kestrelcrowl2020

[kestrelcrowl2020]

From Instagram to tumblr

[kestrelcrowl2020]

Birthdays

My guess as to the trouble with my birthday came after my uncle (whose birthday I shared) died. Celebrating my birthday became a sort of sad affair. Ever since, onto the present, I’ve had bad luck. Only 2 people coming, fights, first time accidentally breaking someone’s heart, and finally 1 happy birthday sadly later marked by betrayal.

But I love birthdays. I love making people gifts and watching their eyes light up. I love the smiles and singing happy birthday to them. I love knowing that I get to celebrate a day where someone got to say hello to this contradictory world. I don’t really like receiving gifts but I love getting cards and giving them to others. So I guess the real reason I don’t like my birthday anymore is because it’s always so disappointing. I’m always so depressed it practically my default since I was 5. I just... really wish at least my birthdays there was a day where everything went good. A day where I got to look forward to amazing, not just hoping and praying for things to be ok. I don’t mind paying for my birthday myself or even paying to throw other people parties, because I love throwing parties. I just wish it would be ok. That maybe I would get that dream surprise party with a clean house not covered in mold and trash, friends making a terribly disfigured cake that I love anyways, lots of cards with peoples signatures ranging from elegant to terrible. Just a day where everyone I love is smiling and making wonderful memories together.

But that’s just a stupid wish, I know. The dreamer in me that never dies, even though she really wishes she was dead.

[kestrelcrowl2020]

“I’m screaming. I’m wailing for help. Trembling hands grip the counter as my body quakes in a pain unseen to others. My mouth opens as I sob yet no noise comes out. Then, I wipe my face with a cold cloth, straighten up and leave the bathroom with a dull eyed smile.”

K.L.C Oct. 23rd 2019

[kestrelcrowl2020]

Great advice from my best friend on facing our anxiety and the dangerous thoughts that come with them. He should be a novelist.

[kestrelcrowl2020]

*threateningly* BE UNIQUE

[kestrelcrowl2020]

Struggling with your mental health is not something to be too embarrassed to talk about.

Struggling with mental health is serious.

Mental health should be treated the same as physical health.

You are not alone in this struggle.

[kestrelcrowl2020]

How to Handle Having TOO MUCH To Do

So let’s say you’re in the same boat I am (this is a running theme, have you noticed?) and you’ve just got, like, SO MUCH STUFF that HAS to get done YESTERDAY or you will DIE (or fail/get fired/mope). Everything needs to be done yesterday, you’re sick, and for whatever reason you are focusing on the least important stuff first. What to do!

Take a deep breath, because this is a boot camp in prioritization.

Make a 3 by 4 grid. Make it pretty big. The line above your top row goes like this: Due YESTERDAY - due TOMORROW - due LATER. Along the side, write: Takes 5 min - Takes 30 min - Takes hours - Takes DAYS.

Divide ALL your tasks into one of these squares, based on how much work you still have to do. A thank you note for a present you received two weeks ago? That takes 5 minutes and was due YESTERDAY. Put it in that square. A five page paper that’s due tomorrow? That takes an hour/hours, place it appropriately. Tomorrow’s speech you just need to rehearse? Half an hour, due TOMORROW. Do the same for ALL of your tasks

Your priority goes like this:

5 minutes due YESTERDAY

5 minutes due TOMORROW

Half-hour due YESTERDAY

Half-hour due TOMORROW

Hours due YESTERDAY

Hours due TOMORROW

5 minutes due LATER

Half-hour due LATER

Hours due LATER

DAYS due YESTERDAY

DAYS due TOMORROW

DAYS due LATER

At this point you just go down the list in each section. If something feels especially urgent, for whatever reason - a certain professor is hounding you, you’re especially worried about that speech, whatever - you can bump that up to the top of the entire list. However, going through the list like this is what I find most efficient.

Some people do like to save the 5 minute tasks for kind of a break between longer-running tasks. If that’s what you want to try, go for it! You’re the one studying here.

So that’s how to prioritize. Now, how to actually do shit? That’s where the 20/10 method comes in. It’s simple: do stuff like a stuff-doing FIEND for 20 minutes, then take a ten minute break and do whatever you want. Repeat ad infinitum. It’s how I’ve gotten through my to do list, concussed and everything.

You’ve got this. Get a drink and start - we can do our stuff together!

[kestrelcrowl2020]