kiot

[kiot]

Havnt posted on here for a hot minute but I dont have much to write about its not like its getting better its just stayed the same so ig theres just no change , its as boring as ever

[kiot]

So pissed holy shit yesterday i was playing a game and like im the game theres cliques and theres this clique with mentally ill kids and their mad at me for being mentally ill?? Theres liked people on twitter they need a trigger warning for a teenager that's sad because these are grown adults saying shit and then go go around saying it's not a big deal after making it a big deal..? Why does everything bad happen to me not once was there a god or higher being on my side and it's so stupid they wont talk it out like the adults they are I can't even defend myself yet they still whine about it like they're scared to say it to my face atp they should be wearing a diper cause I don't even think they leave their shit stained chair

[kiot]

With Christmas coming up im starting to wonder if the same year is just on repeat over and over and that it isn't a new year it's just a year to redo what you did last time

[kiot]

My childhood dog died now I lost my appetite if that isnt a win idk what is

[kiot]

I'm going to be single forever every guy I like has a girlfriend

[kiot]

Whats with all these porno accounts

[kiot]

I survive off of toast and cereal

[kiot]

I know I haven't written in a bit but iv been too lazy. I'm starting to realize that I want the type of dad that cares and is a big lovable guy or atleast one that isn't creepy or has redeemable qualities but mine is just the opposite. His car smells awful but theres nothing I can do about it other than rolling down the window. He's so cold the only thing we share is blood. When i'm sick he doesn't care so I end up doing everything myself I know i need to grow up but I can't tell if i'm a child or not I mean my age is 14 but my mind is like 20. Im failing school and my friends , at school im the loud annoying girl. It seems everyone has their best friend like in PE they know who to go with but I'm always the one left I have friends and their friends with each other but they seem to like each other more than me. I want a fake life were the dad is the cool dad but all he does is smoke, I bet he drinks just not in front of me. He vapes in the house but theirs fans so it's fine. The house feels empty it's to clean, theres no love in it. The animals ate the only things keeping me sane and all they do is fight each other. I want an animal that allows me to hug and cry with it. Their Houdini but she's intolerant, caramellos scared of the dogs do I truly have nobody. It feels like the days are endlessly repeating it's the same everyday. I play up the stupid friend persona so they don't leave me. If i acted like this all the time I'd truly be lonely. It's in words I can't describe, no word is how I feel. It's not sad or lonely or in despair. It's like theres a hole in ever part of my body and I fill it up. My stomach is full of things I love while my brain is full of personas. My legs are full of makeup and my arms are full of blood. It seems to keep me ok for the most part but I don't know if im ok.

[kiot]

Tumblr girl era

[kiot]

Sleeps for the weak 👾👾

[kiot]

Kms I gained 5 pounds.

[kiot]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[kiot]

I also smell like pasta...like really somewhat decent pasta with hints of cheese

It's almost a little bit ago at like 1 am I got hungry so I went down and made a gamer mix drink of cola , green juice , and ice I forgot green juice name btw anyway yeah so I got my pasta and when I was going back upstairs I thought my grandma was dying so I put my ear to her door and her demon tiny dogs start to bark at me so I go upstairs with my phone in my mouth,food and drink in hand, and then I dropped my phone so then I woke up my dad almost to which I just day I dropped my phone while getting water and that somehow worked now I am in my room and it is 1:32 am on a school night I mean I should be asleep but yl whatever man I have no control of my life anymore and I have also lost my sanity cause I am now singing and speaking every word from the 2011 barbie movie Princess Charm School and I am crying ngl

[kiot]

It's almost a little bit ago at like 1 am I got hungry so I went down and made a gamer mix drink of cola , green juice , and ice I forgot green juice name btw anyway yeah so I got my pasta and when I was going back upstairs I thought my grandma was dying so I put my ear to her door and her demon tiny dogs start to bark at me so I go upstairs with my phone in my mouth,food and drink in hand, and then I dropped my phone so then I woke up my dad almost to which I just day I dropped my phone while getting water and that somehow worked now I am in my room and it is 1:32 am on a school night I mean I should be asleep but yl whatever man I have no control of my life anymore and I have also lost my sanity cause I am now singing and speaking every word from the 2011 barbie movie Princess Charm School and I am crying ngl