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ki-raii · 5 months ago

Text

for the first time

summary: in which sunghoon has to figure out how to properly express his feelings for you

genre: highschool!au ; fluff? ; angst? ; poetry? idk

feat: park sunghoon ; 박성훈

wc: 4185

warnings: some metaphorical violence? ; some kissing lol but nothing too suggestive

note: I LITERALLY WROTE THIS IN MY SPANISH CLASS LAST WEEK AND KINDA TRIED A NEW WRITING STYLE AND DIDN’T REALLY EDIT I’M SORRY IF THIS IS SO BAD OMFG ackkk also, i hope this somewhat makes up for not updating sonder in a while LMFAO also also i snuck some song titles from b:c in so try and find them :P anyways i hope it makes u hate and love hoon all at the same time, i’m gonna go pretend it doesn’t exist ever again <3

Park Sunghoon doesn’t like having feelings for other people.

Park Sunghoon would much rather spend his waking hours figure skating, shopping, or playing with his dog than thinking about another person.

And that’s why, when Park Sunghoon sees you for the first time, he resents you. He resents how his heart skips a beat when the afternoon breeze pushes your hair out of your face. He resents that when he makes eye contact with you, a plethora of new feelings fills his chest and makes him want to explode. He resents Jake Sim for introducing you to him.

Park Sunghoon isn’t curious about other people.

He prefers to focus on himself.

So the first time Jake hears your name fall from Sunghoon’s lips in the form of a question, he’s beyond surprised.

Sunghoon resents you for making him want to know more about you.

When Jake starts inviting you to eat lunch with his friend group, Sunghoon can’t tell whether he should be grateful or slam Jake’s head into the table. Perhaps he should be grateful. He never talked much in the first place, and now that you were around, he had something else to stare at rather than his own hands. Or perhaps he should slam Jake’s head into the table. The more he admired your existence, the more he didn’t understand what he was supposed to do with the infatuation blooming in his heart.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Park Sunghoon is not mean.

He can’t even kill a fly without Lee Heeseung having to do it for him.

So when he gives you the cold shoulder, refuses to acknowledge you whenever you’re around him, doesn’t laugh when you say something funny even though everyone else does, and walks away from you whenever you try to talk to him, you can’t understand why. No one understands why. Sure, he usually took a while to warm up to people, but he never rejected anyone new in the friend group.

Sunghoon took an instant liking to Jay Park. They started hanging out by themselves just the week after they first met. Sunghoon looks up to Lee Heeseung more than anyone. He wants to dance and sing as well as he does. Sunghoon has been friends with Jake his entire life. There is no one he trusts more than him.

Sunghoon treats you like you’re an inconvenience.

You attempt to text him and ask him if he has a problem with you.

Park Sunghoon blocks your phone number.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

The first time you hang out with him outside of school is at a cafe.

Jake had to beg you to go with them, his incentive being that he would pay for your drink and buy you any pastry of your choice. The idea of a free tea and cheese roll was too enticing to pass up.

Sunghoon likes how you look today, but he won’t admit it. Or maybe he does in the way he lightly pushes Jake out of the way and quietly hands the cashier his debit card to pay for your order instead. Behind you, Jay and Heeseung whisper to each other. Jake knows exactly what Sunghoon is thinking. You don’t understand what his motive is.

Park Sunghoon is an enigma.

After he pays for your order, he goes right back to ignoring you.

Jay cracks a joke and you throw your head back as you laugh, hand coming up to cover your face. Sunghoon doesn’t laugh. He’s too busy processing the sound of yours. Remembering it. Turning it into his favorite song. He thinks you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever seen in his entire life. He stops himself from telling you this out loud.

While you’re caught up in laughter, Jake watches Sunghoon’s face. Jake only ever sees this type of expression on Sunghoon’s face when he accompanies him to the ice rink. Jake sees a certain sparkle in Sunghoon’s eyes that he only ever sees when Sunghoon perfectly lands a triple axel.

Jake can tell that Sunghoon is falling in love.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Park Sunghoon doesn’t understand his feelings until he steps foot in the rink.

Understanding begins to sprout in his head when he lands a jump, and wishes you were there to have seen it happen. He wants to impress you. Understanding begins to blossom when he forgets his next move because you take priority in his mind over his routine. Sunghoon has never let anything get in the way of his art before. The occurrence is terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. Sunghoon has never found himself skating for anyone else other than himself before.

For the first time, Sunghoon imagines what it would be like if someone else was on the ice with him. He imagines his hands grazing your waist. He imagines what it would feel like for his palms to press into your back if he were to lift you. He imagines you in front of him, moving in sync with him as he glides across the rink.

His coach doesn’t think she’s ever seen him move so passionately.

Understanding is in full bloom.

Sunghoon never leaves the rink until he’s finished his routine perfectly. Full rotations on every jump. Spins as fast as he can physically muster. Just how he likes it.

He leaves the rink that night earlier than usual.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Silence is only as deadly as one wants it to be.

You think Sunghoon wants you dead.

When you go to Jake’s house for the first time, you are the second to arrive after Sunghoon.

Jake announces that he’ll be back in five minutes. When he leaves the room, the atmosphere becomes a weight.

Speaking feels illegal. The only way to test the limit of the law is to break it.

“How long are you going to treat me like this?”

Sunghoon makes eye contact with you for the second time ever. Sharp eyes. Closed mouth. Hands gripping his phone tighter.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about."

