kerokakflora

[kerokakflora]

Who raised you.

You are who you are because of who raised you. You speak the way you speak because of the way they talked to you. You see things the way you see things because of the way they see you. You admired simple things because you've seen how all the simple things in life made them happy.

Contentment is not mediocrity. Contentment is appreciating what we have at the moment while working and praying for a better one.

You are who you are because of them. I am the way I am because of them. My mama and papa. My number 1. :)

[kerokakflora]

Monster

[kerokakflora]

House 2028 ☺️🥹🙏🏼

[kerokakflora]

Go Ahead

It's been a month since I left the corporate world. I left the career I enjoyed. The career I prayed for. I have been in the banking industry for more than 10years. I may not hold the highest position when I left but that 10 years on my career have been essential of who I am today.

I join the corporate world at 23 and left at 34. In between those years I have experience so much in womanhood. Womanhood in a sense of knowing myself and my capabilities. My tolerance on pain and betrayal. My happiness and likes. In between those years I have travelled places. Beaches, hotels, theme parks, bars. I have seen all the goodness of good and evilest of evils..

Then, here I am today. Sitting in an unfamiliar cafe in an unfamiliar place. With my pounding heart I turned right in a highway where all kinds of vehicle drove fast. Luckily I found a small parking where I can park my wigo. Then. Here. I. Am. Sitting. Killing the time while writing. I never had so much time. I don't know if I'm bored.. I don't know if I'am lonely.. Or maybe i just miss home.. Or maybe I'm still adjusting with my new routine..I should be gentle on myself. .You think? I think I should give myself time to adjust. I love motherhood. I love being a fulltime mom especially with the full support of my husband.

But this place is so new and unfamiliar. I don't have any friends here. The mall is an hour away. The cafes..I don't know why they don't have much cafes here than in CDO.

[kerokakflora]

When you truly love a person, hurting them is never an option. ❤️

[kerokakflora]

My boys 😘

[kerokakflora]

[kerokakflora]

My boys.

July28,2021

[kerokakflora]

Me: Hello God.

God: Hello...

Me: I'm falling apart. Can you put me back together?

God: I'd rather not.

Me: Why?

God: Because you're not a puzzle.

Me: What about all the pieces of my life that fall to the ground?

God: Leave them there for a while. They fell for a reason. Let them be there for a while and then decide if you need to get any of those pieces back.

Me: You don't understand! I'm breaking up!

God: No, you don't understand. You're transcending, evolving. What you feel are growing pains. You're getting rid of the things and people in your life that are holding you back. The pieces are not falling down. The pieces are putting in place. Relax. Take a deep breath and let those things you no longer need fall down. Stop clinging to pieces that are no longer for you. Let them fall. Let them go.

Me: Once I start doing that, what will I have left?

God: Only the best pieces of yours.

Me: I'm afraid to change.

God: I keep telling you: YOU'RE NOT CHANGING! YOU'RE BECOMING!

Me: Becoming, Who?

God: Becoming who I created you to be! A person of light, love, charity, hope, courage, joy, mercy, grace and compassion. I made you for so much more than those shallow pieces you decided to adorn yourself with and that you cling to with so much greed and fear. Let those things fall off you. I love you! Don't change! Become! Don't change! Become! Become who I want you to be, who I created. I'm gonna keep telling you this until you remember.

Me: There goes another piece.

God: Yes. Let it be like this.

Me: So... I'm not broken?

God: No, but you're breaking the darkness, like dawn. It's a new day. Become!! Become who you really are!!"

Author and artist unknown

[kerokakflora]

I took this photo when my baby was 4 weeks old.

I was miserable. I hated my life. I was struggling so hard and was exhausted beyond measure.

I told my husband I’m never having another kid. Having 1 consumed my life. I lost all that I am and the only thing left of my being is being a mom.

I read countless books and tried everything out there but my baby will cry for hours and will not sleep. My body aches all over because all she wants to do is to be held.

I felt like a failure. Nothing could have prepared me for motherhood. Nobody told me it was gonna be this hard. On top of that they tell you the newborn stage is the best.

Well, I absolutely hated it. I was so unhappy.

I was in pure survival mode. I don’t know what day it is because it gets all mixed up, I hold my pee when she’s sleeping on me afraid of waking her up. I eat junk because it’s the fastest.

I was diagnosed with post partum depression. I get so anxious when my husband has to go to work and I’m left alone at home with the baby. The days are long and dreadful.. and I have never felt so alone.

Then one day, I was done.

I stopped following schedules, I stopped recording when she last ate or pooped or how long her nap was. I stopped reading articles on babies. I stopped trying to “fix” her.

I looked at her and saw how much she adores me. I am her favorite person in the world. It’s my voice she hears for the past 9 months that gives her comfort. I realized that she just loves me so much and will crawl back in my womb if she can and that’s why she wants me to hold her all the time. She’s always hungry because she’s still so little and is not developmentally capable to go for hours without food. She cries because it’s the only way she knows how to talk to me. She is absolutely helpless and needs me to survive in this world.

I gave myself grace and just listened to my baby. I followed her lead. I fed her when she’s hungry. I let her sleep on me as long as she can.

I stopped trying to be the “mom” I thought I was supposed to be. I’ve learned to let go. I stopped judging and criticizing myself.

Everybody says it gets better, so I let time do it’s thing. I took a lot of deep breaths and cried a lot with my baby.

Now, I feel a lot better.

I finally enjoy being a mom.

My little girl is now 3 months. She looks into my eyes and we “talk” a lot. The sounds she makes, the endless smiles she gives me thanking me and telling me how much she loves me makes it all worth it. She sleeps 10 hours at night. She still takes naps on my arms during the day time but I enjoy it. I’m enjoying all the snuggles I can get.

Mama, if you’re on the newborn stage just know that it’s okay to feel defeated. It will pass. This stage is survival mode. Look at your baby and listen to her. Let go of all your expectations. Stop researching ways to make her better. She is absolutely perfect and you are absolutely amazing! Survive together. Your baby loves you so much and that’s all that he / she needs.

The 4th trimester is incredibly hard. You will doubt yourself. You will feel like you’re not good enough. You will be frustrated. You will feel lost. Just remember. You are not alone and You WILL get through this. It will not last forever.

You are an incredible mother. And it is okay to dislike this stage. It doesn’t determine how you are as a mother. But if I must say, I already know. You’re a damn good one! ♥️

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P.S. I absolutely LOVE my child with ALL my being. She is my whole life and has already been the greatest teacher I’ve had in life. I struggled so much in becoming the mom that society expects us to be. It is hard for me to be vulnerable and share my truth but after going through it, I realized that there is not enough literature about this. I promised myself that I will try to shine a light on this so that other moms who may be going through the same thing will realize that they are not alone.

Thank you for all the love and support! Sage and I now have a very special bond and I am finally enjoying motherhood. 🤱🏻

#fourthtrimester #4thtrimester #postpartumanxiety #ppd #postpartumdepression #newborn #thisismotherhood #youarenotalone #maternalmentalhealth #newmom #baby #breastfeeding

[kerokakflora]

The only place I feel so loved.

#mommy&aston

[kerokakflora]

🙏🏼

[kerokakflora]

[kerokakflora]

Message from God to all women,

No man can ever claim you unless he claims you from Me. I reserved a man for you who has My heart and loves Me even more than he will love you; I won't give you unless he asks you from Me. Soon you will know him; I have the perfect time. You are My princess, My daughter; let no man claim you unless he asks you from My hand, for I am your Father, the King. You are My princess, and you deserve a prince. 🌷

--author unknown