so worked up about things. ...
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Being a child doesn't last long but having a playful mind and imagination can last a lifetime. If we allow it. (at Enchanted Kingdom)
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Perfect days come and go but the feelings and memories stay forever. #katventure (at The Venice Grand Canal Mall at McKinley Hill)
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feels good to be near you ocean🐚 #katventure (at Beach, Luna La Union)
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Etude House water gel lip tint. #koreankorean😂
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“Thank you.” That was all I ever wanted to say. Thank you because you made me believe that I was your princess. Thank you for lifting me up when I was down. Thank you because you helped me move on from the past. Thank you for helping me gain courage to face the truth – that everything will not be the same as before.
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I takes a strong heart to love but it takes an even stronger heart to love after it's been hurt.
I'm not the same girl. My heart got broken. I lost friends. And I learned that sometimes those “that’ll never happen to me” situations, may actually happen to you. And that makes me not to believe those I love you words. I’ve been used, lied to, badly hurt and left hanging by that person who promise not leave me and will never ever hurt me. I gave him everything, too much that I even forget to value myself. And that is my biggest mistake, I lost myself in the process while doing my best not to lose him. But in the end, he never really love me, he just used me for his on satisfaction and greed. And I realized it’s partly my mistake because I let him to. And I came to a moment that I promise myself not to let my guard down again, I even swear not to fall in love again because I know how fragile my heart is. And then there’s him. Always there for me, always love me despite how many times I rejected him and hurt his feelings. I really didn’t want commitment again and attachment. But he waited patiently and my walls that I build around me slowly crash. I thought maybe just maybe he could really be the one for me. If I wanted to love I should also be prepared to be hurt because love and hurt are one. And I just realize I’ve fallen for him and I know my heart is stronger to handle how big his love is and I know there will be trials and hurt but I know he is worth it. There will be misunderstanding and arguments and that’s fine because at the end of the day we will make up and see how we love each other.
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