⊱ ────────── ⊰

When Jake wants to go ice skating, you don’t refuse. Neither does Sunghoon.

You are the only one unaware of Sunghoon’s talent.

As you lace up your skates, Sunghoon is already stepping out onto the ice. This is the only place that feels more like home to him than home.

Jake stands next to you, leaning over the edge of the rink. He watches your face as you watch Sunghoon. Your eyes fixate on him, watching. Admiring. Astonished. The rink becomes blurs of bright lights and colors around him. His allure is disrespectful to the beauty of the ice. He draws attention to him and only him.

Ice flares up when he runs the sides of his blades into the ice. He places his clammy hand on the edge of the rink. Head thrown back. Mouth agape. Heavy breathing. Sticky hair against his forehead.

Gracefulness exists in the form of Park Sunghoon.

You think he’s most beautiful when he’s in his element. He thinks you’re most beautiful when you exist.

He knows you’re watching him. This is what he wanted. He looks over to you and Jake.

You make eye contact for the third time.

Sunghoon smiles at you for the first time.

The first time Sunghoon touches you is when he takes your hand to help you onto the ice. You dig your toe pick into the ground as you push yourself forward. Sunghoon lets you hold onto his forearm, even if his heart is threatening to rip itself out of his chest. He doesn’t mind how slow you two move. He decides he enjoys skating with you more than setting a new personal best score.

You mumble about how it’s unfair how talented he is. Shades of pink bloom on his cheeks. He mumbles that it’s unfair how attractive you are. You fall on the ice for the first time that night.

Sunghoon laughs. He hasn’t laughed this hard in such a long time. The good kind of painful laughter. He knows in the future, he’ll think about this moment randomly and smile.

You spend the next ten seconds engraving his laughter into your memory instead of picking yourself up. You think that this moment is rare.

Although, you wish for it not to be.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Handling feelings is a difficult task.

Sunghoon realizes this at midnight when he and his ceiling come face to face. He has never once found silence to be uncomfortable, and yet he wishes that your voice was around to fill his bedroom.

He unblocks your number.

Park Sunghoon calls you for the first time.

You don’t understand why you didn’t ignore his call. You convince yourself that you picked up the phone in case he needed something important. At midnight.

Sunghoon isn’t curious about other people.

Jake told you so.

And yet, Sunghoon asks you what your favorite flower is. Your favorite color. Your taste in music. Your favorite songs. Your favorite movies. Your favorite candle scent. Your go-to meal at restaurants. Your birthday. What your family is like.

Sunghoon asks you if you believe in love at first sight.

“I don’t know… Do you?” Your voice is laced with caution. There’s a long silence after your words, anticipation growing thicker in the air. Your ceiling feels like it could collapse at any given moment. You can’t see Sunghoon on the other end of the phone when he runs his fingers through his hair. You can’t see the rise and fall of his chest when he takes a deep breath and searches his scattered brain for the right answer.

“Ever since recently, yes.” You can’t see when Sunghoon closes his eyes and sinks his teeth into the plush of his bottom lip. You wish you could take your own answer back. Tell him that you do believe. Sunghoon can’t see you when you pull your blanket over your head.

“What made you start believing?”

You know the answer. He knows the answer as well. Your words are an open invitation to profess.

Silence is only as deadly as one wants it to be, and you conclude that Sunghoon wants to kill you tonight.

Sleep takes you in her arms before she takes Sunghoon. He calls out your name, his answer is an empty bedroom.

He doesn’t hang up the phone.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

The contrast between the gentleness by which he calls out your name and the harshness by which he disregards you is agonizing.

You’re not unintelligent. You’re fast to understand concepts, fast to convert thoughts to words. Quick-witted.

But Sunghoon has no algorithm to him. Now, he won’t even look at you.

Jake asks if you’ve been in a fight with him recently. Questions. Prodding. When you look at Sunghoon, he’s staring at his hands again. Fingers dancing with each other. You wonder if you should tell Jake about the phone call. You decide against it.

“No. Isn’t he usually like this?”

Jake doesn’t want you to think Sunghoon despises you. You know he doesn’t. Jake knows he doesn’t. Jay and Heeseung know he doesn’t.

Sunghoon is the only one still trying to convince himself that he does.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

When Jake invites you to his house for the second time, you’re the second to arrive after Sunghoon. He doesn’t bother to look up from his phone to greet you.

“I’ll be back, I’m gonna let Jay and Heeseung in.” Jake stands up to leave the room. He gives you a remorseful glance before he exits.

Heavy air. Deadly silence. Law-breaking.

“Do you have a problem with me or what?” The words leave your lips before you have the opportunity to contemplate them. Sunghoon’s lips are tight. The grip on his phone is tighter. He stares at you with apologetic eyes. His gaze contrasts his agreement.

“Yeah. I do.”

Jay and Heeseung’s presence lifts the room. You’re grateful.

When the movie plays, neither you nor Sunghoon are focused on it. Sitting on the floor. He scoots closer to you. Caution shooting through his fingertips. He places his hand over yours. His knee bumps into yours. Your mouth parts, then closes again. No protest. You close the gap. Your head falls on his shoulder.

He holds onto your hand like if he lets go, he’ll lose you.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Today, you wonder if Sunghoon is just a character you’ve made up in your mind. Someone to fulfill the romantic fantasies from your daydreams. He never felt real in the first place. His existence is inconsistent. Perhaps you have him mixed up with someone else.

Today, Sunghoon walks past you like you don’t exist.

