kellytruethoughts

[kellytruethoughts]

When we meet in my Dreams

How long will we wait for our souls to connect,

Once more, like once before.

Two hollow shells, both on opposite ends,

But the place you once touched, still warm.

I’m worn, and should be numb from the pain.

Time is a scary thing, a never ending train,

As our souls each traveled separately,

Mine was still frozen in frame.

But over the time I saw the sun through the rain,

Me, when awake, has realized the pain.

There must have been a reason, I rationally see,

You’re gone, but I’m sane. Maybe, to love again.

The memories soften, and slowly fade grey,

The amount of that aching, grows less than other days.

Time marches on, I smile to be alive,

I focus on what’s around me now, grateful inside.

But then you’re back, in a flash,

haunting my dreams. Smiling and reaching me,

Saying I’ve changed, and you’ve changed.

Because now when I’m dreaming, that’s the you I see.

I dwell in that moment, confused but in awe,

Maybe fate exists! Maybe I had love right.

Our souls are back together, yet I feel something’s off,

As you laugh that familiar laugh, and pull me into the night.

You take me wild places, you look at me some way new,

I look the same way back, there’s something different about you.

I always reach a point, where I’m skeptical indeed.

Something like this would never happen, not to waking world me.

But I never fully leave you, or walk away.

I take your hand and dance in your fantasy world,

Shocked, scared, but in bliss.

Eventually you always lean in for a kiss.

I rarely kiss back. In fact, I never have.

I tell you I couldn’t if this all isn’t true,

My heart is too fragile. It’s just starting to scar.

You tell me to trust you, you came for me, traveled this far.

I look around the world we stand upon,

Searching for clues. Dream me must wake real me.

This all can’t be true. But I’m wildly dazzled,

I’m back here with you. And our souls are like glue.

But dreams are like time, limited, they fade.

When my brain starts to buzz, I know it’s the end,

My eye lids flutter open, I realize again,

You’ve visited me, touched me, but it was all mind made.

I lay there, breathing softly, feeling my healed heart sigh,

Once again a piece chips off, fluttering to the floor.

I still hear your voice and see your smile,

It’s back in pure color. It was grey for awhile.

After taking 100 steps forward, I take 20 steps back,

These dreams that you haunt almost bring me to tears.

You scare me, this power you have in my head,

And it feels even worse not to know how you feel.

How long will we wait for our souls to connect,

Perhaps maybe never. Mostly likely so.

Because dreams are just that, they aren’t the truth.

But when I see you in them, part of me wont let go.

If they never connect, on opposite ends until death,

Please stop all this haunting, as I run out of breath.

Because I can’t lose that sliver of light through the door,

That our souls will meet and smile once more.

[kellytruethoughts]

Childlike Wonder

I’ve been cursed with a childlike wonder

A curse covered in sparkling shapes that twirl and spin

Round like a bubble but un hollow

filled with a warm beaming light of pure love.

I’ve been cursed with a drive for the impossible

I see moonbeams and shooting stars, in my dreams

My dreams upon waking. I’m never asleep.

My eyes wide with wonder, and delight, my wonder glows.

It bounces and flies, it sees light in all things.

It sees light in all people, and places and tasks.

I want to live out my life with this sense of wonder,

But living out I am doing alone.

My childlike wonder scars my heart.

Seeing the light, and receiving back darkness.

I see good in all, second chances, forgiveness,

I see a chance to connect. To help. To spread this wonder.

It turns grey, receiving only darkness in return.

I see closed doors, closed minds, closed hands.

Yet my childlike wonder slowly spins once more,

In even more colors than ever before.

I’ve been cursed with a childlike wonder

And most of the time I’m completely alone.

But as hard as I try, this curse never leaves me.

And although it’s lonely, it’s the rarest gift.  

[kellytruethoughts]

Beyond the Window

She sits in a window.

Not waiting, just being.

In her own private heaven.

Glimmering jewels of window panes,

a look into the world beyond.

Window panes

Worm Holes.

To another galaxy, or more realistically,

another memory.

Another time or place,

Maybe a place that has only happened

in her small but clouded mind.

But clear! So clear.

Clear with the wisdom of damaged youth

The wisdom of failure and drips of small success

Like rain drops that glisten under the sun

and fade, sopping into the concrete bricks on the walls,

The walls that pave her surroundings.

She paints with feelings and emotions,

all inside the mind. She paints only in her head,

her heart aches to paint for the rest of the world.

More so, for those who will feel like her small voice,

Isn’t small. Not because of what path she chose.

The window is closed, the landscape is barren.

What is behind it? Strictly routine.

But the window is hers.

She finds a small petal.

