kiniri

[kiniri]

The water gently ebbed, moved by my shallow breathing. My eyes are glazed, unfocused, as I stared straight ahead. My body is present, in the bathtub, in a bathroom, in an apartment, in a building, surrounded by thousands of souls, going about their daily lives, arguing, paying taxes, comforting their children, but my mind – elsewhere.

In the past, perhaps.

Memories of touches hurt me. The joyful happiness a newly found yogurt flavour can bring a person. Walking around a convenience store, as if there is no care in the world, because there was not. Living in the moment, because the moment was all that existed.

Moving my knees, my head submerges under water. The moment existed, yes, but I do not wish to anymore. Not without you.

Lips connecting flashes through my mind as my eyes close. Oh, the giddiness. The blushed smile. The teenage awkwardness, despite those years long gone.

Remember those short hours spent talking about … everything? Everything I’ve learned about you, from you, yet I yearned for more. So much more. The sun greeted us too early, but we paid it no mind. Time is of no relevance.

If I could, I would fall in love with you over and over again. You make it so easy for me to lay down my bare soul in front of you. Sometimes it feels like I never had a say in this, and I am glad.

Pushing against the wet porcelain, my eyes catch yours. I know you are here.

“I love you.”

Your small nod, and your warm embrace of my naked body, are all my soul needs.

And they say magic does not exist.

[kiniri]

"Which way do you think we should take? Left or right?"

"Hmm... Well, what does the map say?"

He brought the map closer to his eyes, as if it would change anything.

"I'm fairly certain both ways are unmapped," he said eventually.

She propped her hands on her hips, checking both ways thoroughly.

"So we just have to guess?" she asked.

He shrugged, and hesitatingly gave up the map after she tugged at it.

"I don't understand," she said, "We've done everything we were supposed to, right? Every step of the way we took has been tracked and proven as the best way to succeed."

"Maybe they lied," he sneered. "If you reached it, would you share it with others? Or keep it to yourself?"

She looked up at him, frowning.

"Are you trying to tell me all this time we've been lied to? For years?"

"Perhaps."

"But... So many before us did it. It's a well-documented path to success. See, look," she pointed at the map, "we passed Desert of Sunken Time about three years ago, right, and Dangling Carrot Valley just last month."

"I hate that valley. Those people in front kept talking to us for no reason, like they wanted to stall us."

"I know, I know," she pat his shoulder, "but at least we got the fancy hats and all this green paper."

They looked at the bags on the floor. They've been carrying them this entire time. It was easy at first because they were fairly empty, but they were suddenly filled up in the Valley.

"Honestly," he said, still staring at the bags, "These seem kind of useless now."

"What? But we worked so hard for them!"

He waved his hand. "I have a theory."

"Go on."

"I think this crossing in front of us is uncharted territory. Those before us stopped here, they took everything from this place and destroyed the path ahead."

She furled her eyebrows.

"So we have to figure it out on our own?"

With a determined look on his face, he gently took her hand.

"Let's go right. Fuck it. What's the worst that could happen, with you by my side?"

She was stunned at first, but quickly relaxed and started heartily laughing as they marched on into the unknown.

[kiniri]

Hello, stars,

Once again, you follow me, so I must ask of you to lend me an ear. The thread is wounded, severed even, but you already know this. Of course, you are always there when I leave, never when I arrive. You only witness hazy sorrow, not eager warmth.

For that, I apologise.

Do you not get lonely? Do you not feel the trembles on the threaded web anymore? It's been eons, but you surely must miss your loved ones. Your constellations are our families.

Does your self-destructive anger originate in your sadness? Always just out of reach, always at the tip of your celestial fingers, but you grow weary of trying. It's okay to stop.

I'm terribly sorry, stars, but I do not wish to bear the burden of your fate. You've been admired greatly, by many and myself included, but it's all too far, too much, for me.

All I can do is hope you will be there for me, once the thread is weakened again. My solace lies in your distant indifference.

[kiniri]

"Hey, friend, how about we go for a... you know, a walk?" the yellow dog could barely contain her excitement.

"A walk?" the human asked, motioning to the window. "Now? But it's all wet and snowy."