Jake watches you intently. Sharp features. Lost eyes. Pursed lips. He cannot tell if you’re angrier about Sunghoon ignoring you, or the seeming casualness of it all. He treats you like he doesn’t spend movie nights at Jake’s house holding on to you like his life depends on it. Or like he’s capable of falling asleep without knowing you’re on the other end of his phone.

You figure it’ll be harder to fall out of love than to fall in love. Still, it’ll be of less difficulty than trying to play Sunghoon’s game.

When you get home that day, Sunghoon attempts to call you. Your fingers hover over the green button. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. The phone rings out until the silence of your room deafens it.

This is the first time you block Sunghoon’s phone number.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Sunghoon looks for you with desperation.

While he isn’t supposed to be curious about other people, he asks Jake where you are.

“Eating lunch with some other friends, I think.” Jake states plainly. He’s a terrible liar, but he knows you’re tired of Sunghoon. You want to stop inconveniencing him. Sunghoon doesn’t understand how to handle his feelings. You’re tired of waiting for him to figure out how, though he wishes you were patient enough for him to learn.

Distance holds your relationship at gunpoint. The pads of her fingers rest on the trigger. You command her to pull it.

She’s never been one to listen well.

Sunghoon hates looking like a lost puppy. Racing across campus. Scanning eyes. Searching. Soft drizzles of raindrops hit the concrete. Rain is more susceptible to hitting you when you’re moving through it rather than standing still.

When Sunghoon finds you, he’s drenched. He finds you eating lunch alone. An unwelcoming bench. Umbrella propped. Away from everyone else. He forces himself to walk up to you. To take your hands and pull you onto your feet.

Sunghoon hugs you for the first time.

It’s not ideal. His body is cold when it presses against yours. But when his arms wrap around your waist, you can’t help but feel safe.

You shouldn’t. It doesn’t feel right.

Sunghoon lets apologies fall from his lips. Begs for you to come back. His voice is starting to get irritating.

You tilt your head up to press your lips against his. He smiles against your mouth. Hands resting on your waist. Playing with the hem of your shirt. Slipping under. Feeling the bareness of your back. Fingers tangled in his hair. Dancing on the nape of his neck. Cupping his jaw. A pitter-patter of rain. You concur that his problem is that he can’t spend a day without you.

You and Sunghoon’s first kiss isn’t ideal. In fact, it shouldn’t have even happened.

But it does.

You want it to happen again.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Jake knows you well enough to know when you’re hiding something from him.

When you talk about Sunghoon like he’s a hindrance instead of working on physics homework, his suspicions grow. Jake has always been an observant kid. He thinks you talk about Sunghoon just a bit too much. He doesn’t wish to upset you. He just doesn’t think you know what you’re talking about.

“What happened between you?”

“Nothing.”

Jake knows you well enough to know when you’re lying straight to his face.

“You’re falling for him, aren’t you?”

Your intelligence is comparable to Jake’s. You study and ace tests together. However, he’s always been just one step ahead. And in this moment, nothing occupies your mind except for the remembrance of the feeling of Sunghoon’s lips pressed against your own, cold rain against your back, wet hair entangled between your fingers. He tasted like vanilla.

A shiver runs down your spine.

“I don’t want to.”

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Nothing is allowed to take priority in Sunghoon’s life over skating.

He refuses to talk to anyone days before he has to compete. Days are spent on schoolwork. Nights are spent on the ice. Preparing. Working. Elegance earns its definition under the blades of Sunghoon’s skates.

Sunghoon has listened to You Are The Reason so often that although Heeseung is the one with perfect pitch, he swears he can name the notes of every piano chord composed.

When Sunghoon takes breaks, he lays in the middle of the rink, legs straight, arms spread. He wishes he could hear your voice again. He watches the entrance of the rink, hoping that you’ll walk in with Jake.

You never appear.

For the first time, Sunghoon finds difficulty in recentering his focus. He is still imagining your waist under his hands, whether it be as he molds his lips against yours or guides you along the ice.

He thinks if he falls one more time, the ice might leave a bruise on his knees.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Jake drags you to the arena fiercely. He doesn’t tell you why. Running up stairs. Choosing a few seats.

It isn’t until you see Sunghoon stepping onto the ice that you understand why you’re there. To watch. You know what Jake wants. For admiration to sneak her hands around your throat. To encase you. Trap you in.

Sunghoon looks like he’s searching for something. Realization doesn’t hit until he locks eyes with you. Turning his head away quickly. A tingly feeling in his stomach. He’ll just have to apologize later for disappearing again.

He takes home another silver medal.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Three soft knocks on your front door.

Sunghoon decides he can’t find his focus anywhere except in your arms.

Doors swing open, your mouth is on his before you can barely process what’s happening. Feet moving instinctively. Carrying you to your room. Swollen lips and clashing teeth. His fingertips find their home in the small of your back. Pulling you closer. He’s feverishly warm.

“Stop leaving me.” It leaves your lips as a whisper. His chest rumbles with a groan of approval. Whether or not he keeps his word is the only thought on your mind.

His head is on your lap. Watching a movie that neither of you are really watching. He traces shapes into your thighs. Fingers playing with his hair. Timid air, an atmosphere begging to be shattered.

“What are we… doing?” Your question is genuine. Park Sunghoon is a puzzle you’re getting tired of trying to solve. He has no strategy. No algorithm. No handbook or instructions.