She opens the box where it once dwelled

It’s shriveled and it’s color has faded.

But that brilliant yellow, so unique in it’s hue,

She sighs, heart swelling, at the deja vu.

she plants a small sweet kiss onto the petal.

She’s cracking the window. The air feels unknown.

A coldness that’s numb, but isn’t cruel.

Palm upright, she releases the petal.

It floats into the wind, cold, unsure.

It will land where she will never know.

Kelly McCarthy 12/2015

[kellytruethoughts]

The Desert

The Desert

I’m standing in this desert. I’m still here. The sand is hot on my feet, grainy but familiar. Because I’m still here.

I want the water so badly, I can still taste the clear waters of the oasis I once had. My oasis shunned the wide open desert from me, yet showed me how I could find beauty in it. On my oasis, I was complete. I was safe, and loved.

I never had to be in the grainy, hot, grey sand. Not alone. When I had my oasis, I was never alone. The water kept me a float, It kept me alive, and shining. When I felt like the desert could pull me in, My oasis kept me close.

I was cradled on the lush, vivid grass. I had the sweetness of fruit, and sun that brushed my skin Brushed it as lightly as a soft kiss. I learned new things and found secret places I never knew. I went on adventures, When I had my oasis, it was always an adventure

I never had to be scared, because my oasis wasn’t going to let me. It cradled me in it’s arms, it’s soft grass each night, under the silver stars There must have been millions. I would never go thirsty.

One day, my oasis disappeared. Perhaps it was a mirage after all. Something solid, something that exists, simply doesn’t vanish.

Now I’m in the desert. And I’m still here. The grainy, hot desert, burning my feet. I want the water. I want a direction but I see none. How can I see a direction or find my way? How could I do that without my oasis!?

I stick out my tongue. I wait for hours. Days. Has it been years? Has it only been seconds? I wait for the water. My tongue remains dry.

The sandy wind blows, grains hitting my skin like small tiny bugs in the summer time, but lifeless. I am uncomfortable. I don’t see any path, no direction. My tongue is hit with the grains. Yet I keep it out.

I stand, in the middle of the desert. My tongue is still dry. I know, I know in the pit of my aching stomach There is no more water. Most likely, no, very likely, There never will be again.

Yet I stand in the desert. I’m still here. With my tongue out, waiting for the water. My feet, burning on the sand. My eyes, searching for a path. I know there are many, Yet my feet can’t seem to take a single step.

I’ m standing in this desert. I’m still here.

-Kelly McCarthy 12/2015

[kellytruethoughts]

Kelly True Thougths

I am moving my blog to my tumblr page. I used to use tumblr for frivolous things, but I want to start being more creative. I am now going to dedicate this page to thoughts and writings,creative writing and poetry. I hope you all will follow me and enjoy! 

XX Kelly 

[kellytruethoughts]

If you look at a house in a different way...you could live in euphoria. If you look your feet on the grass with a child like wonder, you could play forever. 

[kellytruethoughts]

“Anger, you’re my second-in-command.”

“Yes!”

[kellytruethoughts]

inside your head

[kellytruethoughts]

Inside Out - 2015

Feel Free To Use! Give out credit!

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Nice

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[kellytruethoughts]

Nature & Music

I have always believed that two things very strongly can effect the soul in a direct way that can save it from almost any level of despair. These two things are nature and music. These two things have come to my personal and emotional aid so many times over the years, and especially when they are combined perfectly is when I really feel something. Nature and music has always been there for me. It…

[kellytruethoughts]

Smile

Smile http://wp.me/s4NNdT-smile

  Sometimes there’s a lot of sunshine in the world that take certain unexpected moments for us to catch a glimpse of. This sunshine can help turn a day or situation around completely. If we could keep that sunshine somewhere hidden deep within our overworked, blind bones…we could summon it whenever we need it. When we summon it…we can be okay. We can use it to save ourselves when we need it. This…

[kellytruethoughts]

HEY LOVELY FOLLOWERS <3

I have decided to start a positivity/spiritual blog. I really want this blog to help people as well as share my own journey to self acceptance and enlightenment. I really hope you will all check it out ! 

http://guruchild.wordpress.com/

Please check it out, if even for a second, and share with your friends if desired. Love peace and blessings to you.

xx

Kelly

[kellytruethoughts]

There is a Fly on your Wall...

There is a Fly on your Wall…

There is a fly on your wall. Do you see it? Of course you see it. Or you at least hear it, right? Because it’s a pretty decently large one, probably a few days old. That means it’s life could be over in any second. But you see it right? Plastered to the window in the kitchen. It’s beady red eyes, iridescent wings and wiry legs. It spends it’s entire life span flying, landing, flying some more,…