"Oh, is it? Couldn't tell, being short and all. Anyway, walk?"

The human sighed.

"Do you really want to go? I mean, look," the human opened the door to a nose-freezing winter. "Really?"

The dog peeked outside, sniffed the icy air and looked at the human.

"I see no problem here."

"Okay, fine."

The two of them stepped out, the human bracing for the cold under layers and layers of clothes, while the dog joyously wagged her tail, paw in step.

"How are you not affected by this?" the human asked. "Can barely feel my fingers."

"Our creator really did a number on you humans," the dog smirked. "Unfit for weather, how you managed to survive for so long as a species astounds me."

"Hey, don't be so smug. We tamed your kind."

The dog eyed the human up and down, waiting for him to catch up.

"Nice red nose you got there, apex predator."

"Oh you little-"

The human ran after the dog, chasing her to a field of untouched, pristine snow, before having to stop to catch a breath.

"That was fun!" the dog chirped.

"Yeah, yeah," the human exhaled. "Can we go home now?"

"One last thing."

The dog threw herself onto the snow, wiggling her back on it until she was soaking wet and covered in frosty clumps of white.

"Was that necessary?"

"It always is. How do you humans say? It's the little things in life."

"Bah, really," the human grunted. "Nothing in the world is smellier than a wet dog."

"No, no, you got it all wrong," the dog said, shaking her thick fur right next to the human. "Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."

[kiniri]

Humans are the only creatures who live knowing they will die. They cannot just be, like other beasts. A cursed living, some might say, to go through time anticipating your personal credit roll.

Earth gifted us Life, her favourite child, though she is a mother of many. Can one say we treat Life right, if Life runs towards her sibling, Death, each time she is bruised? She is delicate, skittish, yet hopeful.

Some people hear the call of the Void clearer than others, yet are still seeking Life, even if Life does not particularly enjoy their company. Earth might be keeping us around out of a sheer sense of duty, after all, she did put us here, but is it foolish to do so?

Perhaps it's the rebellious nature of Nature, to go against the grain of the Universe. Outer space loves Entropy, it's strongest soldier, for it is as inevitable as Time.

Flourishing, nurturing, thriving. All of it is foreign to the Universe. It wants them gone. It is so easy to give in to it's demands, yet Life finds a way to avoid them, like a dandelion sprouting from concrete road.

Tell me, do you hear the nature's call, or is it the void echoing within your skull?

[kiniri]

Home has always been an unreachable place for Natalija. Always moving to a different place, meeting fresh faces that will soon enough be left behind and forgotten. It wasn't her fault - she was just a child. She had no choice, she always had to follow. Never did she have a chance to let her roots grow into a single soil.

When they moved to their final place, Natalija was already a fledgling adult. A new kid on the block, except she wasn't a kid anymore. All the others have grown up together, have been through the thick and the thin together, so when she showed up, she became a curious attraction and an outsider simultaneously, bonding the others even closer amongst themselves in her presence, but never letting her in.

She hovered and flapped her wings, but she didn't know how to land, as there was no space for her to do so. A lifetime of youth, and all that it brings, chipped away at each time they had to uproot. It wasn't her fault, it wasn't anyone's fault.

Her solace was found online. Not tied to a physical place, she could only form meaningful, long-lasting bonds in the cyber space, at her family's disapproval.

Countless hours spent laughing, confiding and mourning without faces attached. She grew as a person, but only through pixelated words and scruffy voices.

Once she became an adult, her roots continued to grow the only way she knew how to water them - in an invisible, imaginary and metaphysical home.

[kiniri]

Angel without wings

What a fantastic feeling, to have you jump on my thighs and feel your small heartbeat, To relish in your gaze into my soul with benevolent judgement, As my hand strokes your warmth, you lick the other ever so gently, as to not disturb the moment, If only you knew, the moment is you, And my heart is yours, naked and vulnerable, as you curl around it, your long tail covering your wet nose The thoughts you seem to have as you place your ear so gently at my chest, if only I could hear them

"May you live with joy in your heart" is my only falling star wish For there are no words in a worldly language that are worthy of my love for you