Sunghoon responds by pulling your head down to him. A soft, longing kiss. You wonder who, between the both of you, will go insane first.

This is the first time Sunghoon falls asleep in a bed that isn’t his own.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

“We’re going to be late for school.” You remark, attempting to peel yourself from the sheets.

He pulls you down. Arms wrapped around your waist. A tender kiss pressed to your shoulder. He has you drunk on his touch. Too dazed to think straight.

“Let’s just stay here for a bit.” Just a moment longer. Sunghoon doesn’t want to let go. As soon as he leaves, he doesn’t know the next time he’ll be back. He pulls you in tighter. He believes that losing this moment might really just kill him. He wants to imprint himself into your skin. Sunghoon wants to be remembered.

It’s never like you to skip class without a good reason. Diligence is paired with your name often. ‘A bit’ turns into too long. Regret doesn’t even breathe in your head. You’ll just have to make up an excuse to Jake later.

You cook breakfast for the first time in too long. A whiff of coffee floods your nose. His voice fills every hallway, every room, everywhere it’s never been before. Home hasn’t felt this much like home for a while now.

When he leaves, he also leaves his ghost. Blurry memories forever linger in your room. The indent in your mattress. His scent on your sheets. Visions of his figure sitting on the edge of your bed.

You want him back as soon as he’s gone.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

You know what it’s like to miss someone. Even if you don’t want to. Especially if you don’t want to.

You curse yourself for doing so. For not wanting to go back to sleeping without your back pressed against his chest. You wonder if you have this much of an impact on him as he has on you.

You don’t even think you’re supposed to feel this way about him.

It’s wrong how inconsistent he is. Irritating and confusing.

But when he exists, he does so beautifully. He’s captivating. You would trade anything if it just meant one more minute with him.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Jake Sim is criminally observant.

Even in a bustling cafe, he can tell Sunghoon is playing with his fingers more than usual. His drink is getting cold. He avoids Jake’s eyes. Small sounds come from Heeseung’s phone. Jay adjusts the chain dangling from his neck.

Sunghoon smells waiting in the air. They want him to speak. To say it. To hear the words come from him. Jay crosses his arms. Heeseung places his phone face down on the table. Sunghoon looks up. Jake raises an eyebrow at him.

“I think I’m in love.”

Sunghoon takes a sip from his drink right after. Jake smiles. Jay rolls his eyes and pulls his phone out of his pocket. Heeseung nods silently. Jake runs his fingers through his hair. He assumes it’s his turn to respond.

“We know.”

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Sunghoon understands what nervousness is.

The last time you were at this cafe, Sunghoon undeniably fell in love with you, although he could spend hours denying it. Or at least trying to. He knows better now. Having feelings for you isn’t wrong. Admiration isn’t wrong. Making room in his life for someone other than himself isn’t wrong. It isn’t weak. It isn’t deadly.

Falling in love with you isn’t wrong.

He searches with timid eyes. Darting back and forth from his phone to the door of the cafe.

When you walk in, Sunghoon swears his heart stops for a moment.

You see him and your stomach twists. Jake said you were meeting him today. Lies. You want to turn to leave. Step out and immediately call Jake and ask him what he was thinking. Locked eyes. Sunghoon motions for you to sit down across from him. Compliance.

There’s a drink waiting for you on the table, the same one you ordered last time. The same one he paid for. Twice now. You try to convince yourself that the label on your cup is more interesting than Sunghoon’s face.

His hand travels to his nape. He has trouble finding your eyes. Gaze cast to the side.

Waiting. This time, you don’t want to be the first to speak.

Sunghoon breaks the silence for the first time.

“You’ve unraveled me in ways I could’ve never imagined.”

He doesn’t play with his fingers anymore. He reaches out and takes your hand in his. Staring. Silently asking you to look at him. Eyes following his.

A smirk growing on your lips. Playful, cocky eyes. “Are you thanking me?”

“Would it be wrong to thank you for teaching me what falling in love is like?”

Suddenly, the air is so much thicker. His gaze is worrisome. Had he said too much? It didn’t matter. There was no going back now.

“I love you.” Words you never thought you’d hear fall from his lips.

A smirk turns into a smile. A smile he swears is designed just for him. One filled with comfort. Safety. Security.

“Stay with me.” You almost plead. Your hand squeezes his.

“Always.”

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Park Sunghoon still doesn’t understand feelings sometimes.

He would still rather figure skate, go shopping, and play with his dog rather than think about another person. He still dislikes being curious about other people.

But still, he finds himself searching for you everywhere. During lunch on campus. When Jake wants to hang out. In the audience at his competitions.

When he makes eye contact with you before he steps out onto the rink, he finds himself falling in love with the butterflies in his stomach. When he skates, he searches for your body under his fingertips between the piano chords of his compositions.

Park Sunghoon is a gold medalist that night.

3K notes · View notes

ki-raii · 5 months ago

Text

for the first time

summary: in which sunghoon has to figure out how to properly express his feelings for you

genre: highschool!au ; fluff? ; angst? ; poetry? idk

feat: park sunghoon ; 박성훈

wc: 4185

warnings: some metaphorical violence? ; some kissing lol but nothing too suggestive

Park Sunghoon doesn’t like having feelings for other people.

Park Sunghoon would much rather spend his waking hours figure skating, shopping, or playing with his dog than thinking about another person.

Park Sunghoon isn’t curious about other people.

He prefers to focus on himself.

So the first time Jake hears your name fall from Sunghoon’s lips in the form of a question, he’s beyond surprised.

