kharrynne

[kharrynne]

If you don’t deserve his honesty.

Does he even deserve you at all?

-Kharrynne

[kharrynne]

When darkness cloaks you in a warm embrace

And when the demons beckons you to their place

In a trance you followed their lead

Got up and slithered your way to the edge

Saw no danger, but greatness instead

A sense of false peace makes you feel cozy and warm

Never realising that it brought only real harm

Inching a step into the abyss

The worries inside has been put to an ease

Demon friend is a master in putting out flames

Coz he himself was the source of the fire

Plunged into the comforting lies of release

I felt every inch was writhing in pain and disgrace

The solace yearned was never there where it is

The pain has double and tripled over

Hit rock bottom already a goner.

[kharrynne]

The cost of your happiness might be someone else’s pain.

[kharrynne]

Your mind is an extremely dangerous place to be sad.

[kharrynne]

I can be easily swayed.

But if I want to be stubborn,

I. AM. STUBBORN. 😶

[kharrynne]

Yesterday was horrible. I was hurt and felt betrayed. Not only did he want to show off, he lied to me and even chose to message another person rather than me. I felt cheated. 💔

[kharrynne]

It hurts to know that I constantly have to make an effort in order to be in a person’s life. 💔

[kharrynne]

When you are in a moment of sorrow, you must know that other people’s life continues even if you felt yours has come to a standstill. Life for them goes on even if you’ve hit a wall. As they walk on in their journey you’ll get left behind. And only when you’ve managed to pick yourself up and drag yourself out of your misery will you realise that you have a lot to catch up.

[kharrynne]

Death is inevitable. A person can be alive one minute and already in their deathbed the next. What makes me say so? News about people dying or being killed infiltrated my timeline. It made me stop and think that I am vulnerable to it as well.

Ryan was just telling me how he wished people are immortal. But I countered him with a statement “criminals will be immortal as well”.

A thought came to mind earlier as well: “Will I know if I am dead?” “Will a deceased person be able to grieve for their own death?”

Morbid thoughts, but this is reality. Honestly, I am not scared of dying per se. I am just scared on not knowing what’s gonna happen next if I’ll die. Will they be sad for losing me? Will they go on living like nothing’s happened? Will they mourn for me? What will happen to me after that? Is there a life after death?

Questions then fill my mind. Scary thoughts. “How will I die?” “When will I die?”

The fear of not knowing lurks beneath the crevices of my soul. It makes me want to just grab everything I love and value in this world and hold on to them dearly. It just solidifies how mortal I truly am.

What makes death even more scary is if it happens to people around you. People you know. I don’t want to undergo that stage again when I lost my Aunt where death hovers around us like a dark cloud. And when Auntie left us, everything suddenly didn’t make sense. It was chaos.

Death. How I dread that word. ⚫️

[kharrynne]

Ours was not a traditional love story. We started as online friends who eventually became lovers. The fact that it will survive considering it’s a long distance relationship was still questionable at that point in time. But we proved it otherwise. We finally met, and we fell in love even more deeply with each other. You became my home, a place of solace especially in rocky times. You proposed and I said yes. But even then, problems plagued our relationship. I was scared, you were worried but you never let go. Now, with only a couple of days left till we’ll be back on LDR mode again, you brought me to a phase that we never got to have in our relationship—the courtship stage. I am grateful for the surprise visits, the persistence to show your sincerity in front of my family, the gifts, the lambings, for accompanying me in my errands and for sending me home safely. These simple acts makes me feel giddy and warm—they make me feel loved. So why the Krispy Kreme photo? Because you brought me a box of doughnuts when I was badly craving for one. You travelled all the way to Ayala just to buy me one and delivered it to my house. I couldn’t be more touched. Thank you so much Bee. You’re more than I ever prayed for. Thank you for the love. 💙

[kharrynne]

[kharrynne]

“Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.”

—

Katherine Henson

[kharrynne]

Funny how destructive the mind is to the heart. 💔

[kharrynne]

Today, I rode the train to church and managed to get a seat. Then at the next station an old lady with a walking stick went aboard. I offered her my seat and she was grateful. As I stood up and went to another corner of the train, I can’t help wishing it was you I am offering my seat to. I miss you so much. I know I haven’t done much for you while you’ve done so much for me and my family. I honestly want to repay all your generosity and kindness but I know I am far too late to do that. I just pray you are in good hands now. 😔💔

[kharrynne]

[kharrynne]

[kharrynne]