kimchiandgibberish

[kimchiandgibberish]

day three - another universe.

sometimes -well, i guess its been happening way too often- i can't help but wonder who and what i am in another universe. am i a tortoiseshell colored cat who is currently trying to catch a fly? or am i a bird flying aimlessly in the sky? or maybe im a cismale who is currently taking a master's degree in microbiology?

these silly thoughts of what if's set in another universe can be silly at first, yet the longer i think about it, the deeper i dive into this one question: what if in another universe, i'm actually happy? a girl who i can be proud and jealous of?

i guess everyone feels this way from time to time. i guess it also didn't help when i watched arcane s02e07.

looking back, throughout my 23 years of life, of just making it through a day, i can say that i've made a lot of bad decisions that may or may not have changed the trajectory of my life - still not sure if its for better or for worse but i guess i can actually say that i regret most of my decisions. ones that are impulsive, emotionally-driven, irrational ones.

i sometimes cant help but think

what if i was in a better mindset back then? would the dreams i have wanted to achieve be in my grasp right now? would the people that i cared for still choose to let me stay in their lives until now? would the hobbies that i threw away grow into something that would make me more interesting compared to the girl that i am today?

sometimes i wish i was living in that another me's life, the one that doesn't have as many regrets as i am.

but i guess, i'm okay with where i am right now. being 23 years old still means that i still have a lot ahead of me. all i have to do is break the cycle that i unconsciously made for myself - the cycle that got me stuck in this numbing skin and bones of a body that keeps me from going out if my comfort zone and face the harsh reality that i cant be good at everything; that im not an easy learner; that not everyone that i will care for will give the same love that i give them.

im also okay with where i am right now. i guess what's holding me back from pulling a wanda maximoff where i resort to casting a spell that would allow me to dreamwalk into my best version's life to take over and make it mine is that.... im contented with where i am.

whats staying me grounded in this universe? my beloved, my awfully spoiled cats and dogs, my mom, my grandma, and a lot more.

eugh i sound cheesy.

[kimchiandgibberish]

day two - my beloved.

i was going to write something negative since i haven't been feeling okay lately but how can i when i'm waiting for my love to finish his work before we continue watching arcane season two?

he has been nothing but caring, loving and patient with me. he always gives his best to cheer me up or just be there for me. i have a love-hate relationship with his stubbornness, how can a man like him continue loving someone like me for years?

i am so in love with him. i love how he always makes me laugh and smile. i love how he helps me in the simplest ways, such as getting my stuff under the loft bed or even when i need my essay checked because i'm too sleep deprived to do so. i love how he's always so gentle with me even when i'm being hard on him. even after years of being together i still can't fathom what it is about me that he loves so much?

i may not be anyone's favorite friend but i know that i am his and he is mine. he makes the world bearable, when it's too much.

i hope that i make him happy as much as he makes me.

[kimchiandgibberish]

day one: test

----- yes, its a test

hi! my first post! i hope this turns out ok!