Sunghoon resents you for making him want to know more about you.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Park Sunghoon is not mean.

He can’t even kill a fly without Lee Heeseung having to do it for him.

Sunghoon treats you like you’re an inconvenience.

You attempt to text him and ask him if he has a problem with you.

Park Sunghoon blocks your phone number.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

The first time you hang out with him outside of school is at a cafe.

Jake had to beg you to go with them, his incentive being that he would pay for your drink and buy you any pastry of your choice. The idea of a free tea and cheese roll was too enticing to pass up.

Park Sunghoon is an enigma.

After he pays for your order, he goes right back to ignoring you.

Jake can tell that Sunghoon is falling in love.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Park Sunghoon doesn’t understand his feelings until he steps foot in the rink.

His coach doesn’t think she’s ever seen him move so passionately.

Understanding is in full bloom.

Sunghoon never leaves the rink until he’s finished his routine perfectly. Full rotations on every jump. Spins as fast as he can physically muster. Just how he likes it.

He leaves the rink that night earlier than usual.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Silence is only as deadly as one wants it to be.

You think Sunghoon wants you dead.

When you go to Jake’s house for the first time, you are the second to arrive after Sunghoon.

Jake announces that he’ll be back in five minutes. When he leaves the room, the atmosphere becomes a weight.

Speaking feels illegal. The only way to test the limit of the law is to break it.

“How long are you going to treat me like this?”

Sunghoon makes eye contact with you for the second time ever. Sharp eyes. Closed mouth. Hands gripping his phone tighter.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about."

⊱ ────────── ⊰

When Jake wants to go ice skating, you don’t refuse. Neither does Sunghoon.

You are the only one unaware of Sunghoon’s talent.

As you lace up your skates, Sunghoon is already stepping out onto the ice. This is the only place that feels more like home to him than home.

Ice flares up when he runs the sides of his blades into the ice. He places his clammy hand on the edge of the rink. Head thrown back. Mouth agape. Heavy breathing. Sticky hair against his forehead.

Gracefulness exists in the form of Park Sunghoon.

You think he’s most beautiful when he’s in his element. He thinks you’re most beautiful when you exist.

He knows you’re watching him. This is what he wanted. He looks over to you and Jake.

You make eye contact for the third time.

Sunghoon smiles at you for the first time.

You mumble about how it’s unfair how talented he is. Shades of pink bloom on his cheeks. He mumbles that it’s unfair how attractive you are. You fall on the ice for the first time that night.

Sunghoon laughs. He hasn’t laughed this hard in such a long time. The good kind of painful laughter. He knows in the future, he’ll think about this moment randomly and smile.

You spend the next ten seconds engraving his laughter into your memory instead of picking yourself up. You think that this moment is rare.

Although, you wish for it not to be.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Handling feelings is a difficult task.

Sunghoon realizes this at midnight when he and his ceiling come face to face. He has never once found silence to be uncomfortable, and yet he wishes that your voice was around to fill his bedroom.

He unblocks your number.

Park Sunghoon calls you for the first time.

You don’t understand why you didn’t ignore his call. You convince yourself that you picked up the phone in case he needed something important. At midnight.

Sunghoon isn’t curious about other people.

Jake told you so.

Sunghoon asks you if you believe in love at first sight.

“What made you start believing?”

You know the answer. He knows the answer as well. Your words are an open invitation to profess.

Silence is only as deadly as one wants it to be, and you conclude that Sunghoon wants to kill you tonight.

Sleep takes you in her arms before she takes Sunghoon. He calls out your name, his answer is an empty bedroom.

He doesn’t hang up the phone.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

The contrast between the gentleness by which he calls out your name and the harshness by which he disregards you is agonizing.

You’re not unintelligent. You’re fast to understand concepts, fast to convert thoughts to words. Quick-witted.

But Sunghoon has no algorithm to him. Now, he won’t even look at you.

“No. Isn’t he usually like this?”

Jake doesn’t want you to think Sunghoon despises you. You know he doesn’t. Jake knows he doesn’t. Jay and Heeseung know he doesn’t.

Sunghoon is the only one still trying to convince himself that he does.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

When Jake invites you to his house for the second time, you’re the second to arrive after Sunghoon. He doesn’t bother to look up from his phone to greet you.

“I’ll be back, I’m gonna let Jay and Heeseung in.” Jake stands up to leave the room. He gives you a remorseful glance before he exits.

Heavy air. Deadly silence. Law-breaking.

“Yeah. I do.”

Jay and Heeseung’s presence lifts the room. You’re grateful.

He holds onto your hand like if he lets go, he’ll lose you.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Today, Sunghoon walks past you like you don’t exist.

You figure it’ll be harder to fall out of love than to fall in love. Still, it’ll be of less difficulty than trying to play Sunghoon’s game.

When you get home that day, Sunghoon attempts to call you. Your fingers hover over the green button. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. The phone rings out until the silence of your room deafens it.

This is the first time you block Sunghoon’s phone number.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Sunghoon looks for you with desperation.

While he isn’t supposed to be curious about other people, he asks Jake where you are.

Distance holds your relationship at gunpoint. The pads of her fingers rest on the trigger. You command her to pull it.

She’s never been one to listen well.

Sunghoon hugs you for the first time.

It’s not ideal. His body is cold when it presses against yours. But when his arms wrap around your waist, you can’t help but feel safe.

You shouldn’t. It doesn’t feel right.

