kiscah

[kiscah]

i saw this on twitter and now i'm sobbing

[kiscah]

“do you remember the first day that we met?”

randomly wiggles into my brain like a lil worm at least once a day and sends me into a spiral

[kiscah]

my liam payne x choose love shirt is set to arrive tomorrow on my birthday it really lined up perfectly 🥺

[kiscah]

can y'all believe that “i love you the same from a million miles away as i do right next to you” is not an angsty lyric or line from a fic but something that liam payne actually said to louis tomlinson in real life

[kiscah]

"Friends don't lie."

"But boyfriends do."

-teambyler

[kiscah]

been seeing a lot of “my inner child is grieving this Liam,” implying a version of Liam from 10 years ago, and I just want to be 100% clear that my whole 32 year old adult self is mourning the loss of a 31 year old man. A father, a son, a brother whose light was snuffed out too soon. A man who was meant to have more time, despite his mistakes, because he deserved to. I am grieving him. My whole self is grieving his loss.

[kiscah]

Thank you for this. I’ve been dancing every morning to Liam’s music for the past few days. I’ve been struggling terribly with the loss of him but dancing and enjoying his music is the one motivator I have to actually get out of bed and start my day despite how shitty I might feel for the rest of it. I don’t know why that’s the route I’ve taken to handle my grief but it really has helped. I miss him so much.

Hey just a note about grief.

At some point, and for some of us it will be very soon while for others of us it will be a long time from now, you will start to feel like you want to listen to One Direction, or to Liam’s music, and simply enjoy it. You’ll watch This is Us or San Siro and you won’t be in mourning, you’ll be enjoying yourself. You will look at Liam and think only happy thoughts, and you will know that he is gone but in that moment it won’t hurt the same.

And you may, in that moment, feel supremely guilty about it.

I need you, when it happens, to take those feelings of guilt and let them go.

Liam, I am so certain of this, would not want you to feel guilty for not feeling sad. Liam, with his big heart and his joy and his happiness, would want you to take delight in what he made for you. I know and believe this with everything in me.

We have all suffered a deep loss that will change everything, it will change how we view our fandom time forever, to varying degrees. But someday, your heart will say, I want to let life in. And you should let it, when that happens.

Grief is a fickle thing, but some of us will approach a moment when we are tempted to take joy in Liam’s life, joy in what he has given us. Let yourself feel that joy, when it happens. Let Liam’s memory be a happy one when you can.

[kiscah]

not reading fic below a certain level of kudos is crazyyyyy why do u need 100 ppl minimum to approve someth for you before YOU can decide if YOU like it

[kiscah]

you know how it is

[kiscah]

MIKE WHEELER + A MEDITATION ON BOUNDARIES

"Back when I thought I was straight I would go on dates with boys. The boys would usually want to kiss me. I disliked kissing, but I thought that their preferences deserved to count as much as mine, and I reasoned that they probably liked kissing more than I disliked kissing. So kissing was a morally good thing to do. I also reasoned that if I told them I disliked the kissing then they’d feel guilty and enjoy it less. So I did not tell them.  I am certain I was making some kind of critical error but it has taken me a long time to figure out what it might be." (x)

[kiscah]

"you read a lot, right?"

"yes!"

"what are some books you've read recently?"

"uhh i don't remember"

[kiscah]

World is healing.

[kiscah]

“Bylers evidence doesn’t mean anything! It’s all just dumb theories just watch the show and you’ll see Mike and El are endgame!”

The show:

[kiscah]

Reblog and put in the tags what you would have been blogging about on tumblr in 2004.

[kiscah]

happy 2 years anniversary to the most obvious foreshadowing ever (making willelmike walk in their love triangle formation and making El walk away from them and picking up the same dead flowers Mike gave her at the airport because their relationship is dead and making Mike stay with Will and putting Byler with other couples and putting them in the center because the're gonna focus on that relationship in s5 and making them breath in sync while the other couples were holding hands, and they made the music pick up while they showed us the couples, Mike and Will are gonna get together in s5)

[kiscah]

interchangeable when necessary bc they cannot stand being apart from each other!

[kiscah]

Will didn't just give up his chance at happiness. He gave up his happiness. Mike had already reacted. He didn't give up the opportunity for Mike to love it. Mike loved it. He told him he loved and he told him he loved that it was from him. Will is smiling so easily when he says that he painted it. He's not nervous at all. He didn't give up his chance at happiness. He gave up his happiness. It was there. There was no losing it.

He didn't give it to Mike and say "this is from El" and avoid the risk of the whole thing. He felt the nerves, he watched the reaction, Mike smiled, he smiled. He added El after Mike had already reciprocated, even if all unspoken. Mike returned his enthusiasm. He got a taste before he gave it all up.

Even if he doesn't think it's real, or doesn't think that's why, or whatever, you can see that he knows. He knows there was something there. Something good. He was never so sad about things he never had in the first place. He hated it, but he never cried like he did. Will knew there was something there to lose. We've watched him grieve what could be all season. This is him grieving what was. No matter what level of awareness, the moment before he does this...it was real.