Sunghoon lets apologies fall from his lips. Begs for you to come back. His voice is starting to get irritating.

You and Sunghoon’s first kiss isn’t ideal. In fact, it shouldn’t have even happened.

But it does.

You want it to happen again.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Jake knows you well enough to know when you’re hiding something from him.

“What happened between you?”

“Nothing.”

Jake knows you well enough to know when you’re lying straight to his face.

“You’re falling for him, aren’t you?”

A shiver runs down your spine.

“I don’t want to.”

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Nothing is allowed to take priority in Sunghoon’s life over skating.

Sunghoon has listened to You Are The Reason so often that although Heeseung is the one with perfect pitch, he swears he can name the notes of every piano chord composed.

You never appear.

For the first time, Sunghoon finds difficulty in recentering his focus. He is still imagining your waist under his hands, whether it be as he molds his lips against yours or guides you along the ice.

He thinks if he falls one more time, the ice might leave a bruise on his knees.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Jake drags you to the arena fiercely. He doesn’t tell you why. Running up stairs. Choosing a few seats.

He takes home another silver medal.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Three soft knocks on your front door.

Sunghoon decides he can’t find his focus anywhere except in your arms.

“Stop leaving me.” It leaves your lips as a whisper. His chest rumbles with a groan of approval. Whether or not he keeps his word is the only thought on your mind.

His head is on your lap. Watching a movie that neither of you are really watching. He traces shapes into your thighs. Fingers playing with his hair. Timid air, an atmosphere begging to be shattered.

“What are we… doing?” Your question is genuine. Park Sunghoon is a puzzle you’re getting tired of trying to solve. He has no strategy. No algorithm. No handbook or instructions.

Sunghoon responds by pulling your head down to him. A soft, longing kiss. You wonder who, between the both of you, will go insane first.

This is the first time Sunghoon falls asleep in a bed that isn’t his own.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

“We’re going to be late for school.” You remark, attempting to peel yourself from the sheets.

He pulls you down. Arms wrapped around your waist. A tender kiss pressed to your shoulder. He has you drunk on his touch. Too dazed to think straight.

When he leaves, he also leaves his ghost. Blurry memories forever linger in your room. The indent in your mattress. His scent on your sheets. Visions of his figure sitting on the edge of your bed.

You want him back as soon as he’s gone.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

You know what it’s like to miss someone. Even if you don’t want to. Especially if you don’t want to.

You curse yourself for doing so. For not wanting to go back to sleeping without your back pressed against his chest. You wonder if you have this much of an impact on him as he has on you.

You don’t even think you’re supposed to feel this way about him.

It’s wrong how inconsistent he is. Irritating and confusing.

But when he exists, he does so beautifully. He’s captivating. You would trade anything if it just meant one more minute with him.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Jake Sim is criminally observant.

“I think I’m in love.”

“We know.”

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Sunghoon understands what nervousness is.

Falling in love with you isn’t wrong.

He searches with timid eyes. Darting back and forth from his phone to the door of the cafe.

When you walk in, Sunghoon swears his heart stops for a moment.

His hand travels to his nape. He has trouble finding your eyes. Gaze cast to the side.

Waiting. This time, you don’t want to be the first to speak.

Sunghoon breaks the silence for the first time.

“You’ve unraveled me in ways I could’ve never imagined.”

He doesn’t play with his fingers anymore. He reaches out and takes your hand in his. Staring. Silently asking you to look at him. Eyes following his.

A smirk growing on your lips. Playful, cocky eyes. “Are you thanking me?”

“Would it be wrong to thank you for teaching me what falling in love is like?”

Suddenly, the air is so much thicker. His gaze is worrisome. Had he said too much? It didn’t matter. There was no going back now.

“I love you.” Words you never thought you’d hear fall from his lips.

A smirk turns into a smile. A smile he swears is designed just for him. One filled with comfort. Safety. Security.

“Stay with me.” You almost plead. Your hand squeezes his.

“Always.”

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Park Sunghoon still doesn’t understand feelings sometimes.

He would still rather figure skate, go shopping, and play with his dog rather than think about another person. He still dislikes being curious about other people.

But still, he finds himself searching for you everywhere. During lunch on campus. When Jake wants to hang out. In the audience at his competitions.

Park Sunghoon is a gold medalist that night.

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ki-raii · 5 months ago

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Chainsaw Man Cinema

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ki-raii · 5 months ago

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ki-raii · 5 months ago

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Original comic by Rasenth

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ki-raii · 5 months ago

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HOW TO GET THE GIRL: A LOVERS GUIDE

˚꒰🎀⤾ EVENT SUMMARY your longtime crush, nishimura riki suddenly comes to you after one of your club meetings asking, pleading, for you to set him up with your best friend, jiwoo. the devil on your shoulder is telling you to sabotage this possible romantic relationship, while the angel is telling you to be happy for your guy obsessed best friend, even if she'll dispose of him next week.

˚꒰🧸⤾ PAIRING basketball player!nishimura riki x fem!reader

˚꒰🦢⤾ GENRE smau + writing, unrequited love, non-idol au, highschool au, sports au, classmates to friends to lovers, popular/nerd trope, fluff, angst, crackfic

˚꒰🍡⤾ FEAUTURING enhypen, stayc, nmixx, + other idols

˚꒰🕯️⤾ STATUS ongoing . . .

˚꒰🍰⤾ STARTED MARCH 18th, 2024

˚꒰💌⤾ COMPLETED . . .

˚꒰🍪⤾ TAGLIST open! <3

000. PROFILES ! YN PROTECTION SQUAD | THE HOMIES

001. tutoring who? (1k)

002. me when i lie.

003. so embarrassing... (722)

004. we should kill him, right?

005. incoming facetime from my lilypad🪷 and hoshi reincarnated🐯 (863)

006. niki is an idiot.

007. chat, am i cooked?

008. making progress... (726) + updated

009. about jiwoo. (1.6k)

010. loading . . .

more chapters soon !!

a/n: please, ignore the dates on the tweets, lol. it's big gaps inbetween them but i will reference in the chapters what day and time it is if needed. 🫂 please, continue to support me on my love story of riki nishimura <3

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ki-raii · 7 months ago

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unckuna

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ki-raii · 7 months ago

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bad news! 🎙️ — park sunghoon

— synopsis: mr. ling has been nagging sunghoon to join a club, something about meeting the needed credits to graduate—of course, he wasn’t close at all. since he didn’t have any club in mind, his teacher recommended that he’d join the broadcasting club, despite the low chance of being accepted. but sunghoon was accepted not long after he applied, surprisingly. the bad news is, he wasn’t expecting to see a certain someone. jeon y/n, decelis’ top grade student, and sunghoon’s next target.

— pairing: heartbreaker!sunghoon x gn!reader x second-lead!soobin (ft. enhypen, chaewon from le sserafim, jo yuri as yejun, vernon from svt, jaemin from nct, eric from tbz, chaehyun and bahiyyih from kep1er, and soobin from txt, mentions of minho from skz).

— warnings: swearing, random time stamps, a lot of friendly bullying, mentions of taking photos without consent, mentions of being psycho, soobin is very dense, yejun and minho are half siblings, more will be added!

— note: ending the year with my first smau! not sure how to feel abt it but i’m still excited!! stream bad news by tempest that’s what gave me this idea + live on kdrama!! it’s so good :( here’s a playlist too!

— current status: completed! started: jan 8th 2023 — mar 9th 2023.

TAGLIST IS CLOSED! 📻

profiles: profiles 1 / profiles 2 / profiles 3

01 — felt #excluded 💔

02 — bleach my eyes out

03 — ty princessparkle9 🤭💗

04 — u hate jimin? 🙁🙁 (written + smau)

05 — feelings r mutual 👍

06 — good stutter (written + smau)

bonus — sun-sunghoon

07 — had one job 🤗

08 — funny 😕

09 — give up the bet. (written + smau)

10 — 66% IS CRAZY

11 — welcome to ditto! (written + smau)

12 — That’s quite harsh

13 — so i’m famous? 🤭

14 — Um Lol What!

15 — okay toxicity 😟

16 — #SPEAKUP (written + smau)

17 — get well soon minjeong!

18 — i like you (written)

19 — y’all what’s happening to me 😂😂😂

20 — 🤡🤡🤡🤡

21 — the principals office <3

22 — pinterest boy era (written + smau)

23 — are you dense? (written)

24 — friends? 😅

25 — my fave ship (written + smau)

26 — not dating Yet

27 — bet = failed (written + smau)

28 — WRONG ACC

bonus — you’re gross 🤢

29 — in my lovesick arc 😓💔 (written + smau)

epilogue — the talent show

special chapters

31 — chaeric When?

32 — jungwon and his ipad (OLD BAD NEWS)

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ki-raii · 7 months ago

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WHO MADE HER CRY?! — PARK SUNGHOON

CHAPTER THREE | FINER THAN A MF 😍😍

PREVIOUS MASTERLIST NEXT

NOTE i was supposed to post this morning but links weren’t working…!

PERM TAGLIST — @soov @urszn @hanniluvi @dakkisz @dimplewonie @xiaoderrrr @ja4hyvn @mmaplepastries @essmarye @w3bqrl @jennaissantes @yenqa @yeokii @yyunari @wvnkoi @isoobie @lovrqis @gibbysupremeacyisreal @rikizm @teddywonss @100203s @yizhoutv @yuviqik @itsactuallylina @i-yeseo @flwoie @shinrjj @moons-v @rikibun @baekhyunstruly @haechansbbg @cholexc @flolio @winuvs @weoris @sunooluuvr @aespaslut @kaypanaq @jungkit

WMHC TAGLIST ONE — @hoonvrs @bywons @thermalant @chxrlvspp @enhaz1 @chanhee-hee @thenastone @atrirose @oldjws @tjbamrayg @ni-ki-ismyluv @sophi-ee

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ki-raii · 7 months ago

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⌇ WANNA BE A WINNER 𓄹

❪ ꕤ ❫───엔하이픈 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗀𝖾𝗍

OR. he is used to you chasing after him . . . so what happens when the tables are turned ? && crush!en- x f!reader % hc format ( jealousy, pet names, mention of food, kissing )

𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆 doesn't think twice when he sees you on the bleachers at his basketball game, because he's gotten so used to seeing you there, cheering him on whenever he scores and waving enthusiastically when he looks your way... only to find himself doing a double take when he notices you talking to the members of the opposition's team. stands there for a while with a tilted head as he wonders why it is you're giggling and twirling your hair, batting your eyelashes at whatever it was the guy was saying. and he really shouldn't have been so annoyed, seeing as you're free to talk to whoever you like... but for some reason, he finds himself purposely missing a shot and causing the ball to roll over to where you and your friends are sitting, just so he has an excuse to walk over there after your pick up the ball, before kissing you on the cheek as he takes ball back. "thanks, baby," he says, before walking away again.... but of course, not without one last cocky smirk to the other guy when he sees your flustered expression, and a promise to ask you out properly after he wins this game.

more under the cut !

𝐉𝐀𝐘, who has gotten used to seeing snacks on his desk along with little notes whenever he wakes up from his nap, feels like he's been thrown into an alternate universe when he looks up one day to find that his desk his completely empty. looks around, and asks his deskmate if you came by today, only for them to shake their head and say that they haven't seen you all day. doesn't think too much about it at first, thinking that you may be busy... only to notice that it continues a few days straight. decides to walk to your class one day, completely forgoing his usual nap, just to see if you're okay, because as much as he wouldn't admit it, anyone could tell he was worried about you. so imagine his surprise when he walks up behind you while you're talking to your friends, just to learn you've been doing it on purpose to make him miss you. crosses his arms and leans down to your ear with a smirk, causing your heart to fly out of your chest when you realise he was there all along. "okay, you win." because he really did miss you... maybe even more than you had planned.

𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄 probably takes a while to figure out that you're avoiding him, but only because he genuinely believes you when you say you're busy when he asks why you can't make it to his soccer game. he knows that you have a life outside of school, so he can't feel upset... but everyone (his teammates, his friends, his coach, his neighbour, his dog...) notices that he is walking around the field like a depressed puppy whose owner doesn't want to play with him, and it's all because you're not in your usual seat, cheering him on while wearing his number like you usually do. and it makes him realise just how much you were becoming his lucky charm, just as you had boldly proclaimed you would be. and so that's how he finds himself waiting for you after you're finished your classes for the day, before wrapping his arms around you in a hug, not caring about the wolf whistles and the cheers coming from all the students and teachers who stood watching around you, or the way you stuttered his name in protest because of how he was acting in public... all he could think about was how he was a fool for not making you his to begin with.

𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍 can't remember when you haven't been next to him. from the first day of school, you were the one beside him, helping him in class whenever he had to catch up on work that he missed because of his figure skating career, saving him a seat on the bus because you knew he would always end up being five minutes late out of class. so when he comes back from a week off from school, he is visibly taken aback when you walk in and take a seat at the front of the classroom, next to some other guy who he didn't even know existed until now. doesn't buy it for a second when his new seatmate explains that you had to switch because you had trouble seeing, and burns holes into the back of your head for the entire lesson, intensifying his glare when you and your new seatmate are a tad too close for comfort, heads bumping against each other as you whisper about the answers to the questions, like you used to do with sunghoon. can't seem to catch you alone for the rest of the day, so he waits for the end of the day, when you guys catch the bus together, and makes sure that he gets there before you do... so that when you try and sit next to someone else, he pulls you down in the seat he saved next to him, before leaning his head on your shoulder, his hand wrapped around your smaller one. "stay here, please..." because you’re the only one he wants beside him, and he wants to be the only one next to you.

𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎𝐎 knows immediately that something isn't right when you don't ask for his help with your club projects. being in the photography club, you love to remind him how he is your favourite model, and you make it painfully obvious whenever you beg him to let you take his pictures. imagine his surprise and offense when you no longer seek him out first, but some other guy in a different class, who you keep positing pictures of on the school newsletter, where you used to post his pictures instead. he instantly makes a plan to win you back and become your favourite once again, even going as far as to rock up to school the next day with blonde hair that makes everyone stop and stare... except you, the person who is usually the first to jump on the train of people to praise him. he realises at that moment that this goes beyond just his pride; he genuinely just wants to be able to make you smile like before. so imagine your surprise when you open the newsletter for the next week, to find a candid photo of you looking at your camera, hair blowing in the wind and a smile on your face, with the caption "prettiest girl in our grade" followed by, "taken by kim sunoo".

𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐎𝐍 does not beat around the bush. so the first time you walk by him in the hallway without so much as uttering a "hi," he immediately knows he needs to confront you about it, because not a single day has passed in the time that you've known each other where you haven't jumped on him (figuratively, of course) whenever the chance arises so you can chat his ear off about something or other. and he doesn't like the feeling he gets seeing you give him the cold shoulder for reasons he has no idea about. so the next time you pass him by without saying anything, he's grabbing your wrist and tugging you down the hallway, ignoring the squeals from your friends as he pulls you into the janitor's closet. "why are you avoiding me?" he demands, frowning. but then the two of you are rendered blushing incoherent messes when you try to escape the room... only to trip on your own two feet and fall into his arms, your lips bumping against each other in the process. (but even though it's an accident, jungwon thinks that he really likes this feeling alot.)

𝐍𝐈-𝐊𝐈 is an absolute menace, and you are probably one of the only people in the world other than his mother that can put up with him. it really surprises people to see you follow him around, cooking him bentos and fixing his tie for him because he always fails at doing it himself, only to find out that you're not his girlfriend. ni-ki himself probably doesn't even realise how much you've been taking care of him until you stop showing your face around his classroom at lunch, and no longer nag him about his uniform or his hair being messy. instead, he's left to watch as you turn around whenever you see him, purposely changing paths so you don't bump into each other. no one is surprised when he jumps over a fence just so he can catch up to you after you try to run away after making eye contact with him for the hundredth time. you end up blurting your feelings for him before he can ask, and while you brace yourself for rejection, he's already kissing you like he hasn't seen you for months... and wondering why he never did it sooner.

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